How to look more attractive in the eyes of a potential mistress?

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How to look more attractive in the eyes of a potential ... - 11/29/2011 10:47:13 PM

TGxINxSFxVALLEY

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I am currently a TG sub hoping to find a female Domme in my area.

What's attractive about male sissy subs? What can I do to replicate it?

Where do Mistresses go to find a TG sub and what can I say to make myself seem like a good sub?

Any answers appreciated TY

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RE: How to look more attractive in the eyes of a potent... - 11/30/2011 6:29:48 AM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TGxINxSFxVALLEY

I am currently a TG sub hoping to find a female Domme in my area.

What's attractive about male sissy subs? What can I do to replicate it?

Where do Mistresses go to find a TG sub and what can I say to make myself seem like a good sub?

I'm not a Domme, nor am I looking for a sissy sub, but I still wanted to comment on your post. Specifically, I want to comment on the areas that I put in bold.

Your question sounds like you are trying to role play as a good sub. When you use words like "What can I do to replicate" or "what can I say to make myself seem like a good sub?", it makes it seem like you are trying to pretend to be something that you're not. I know that that wasn't your intent, but it's how it sounds to me.

IMO, being a good sub (or Dom/Domme) is about being YOU. You bring a unique and special set of qualities to the table. You are better at being you than anyone else possibly could be. So why try to replicate what someone else does? Particularly if those behaviors don't fit well with who you are as an individual.

Every Dom/Domme is different. Each will look for different characteristics in a potential sub. So rather than focusing on some generic attributes that random strangers on the internet suggest, why not simply work on being the best you that you can possibly be? There are certain skills that are (fairly) universally usable by a Dom/Domme. For example, you can improve your domestic skills like cooking or cleaning. Most people can appreciate a well-cooked meal, or a thorough house cleaning. Similarly, most people can appreciate a good massage. So perhaps you can take a massage class. But other than a few very generic things, you probably won't find many things that ALL Doms/Dommes want. Each is going to be just as unique as you are, and therefore, their likes and dislikes will vary accordingly.

I can't speak specifically about being TG. However, those are some general thoughts about being a desirable sub. Frankly, I think the traits that make one a good sub transcend gender (even if your gender is TG). Things like loyalty, obedience, dependability, trustworthiness, selflessness, timeliness, and empathy know no gender.

Good luck in your search.

(in reply to TGxINxSFxVALLEY)

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RE: How to look more attractive in the eyes of a potent... - 11/30/2011 8:30:03 AM

OttersSwim

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Roch, spot on as always.

OP, I looked at your profile and there is a lot of good fairly well thought out info about you in there. I think you need to do some thinking about "the other" in the relationship and what you would offer to Her and add it in to your profile.

I agree with Roch that what will make you interesting and attractive, is being your self - authenticity is a powerful attractant for all sorts of people. Get on Fetlife.com and look for groups and gatherings in your area - get involved in the local community - go to munches, make friends first. Remember that usually nothing kinky will ever happen without there first being a vanilla connection between two people. Make what and who you are fun, positive, and honest.

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RE: How to look more attractive in the eyes of a potent... - 11/30/2011 10:33:41 AM

LadyHibiscus

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OP, you't gotten advice from two of the best men on the boards! Be YOURSELF, be open to meeting people regardless of their gender or orientation, and have fun. Don't put pressure on yourself, and don't think about timetables.

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RE: How to look more attractive in the eyes of a potent... - 11/30/2011 10:39:12 AM

Lockit

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Joined: 5/7/2007
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I want someone being themselves totally. If I pick up on anything that is untrue in someone, I will question everything if I have the time, which I don't have, so won't hang there trying to figure it out. If someone needs to be someone other than themselves... I tend to shake my head and walk.

My personal feeling on this type of thing is... whether I will find someone or not... which most likely I won't... I will remain true to myself. Then no matter what does or doesn't happen, I have that and that is a very good place to be. It may not be a place filled with people and all I would want, but it is a place where it isn't filled with people that shouldn't be there and all I wouldn't want.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 11/30/2011 10:40:29 AM >

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RE: How to look more attractive in the eyes of a potent... - 11/30/2011 1:20:59 PM

stellauk

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I echo much of what is above..

It's not about looking attractive, but about being attractive.

Part of that is you being yourself and authentic, and part of that is in how you relate and come across to others.

It's a bit like fire - pretty simple to create once you know the principles.

To be able to create fire you need to understand what makes a fire tetrahedron - fuel, oxygen, heat and the possibility of a chain reaction (oxidization) - and to bring all these things together so that you can create fire.

You won't always succeed in making a fire, but knowing the principles enables you to try again until you do.

Okay, so you come up with a person tetrahedron and again you need four things - contact, effective communication, opportunity and rapport.

Contact - self-explanatory I guess.

Effective communication - the ability to listen and pay attention as well as express that what you think and feel and to maintain a dialogue. A number of people struggle here, and end up communicating by taking it in turns to deliver monologues. Projection is also important and paying attention to the vibes we project out which other people pick up on.

Opportunity - being there, being available, and also empowering the other person so that they can make use of those opportunities. Ask her what she thinks and feels about something she can relate to helps, getting her to talk about herself, her life, and that what she's going through is also good. It's like with dialogues, it's opportunities to show appreciation for that what she brings to the interaction. It's what gives people the warm fuzzies. Dommes are no different, they love warm fuzzies too.

Rapport - this is important. In a more intimate sense it's called chemistry, but rapport is simply being able to relate to someone in a way which you and they find comfortable. It develops confidence and trust.

This is not something hard and fast - I've just thought it up off the top of my head and it really shouldn't be taken as anything more than food for thought.

It might not work, repeatedly. I've done quite a bit of rubbing sticks together to make campfires and working out how to properly build a coal fire.

But it only really needs to work once, does it not?

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