Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Challenges of Submitting


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Challenges of Submitting Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Challenges of Submitting - 6/1/2006 5:51:53 PM   
VvShadowspawnvV


Posts: 218
Joined: 3/27/2006
Status: offline 		catize-

Ditto the "don't know HOW".

becca

(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Challenges of Submitting - 6/1/2006 5:54:08 PM   
VvShadowspawnvV


Posts: 218
Joined: 3/27/2006
Status: offline 		It's even hard for me to say "yes" when He asks me directly whether or not i want something, or which of two options i would prefer.  i'm always afraid i'll give the wrong answer.

becca

(in reply to smilezz)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Challenges of Submitting - 6/1/2006 6:32:33 PM   
Sirandlittle1


Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		My challenges are that of submitting to anothers way of doing things. Full stop. Years of being independant. Running a house, managing a career and single parenthood. Years and years of learning to unlearn.
Times i find difficult are when i believe i am right, and he's not. I really have to try hard not to explain why i would prefer to do whatever this way. Im trying to present my rationale behind why he might wish to reconsider something if he had such and such a piece of knowledge that i have. The yes but, syndrome. Excuses for disobedience he calls it.

And that time, when you've done the school run so been up since 0730, youve done the housework, then gone and worked my butt off since 2pm to 11pm, get in knackered, and he's a plethora of 'toys' laid out. Oh god! Just some sleep, please? as ive to be up at 0530 for the next shift. That is really hard!

My list of what is a challenge is very much dependant on my available resources. Like plain old energy! Libido, my feeling of submission to him, my need for his dominance.
Then there's the bitch that runs amock inside me sometimes. PMT being one of them. When 'get fucked' responses have to be self gagged and translated into 'yes Sir'. Ive been known to suffer from Tourette's at times lol.

Going from play partners, to D/s couple 24/7 has been one HUGE challenge. It brings me so many rewards, that the challenges once overcome, are groundbreaking. Im nowhere near where i wish to be in my submission to him. But i see real progress when i look back.
little1

(in reply to VvShadowspawnvV)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Challenges of Submitting - 6/1/2006 7:14:14 PM   
babysburnin


Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline 		Aussies and Americans DO have much in common.    Thanks for your reply, I relate.  ***hugs***

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Challenges of Submitting - 6/2/2006 7:14:43 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: duckssinthewind

its hard to never justify myself.  when i see what has happened, it wasnt me, and He jumps to an accusation, it is my challenge to be silent.  His way isnt fair, or perfect, it is just the way it must be.


This is mine as well.  Holding back the "but but but....You don't understand!!!" comments.  I have learned (and it look a LONG time) there is a time & place to state my concerns about something.  In the heat of an issue is not it.  In the heat of an issue, compliance and obedience are in order.  Being an emotional person with a Spanish & Italian background, biting my tongue and not rushing to my own defence is quite the challenge. I think I finally accomplished that this week!  (whew)

(in reply to duckssinthewind)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Challenges of Submitting - 6/2/2006 8:04:12 AM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

What was/has been/still is the most difficult thing/part of you to submit to?


By far, it has to be shutting off the voice in my head that thinks it knows what He wants and really listening to what He's telling me He wants.  Another would be just letting go of my need to know why and what's coming next when He tells me to do something.
 
Example:  We'll be watching tv and He'll out of the blue tell me to stand up.  My immediate reaction is, "And???"  because it drives me nuts to just blindly do something without knowing the reasoning behind why I'm doing it.  I need to stop trying to analyze.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to babysburnin)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Challenges of Submitting - 6/2/2006 8:50:32 AM   
LoveMeSpankMe


Posts: 1
Joined: 3/24/2006
Status: offline 		As a male dominant for more than 20 years, and having mentored scores of submissive women up to the present, I can fully understand the dilema facing a new submissive regarding how to relinquish power to better serve the needs of her/his Master.

I believe what is required for such submissives is a new mindset, whereby, previously having the freedom to choose what to do, how to act and obey, how to dress, making her/his own decisions, etc., these decisions are now made by the Master exclusively, usually as per a mutual verbal or written agreement  at the start of a serious relationship.

