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Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream Dom? - 1/31/2012 8:51:51 AM   
dianddra


Posts: 2
Joined: 7/18/2008
Status: offline 		I attended my first play party this past saturday, and I had a blast! I was so thrilled by my experiences and my play time that I wanted to tell everyone about it. I told one guy who shall remain nameless, and his reaction was that I have tainted myself... that I should save myself for my dream Dom, so that he can give me all of my First Experiences. Like a virgin saving herself for her wedding night. I have my own opinion of this but would like to hear other people's thoughts on this topic. Should a new sub "save" herself for her future dream Dom? Or does her experiences make her a better sub or a better person? Does the experience "taint" her?

Dianddra
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RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream... - 1/31/2012 8:55:44 AM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		If your dream dom is going to be insulted that you had experiences prior to
him entering your life, then he negates his qualifier as a dream dom.

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RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream... - 1/31/2012 8:55:53 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		Was the tainted guy a friend? I'd drop him - save your friendship for someone more deserving.

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RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream... - 1/31/2012 8:56:49 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		The bottom line is that you should do what makes you happy.

A few thoughts did pop up on this though. 1) I find the "dream Dom" thing to be kind of funny. Most relationships don't work, so pretty much in his view if you've been in a relationship before, you're tainted. 2) It's hard to know what you like unless you go out and try things.

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RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream... - 1/31/2012 8:57:42 AM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline 		Id giggle, then id fall over laughing, and tell him to kindly to go fuck himself.... Im not tainted because ive enjoyed experiences, if anything my partner should be happy i have because i can clearly say to him Yes Sir, i do adore needles, or No im sure ill never like diapers...




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RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream... - 1/31/2012 9:06:07 AM   
CeriseNin


Posts: 286
Joined: 4/8/2010
Status: offline 		"tainted yourself"

I'd have laughed in his face.

There's nothing wrong with trying things.

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RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream... - 1/31/2012 9:08:07 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		I'm glad you enjoyed yourself! Why would that be a bad thing? Maybe the man who told you hold back was unsure of himself and felt as though he couldn't measure up. I've known some men who felt more adequate being with women with less experience because they were unsure of themselves and felt as though a woman with some experience threatened their confidence. Is this a type of Dom that would attract you? I'd have to say it wouldn't be the man for me.

I don't think experiences taint you, they are information. Information is power. Saying it's undesirable is like saying we should still think the world is flat. Experience/information tells me what I want in life, then I go get it.

I say go forth and tread carefully while trying things out so you know what you want. How do you know if you like something until you try it? What if the Dream Dom never comes or how will you recognize him if you have no clue what to look for? Quite honestly, I would say a man who would tell you that you should wait in a virgin-like state and not taint yourself is a nutbag. It would be different if you felt that waiting was the right thing for you...then carry on with whatever you feel is true to yourself.

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RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream... - 1/31/2012 9:13:08 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Personally, I did limit my experiences to one before HM, and then HM.
If it wouldn't have worked out between us, then there would be more of course, but I didn't play with anyone I didn't have a serious interest in.
Lots of people do, and I'm sure they have a wonderful time.
It all depends on what YOU want, and what makes YOU happy.
I wouldn't worry about some guy's opinion, unless he is a potential for the "dream dom" candidacy.

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RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream... - 1/31/2012 9:21:12 AM   
LaTigresse


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Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Personally, I did limit my experiences to one before HM, and then HM.
If it wouldn't have worked out between us, then there would be more of course, but I didn't play with anyone I didn't have a serious interest in.
Lots of people do, and I'm sure they have a wonderful time.
It all depends on what YOU want, and what makes YOU happy.
I wouldn't worry about some guy's opinion, unless he is a potential for the "dream dom" candidacy.


What Blushes wrote is the flip slide of the slash for how I feel.........for ME. I know me and I know what works for me and what doesn't. What doesn't is casual play. I invest too heavily in an emotional way when I become intimate with a person. And for ME, BDSM is intimate.

What is acceptable for you, is up to you.

Edited to add.......It is also probable that anyone I would be interested in, would share that sentiment.


< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 1/31/2012 9:22:54 AM >

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RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream... - 1/31/2012 9:36:42 AM   
Whenready


Posts: 319
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline 		Did he save himself for his dream sub?

