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So I think something's happening between me and my domi... - 1/4/2012 12:41:42 PM   
SAMHAIN09


Posts: 207
Joined: 11/8/2010
Status: offline 		Okay we often talk a lot in our sessions and then we usually go out to eat or something it costs extra for breakfast/lunch/dinner with her that or she will make me work for it anyway at first she wouldn't even talk about herself she would just make me talk about me or how besutiful she was then one day she just tells me about her favorite memory. This was completely out of character for her it's one of her rules we(her subs/slaves) don't get to know a thing about her. Then another weird thing happened she calls me up and says "Listen your taking me to your family's for Thanksgiving got it?"

Then she makes me spend Christmas and New Years with her. At first I tried getting out of it but then her personallaty did a one eighty because she's like "Please I really need this you have no idea." This is unusual for her she usually comes off as cold and emotionally detatched at least in our previous reactions. You can imagine my surprise when she broke another one of her rules inviting me to her place and she really was not acting like herself she was excited and dare I say gitty. Her apartment looked like Christmas had thrown up in it and she kept making me cookies and giving me presents saying things like "Am I doing this right? please tell me I'm doing this right." We then proceeded to watch Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph the Red Nose Rein Deer.

Then things were amazing durring news we ran around town having fun and then I did the unthinkable I kissed my Mistress I don't know why I mean I completely blindsided her she turned red and everthything and now wont return my calls. So what's going on is she in love with me, clingy or just crazy. Personally I think she might just be lonely. Side question: Is it possible she's never celebrated the holidays before?
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RE: So I think something's happening between me and my ... - 1/4/2012 12:45:37 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Maybe she had some kind of family crisis?

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(in reply to SAMHAIN09)
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RE: So I think something's happening between me and my ... - 1/4/2012 12:51:05 PM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		My totally nonprofessional opinion is that she is lonely and might be having some conflicting thoughts about you.

She may be a Domme but she is also a human being first and woman second.
People get lonely. It's just a fact of life. It may have been memories of holidays past that triggered her and she might be feeling a bit of shame for breaking her own rules.

The question to answer is this. What do YOU want? I'm not saying you'll get it but you must know what you want. Do you want a relationship with her?

Your first paragraph indicates she might be a pro. Are you willing to let her keep doing that?

I think you need to give her some space. When (think positive) she contacts you, maybe you should suggest that you are willing to serve her by nonjudgementally and in total confidence listening to anything she may want to say. If she takes you up on that and opens up, you may just have a relationship on your hands. Remember this. If she is a pro Domme, she isn't likely to give up her occupation and income just because a sub gets jealous so know what it is you're getting into.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to SAMHAIN09)
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RE: So I think something's happening between me and my ... - 1/4/2012 12:53:05 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Did you actually bring her to your family stuff? How did you explain her, or do you have one of those families where anyone's welcome?

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RE: So I think something's happening between me and my ... - 1/4/2012 1:09:39 PM   
Fornica


Posts: 2986
Status: offline 		I'm with Hill. It sounds like she's lonely.
She's a person first, just like the rest of us.

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There is no spoon.


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RE: So I think something's happening between me and my ... - 1/4/2012 2:02:54 PM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		Why does this remind me of the film 'Preaching to the Perverted'?

Perhaps she got sick of acting and wants a more realistic relationship. You know, the type of relationship where you get to know every part of her, her mischievous and playful side, her vulnerable side, her emotional side.
If you don't ever allow a person in then all you have is a heap of role-play. Perhaps by showing you her more sensitive and loving side she feels vulnerable. She may even be worried about disappointing you.
You have to ask yourself what it is you want from this relationship. Do you want it to be purely based on her being this Goddess type figure who you know little about or do you want all of her? could you be her lover or would that spoil things for you?
If she has really fallen for you she is probably wondering what your expectations of her are. That has nothing to do with being dominant and all to do with being human.

(in reply to Fornica)
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RE: So I think something's happening between me and my ... - 1/4/2012 2:45:14 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		sounds to me like she's fallen in love with you.

She's human, not a robot. Humans fall in love, it happens.

Now the question is, do you love  her??

If not then you need to tell her now. Here's a new thought....why not talk to her about your concerns????



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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to MariaB)
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RE: So I think something's happening between me and my ... - 1/4/2012 5:12:17 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Sounds like the holidays are a difficult time for her and she transgressed her own rules and now doesn't know how to go backwards to the safer relationship you originally had.