Generally, in order for anyone to get something... something must be given up. The same can be applied to a submissive, male or female, who chooses to be owned, trained, and used by a Master or Domme. This decision to relinquish personal power requires strength of mind and character. It is not a decision to be taken lightly. Consequences must be taken into account carefully. Out of this key decision comes loyalty, trust, a willingness to abide, to be educated and conform to the regimen of a new authority in one's life, and love.

Patience, flexibility, and tolerance is a virtue for a submissive. Curiosity is a major factor in a D/s relationship which I believe maintains the strong interest in bdsm for most women and men. Those who consciously choose to ignore or dismiss any of these four key qualities are doomed from the get-go and will ultimately fail in their quest for acceptance as a submissive and the realization of any future pleasure in this lifestyle.

Please remember...the goal and responsibility of any submissive is, simply...to serve without question. In this you will find pleasure.     

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Challenges of Submitting - 6/2/2006 10:00:18 AM   
Submotive


Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

it's about service as he requires it.. not as I think it should be.


Thank you, thank you, thank you BitaTruble - i forget ALL the time - not just with service, but anything - it's about as He wants is, needs it, not as i think it should be.

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Challenges of Submitting - 6/2/2006 10:11:58 AM   
Submotive


Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you ALL for your honesty and openness - OMG, it's not just me who has these challenges. Being a strong, independent woman in so many respects, and yet knowing that submission is my "calling" is one of the most difficult and yet most rewarding things i've ever attempted in my life. And i've done MANY things.

TRUST - how to trust another's ideas, direction etc. i am the yeah but queen and have all kinds of logical reasons why what i think makes more sense than what He thinks. Then i'll turn right around and tell Him He doesn't control me enough. Heaven help our Doms/Masters - They have incredible patience. Thank You Scotch Master for being so wonderfully wonderful.

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to babysburnin)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Challenges of Submitting - 6/2/2006 10:40:09 AM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline 		Well, probably like very many submissives, I am a pleaser.  For me, the ‘focus’ is always on HIM.  I find is difficult to accept being pleasured…if this makes any sense whatsoever.  I have a hard time when ‘its about me’. 

(in reply to babysburnin)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Challenges of Submitting - 6/2/2006 11:15:55 AM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear babysburning, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
Since a dominant posted I thought I would add something to the thread.
 
As a Dominant/Master/Mistress--we also have challenges in submission and accepting services from slaves/submissive/servants as well.  So, it isn't just a challenge to servants but, to domiants as well.
 
We dominants need to be ourselves however, we all need reminding that we need to feed the servant slave/service slave.  To also be consistant in our accepting services as well as doing things that we enjoy doing ourselves.  We dominants need to communicate clearly as do the slaves to the dominants.  It is indeed an exchange, to which both the Dominant and servant/service slave need to be happy about, the service given and receiving.
 
Just know, that as a Dominant--when slaves/submissives/servants/service slaves/submissives serve me, I really do admire, appreciate and respect one and all who do so from the spirit of 'service.'  It is beautiful in an art form sort of way.  I see you (in a general sense) have a lighter step, a smile in the heart as well as on the face.  Absolutely beautiful, no matter if male or female--it will always be lovely.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to babysburnin)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Challenges of Submitting - 6/2/2006 2:16:37 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

As a male dominant for more than 20 years, and having mentored scores of submissive women up to the present, I can fully understand the dilema facing a new submissive regarding how to relinquish power to better serve the needs of her/his Master.


Ah, but not everyone who has posted herein is a "new" submissive.  In fact, some of us aren't even submissive at all.  We're slaves, and dominant ones at that, which gives us an entirely different hurdle over which to leap.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to LoveMeSpankMe)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Challenges of Submitting - 6/2/2006 3:58:10 PM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

Well, probably like very many submissives, I am a pleaser. For me, the ‘focus’ is always on HIM. I find is difficult to accept being pleasured…if this makes any sense whatsoever. I have a hard time when ‘its about me’.


Oh yes, this is another one......(gee I seem to have a lot of trouble submitting ) I need to accept that it pleases Him to pleasure me, and relax and enjoy it

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Challenges of Submitting - 6/2/2006 4:26:42 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, that's always been very difficult for me also.  I want to know why and the yes, but.  I'm in a relatively new relationship and am trying very hard not to do that.  I'm not sure if I am succeeding.  I guess I'll find out when He reads this post.

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Challenges of Submitting - 6/2/2006 7:13:58 PM   
mellian


Posts: 211
Joined: 9/6/2004
Status: offline 		Overcoming this stupid shell I have and the awkwardness to a Domme I like, respect, can talk to and respect which is hard to find as is.

