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RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/27/2011 7:23:25 PM

MasterSlaveLA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

The thing is that everyone is "otherwise vanilla" in some aspect of their life. Jobs, families, outside obligations tend to be more "vanilla" in nature. Even in a 24/7 type of relationship, there are "vanilla" moments.

HA... often MORE "vanilla" than anything else?!! The 'nilla stuff takes up a LOT of time!!!

Especially when the people involved have kids, lol. Then having two seconds to yourself just to think seems impossible.

Absolutely!!! We know this well.

lol

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RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/27/2011 7:52:50 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
Sure you like what you like, I like what I like, but when shopping at the mall, does it really play any part of what you are doing?

Depends what you're buying.
Someone on fetlife mentioned that Target carries a wooden spatula with the word Naughty on it for Christmas. Trust me, if I can find that, it will be solely because of the kinky sex.

Yea, well I was talking generally. Obviously things can come up anywhere that make you think of sex, but unless you are specifically looking for it, is that all that's on your mind when shopping? I doubt it.

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RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/27/2011 11:11:42 PM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bighappygoth39

I'd like to think that there has to be more trust, a stronger bond and more work on communication than with vanilla relationships, but I'm sure there are plenty on here who would disagree.
I'm sure there have been plenty of D/s relationships that haven't worked because of the same problems that some vanilla relationships experience.

I'd say in general, though, that D/s relationships don't usually have to worry about the whole 'well, he/she doesn't satisfy me in bed, and I'd love to be able to do this or get him/her to do that to me, etc' which can lead to trouble in a relationship. I can't think of any other differences, really. I'm sure more suggestions will follow, though...

Why do you think there would be a stonger bond and greater trust? To tie some one up and smack em around doesnt require a whole lot of trust in my book. Trusting someone with my money ie access to bank accounts or potentially raising my kids alone. Now your talking extreme trust.. The other not so much I suspect you just didnt think it thru when you made those statements

BadOne

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RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/28/2011 2:15:20 AM

fragilepieces

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: bighappygoth39

I'd like to think that there has to be more trust, a stronger bond and more work on communication than with vanilla relationships, but I'm sure there are plenty on here who would disagree.
I'm sure there have been plenty of D/s relationships that haven't worked because of the same problems that some vanilla relationships experience.

I'd say in general, though, that D/s relationships don't usually have to worry about the whole 'well, he/she doesn't satisfy me in bed, and I'd love to be able to do this or get him/her to do that to me, etc' which can lead to trouble in a relationship. I can't think of any other differences, really. I'm sure more suggestions will follow, though...

Why do you think there would be a stonger bond and greater trust? To tie some one up and smack em around doesnt require a whole lot of trust in my book. Trusting someone with my money ie access to bank accounts or potentially raising my kids alone. Now your talking extreme trust.. The other not so much I suspect you just didnt think it thru when you made those statements

BadOne

I have to agree with you on this one SailingBum. Also I have heard many people 'quote' the more trust in a D/s relationship type of thing---"I trust him to tie me up and beat me" yet the same person would never trust their 'D' person to go out to dinner or simply hang out with a person the same gender as the 's' type. I see a great deal more jealousy here in the D/s world than in the 'nilla world. Shrugs maybe because I see more glimpses into personal relationships here in the forums than I do in the real vanilla world.

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RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/28/2011 8:18:03 AM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fragilepieces

I have to agree with you on this one SailingBum. Also I have heard many people 'quote' the more trust in a D/s relationship type of thing---"I trust him to tie me up and beat me" yet the same person would never trust their 'D' person to go out to dinner or simply hang out with a person the same gender as the 's' type. I see a great deal more jealousy here in the D/s world than in the 'nilla world. Shrugs maybe because I see more glimpses into personal relationships here in the forums than I do in the real vanilla world.

I think there is this desire for people into BDSM to want to claim their relationship is more "special" than vanilla ones. It's ridiculous to think so. It does seem as though there is more possessiveness, but I think for some, it is related to the public play that occurs, and all the "velco" collars that are rampant. Vanilla people will date and fool around just as much, but not typically in public places, announcing to all how they now belong to "so and so" or own "so and so." So you just don't see it. Most people's local BDSM communities are pretty small in the sense that everyone knows everyone else, so when someone is hopping from partner to partner, everyone knows about it.