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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: So I think something's happening between me and my ... - 1/4/2012 5:30:56 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Yup, sounds like things are different, hard to say why. Could be that she's developing feelings, wanted to try out some 'traditional' holiday or relationship things on for size, or was tired of the status quo between the two of you. Figure out if you'd be ok with changing up your relationship with her to something different, then ask her for a talk and ask her nicely what's going on. Surely she'll talk to you....? Depending on what you'd like for yourself, you can steer the conversation towards saying that you'd really like to keep things as they were, or that you'd like to explore the new ground with her. 

(in reply to SAMHAIN09)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: So I think something's happening between me and my ... - 1/4/2012 5:57:40 PM   
stellauk


Posts: 1360
Status: offline 		My suggestion here is to give her time and ask her what is going on. There's obviously been a shift in the relationship and maybe she needs time to process it.

I know it's hard but all you can do right now is give her time, be there for her and hope for the best.

_____________________________

Usually when you have all the answers for something nobody is interested in listening.

(in reply to SAMHAIN09)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: So I think something's happening between me and my ... - 1/4/2012 6:43:14 PM   
slaverachel2Him


Posts: 147
Joined: 11/19/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SAMHAIN09

Okay we often talk a lot in our sessions and then we usually go out to eat or something it costs extra for breakfast/lunch/dinner with her that or she will make me work for it anyway at first she wouldn't even talk about herself she would just make me talk about me or how besutiful she was then one day she just tells me about her favorite memory. This was completely out of character for her it's one of her rules we(her subs/slaves) don't get to know a thing about her. Then another weird thing happened she calls me up and says "Listen your taking me to your family's for Thanksgiving got it?"

Then she makes me spend Christmas and New Years with her. At first I tried getting out of it but then her personallaty did a one eighty because she's like "Please I really need this you have no idea." This is unusual for her she usually comes off as cold and emotionally detatched at least in our previous reactions. You can imagine my surprise when she broke another one of her rules inviting me to her place and she really was not acting like herself she was excited and dare I say gitty. Her apartment looked like Christmas had thrown up in it and she kept making me cookies and giving me presents saying things like "Am I doing this right? please tell me I'm doing this right." We then proceeded to watch Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph the Red Nose Rein Deer.

Then things were amazing durring news we ran around town having fun and then I did the unthinkable I kissed my Mistress I don't know why I mean I completely blindsided her she turned red and everthything and now wont return my calls. So what's going on is she in love with me, clingy or just crazy. Personally I think she might just be lonely. Side question: Is it possible she's never celebrated the holidays before?


i agree sounds lonely for human contact without the rules. Perhaps she is socially not so apt and that is in part why she avoids attachment and feels more trust for you. i know of a Domme who has an aversion to kissing- even Her S.O. No kissing period! Anyone, ever. By kissing Her you breached the D/s boundary of HER initiating all except with express permission. sh may be embarrassed at her behavior and your kissing Her made it clear to Her YOU noticed Her behavior change as well. Something She may have hoped you'd miss or ignore.

_____________________________

Master Richard's slave rachel

(in reply to SAMHAIN09)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: So I think something's happening between me and my ... - 1/4/2012 9:43:54 PM   
sheisreeds


Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaverachel2Him
i know of a Domme who has an aversion to kissing- even Her S.O. No kissing period! Anyone, ever. By kissing Her you breached the D/s boundary of HER initiating all except with express permission. sh may be embarrassed at her behavior and your kissing Her made it clear to Her YOU noticed Her behavior change as well. Something She may have hoped you'd miss or ignore.


As odd as it may sound I would apologize for the kiss, and overstepping your bounds. This is not an uncommon issue for pro dommes (some dominants as well). Perhaps let her know you care about her (if you do), and that you got caught up in the moment, but that you apologize make some motion of that that fits you dynamic (some love the groveling, some don't), and let her know you plan to correct your behavior and follow her and serve her better in the future.

Chances are she's feeling a bit out of control of her feelings, probably more than a bit vulnerable, let her know you serve her, and see what she does with that.

_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in


You need a spankin' baby!

(in reply to slaverachel2Him)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: So I think something's happening between me and my ... - 1/5/2012 6:45:25 AM   
SAMHAIN09


Posts: 207
Joined: 11/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

My totally nonprofessional opinion is that she is lonely and might be having some conflicting thoughts about you.

She may be a Domme but she is also a human being first and woman second.
People get lonely. It's just a fact of life. It may have been memories of holidays past that triggered her and she might be feeling a bit of shame for breaking her own rules.

Do you want a relationship with her?

Your first paragraph indicates she might be a pro. Are you willing to let her keep doing that?

