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RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/4/2012 7:41:13 PM

PeonForHer

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FR

In all seriousness - I can't even *picture* being courted by a woman. Maybe I have been courted already, but haven't known it. I don't know. I just haven't ever applied that term to something that women do to men, before.

Very thought-provoking.

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RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/4/2012 7:42:28 PM

LadyHibiscus

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~speechless~

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RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/4/2012 7:46:54 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

We have often heard that a woman wishes to be courted. My question would be, do submissive males wish to be courted OF COURSE!!!!! and if so, how or how have they been courted? Another question would be to the dominants and if they have or would court a submissive and how or at what point would that start?

I was going to elaborate but found myself saying things that might influence the direction of things, so I will leave it at this and maybe elaborate later.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 23

RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/4/2012 7:50:04 PM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

~speechless~

It's true.

Well, there you go. I thought I had the whole sexism thing taped, but apparently not.

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Post #: 24

RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/4/2012 7:53:56 PM

LadyHibiscus

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So essentially I have to use the normal methods, then?

Hmph.

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Post #: 25

RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/4/2012 7:56:13 PM

Lockit

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I'm afraid that when I courted some, they thought I was insecure and trying to buy favor. I was like... wait a minute. You mean, I can give you sex... but buying you plants, dinner, nights out or clothes... freaks you out? Time to get over it. I don't do this because I think I have to. I do it because I want to. Don't be so uptight, fragile and prejudiced. It's okay for you to buy me things, take me out and all that you might consider the man's place or job... but a woman does it and she is insecure and needs to buy you to have you? Are you buying me when you do these things? (The eyebrow arched... they (two men) looked shocked and decided to think for a few. lol)

One couldn't get over it... I got over him. The other felt very special after we talked a lot about it.

A lot of this is social conditioning I think. Male dominants court... why wouldn't a domina court a man? Of course we love being courted... who wouldn't once they got passed certain things? Or is it that women are the greedy sort and need to depend on a man to buy her pretty things and make her special somehow? Hehehe....

I feel Christmas should be any day you want it to be too... strange maybe... but why not? If I want to buy you a shirt, you will let me buy you a shirt. lol What's the big deal?

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RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/4/2012 8:07:12 PM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

So essentially I have to use the normal methods, then?

Hmph.

No, you shouldn't have to. This is wrong. *I* am wrong.

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Post #: 27

RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/4/2012 8:10:08 PM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
Don't be so uptight, fragile and prejudiced.

Indeed. I have a horrible feeling that were that to happen to me, I'd handle it very, very clumsily. Steep learning curve.

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Post #: 28

RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/4/2012 8:12:27 PM

LadyHibiscus

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My normal methods are a lot of jumping around and while he's distracted by my tits, I pounce.

That's more effective than gifts and pointed attention, right?

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Post #: 29

RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/4/2012 8:13:51 PM

Lockit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
Don't be so uptight, fragile and prejudiced.

Indeed. I have a horrible feeling that were that to happen to me, I'd handle it very, very clumsily. Steep learning curve.

But don't you think that with the first shock... some discussion and working it in, you might find some comfort in it? What is the difference in you serving... doing really well and getting a reward? Or in the dating process she takes you out for a special date for your birthday? Could you see where maybe, you could feel more comfortable with it and maybe even enjoy it?

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Post #: 30

RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/4/2012 8:15:40 PM

Lockit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

My normal methods are a lot of jumping around and while he's distracted by my tits, I pounce.

That's more effective than gifts and pointed attention, right?

ROFL!

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Post #: 31

RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/4/2012 8:20:05 PM

Lockit

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Courting doesn't always mean gifts or paying for dates. It can mean, making a cd for your listening pleasure while she spends time with you, that says things she would like to say to you. It could mean doing some kind thing to show you that you matter. Some of my greatest gifts didn't cost anything or much. Some were something done that I/they needed done, when I/they needed it done.

How about a massage? A romantic evening?

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Post #: 32

RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/5/2012 4:48:48 AM

seekingOwnertoo

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One reaction i had, in my limited experience, was feeling a need to reciprocate.

While i felt clumsy, and way out of my comfort zone; it also inspired a strong need to give back, too!

So if You are thinking it would be an excellent time to expand limits ... You would be right on the money! i would simply need to give to You in return! And be unusually open ...

and awakens the little slut/whore instinct, too!

< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 1/5/2012 5:13:38 AM >

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 33

RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/5/2012 5:42:11 AM

FrostedFlake

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Neat question, Lockit. Thanks for it.

Cutting away the frilly stuff to expose the throbbing core... let me try that again.

Getting to the root... let me try that again.

Basicly... I think I made it this time... men and women are not as different as it may seem. If a lady receives a note simply stating she was being thought of by her recently acquired boyfriend then she knows that he wanted to be sure she knew he was thinking of her. Reverse the gender and the effect is much the same. For some reason a lady tends to appreciate flowers with such a note (a tough thing to do when using email), but otherwise, things work much the same. Except that men do not receive such notes. Unless some brilliant woman decides to send one, contrary to social convention. I feel certain that your typical Sub would respond to such a missive with gratitude.

