What is your goal in training a sub?

What is your goal in training a sub? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master

Message

DrPeppa -> What is your goal in training a sub? (2/5/2012 11:50:53 AM)
I am curious to hear some of your different goals regarding training. For example, would you have a practice of spanking a sub for the purpose of correcting a behavior(punishment), or could the same act be used to increase a subs tolerance to pain(an act of submitting to pain for the dominants pleasure). This is a poor example, but I want to expand my thinking on all the reasons and end results behind training. You see a sub post something like "I am being trained by MasterBater". Well, what is he training her to do or be, what is the end result? What is the real purpose of training.

DesFIP -> RE: What is your goal in training a sub? (2/5/2012 12:14:44 PM)
He taught me what he liked and didn't like. What made it a training period was the focus he put into it, into me. Today, he'll just say "don't make brussel sprouts again" and drop it, There's no intensity.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: What is your goal in training a sub? (2/5/2012 12:16:00 PM)
You train your s-type according to how you want them to be. This doesn't mean you totally remake the person, but all individuals have their specific preferences, and you train your s-type accordingly. For example, my male subs are trained as follows: Do not call me Ma'am or Mistress all the time, b/c I can't stand it. I have a name, use it. Lean how I take my tea. Tea is the beverage of the Goddess, and learning to make it properly is essential to keeping me happy. (I consider ready made canned or bottled tea pure blasphemy.) Don't grovel, beg, or whine unless I tell you to. When I tell you to do something either do it or tell me why you can't. No exceptions. If you can't be obedient w/o a punishment dynamic, then we are not compatible. Here are the Man's basic rules: Don't call me Sir all the time, yada yada, see above. Make it a habit to report on your day at appropriate times. Learn what those times are, and keep me well informed as to your well being and your responsibilities. Don't hit me with 50 million problems the second I get home from work. Don't constantly ask me if I want beverages or food or whatever, I am quite capable of verbalizing my needs. Don't make exotic foods w/o checking with me if I will eat it. Diet coke is the beverage of the God, make sure I always have a supply of caffeinated and caffeine free. See what I mean? How you train a sub is personal. That doesn't mean a sub can't benefit from some basic training, I think many male subs need it. They tend to be so focused on their own needs, they "forget" that putting their dominant first is essential to being a good submissive. I would never use pain/punishment as a part of training. If getting it wrong isn't punishment enough, you have the wrong sub. Some sadists like to train for pain tolerance, which is another discussion.

HisPet21 -> RE: What is your goal in training a sub? (2/5/2012 12:19:16 PM)
quote: "I am being trained by MasterBater". I see what you did there...[:D] Training means different things for different people. Not much more to say then that.

DrPeppa -> RE: What is your goal in training a sub? (2/5/2012 12:21:56 PM)
Thanks for this so far. Yes, I agree it is personal and unique to each. I do like finding out other peoples ideas, you can often glean insight from discussion.

lizi -> RE: What is your goal in training a sub? (2/5/2012 12:45:31 PM)
No training done here, never has been probably never will be. We have a relationship, we have a set structure to it, that's about it. I treat him respectfully as he does me. It's just my opinion, I think training is pretty silly. If someone loves it and all that - great. I just can't take the term seriously as a description for relationship type things.

Endivius -> RE: What is your goal in training a sub? (2/5/2012 12:54:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DrPeppa I am curious to hear some of your different goals regarding training. For example, would you have a practice of spanking a sub for the purpose of correcting a behavior(punishment), or could the same act be used to increase a subs tolerance to pain(an act of submitting to pain for the dominants pleasure). It depends on so many things, that there is really no single right or wrong answer here. What will work for one, will not work for another. Only experience can truely guide you here. quote: This is a poor example, but I want to expand my thinking on all the reasons and end results behind training. You see a sub post something like "I am being trained by MasterBater". Well, what is he training her to do or be, what is the end result? What is the real purpose of training. Training is tailored to the individual, it is not like there is a set rule book everyone uses or a universal set of behaviors and manerisms we all agree on. I have found from personal experience that reward works better than punishment, and a healthy mix of both is usually more effective than an abundance of one or the other. This is not allways the case however.

JanahX -> RE: What is your goal in training a sub? (2/5/2012 12:59:32 PM)
I ALWAYS get asked: are you trained? Its laughable. Trained in what? Potty trained? .. uh yeah, try 38 years ago. There is nothing I do that needs correcting by punishment by another person. negative reinforcement rarely works anyways. Purely fantasy land shit. I see it as a lets pretend game and merely for kink/play purposes.

