How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate?

How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? (Full Version)

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SynopsisDefined -> How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? (1/10/2012 2:42:49 AM)
So I just joined this site because for some time I've been wanting a relationship with a switch female but I don't want my sexual desires to be dominated as well as being dominant to get out (I do have a reputation for being a 'leader' and I don't want that tarnished because of my submissive kink. A lot rides on that reputation). Does anyone out there have any experience with keeping the fact that they are, in fact, a switch a secret from the rest of the world? If you do not, what would you recommend me do to find a partner and still keep things in the bedroom?

Fornica -> RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? (1/10/2012 7:54:20 AM)
I'm confused. So, you want kinky sex and no one to find out?

Epytropos -> RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? (1/10/2012 8:08:27 AM)
The key is to not tell people that you like it when women hit you. Consider talking about sports, or the most recent political goings-on, such that you aren't tempted to tell them about how you were forced to swallow your own cum the night before. Have you considered lying? I hear it's really big right now...

Fornica -> RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? (1/10/2012 8:11:11 AM)
lmfao...that made me lol so hard.

seababy -> RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? (1/10/2012 8:17:01 AM)
Pure gold post right there.

Lucylastic -> RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? (1/10/2012 8:39:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Epytropos The key is to not tell people that you like it when women hit you. Consider talking about sports, or the most recent political goings-on, such that you aren't tempted to tell them about how you were forced to swallow your own cum the night before. Have you considered lying? I hear it's really big right now... its the ONLY Chance. Finding a domme who is willing to go along with your desire to be "pure" is gonna make it even harder. discretion is one thing and I can totally understand that, but you are NOT the only one in a relationship. As a Domme, I would not be happy with my "submissive" slapping my ass in public and tellin me to go fetch his buds a beer so he can pretend he doesnt like his balls getting wrapped in foot long candy and whipped after they go home.

Fornica -> RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? (1/10/2012 8:45:06 AM)
hahahahahahahahahaha

Clickofheels -> RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? (1/10/2012 9:25:05 AM)
"I do have a reputation for being a "leader" and I don't want that tarnished because of my submissive kink..." (If he only knew how many males in very highly responsible, prominent positions are submissive behind closed doors....)

RexCorvus -> RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? (1/10/2012 10:50:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SynopsisDefined So I just joined this site because for some time I've been wanting a relationship with a switch female but I don't want my sexual desires to be dominated as well as being dominant to get out (I do have a reputation for being a 'leader' and I don't want that tarnished because of my submissive kink. A lot rides on that reputation). So it's okay for people to know you love kink, but not that you'll let someone dominate you? I'm not judging you, I promise, but I'm having to work at not feeling slightly offended. You make it sound like being a switch, let alone a sub, is something to be ashamed of in a way that being dominant is not. quote: Does anyone out there have any experience with keeping the fact that they are, in fact, a switch a secret from the rest of the world? Now I'm definitely a bit miffed. Seriously, the whole rest of the world must not know you're a switch? Look, I understand keeping your sex life private. I don't share with most people, including family and co-workers, that I'm poly and I love the kinky stuff. If you are just talking about having a blanket policy where you don't tell anyone what goes on in your bedroom, that seems quite reasonable. But to me this business of it being fine for people to know you're kinky, just not that you stoop to switching sometimes, feels wrong. Were I involved with someone who found it very important that everyone think she was totally Domme, and that switching with me was her dirty secret that I should never tell anyone, I'd be unhappy. I'm guessing most switches would not be thrilled by the thought that you were happy (even eager) to sub for them but also so disgusted by that desire you wanted to keep it a secret. That being said, it could very well be that you can find some switch who'll be happy to abide by those requirements. For me that would be part of any discussion we had before entering a relationship. I'd recommend being humble in your request, though. Maybe something along the lines of "Look, I know this is kind of a stupid pride thing, but would you mind..." (That's taken from my own life, where my own foolish male pride has a couple of times had me make requests of my wife that I know weren't strictly rational). Good luck in your search.

