RE: vanilla diferances to D/s

RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (Full Version)

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tazzygirl -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/26/2011 6:33:43 PM)
Oh definitely. extremely intelligent... which makes it fascinating... combined with vast knowledge base. It exciting to watch the new ones come in and teach this old dog something... and it makes me happy when someone actually learns from something I post.. which isnt often... Usually, im just a nut case intent on having fun. .. at least out of the political threads. [;)]

bighappygoth39 -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/26/2011 6:37:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tazzygirl Oh definitely. extremely intelligent... which makes it fascinating... combined with vast knowledge base. It exciting to watch the new ones come in and teach this old dog something... and it makes me happy when someone actually learns from something I post.. which isnt often... Usually, im just a nut case intent on having fun. .. at least out of the political threads. [;)] Yep, and I know more or less nothing about politics, which is why I don't post in there very often. I do find it funny that some of the regulars on there seem to think that I'm responsible for Moon's political views, though. Strange, that... I also love learning from some of the lovely intelligent peeps on here, though. Such is life, and wonderful it is, indeed. [8D]

tazzygirl -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/26/2011 6:39:29 PM)
lol The man often laughs at some of the things I post. He is always asking me, "What thread are you posting on now". But he refuses to moderate my posts here. He knows I know how far I can take things. As far as our political views... he and I argue on some topics as much as I do with others on the threads there.... [:D]

bighappygoth39 -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/26/2011 6:42:58 PM)
Yep, I've seen him do that, but I know he has very strong political views that I have no intention to change, which will not make the one's who don't like his opinions very happy. I thought they'd have gotten used to him, by now... [:D]

tazzygirl -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/26/2011 6:48:30 PM)
I dont always agree with him, but I do adore him.. just dont tell him that. he doesnt need a big head... ok.. bigger head.

bighappygoth39 -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/26/2011 6:51:05 PM)
If I was more politically minded I'm sure I wouldn't always agree with him on that stuff, so I'm sort of glad I don't. I won't tell him, anyway. [8D]

MissImmortalPain -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/26/2011 7:44:06 PM)
Actually tazzy you said this very well...one persons kink could be another persons ice cream. Thats why I said we are actually looking for the same thing, sort of. We are all human and at their base human all need mostly the same things. Levels of love. Levels of respect. And saying we are different is almost like either saying we are better or that we don't need those things which is just wrong. oh feck you made me want to hug someone...you should be smacked.

tazzygirl -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/26/2011 7:45:34 PM)
quote: you should be smacked. The man says... Probably. I tend to agree. [:D]

littlewonder -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/26/2011 9:34:13 PM)
For me, no...no differences at all....except maybe he calls me his slave. Other than that though...no, none. Then again I'm very traditional in that I've always had relationships with dominant personality men who are head of the household and women are the ones that submit to their men. It's how I grew up, it's how I've always been. As for the kinky sex? I have no idea really what that means. Maybe it's just me but sex for me has always been what it is now.

DesFIP -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/27/2011 7:20:31 AM)
A d/s relationship is only deeper in trust if you're wired for it. If you aren't, it will be a mess. Hell even if you're wired as submissive, you aren't going to find it more satisfying if you get pushed into the dominant role. Instead you'll be resentful and angry. Someone who isn't wired for power unequal relationships will find dominants to be unpleasant control freaks and submissives to be unhealthy co-dependents without a backbone. Some people prefer to have power equal relationships with major arguments and then incredible make up sex. Doesn't work for me, but it's sure enough right for them. As far as sex, is it a vanilla blow job if I'm not tied up but he's demanding one even if I'd rather go to sleep? How do you define it?

sexyred1 -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/27/2011 7:40:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GaryXXX It can't just be kinky sex in a relationship , can it ! . It depends on what your personal definition of a relationship is. You can have a kinky sex based relationship and nothing else, or a full fledged emotional and committed relationship with kinky sex. Depends on the people involved. My last relationship started off as a love relationship, but degenerated into powerful kink, with nothing else to back it up. I would not do that again; I need the foundation to be stronger, even if the sex is less earth shatteringly kinky, if that makes sense. I would like both, but in my experience, I am pretty sure I cannot have both with one person.