Regarding getting to square one, that is also not so difficult for the lady willing to take the lead. Elevator eyes might offend a lady, but it is not going to offend a man. On the contrary, it will take him out of his comfort zone. This is usually easily detected. It takes a lot of practice to maintain ones poise. Such practice is difficult to come by. If you think he looks good and he finds out about it, he will be pleased. Which is exactly why this so very seldom happens. It seems the social programming states as if fact that turning a mans head swells it. The online equivalent differs only slightly.

I don't know that buying things for a man is something he necessarily would appreciate immediatly or automatically, because it is so unusual. But it too conveys the notion of care that is the vital center of a budding romance. Once the novelty wears off, he is likely to take a more appreciative view. It is also a great way to get him to dress the way you want. Upon review, you said that, Lockit. So I will say I agree with that. I will compare buying things to inviting to your place for dinner. There is really no comparison, dinner is a winner.

A man, even if, perhaps especially if, he is a sub, wants to be cared about. Dim indeed is the fellow who doesn't know the difference. There is a lot of frilly stuff surrounding that, but it only looks complicated. In truth, it is simple.

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Post #: 34

RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/5/2012 8:25:59 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Thinky thoughts.

It could be that I am just really really horrible at the whole courting thing... Heaven knows I try. Mainly, after somewhat strenuous efforts, I get the bewildered "What? You LIKE me??" response. (this is generally received favourably). I sometimes think that it would have been simpler to just cut to the chase and fling him to the floor/bed/grassy knoll.

Are men really that programmed to not NOTICE this sort of thing? Is my technique really horrible? Should I just jump around without a bra saying PICK ME! PICK ME!?

Because I can do that, but I am not good with rejection...

< Message edited by LadyHibiscus -- 1/5/2012 8:26:42 AM >

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Post #: 35

RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/5/2012 9:11:52 AM

bighappygoth39

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Courting doesn't always mean gifts or paying for dates. It can mean, making a cd for your listening pleasure while she spends time with you, that says things she would like to say to you. It could mean doing some kind thing to show you that you matter. Some of my greatest gifts didn't cost anything or much. Some were something done that I/they needed done, when I/they needed it done.

How about a massage? A romantic evening?

It's nice to see that my ideas of courting are the same as most on here, and from what you've said Lockit, me and my partner are constantly still courting each other, even after two years. We both love to buy each other gifts, do small things for each other. It's nice to see romance isn't completely dead, anyway.

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Post #: 36

RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/5/2012 9:21:00 AM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
My question would be, do submissive males wish to be courted and if so, how or how have they been courted?

This is one of those issues that is confusing for me. I get very different signals on this, depending on the Domme.

Some Dommes seem to want to be courted. So they sit back and allow the man to make the first move. Others take the opposite approach, and pounce on the man like a lion attacking its prey.

Personally, I'm comfortable with either situation, but I think I prefer the latter. When I am courting a Domme, it makes me feel like I'm in charge. I feel like I'm topping from the bottom.

The last two relationships that I had with Dommes both resulted from Her taking the lead, and basically controlling the relationship from the beginning.

Perhaps "courting" wouldn't be the right term. "Claiming" may be a more accurate description. They both started out very aggressive from the beginning. They had specific things that I was to do. For example, I was to call them at a specific time. From there, things just progressed to the point that, without knowing when it happened exactly, I was simply theirs. They took control of me and claimed me as their own.

I enjoy both processes. But I definitely think that being "taken" by a Domme is more erotic.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 37

RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/5/2012 9:44:56 AM

Arienos

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quote:

Could you see where maybe, you could feel more comfortable with it and maybe even enjoy it?

I am interested in courting as such irrespective of who initiates it. My interests are in extended intense exciting erotic moments that will forever change the course of both her and my human experience.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 38

RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/5/2012 9:45:06 AM

NiceButMeanGirl

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On the one hand, I enjoy doing nice things for someone I'm interested in but, on the other hand, I don't want to seem pushy and frighten him off either.

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Post #: 39

RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/5/2012 11:07:38 AM

sodsta

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Coming back to this thread to hypothesise a bit.

I definitely think a lot of people are socially conditioned to think that "courting" is the man's job. Growing up it seemed to be everywhere I looked - this sort of expectation that men were the pursuers and women were the perused. It's still pretty much everywhere I look when it comes to TV and movies, but maybe it's more of a generational thing that the act of "courting" seems to be becoming less and less gendered these days. From my observation, anyway.

From my own experience as a submissive male, I can say that pretty much every relationship I've been in, (be it romantic or just play) I have definitely been the one *being* courted. It might have something to do with my being generally pretty quiet and shy and attracting the kind of person who wants to be the "hunter", but I've never felt uncomfortable with being on that end of things. In fact, I like it. It feels nice to be wanted and desired, and I don't think gender should be an issue when it comes to that.

- Kye

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 40

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