Lucylastic -> RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? (1/10/2012 11:01:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Clickofheels "I do have a reputation for being a "leader" and I don't want that tarnished because of my submissive kink..." (If he only knew how many males in very highly responsible, prominent positions are submissive behind closed doors....) A huge proportion God love em

DesFIP -> RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? (1/11/2012 7:28:30 PM)
Not that all the comments aren't hysterical, but op, you're overthinking this. The Man and I show each other respect and consideration in public. If he gets up at a party, he'll ask me if I want a refill. If I'm closer to the bar, I'll do it. Nobody cares unless you make an issue of it. People in a healthy relationship are kind to each other and polite around each others friends and families. If you meet someone who plans to call you bitch in front of your mother, then you've met the wrong person. None of us want anything other than to be with someone good who can be introduced without fear to everybody.

doctorgrey -> RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? (1/13/2012 11:29:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SynopsisDefined So I just joined this site because for some time I've been wanting a relationship with a switch female but I don't want my sexual desires to be dominated as well as being dominant to get out (I do have a reputation for being a 'leader' and I don't want that tarnished because of my submissive kink. A lot rides on that reputation). Does anyone out there have any experience with keeping the fact that they are, in fact, a switch a secret from the rest of the world? If you do not, what would you recommend me do to find a partner and still keep things in the bedroom? I prescribe: Not telling anyone. That should do it. and why worry so much about a 'dominant reputaion'? sounds rather fragile. Man-up, be yourself. dg

searching4mysir -> RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? (1/13/2012 11:30:58 AM)
FR FFS, You don't need to say anything to anyone. It's none of their business unless you make it their business. It isn't as if I wear a dog-collar to the office and shackles on my ankles on the subway. No one knows I'm a slave unless they need to know, and very few people need to know.

fucktoyprincess -> RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? (1/13/2012 4:42:03 PM)
I would share the information that you are switch on a need to know basis - so obviously with anyone you are planning to play with, regardless of what role each of you plans to take. And presumably, you are going to play with people who you trust, and I would assume that if you trust them enough to play, you would trust them with your identity. Anyone else (friends, family, professional colleagues, random acquaintances, etc.) doesn't really need to know, do they??

LookieNoNookie -> RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? (2/11/2012 6:13:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Epytropos The key is to not tell people that you like it when women hit you. Consider talking about sports, or the most recent political goings-on, such that you aren't tempted to tell them about how you were forced to swallow your own cum the night before. Have you considered lying? I hear it's really big right now... Yes. Backslap guys, then laugh when they deride and joke about gays, watch a lot of football and cheer for the local team, open a beer with a sawzall and swig it down fast, with another 12 lined up ready to go (and call anyone that can't keep up with you a pussy...in fact, call every guy you meet a pussy....that'll show 'em), wear cowboy boots and drive a big truck with 27 inch wheels and spinners, bitch slap the bouncer when he says "sorry....you're not on the list" then when he's down on the ground....piss in his mouth and take all the paper folding money people bribed him with to get in the place and say "thanks bub....drinks are expensive in here". Try that for a month or so and I guarantee you, no one will ever suspect you like to be on the receiving end.

Endivius -> RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? (2/12/2012 12:17:22 AM)
Stop having sex where you socialize, that might do it.

sexyred1 -> RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? (2/13/2012 2:56:25 PM)
I just do not understand why people are so concerned that others will find out about their sex lives if they don't confide in these people. I have never once had anyone guess what I liked doing behind closed doors unless I explicity told them. As for worrying about "tarnishing" your leadership qualifications, get over it. Plenty of leaders have all sorts of complicated sex lives and unless you make it known or are in public office or are a celebrity, I doubt anyone will think less of you as a leader. The fact that you think being a leader is not aligned with being a switch or submissive, is inherently wrong.

peppermint -> RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? (2/13/2012 7:19:57 PM)
It would seem to me that you need to seek professionals for your dominant and submissive play times. They will not ask for your name. That will keep you anonymous. Then you can date whomever you wish, never letting your date know that you are a switch.

misfittens -> RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? (2/20/2012 9:57:30 PM)
it's a tough call for sure, my advice is to be selective and cautious about who you reveal your desires to, lying is most likely not the best way to go

JanahX -> RE: How Would I Keep My Sexual and Social Life Seperate? (2/20/2012 10:01:04 PM)
Look dood .... Just get it over with. Go to the highest building in the middle of your town and scream at the top of your lungs all your kinks and fetishes and make sure you attach your full name, birthdate and social security number. Squelching something like this will eventually give you cancer.

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