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RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 6/1/2006 7:01:58 PM

Bearlee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: leatherorlace

The pain of the drama leaves Me speechless.
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<cracks up> Okay, I think LA has it right on da money, too!

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
Reposted:
Now, I'm not saying you are doing this, but it is common for a sub to want more more and more- that's a heavy order for a dom, even if they want to give it. You're happily sitting like an eager little puppy, ready for the next hair pull, the next menial order, to go scampering off, return with your pat on the head, your good fucking, and then back to the ready position. You're wanting that tightened leash feeling- it takes energy to tighten a leash. So I would recommend you taking a bit more perspective on what you're asking from him.

< Message edited by Bearlee -- 6/1/2006 7:18:54 PM >

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RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 6/2/2006 7:05:33 AM

MHOO314

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Sometimes non-punishment is in itself a form of punishment.

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RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 6/2/2006 9:23:03 AM

Submotive

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It's so easy for me to get caught up in what Master does and does not do for me. This is when i get whiney, bratty etc. "He doesn't control me ENOUGH, He doesn't punish me ENOUGH, He doesn't notice me ENOUGH."

Then i have to ask myself "why are You submissive? Is it about what you get or what you give?" Just a thought.

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RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 6/2/2006 2:31:52 PM

Tinkerbell4

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mine only acts this way till he gets a nut then the tie'sand cuffs come off and it's like it never happened..this drives me nut's.i love the sub life and wish i could live it 24/7...to me u are lucky

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RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 6/2/2006 2:44:00 PM

DelRey

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Note to self:
when you recognize a whiner................ TURN AWAY !

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RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 6/2/2006 2:58:53 PM

Cyis75

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Oh the things I could retell to relate to this situation, but from the opposite side of the dynamics.

At one point I did have two submissives, my primary who I was also married to and another we both invited into our home together as second submissive to me and a sister to her. What eventually began to happen was the primary was complaining she was always being punished and the secondary was a "princess" and never punished. She failed to realize her own behaviors versus the other were the cause and not me. The fact she was a passive-agressive, brat that tried to top-from-the-bottom and test me every chance she got never crossed her mind. Needlesstosay things didn't last long, D/s relationship-wise or the marriage.

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RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 6/3/2006 2:39:17 PM

fellatrixkris

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Alright, I hadn't been on in a few days but I have talked with Him and He told me, that it is easier for Him to punish others because He doesn't love them. He also said for the most part in our day to day life, I am wonderfully behaved, the house is clean, daily something is done to make him more comfortable, loved, pleased sexually, and that He sees me striving to please Him with new effort. He said that He does punish me by ignoring certain behavior, but that its not often needed. So I guess some of you may call me a begging needy whiner,but hey what can I expect from two posts about the situation, next time, if ever I will make sure to post CLEARLY all aspects. My bad. Some of you seem to have had it figured out before me, with the love thing and the past relationship part. He has no need for other submissives, or any want to train anyone else, and if that was His choice, I would be happy to do as He wished and needed. Thanks to those who seemed to answer with sincerity.

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RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 6/3/2006 3:16:10 PM

ShivaTS

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I had the same problem with my Master. Every play party he would ignore me and play with multiple subs. It really bothered me that he would only play with me in private. I decided to put my trust in him and it turned out he was worried about me feeling uncomfortable playing in public. Last play party, he even offered to let me be flogged by a domme for more experience. If you dont wait for it, it will come.

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RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 6/3/2006 3:46:03 PM

MLskajira

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on a lighter note ..... this girl sometimes wishes Master had someone else to punish, she is His only slave at this time.

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RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 6/3/2006 8:40:16 PM

crouchingtigress

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I am glad things are working out really well for you , I understand, having once been a 24-7 slave the need for the tighter leash feeling.

When one of my boys has that feeling and begins to act up, some times the solution that we have found very helpful is to set periods of high protocol. This is a place where your behavior is meticulously examined and scrutinized and you are instantly corrected or punished for minute infractions. It is mentally and physically exhausting when done well, and both people are very happy to shift down a few gears afterword...

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RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 6/4/2006 4:16:08 PM

CERCKL

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quote:

It's so easy for me to get caught up in what Master does and does not do for me. This is when i get whiney, bratty etc. "He doesn't control me ENOUGH, He doesn't punish me ENOUGH, He doesn't notice me ENOUGH."

