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RE: Scat-ology - 2/3/2012 9:33:04 AM

Ninebelowzero

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Another shite inspired debacle.

Years ago before Glasnost & Perestroika took hold in the dark days of the Soviet Empire I flew into East Berlin (Templehof, not sure) from some god forsaken shithole in the east, my guts were wrecked from2 weeks of Soviet bloc diet. & I saw the universal toilet sign & went in. In the equality/ money saving mindedness of communism it was a toilet for both sexes & the stalls were maked Damen or Herren.

So there I was in this concrete badly tiled dark dank musty cellar & all the mens stalls were taken so I thought fuckit & went into the next cubicle marked damen. As I dropped my pants tyhe world exited whilst simultaneously farting loud as hell, the fart echoed round the room making it even worse. As it ended & I sighed that sigh of thank fuck I got my pants down in time I heard a voice from the stall next to mine.
Fraulein bitte!

I said nothing got clean & raced out the place. To this day some poor bastard is having nightmares about the size of the woman in the cubicle next to him who could fart so loudly & for so long & create a stench so bad.

Of this I am proud.

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Post #: 21

RE: Scat-ology - 2/3/2012 1:30:31 PM

mrwonderful2u

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Okay, since we are on the subject, her is mine: I call it the "Phantom Shitter". I was driving to a job interview in a city a couple hours away. As I was getting closer the route took me through some residential areas. While I had some rumblings in my gut during the trip, they couldn't have foretold the sudden and urgent need to immediately seek out a bathroom that would fall upon me while driving through this somewhat upscale neighborhood. Without a public restroom in sight, I quickly deducted that had but 3 choices, and none being very favorable at the moment. I could 1) drive like a maniac in the hopes of finding a commercial establishment within the next 3 minutes, 2) Pull over and let loose on the side of a busy street or my 3rd choice and the one I chose, to pull in the next driveway, knock on the door of the house and beg to use their bathroom. I was actually counting my money as I staggered to the house, in case I needed to make a serious offer to use their shitter. After pounding on the door, it opened and I was greeted by a young girl about 5 or 6 years old. I looked through the door and not seeing a grownup, and with no other good choice at this moment, I began pleading my case to use their bathroom. To my surprise and great relief, the young girl pointed to a door in the hall. That was all I needed and I practical dove for the door knob. After dropping a bomb that surely got the attention of not only the occupants of the house, but probably all within 3 blocks, I exited the bathroom. As I closed the door to a bathroom that would probably never be the same again, my eyes meet with a middle ages lady quizzical and apparently disturb face. I immediately became to shudder out an explanation as I held out the cash i had removed from my wallet in the way in, figuring I at least owed her that for the damage I had probably done, but was abruptly cut-off by here cracking voice. Just "please leave" was all she could get out, yet her mouth kept moving as I hurried out the door, with my money still in my outstretched hand. I got in my car and looked back to the house on last time, and for the rest of my life, I will never forget the vision of the lady and the young girl starring at me with disbelief as I drove off. And I am pretty sure they will always remember the day the Phanton Shitter came to their home on that Saturday morning.

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Post #: 22

RE: Scat-ology - 2/3/2012 1:36:13 PM

Ninebelowzero

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awesome mate a great bowel trauma story.

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Post #: 23

RE: Scat-ology - 2/3/2012 5:10:16 PM

amaidiamond

Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
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All I can contribute is the day I went to the toilet, and, it was green... Real green.

I thought something reallll bad was going on and panicked, frantically typing "green feces" into google.

Turns out I'd eaten a wholeeee load of asparagus the day before, which has that as a side effect.

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Post #: 24

RE: Scat-ology - 2/3/2012 5:40:04 PM

lthrpup

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Bad gastronomical choices enable me to boast (?!?) that I have soiled myself in three world capitals. If only I could have eroticized it.

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Post #: 25

RE: Scat-ology - 2/3/2012 5:43:44 PM

Ninebelowzero

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Joined: 8/5/2011
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I have a terrible confession to make.

On more than one occasion in Islamic countries I have bent the water pipe from the bum washer on islamic footprint shitters so it's facing downwards & thus unuseable before I have left the premises

No reason other than my personal devil thinks it funny.

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Post #: 26

RE: Scat-ology - 2/3/2012 5:51:13 PM

xssve

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lthrpup

Bad gastronomical choices enable me to boast (?!?) that I have soiled myself in three world capitals. If only I could have eroticized it.

It works, it would take real art to put any more polish on this one.

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Post #: 27

RE: Scat-ology - 2/3/2012 5:51:40 PM

Yachtie

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I don't have any toilet stories, but I have nailed an elevator or two. I can deadpan well enough to make a non-culprit GUILTY.

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Post #: 28

RE: Scat-ology - 2/3/2012 5:53:48 PM

Ninebelowzero

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Joined: 8/5/2011
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Stealth farting should be an Olympic sport.

