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What is proper? - 3/31/2004 6:54:26 PM

shayla

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/10/2004
Status: offline

i'll admit it, i'm a coward :)

i often come across profiles that i really want to respond to, but i can't ever seem to work up the nerve to...in part because i'm not sure that we'd click in any fashion, but mostly because i'm unsure what the proper way is to go about addressing the initial contact...

i worry about being to stiff and formal and turning someone off, and while i slip into the role of ritual and protocal with ease and with joy, i am also a lighthearted, joyful, funloving person, so i want to convey a bit of that as well, but, i worry that it will be perceived as me being "unsubmissive" (a fate truly worse than death!!!)

so what is a good way to start up a conversation with someone through their profile?

make a comment on a common interest?

just say "Just wanted to say 'hi!'"?
(in that case, i always figure if they were interested in my profile, they might have said it first, unless that's an unDomly thing to do?)

i think to much and worry to much, but i would appreciate any help on this topic :)

Brightest of Blessings!

eternally,
~shayla
(Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. --Carl Jung)

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RE: What is proper? - 3/31/2004 10:14:34 PM

inyouagain

Posts: 418
Joined: 1/6/2004
Status: offline

Perhaps you could approach them by inviting them to this message board? All board members should essentially act as recruiters, so in essence you'd be doing your duty. Sprinkle with a few common interests and presto, it is done!

As far as a defined protocol of who contacts whom first, you are on your own. You can wait for contact, or initiate contact... your call. As in golf, pay attention to your approach shot. Don't try to be anything other than yourself... if it works, great. Likewise if it doesn't work, it's still great (nothing ventured, nothing gained). Once you make corteous contact and establish a dialog, then you can follow or adhere to 'protocol'. Meeting here is pretty much like meeting anywhere else... there's all kinds here both good and bad, and you can't tell in many cases by their profile alone.

One thing to note is that collarme has a few problems with some member's mail. Case in point, if you wrote to me, I'd never see it (I can't receive mails, but they are supposedly working on it?). If you send a message and never get a reply, it may be that the recipient member's account has problems as well?

Good luck and hope this helps.

Inyouagain

(in reply to shayla)

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RE: What is proper? - 4/1/2004 5:56:11 AM

ShadowHwk

Posts: 158
Joined: 1/5/2004
From: New York
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: inyouagain

*snippage*

One thing to note is that collarme has a few problems with some member's mail. Case in point, if you wrote to me, I'd never see it (I can't receive mails, but they are supposedly working on it?). If you send a message and never get a reply, it may be that the recipient member's account has problems as well?

Good luck and hope this helps.

Inyouagain

Inyouagain,

I had the same problem. My solution? I copied the data in my profile to a notepad, then deleted my profile and my account on CollarMe. I then waited 2 minutes and recreated the account with the exact same account name and the exact same password. Viola! Mail now works... and my posts on the message board are all attributed to me.

Of course your mileage may vary!

I did have reload all my pictures and stuff.

Terry

(in reply to inyouagain)

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RE: What is proper? - 4/1/2004 5:58:55 AM

ShadowHwk

Posts: 158
Joined: 1/5/2004
From: New York
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shayla

so what is a good way to start up a conversation with someone through their profile?

make a comment on a common interest?

just say "Just wanted to say 'hi!'"?
(in that case, i always figure if they were interested in my profile, they might have said it first, unless that's an unDomly thing to do?)

I would advise being direct. Something along the lines of "Hi, I like what you said in your profile and I would like to get to know you better". Or, if that is TOO direct you can always send a note making a positive comment on their profile or a message they have posted on the Message Boards.

Good luck on your journey and your search.

Terry

(in reply to shayla)

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RE: What is proper? - 4/1/2004 6:13:14 AM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

quote:

just say "Just wanted to say 'hi!'"?
(in that case, i always figure if they were interested in my profile, they might have said it first, unless that's an unDomly thing to do?)

Midear Shayla-

I know that I always feel less than comfortable approching a submissive. It feels a little predatory to me, somehow. I also think that it is more to the spirit of the dynamic (as I see it) that the submissive petition the prospective dominant, and not vice versa.

