RE: What are "normal" fear

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RE: What are "normal" fear - 1/24/2012 4:20:58 PM

jennileigh8182

Posts: 173
Joined: 8/1/2009
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I think fears say a lot about your deep-down responses to people and your comfort level. If you're honest with yourself, are you really, truly comfortable with this man? From personal experience, I have a lot more fear when I'm less comfortable with a person. If I trust them and feel comfortable with them, the fears are negligible and easily overcome. Trust your intuition. If you're afraid, there could very well be a deep-down reason for it.

(in reply to stldaddy)

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RE: What are "normal" fear - 1/24/2012 7:21:08 PM

Epytropos

Posts: 699
Joined: 7/23/2011
Status: offline

Normal is a myth. It's not a real thing. Move past it.

What you need to ask yourself isn't whether it's normal, but rather whether it's reasonable, and the answer to that in my view is probably not. Yes he is pushing your boundaries, yes you may naturally want to push back, but he's given you no reason not to trust him and holding over his head what his predecessor did is not reasonable. You need to judge him by his actions as best you can, and make sure he knows that your past necessitates careful handling.

I'm hesitant to comment on his actions without having his story and his motivations - often in these situations I talk to the sub and she tells me her master doesn't care about her and holds no interest in her needs and just uses her for sex and beats her when she says no, then when I talk to him he has a very carefully-lain-out plan for how much pushing is enough and when punishment is going to bring the sub to the proper headspace and when its not and so forth. As others have pointed out, his reaction seems callous, but with only one story that's not something I'm prepared to echo.

In the end, this is just like everything else in life: Your emotions aren't ever going to meet up with reality, because that's not how emotions work. The question is, does he have your best interests at heart, and does he understand you and your needs and your situation in life? If the former is missing, things are doomed. I will state that unequivocally. If he's just in it to get his dick wet, you will never work as more than playmates. The whole "imperious unfeeling ultra-masculine uberdom" bit works really well as wank material, and can make for a few incredible fucks, but it will never make a relationship. If he cares for you and wants to do whats best but doesn't understand, make him understand. If both the former and the latter are true, you need to try to trust him until he gives you a reason not to.

He is not the man who abandoned you.

_____________________________

They're only words. Don't dwell on them. They never mean what you think.

I speak only of My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

(in reply to lizi)

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