-mellian

(in reply to babysburnin)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Challenges of Submitting - 6/2/2006 9:10:18 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear catize, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
When you do not find joy in things you do in service, perhaps it is just a chore for you.  However, if you do things for friends or for others, you do it because you are a sweet lass--a dear friend.
 
Finding something that you can relate to, that you do for others that gives you satisfaction is a good starting point.  That sense of feeling of pride in yourself by helping others.  Picking up a pen off the floor and handing it back to the owner, etc.  Start small.  Then little by little, you can see how you create joy for others and be proud of yourself for being the source of joy.
 
At times you have to be the actress.  You need to reinvent your internal thinking process.  Service isn't always a form of humiliation, chores and such.  Think of what you like to do.  Baking? Cooking?-- Service can be an art and or an expression. 
 
I will be honest with you though lass--if you always have a negative disposition, no matter how much joy you create--you will always see it for the negative.  Same with low self esteem.  You'll see the lesser of your beauty, than those who's eyes cast upon you and see the lady in your womanly arts of service.  If you're just plain tired--exhausted all the time; do check with your doctor--it may be chronic fatique syndrome, thyroid and or a parathyroid problem.  Infections, being tired and so many things that dog women, this might be extra weight that may add to the misery.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Challenges of Submitting - 6/2/2006 10:52:09 PM   
OedipusRexIt


Posts: 634
Joined: 11/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: diamonddreamlove

Have been told time and again it is His pleasure to pleasure me as well.  It is my job to allow myself to feel his pleasure in this manner. 



This is for me the essential truth. It's good to see it put so clearly.  Nice to know some get it. 

_____________________________

"My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die..."

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Challenges of Submitting - 6/3/2006 12:42:10 AM   
MLskajira


Posts: 275
Joined: 2/17/2006
Status: offline 		this girl's Father is a retired Major from the Marine Corps so she learned to obey orders, unquestioningly, at an early age. that is not a problem.
in the beginning her problem was her aggressivness as she was a fighting girl for quite some time, but Master calmed His pet and now she is only aggressive when he tells her to be.
now it is giving up the control of the money. for the last ... oh, 25 years or so, it has been this girl's chore to make sure everything financial gets taken care of. it is a job she not only hates, but is no good at, still, giving it to someone else is hard, to say the least.
it makes this girl think of when she has been holding onto something for a long time. when it comes time to put it down .. let go of it, her fingers dont want to unclinch and it takes a while to actually release it. she has had a death grip on the finances for so long, her mind doesnt want to unclinch, not because she wants to continue doing it, but because she has done it for so long.

_____________________________

378-828-272

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Challenges of Submitting - 6/3/2006 6:14:58 AM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline 		From reading this thread it strikes me that no men have responded and that all the women responders have no substantive problem submitting.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 6/3/2006 6:15:34 AM >

(in reply to MLskajira)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Challenges of Submitting - 6/3/2006 6:55:17 AM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		Dear LadyHugs,

quote:

 Finding something that you can relate to, that you do for others that gives you satisfaction is a good starting point.  That sense of feeling of pride in yourself by helping others.

This was an 'aha' moment for me.  I do find satsifaction when I can be of help to others, it comes from within.  I believe part of my problem with Master is that I want him to say 'thanks for doing the dishes', looking to him to provide that pride, but I need to look to myself.  For example, a plate I have washed is the cleanest plate in the world, I will be proud that my Master will be eating off this plate.

quote:

 At times you have to be the actress.  You need to reinvent your internal thinking process. 

In my profession we have a mantra we teach people, 'Fake it 'til you Make it' which translates into: if one goes through the motions, the feelings will follow.  I need to 'practice what I preach'!

quote:

  I will be honest with you though lass--if you always have a negative disposition, no matter how much joy you create--you will always see it for the negative.

There are many things that I am required to do where I do find the joy. The problem areas, when I feel resentful, are complicated with feelings of guilt and I question my ability to be a good slave. 
I see that when I am feeling inadequate, I need to concentrate on striving toward a better attitude rather than focusing on the fact I'm not 'there' yet. 
Thank you, LadyHugs, for your suggestions and help. 
Gratefully,
catize

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Challenges of Submitting Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109