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Very new, very curious! - 1/24/2012 7:37:26 PM

cattycrz

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Joined: 1/24/2012
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I am VERY new to this lifestyle, and very curious about all the possibilities!I'm a 33 year old happily married woman, and we have been in the swinger lifestyle since day one of our relationship. By personality, I'm VERY domme, and even a bit sadistic. I've always been strong willed, stubborn, and want to be in control. But with my husband, I find it hard to be sexually dominant. I've always talked about wanting my very own "bitch boy", to use as I see fit, and though my hubby can be very submissive, I can't do that to him either!
Recently, we met a man who we had an incredible 3 some with. I've found out that he considers himself D, and he plans to "show" me this the next time we are together.
I've also met a willing male sub. online. He too. plans to visit soon.
So, the question is, is it really possible for me to switch? I've gotten mixed answers when I've asked each man, including my hubby. Thanks in advance for your insight on this!

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RE: Very new, very curious! - 1/24/2012 8:13:04 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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You could be submissive to someone if he inspires that in you.

As far as bottoming, meaning receiving sensations instead of giving them, anyone can try it. However there's no guarantee you'll enjoy it. Or that what this dom plans to do to you is something you would like. I suggest you google bdsm checklist and go through it. See if the idea of having any of those things done to you appeals. If so, then tell this guy that these are the things you want to try.

You also need a way to stop it if you decide you don't like it at all. Are you sure that if he has you restrained and you tell him to stop, that he will listen?

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RE: Very new, very curious! - 1/25/2012 9:20:38 AM

cattycrz

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Joined: 1/24/2012
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quote:

You also need a way to stop it if you decide you don't like it at all. Are you sure that if he has you restrained and you tell him to stop, that he will listen?

Thank you for your insight! My husband would be present while this is all going on, so I'm not too worried about things getting out of control, and there is going to be a lot of communication between all 3 of us BEFORE anything happens. My hubby has some specific things he does NOT want to see happen, and he's made that clear to the other man.

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RE: Very new, very curious! - 7/1/2012 1:27:05 PM

PhaedrusTheThird

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/4/2011
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Negotiating a scene is very important, especially when you are trying a new role. Being up front with what you expect to get out of it, what your limits are and such. Having somebody around to watch and intercede if needed is great- this can work even if he is part of the scene.
Sometimes I can switch with another several times during play- sort of like a tag team swap. I find it is a great way to balance energies as each role is so different. I hope this works out well for you-

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RE: Very new, very curious! - 7/1/2012 8:25:01 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
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From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
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I've switched before, but with separate people. Some can do it with the same person, but not me.

Someone mentioned googling BDSM Checklist. I especially like Soul's Haven.

NBMG

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RE: Very new, very curious! - 7/1/2012 8:28:03 PM

Endivius

Posts: 1238
Joined: 8/22/2011
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My BDSM checklist :

Diffibulator : Check

Up to date first Aid Kit : Check

Bottled water : Check

Bear Trap : Check

Tin Foil Hat : Check

As long as I have these five items, I'm pretty well prepared for anything.

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RE: Very new, very curious! - 7/2/2012 5:42:02 AM

DarkSteven

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Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cattycrz

So, the question is, is it really possible for me to switch? I've gotten mixed answers when I've asked each man, including my hubby. Thanks in advance for your insight on this!

Other men and women have switched - are you asking if it is possible for you SPECIFICALLY to switch? We don't know you enough to answer.

I have found it difficult to conceive of a couple that switches outside the bedroom. But I know some that switch during play, sometimes in the same session. By having one that you top and one that you bottom to, you are looking at different dynamics with different partners, which IMO is easier than changing dynamics with the same partner.

Basically, you're interested and won't know until after whether it can work or not. Go for it!

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RE: Very new, very curious! - 7/15/2012 2:08:05 AM

CJ1979

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Joined: 7/9/2012
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Of course it's possible to switch. A person can do anything they want to do. I can play both roles, largely depending on who I'm with.

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RE: Very new, very curious! - 7/24/2012 5:00:43 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cattycrz

I am VERY new to this lifestyle, and very curious about all the possibilities!I'm a 33 year old happily married woman, and we have been in the swinger lifestyle since day one of our relationship. By personality, I'm VERY domme, and even a bit sadistic. I've always been strong willed, stubborn, and want to be in control. But with my husband, I find it hard to be sexually dominant. I've always talked about wanting my very own "bitch boy", to use as I see fit, and though my hubby can be very submissive, I can't do that to him either!
Recently, we met a man who we had an incredible 3 some with. I've found out that he considers himself D, and he plans to "show" me this the next time we are together.
I've also met a willing male sub. online. He too. plans to visit soon.
So, the question is, is it really possible for me to switch? I've gotten mixed answers when I've asked each man, including my hubby. Thanks in advance for your insight on this!

But hon, if he's submissive, wouldn't he tend to follow your lead?

(Just asking).

I'd hate to see you and he have issues if he's sub, you're Domme...and you chose to take the lead...in some fashion....isn't that what it's supposed to be?

"I've gotten mixed answers when I've asked each man, including my hubby."

Doll...you write the rules....it's (incredibly) nice of you to be concerned but....what does he really want?

Are you deferring?

Isn't he actually saying...."take me"?

Or is there more to this story?

(in reply to cattycrz)

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Post #: 9