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RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream... - 1/31/2012 9:40:51 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Whenready

Did he save himself for his dream sub?


Heh....good answer.

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RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream... - 1/31/2012 9:42:08 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		This whole "tainted" thing is laughable, but not really uncommon. This "pure as the undriven snow" standard for females is as old as the day is long.
You should do what makes you happy, OP -- you set your own standards for your life and experiences.

This person has a different value system, so he's probably not a match for you. Who was this person, anyway? A close friend, or a random internet guy? Or a general acquaintance?

More than likely, this guy didn't "save himself" either -- he probably sees his own non-partnered play as "educating" others who would otherwise have wandered down a dark road without him. Pfft.
Giggle and move on, do what makes you happy. =p

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"Obey your Master." Metallica


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RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream... - 1/31/2012 9:45:54 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dianddra

I attended my first play party this past saturday, and I had a blast! I was so thrilled by my experiences and my play time that I wanted to tell everyone about it. I told one guy who shall remain nameless, and his reaction was that I have tainted myself... that I should save myself for my dream Dom, so that he can give me all of my First Experiences. Like a virgin saving herself for her wedding night. I have my own opinion of this but would like to hear other people's thoughts on this topic. Should a new sub "save" herself for her future dream Dom? Or does her experiences make her a better sub or a better person? Does the experience "taint" her?

Dianddra



Well. Speaking as the everyone's dream Dom!!!! I see no taint that my glorious self could not overcome! You maybe tainted. But this nameless fool under estimates the power of the Dream Dom! That is why the nameless one will be nothing more than a passing fancy at best and never rise to the illustrious status of Dream Dom.

Just so we are clear... us Dream Doms have special powers that lesser ones can only dream about. Fear not the taint of your ways... The Dream Dom will make all right and purge you of the taint that you carry with you. So go and enjoy the wilds of your passion knowing full well that your Dream Dom will come and make it all right with his special divine powers.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream... - 1/31/2012 9:55:20 AM   
CeriseNin


Posts: 286
Joined: 4/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Whenready

Did he save himself for his dream sub?

Of course not, and no True Dream Dom™ would even consider it.

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RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream... - 1/31/2012 9:58:46 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CeriseNin


quote:

ORIGINAL: Whenready

Did he save himself for his dream sub?

Of course not, and no True Dream Dom™ would even consider it.


You are so correct.... So much taint to be purged. It would be Unethical to hold back my divine Dream Dom Powers to wash away the taint of these passionate sluts!

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream... - 1/31/2012 10:06:00 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Sorry OP. I just cant take this seriously. We all come into relationships with experiences.. Good or bad they are with us and we are tainted in some way.

It really is a question of do these experiences make us a better or enhanced person or not? And the answer is rather subjective. the only answer you have is your own. If you feel you will be better for the experience then run with it... If not then don't. Mostly the person that is your dream dome will have very similar subjective answers to yourself.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream... - 1/31/2012 10:06:22 AM   
CeriseNin


Posts: 286
Joined: 4/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
You are so correct.... So much taint to be purged. It would be Unethical to hold back my divine Dream Dom Powers to wash away the taint of these passionate sluts!

Exactly - a Dream Dom™ goes above and beyond to beat the taint out of the ladies. I'm all a quiver. Even my gayness can't stand in the face of such Powers.

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RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream... - 1/31/2012 10:07:56 AM   
lostinmyownmind


Posts: 56
Joined: 8/31/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dianddra

I told one guy who shall remain nameless, and his reaction was that I have tainted myself... that I should save myself for my dream Dom, so that he can give me all of my First Experiences. Like a virgin saving herself for her wedding night.



That's just his opinion. I would ask him why he feel intimidated by submissives that have some experience.

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RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream... - 1/31/2012 10:08:12 AM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline 		I have to admit i would have laughed and told him to stop talking bullshit.

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RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream... - 1/31/2012 10:09:07 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		While I didn't "save" myself for the Dream Dom, I have never been one for casual anything because for me personally it just kinda cheapens the whole relationship thing for me and feels completely empty and I went 8 years before getting involved with Master. Was I saving myself? Not necessarily. I just simply didn't have any interest in playing with others.

If you're ok with it though then go for it. Just make sure the person you get involved with knows that you did and do so that you both are on the same wavelength.



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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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