'just wanted to say hi' is a good start, and perhaps a leading question (maybe a referance to a subject on the board?) concerning some BDSM generality or another. I wouldn't concern myself with seeming too formal in an inital approch- if nothing else it gives the dominant you are contacting a oppurtunity to be gracious by inviting a less formal tone of address.

good hunting-

stay warm,
Lawrence

(in reply to shayla)

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RE: What is proper? - 4/1/2004 6:13:35 AM

ZenMaster

Posts: 52
Joined: 1/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shayla

so what is a good way to start up a conversation with someone through their profile?

Just be yourself but don't be an idiot, meaning to maintain respect for someone as you would hope they would do for you.

(in reply to shayla)

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RE: What is proper? - 4/1/2004 9:42:12 AM

inyouagain

Posts: 418
Joined: 1/6/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShadowHwk
I had the same problem. My solution? I copied the data in my profile to a notepad, then deleted my profile and my account on CollarMe. I then waited 2 minutes and recreated the account with the exact same account name and the exact same password. Viola! Mail now works... and my posts on the message board are all attributed to me.

Thanks Terry I understand. I will likely have to do same, but was affording collarme a week or so to get it figured out, and to hopefully prevent this seemingly common problem in the future?

It's a lesser evil thing, letting them correct the bug/flaw would be the only way to ever see any messages I've received during my account void. Deleting/recreating my account will very likely dispose of them permanently.

We've debated e-mail/messages courtesy here on the board often. Ironically our host could use a few lessons in TSC (Tech Support Courtesy)... getting feedback to the member (ie. thanks, we are working on it, etc, via member's regular e-mail).

Of course Free Rides often include bumps and potholes in the road, so I can't really complain other than the principle of 'what's being advertised isn't being delivered'. (pun intended)

shayla and other newer members (who are not aware of intermittent collarme problems) may feel their sent messages were being ignored, when in reality they may never be getting delivered/received for reading by the intended recipient. How woud they know then? Good question, I'd say to try an alternate contact listed in the intended recipient's profile, and try direct contact outside collarme.

Patience is indeed a virtue, but often quite boring.

Inyouagain

< Message edited by inyouagain -- 4/1/2004 12:43:05 PM >

(in reply to ShadowHwk)

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RE: What is proper? - 4/1/2004 10:53:35 PM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

You should just mention what it was that interested you in their profile. Be respectful and don't write a novel. Keep it short. If the Dom is interested, they will take it from there.

(in reply to shayla)

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RE: What is proper? - 4/3/2004 2:53:12 AM

quietseeker

Posts: 2
Joined: 3/27/2004
Status: offline

For Me, open and honest it the key. Although each Dom seeks different things, I think that we all value honesty and openness much.

Be yourself - don't try to be something you are not. If humor and playfulness is you, then BE you. If shyness is within you, then mention it. I have found that in venues such as this, My crystal ball cannot interpret these things - and some things may be taken out of context initially. So when a prospective sub writes, I try to take this into consideration and will always write back at least once to clarify, etc, or at least thank for interest. Common courtesy prevails in this (for Me).

"Groundbreaking" is often a worrisome thing, but it only takes a few seconds to type an introductory note - and no time at all to hit the send key! :) The worst thing that can happen is NOT that the Dom might not be interested, BUT that you BOTH may have missed something that could have been "special".

Hope this helps.....

QS

(in reply to shayla)

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RE: What is proper? - 4/3/2004 4:49:52 PM

DragonMstr

Posts: 5
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Shayla,
I have been a Master for over 10 years and in my poinion, the best way to start a conversation is just to say "Hello Sir, how are you?" This greeting is neither formal or informal. If you run across someone that comes across as mad over this greeting, then I would just say "Sorry." and leave them. There are a lot of people out there that try to come across aas Masters by trying to humiliate and degrade a person before they even talk to them. These people do more harm than good and in fact some could be dangerous.

Master Rick

(in reply to shayla)

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RE: What is proper? - 4/3/2004 9:33:29 PM

ssoft

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/27/2004
Status: offline

To be quite honest, I would thoroughly enjoy a brief note saying:
Hello, I am..... from......,
then a short intro (if the person knows their way around this venue) into where
one can become acquainted with others here via the Message Boards, etc.,
Any questions that I can be of assistance of please do not hesitate to contact me.

I think that would certainly be an easy way of starting a conversation with someone that interests you.

As for me, I just started coming around to the message boards, read profiles and will see what happens.

ssoft

(in reply to DragonMstr)

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Post #: 11