Yes she is a pro. What worries me is that this has all been some weird spur of the moment lapse in judgment on her part and that it's all been a mistake. I don't want her to tell me that it meant nothing that's the worst part I've never met anyone like her. Further more I don't want her go back to the way she was. The woman I was with was amazing she was funny and sweet and looked like she enjoyed life

She's so complex in that she almost never shows emotion even when she speaks she shows none. When I first met her she just had this blank stare on her face maybe there's something wrong with her I don't know but my theory she's emotionally closed off for some reason. The first time we met I told her she just had to say the word and I would give her what ever she wanted and she with no emotion at all said "You can't give me what I want no one can."

But the Mistress I've come to love these last few days is so differn't from that Mistress she's amazing and happy I'm scarred she'll go back to being that cold and distant person I don't care if she decides to punish me in the worst and cruelst way imaginable I do love her and all I want is for her to be happy even if all I'll ever be is a client I can live with that. By the way what's the best form of groveling that would help me out here?

< Message edited by SAMHAIN09 -- 1/5/2012 6:53:48 AM >

(in reply to Hillwilliam)
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RE: So I think something's happening between me and my ... - 1/5/2012 6:57:49 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Don't grovel...just talk to her like two normal people and tell her what you told us. Being that she is/was a prodomme I'm thinking the coldness was part of the persona, part of the roleplaying for her. I'm guessing she fell in love with you during your time with her though and she's now the real person that she is normally and no longer putting on an act for your money.



_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to SAMHAIN09)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: So I think something's happening between me and my ... - 1/5/2012 7:46:37 AM   
Epytropos


Posts: 699
Joined: 7/23/2011
Status: offline 		If she turned red and then disappeared I doubt she's mad, she's probably just mixed up. Clearly she's having a transition with regard to you, as others have already outlined, but to have someone kiss her unprovoked was too far outside her comfort zone. The last sub who did that to me I had the exact same reaction - I kissed her back and then pushed her away and didn't talk to her for a good while before reestablishing contact with the proper boundaries in place. If that girl had called I might have spoken to her rather than ignored her, but most people are quite prone to thinking of people on their phone as only existing in the strictest sense of the term. Anyway, she was already outside her comfort zone and putting you in places she wasn't meant to having you. Trying to push her further was not your place and (quite clearly) not a good idea, but understandable given the signals she was sending you. Once she has had time to center herself she'll realize that, I expect.

I would all but guarantee you'll see more of her sooner rather than later, though in what capacity I don't know. Give her space, let her process things. She'll deal with you when she's ready, and pushing is only going to make her feel more like you need to be done away with rather than embraced.

< Message edited by Epytropos -- 1/5/2012 7:48:06 AM >

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They're only words. Don't dwell on them. They never mean what you think.

I speak only of My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

(in reply to littlewonder)
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RE: So I think something's happening between me and my ... - 1/5/2012 7:58:34 AM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		Here's the thing. She sounds kind of fucked up. It sounds like you are hoping for some new kind of romantic relationship with her. Are you sure you want to be in a relationship with someone who runs so hot and cold and has such a difficult time dealing with her emotions? Someone who is needy and yet impossible to please? Who behaves affectionately and then cuts you off without a word? A romance with someone who behaves this way would be a pretty rough ride. But then again, I look for peace and harmony in my relationships, not drama. Maybe you just enjoy angst. Still, I would think pretty carefully before pursuing this.

< Message edited by Iamsemisweet -- 1/5/2012 8:01:05 AM >

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to Epytropos)
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RE: So I think something's happening between me and my ... - 1/6/2012 8:02:07 PM   
sheisreeds


Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline 		I just wanted to be clear about my previous post:

My point was to follow whatever norms are already present in your dynamic with her already, give her some room to take back the reins.

A lot of pro dommes have various norms and expectations on how the social interaction occurs.

Do a bit of that, tell her how you feel, and apologize for overstepping, then give her some space. Be humble, thank her for sharing herself with you.

But immediately just getting personal could easily scare her off for good.

She's a pro, she has a reputation to maintain, she has money to make. Showing that soft little underbelly of hers was a scary thing for her to do.

I have friends who are pro's and are also lifestyle dommes, it's a hard balance, and that kinda work is very hard.

And crossing out of the paid tribute zone isn't unheard of.

_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in


You need a spankin' baby!

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
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RE: So I think something's happening between me and my ... - 1/6/2012 8:15:05 PM   
Clickofheels


Posts: 603
Joined: 10/23/2011
Status: offline 		I agree with semisweet. From a logical standpoint, it appears she has a lot of issues she needs to clear up personally.
From what the O.P. says, she bounces from one extreme to the other.

I believe I would really have a long talk with her before things progressed any further.

Just my opinion, of course. (Smiles)

(in reply to sheisreeds)
Profile   Post #: 18
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