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Post #: 29

RE: Scat-ology - 2/3/2012 6:34:00 PM

hausboy

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Joined: 9/5/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

It's hard to do this in a toilet because you don't have the range of motion but if you're taking a dump in the woods, do you ever try to put that little curlicue on top like they do with soft serve ice cream at the Tastee Freeze?

Hilly--
I had a friend who threw a wild party...one of his drunken guests took a crap right in the middle of his living room floor and he didn't find it until he was cleaning up the next day. He was this gloriously funny queen who screamed at the top of his lungs:

"Alright! Who the fuck made a sundae in the middle of my living room??!!!!" Still makes me laugh to this day

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Post #: 30

RE: Scat-ology - 2/3/2012 6:39:27 PM

hausboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ninebelowzero

Stealth farting should be an Olympic sport.

I have cleared entire rooms out-- the gold is mine.

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Post #: 31

RE: Scat-ology - 2/4/2012 12:39:20 AM

xssve

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Oh farting? Shit, I became addicted to Watneys draught and hot wings for a time many years ago, served at this local Cantina I frequented - you cannot truly understand the horrific magnitude of the resulting chemical reaction which took place in my bowels. It was like the special effects from a movie: typically, the louder they are, the less they smell, while the silent but deadly variety are usually difficult for even the most dignified to ignore - but these had cabinet rattling volume and hair raising stench, of monumental height, width, and depth, and they simply refused to be held back, but would simply burst forth with no warning. It was quite unbelievable, the only good part about it was that it was so over top that people couldn't help but laugh through the tears.

After a couple of incidents, the last one in a drug store which seemed to go on forever, but was probably only Six or Seven seconds, where everybody in the store stopped and turned around to look, then began jerking their heads spastically, clawing at their faces and dodging away as the miasma inexorably spread. I had choice after that but to forgo drinking Watneys and eating those hot wings forever, although I crave that delectable combination to this day.

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Post #: 32

RE: Scat-ology - 2/4/2012 5:18:32 AM

Hillwilliam

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Joined: 8/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ninebelowzero

Stealth farting should be an Olympic sport.

I taught at an all boys Catholic school.

Stealth farting is an art I perfected very quickly with revenge in mind.

Step 1. Pick kid in class that's being an asshole.

Step 2. Help his neighbor with homework.

Step 3. Stealth fart.

Step 4. Return to desk and observe the fun.

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Post #: 33

RE: Scat-ology - 2/4/2012 5:23:32 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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The bowel of men are a wonderment. See, stories of adventure and intrigue like that are why fart fetishists need to search out men. There is no waay a woman can even approach those levels of ...something. gas, certainly.

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Post #: 34

RE: Scat-ology - 2/4/2012 5:30:01 AM

FrostedFlake

Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

It's hard to do this in a toilet because you don't have the range of motion but if you're taking a dump in the woods, do you ever try to put that little curlicue on top like they do with soft serve ice cream at the Tastee Freeze?

Hilly--
I had a friend who threw a wild party...one of his drunken guests took a crap right in the middle of his living room floor and he didn't find it until he was cleaning up the next day. He was this gloriously funny queen who screamed at the top of his lungs:

"Alright! Who the fuck made a sundae in the middle of my living room??!!!!" Still makes me laugh to this day

Attachment (1)

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Frosted Flake
simul justus et peccator
Einen Liebhaber, und halten Sie die Schraube

"... evil (and hilarious) !!" Hlen5

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Post #: 35

RE: Scat-ology - 2/4/2012 5:31:50 AM

FrostedFlake

Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline

As you can see if you refer to this chart, Santa has a Bristol #4 going, and Hilly? Happy?

Attachment (1)

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Frosted Flake
simul justus et peccator
Einen Liebhaber, und halten Sie die Schraube

"... evil (and hilarious) !!" Hlen5

(in reply to FrostedFlake)

Post #: 36

RE: Scat-ology - 2/4/2012 5:40:48 AM

lilmissdefiant

Posts: 666
Joined: 4/17/2008
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OMG my abs just got a good work out from laughing, thank you too all with there stories lol

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Post #: 37

RE: Scat-ology - 2/4/2012 6:32:16 AM

xssve

Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

The bowel of men are a wonderment. See, stories of adventure and intrigue like that are why fart fetishists need to search out men. There is no waay a woman can even approach those levels of ...something. gas, certainly.

You didn't know my ex.

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Post #: 38

RE: Scat-ology - 2/4/2012 6:35:17 AM

xssve

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It really not that hard, beer and just about anything with vinegar will work: pickled sausage, pickled eggs particularly, probably due to the high sulfur content - just follow that formula and you too can clear entire rooms.

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Post #: 39

RE: Scat-ology - 2/4/2012 6:39:06 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xssve

It really not that hard, beer and just about anything with vinegar will work: pickled sausage, pickled eggs particularly, probably due to the high sulfur content - just follow that formula and you too can clear entire rooms.

Much is made clear to me!!

What are pickled eggs like, anyway?

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Post #: 40

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