bighappygoth39 -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/27/2011 8:01:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 quote: ORIGINAL: GaryXXX It can't just be kinky sex in a relationship , can it ! . It depends on what your personal definition of a relationship is. You can have a kinky sex based relationship and nothing else, or a full fledged emotional and committed relationship with kinky sex. Depends on the people involved. My last relationship started off as a love relationship, but degenerated into powerful kink, with nothing else to back it up. I would not do that again; I need the foundation to be stronger, even if the sex is less earth shatteringly kinky, if that makes sense. I would like both, but in my experience, I am pretty sure I cannot have both with one person. That makes me sad, as I know there are plenty on here who are in relationships that have both. I hope you haven't given up hope completely, as you never know what the future holds. [:)]

sexyred1 -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/27/2011 8:10:15 AM)
Don't be sad, I am a realist; I don't live my life based on a fantasy ideal. I base it on a lifetime of experience. So yeah, it could happen perfectly; they all start perfectly, don't they?

LillyBoPeep -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/27/2011 8:14:59 AM)
I believe both can exist, it's just difficult to find. Sometimes I think I already had my shot.

bighappygoth39 -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/27/2011 8:31:06 AM)
I guess I'm always trying to be the optimist. I used to be the opposite, though. I just try to see the good side of things, really. I know it sounds a bit corny, but you really can find that happiness, and sometimes it just means being patient. Patience is something I had to learn. I hated it at the time, but it was definitely worth it in the end. [:D]

LillyBoPeep -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/27/2011 8:52:25 AM)
I kinda go with realism, too. Optimism, to me, cuts off 50% of life experiennce. I've always accepted that I'm kind of a niche market. Not the type with a ton of potentials fluttering around. It was pretty lucky to have met the previous Dude. :p That's just life, it is what is.

bighappygoth39 -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/27/2011 8:55:55 AM)
Oh, don't get me wrong. I've always been realistic in my views. I've never been too up myself and had many, many potentials lined up. I just never let it get me down when I was single. [:)]

sheisreeds -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/27/2011 12:05:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GaryXXX Apart from kinky sex is there any difference ? Any opinions on this appreciated , if you don't get the question let me know I'll try making more sense I feel like this thread is getting a little wishy washy in it's answers. There are some basic definitions, and when folks are new those definitions are important, they're little pins in our personal maps. To answer Gary: For some kink is just in the bedroom, and outside the bedroom it is like any other relationship. Some people like the act of kink but don't ascribe to any sort of roles or power play. For some it is all about the roles, and not about toys or S&M at all. For some people it is all day everyday, I'd say for most it is some variant inbetween. BDSM is a crazy acronym that combines an absurd number of ideas. It's more like B-D-D/s-S/m Bondage, discipline, Dominance/submission, Sadism/masochism. People throw other shit in there too. I think I we have an obsession with words that start with one of those for letters. Master, slave, switch, to name a few more. Some basic reading is probably not a bad idea, it'll help with being able to ask more specific follow-up questions. It tends to be about a few self assessment questions: Is it about power? Is it about pain and suffering? Is it about giving or receiving? Do I need this some of the time, all of the time, or do I only like it once in awhile? Many of us on these here boards fall more into the 24/7 category, because well were into this enough to post about it on boards. Also, it should be stated is a little bit of kink, is not an uncommon thing in "vanilla" aka "normal" relationships. Especially in our increasingly sexually adventurous world. Hell, you can now buy vibrators at Walgreens.

tazzygirl -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/27/2011 12:07:40 PM)
Hmmm.. since you are so wise and intelligent... make the distinction between kinky sex and vanilla sex.

sheisreeds -> RE: vanilla diferances to D/s (11/27/2011 12:34:52 PM)
Kinky sex - at least one aspect of BDSM and/or fetish is on the table Vanilla sex - there is a lack of comfort and/or interest in expanding sex&intimcy into BDSM/fetish Vanilla with occasional kink, kink is allowed within certain bounds, and every once in awhile, versus in a kinky relationship where kink is anticipated. And yes, all these definitions are also as individual as every person on the planet. However, semantics are one of those necessary devils of communication. I get the impression that Gary wandered in here and had his head blown, he needs some anchors to figure himself out, and what all these words mean to him.

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