How to be a Smart-Assed Masochist

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All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Humor and Games >> How to be a Smart-Assed Masochist

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How to be a Smart-Assed Masochist - 5/27/2006 11:24:33 PM

ADomDoc

Posts: 312
Joined: 11/8/2005
From: San Antonio
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Some people really want to be Smart-Assed Masochists, but they can't quite get the hang of it. Here are a few things they can do to become a genuine certified SAM:

- Sing 'Happy Birthday To Me' and blow out the candle during wax play.

- In the middle of an intense cropping, close your eyes and start to snore.

- During a scene, do a Howard Cosell impression and provide a play-by-play account of what is being done to you.

- If your Dom/me tells you, "Look me in the eyes, " do it cross-eyed.

- If your Dom/me decides to do a verbal humiliation scene with you in public, stick your fingers in your ears and say "Neener, neener, neener, I can't hear you!"

- Place a whoopee cushion on your Dom/me's favorite chair.

- Stick an Alka-Seltzer tablet in your mouth at the beginning of a scene. Work up some saliva to get it fizzy, then call out your safeword.

- When your top hints at foot worship, hand him/her a package of OdorEaters.

- Learn the following phrases and use them as often as possible:
- Get off your lazy ass and do it yourself!
- What do I look like, your maid?
- This isn't a restaurant.
- In your dreams!
- Who died and left you boss?
- I don't think so!
- Homey don't play that game.
- Yeah, right!

- Send your Dom/me an invoice for your services.

- After a particularly hard blow, pretend to pass out.
When your Dom/me checks to see if you're OK, jump up and yell "Gotcha!"

- Attach clappers to all the outlets in the dungeon just before a paddling. (Clap on, clap off...)

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RE: How to be a Smart-Assed Masochist - 5/28/2006 1:11:58 PM

nawdykitty

Posts: 3
Joined: 5/2/2006
From: Van Nuys, CA
Status: offline

Having been a SAM my whole life i think, i've used several of your suggestions, although, there are a couple there i'm looking forward to trying.

.....lol.

My problem is, most Doms don't appreciate the ingenuity or challenge of a SAM. Why is that if I may ask??

kitty

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RE: How to be a Smart-Assed Masochist - 5/28/2006 9:35:36 PM

ADomDoc

Posts: 312
Joined: 11/8/2005
From: San Antonio
Status: offline

I think too many Dom/mes take themselves too seriously ... and don't like their noses being tweaked. I appreciate an intelligent & wry sense of humor & independent thought. But by the time someone labels herself a SAM ... then it's probably more like an unrelenting smart-ass 36 hrs a day, 9 days a week ... they've usually lost all balance & propriety. I can't say anything about you ... am just speaking to those I've known. Sometimes too much of a good thing is still too much. :-)

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RE: How to be a Smart-Assed Masochist - 5/28/2006 9:46:44 PM

leakylee

Posts: 747
Joined: 7/2/2004
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Now see I have always just wanted to look someone dead in the eye, when that someone had an implement in hand, be it cane, flogger, whip, whatever. And just after the first stroke was laid, ask them ever so innocently if that was all they had in them? I am still pondering the wisdom of this remark.. hehe..

love and light
lee

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RE: How to be a Smart-Assed Masochist - 5/28/2006 9:55:37 PM

ADomDoc

Posts: 312
Joined: 11/8/2005
From: San Antonio
Status: offline

:-) ... Lee ... I LOVE a challenge!

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