Then i have to ask myself "why are You submissive? Is it about what you get or what you give?" Just a thought.

This is an interesting perspective and actually appreciated. I do not tend towards the 'protocol' end nor do I tend towards the 'punishment' end...for me personally, I expect obedience, not as a role but as part of my relationship. If I end up experiencing something as undesired in my relationship, then I try to communicate through it...I am dealing with a partner, not a child, not property...the exchange is chosen not forced. Nothing is mandatory. Everything needs to be given, chosen. For good or bad, it is responsibility on both sides and needs to be communicated.
I realize sometimes that the structure of rules are desired and that can be established to deal with that need but I don't perceive it as necessary.
I also realize that in some ways it would just be easier to lay down set rules so it is understood what is expected, when, how...but for me I find that limiting regarding any growth, awareness.
As for punishment, well, displeasure should be enough to keep one from going past what is expected...
This only works with trust, communication and is an ongoing process...
Also, this is only my personal perspective, it has nothing to do with how anyone else approaches this subject nor is it meant to be a statement of my way is better than yours, just that this is myself.

C

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RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 6/4/2006 10:27:14 PM

Belladonna82

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This was acctualy a good topic, There are a few submissives/slaves that do not get what they need from their Masters...not because of the slave not being a good slave or the Master not being a good Master but because the two either have a diffrent kind of bond also or maybe one just Masters or serves diffrent then the other believes. No one Master or sub is the same as others...We are are diffrent....Blessed be all

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RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 6/4/2006 10:47:12 PM

CERCKL

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Back to the need for honesty and communication.

C

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RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 6/29/2006 2:37:53 PM

afeathr

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This thread interests me because I was just told by my Dom, out of the blue yesterday, that he is surprised by how little he has to punish me and by how mildly He must do so when he does punish... I had wondered if He just didn't desire to do so, if He didn't see the worth in it... but His statement made me realize that I do what He desires, therefore no punishment is necessary. That doesn't mean that He doesn't exert control, just that I am doing what He wants, on most things, and that I am learning as I go therefore little physical punishment is necessary. When I apologize, I am sincere... I *hate* to displease Him, and He knows that.

Maybe, just maybe, he doesn't punish you because you already know how to please him and he sees no necessity in punishing you. If it's control and erotic punishment you desire then maybe you need to play more...

Submitted as MHO...

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RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 6/29/2006 3:00:49 PM

slavejali

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I think sometimes as submissives/slaves we look for concrete evidence that our Masters care about us, care about their ownership of us by actively showing their disproval of some of the things we do. I just tried putting msyelf in your shoes for a minute, I think I would feel the same way as you do. I wouldnt stop there though. I would want to process why I was feeling that way. Why do I need the signs and re-affirmation of his ownership of me? Maybe its simply because I like to feel the tug of the leash and where the actually boundaries are..maybe its due to a weakness in me that is feeling insecure? Who knows...only I could work that out for myself, if i wanted to tear my psych apart and find the cause. ...but after all the anal-yzing....I'm going to realise..what it is I love to do best of all is *submit*...and submit to "his way" not mine.

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RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 6/29/2006 3:03:47 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali
but after all the anal-yzing

Ohmigosh that's so adorkable!

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RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 7/3/2006 12:50:05 AM

irishbynature

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cillydom

Maybe his feelings of love prevent him from treating you that way. It’s not an uncommon relationship problem.

cillydom has a point because i've seen / heard of subs not getting punished due to the very fact the Dom's feelings of love/care clouded his desire to punish his sub.

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RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 7/3/2006 1:28:01 AM

DiurnalVampire

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I have seen that happen. Never a problem I have run into, perosnally. But a good friend of mine could not find it in her heart to continue punishing her boy once she decided to make him her life partener. She felt guilty hurting him, and ultimately the D/s went out of the relationship all together. Its a risk that comes with love and D/s colliding. Some of us dont let it change anything, others cant see it staying the same.

DV

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RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 7/3/2006 1:28:23 AM

Caretakr

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Maybe you should just be blunt, and ask him why he can carry the ball with others-but drops it with you?

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