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RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/28/2011 9:28:21 AM

bighappygoth39

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: bighappygoth39

I'd like to think that there has to be more trust, a stronger bond and more work on communication than with vanilla relationships, but I'm sure there are plenty on here who would disagree.
I'm sure there have been plenty of D/s relationships that haven't worked because of the same problems that some vanilla relationships experience.

I'd say in general, though, that D/s relationships don't usually have to worry about the whole 'well, he/she doesn't satisfy me in bed, and I'd love to be able to do this or get him/her to do that to me, etc' which can lead to trouble in a relationship. I can't think of any other differences, really. I'm sure more suggestions will follow, though...

Why do you think there would be a stonger bond and greater trust? To tie some one up and smack em around doesnt require a whole lot of trust in my book. Trusting someone with my money ie access to bank accounts or potentially raising my kids alone. Now your talking extreme trust.. The other not so much I suspect you just didnt think it thru when you made those statements

BadOne

I did actually say "I'd like to think" first... I tend to prefer to look at life more positively, I guess. I'm not going to apologise for wanting to think that's how it could be.
If you'd read my post right, you would have understood I was pointing out more about the openness a D/s relationship can have when it comes to sex.
I thought it through very well, and those are my thoughts, which I was under the impression that was what the thread was about?

< Message edited by bighappygoth39 -- 11/28/2011 9:34:22 AM >

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RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/28/2011 10:22:16 AM

tazzygirl

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quote:

I have to agree with you on this one SailingBum. Also I have heard many people 'quote' the more trust in a D/s relationship type of thing---"I trust him to tie me up and beat me" yet the same person would never trust their 'D' person to go out to dinner or simply hang out with a person the same gender as the 's' type. I see a great deal more jealousy here in the D/s world than in the 'nilla world. Shrugs maybe because I see more glimpses into personal relationships here in the forums than I do in the real vanilla world.

I am of that mind set. There are men I would trust with my body, with my life, that I would never trust with my child or my money.

That's two different levels of trust.

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RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/28/2011 10:37:47 AM

bighappygoth39

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I can only go on my own past experiences, and I can identify with the different levels of trust thing, of course. I've had bad relationships where I couldn't even trust them on the lower levels, which is why I then decided to wait to find someone I could fully trust within a D/s relationship. I have always had the romantic notion that I could find someone who I could trust to that degree, and I always preferred to look forward, instead of dwelling on past bad choices.
I guess I'm just lucky that I've now found someone who I can trust on every level.

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RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/28/2011 1:07:39 PM

kalikshama

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quote:

yet the same person would never trust their 'D' person to go out to dinner or simply hang out with a person the same gender as the 's' type. I see a great deal more jealousy here in the D/s world than in the 'nilla world. Shrugs maybe because I see more glimpses into personal relationships here in the forums than I do in the real vanilla world.

Really? The only time I've seen this come up is when a D wants a sister slave "for his /s" but he is the one doing all the romancing.

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RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/28/2011 2:16:26 PM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bighappygoth39

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: bighappygoth39

I'd like to think that there has to be more trust, a stronger bond and more work on communication than with vanilla relationships, but I'm sure there are plenty on here who would disagree.
I'm sure there have been plenty of D/s relationships that haven't worked because of the same problems that some vanilla relationships experience.

I'd say in general, though, that D/s relationships don't usually have to worry about the whole 'well, he/she doesn't satisfy me in bed, and I'd love to be able to do this or get him/her to do that to me, etc' which can lead to trouble in a relationship. I can't think of any other differences, really. I'm sure more suggestions will follow, though...

Why do you think there would be a stonger bond and greater trust? To tie some one up and smack em around doesnt require a whole lot of trust in my book. Trusting someone with my money ie access to bank accounts or potentially raising my kids alone. Now your talking extreme trust.. The other not so much I suspect you just didnt think it thru when you made those statements

BadOne

I did actually say "I'd like to think" first... I tend to prefer to look at life more positively, I guess. I'm not going to apologise for wanting to think that's how it could be.
If you'd read my post right, you would have understood I was pointing out more about the openness a D/s relationship can have when it comes to sex.
I thought it through very well, and those are my thoughts, which I was under the impression that was what the thread was about?

ehhh ok Im not buying that premise either. So your thought is just cuz you are in a D/s relationship <whatever that means to you>. Suddenly it becomes more open??? Than say a prior relationship you had that was not D/s. Or are you saying in any relationship Once you start discussing kink in any form it becomes more open due the the fact that you are attempting to call it a D/s thing???

Either way you are not making much sense to me.

BadOne

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