Focus50 -> RE: What is your goal in training a sub? (2/5/2012 1:01:15 PM)
As the others have related, you're basically teaching your sub how you wanna be served - be it everyday stuff or formal D/s protocol. Here's a rehash of an old post of mine.... How my girl dresses, wears her hair, behaves, speaks, makes my cuppa etc (everyday stuff) is all subject to training. She needs to know how I like such things done and only I can show/teach/train her. Just having her undress (or dress) involves a specific order for clothing items to be removed or replaced. When I call her to me she knows (through training) to always stand close enough so that I can comfortably reach the back of her head but not so close that she's invading my space. She knows to stand with her feet comfortably balanced and hands behind her back. She knows not to slouch. If my tone is disciplinary, she knows to stand bolt upright with feet hard together. She knows to always hold my gaze when I speak or require her to. She knows all answers must end with "Sir" just as all her questions must begin with it. She knows that if I tell her to face right, it's to her right, not mine. She knows if I tell her to bend over, her upper torso is to be parallel with the floor, or as close as she can comfortably manage. She knows it'll sting if she doesn't execute as she was trained. And it just goes on and on.... and on.... I lurv training myself. And yeah, for the geek wannabe doms, she'll know how I like my cock sucked, too.... And you factor in any pet hates, too. One of mine is if we're going somewhere and the girl doesn't have time to do her hair properly. She is absolutely NOT to just pin it up in a bunch like some housewife living in a happy little rut. So she learns that the only acceptable alternative is a tidy ponytail. As for pain, I don't utilise corporal punishment. I smack her arse because I want to, not because she's done something wrong. If she has done something worthy of punishment, I withdraw my attention, NOT ramp it up with a beating etc. And I've never got this "building of pain tolerance". The goal is to get her to zone out into sub-space while I enjoy making her cheeks wobble. I'm not one for wanting cheeks all cut and bleeding. The power trip for me is that I'm doing whatever I feel like to her without being distracted by her suffering rather than enjoying, herself. Since you have gone to the trouble to ask, try to avoid every geek dom's favourite of having her greet you everyday at the door with a blowjob. Mostly, just keep it real - and practical. Subs want to serve; work with her in showing what you want. Welcome to the Boards. Focus.

DrPeppa -> RE: What is your goal in training a sub? (2/5/2012 1:12:22 PM)
quote: I see it as a lets pretend game and merely for kink/play purposes. I find some ritual or role playing training scenarios to be not only fun, but valuable practice here and there. As I alluded in an example to MasterBater, there is some hint of sarcasm towards the whole notion of training as an end unto itself... but training as a natural progression and evolution of a D/s relationship is often always present, however subtle. I see training in vanilla relationships with couples that have no concept of bdsm, D/s, it is subtle in the dialogue. In a ritual or 'fantasy' scenario for fun or for kink purposes, there could be value there for both a Dominant and the sub. Some people are not into such concepts, some live by them.

Focus50 -> RE: What is your goal in training a sub? (2/5/2012 1:13:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lizi No training done here, never has been probably never will be. We have a relationship, we have a set structure to it, that's about it. I treat him respectfully as he does me. It's just my opinion, I think training is pretty silly. If someone loves it and all that - great. I just can't take the term seriously as a description for relationship type things. Even in a vanilla sense, if you've got so much as one item of clothing you like but won't wear when with him because he doesn't like it, you've been (informally) trained. D/s training is just taking it to a higher or more formal level. Of course (whispering), I "may" have done that (clothing item), too. But I'm the Dom, so it doesn't count 'cause it never really happened...! ahem. [8D] Focus.

JanahX -> RE: What is your goal in training a sub? (2/5/2012 1:16:27 PM)
I suppose it also has to do with how deep you are into BDSM / Ds. Some people take this shit like its a religion. Protocal is the WORD. Then theres the level of GOR, the leather folks ... I myself, am not that deep into it, thats why I look at it so lightly. I got too much real life to contend with. I dont got time to be messing around like that.

peppermint -> RE: What is your goal in training a sub? (2/5/2012 1:25:21 PM)
I dislike the word training. It makes me think of tigers jumping through hoops. In our relationship he told me how he liked certain things done. I know how to fix his coffee. I know what kinds of eggs he enjoys. His scotch and water are mixed strong. I know what side of the bed he considers his. As time went on I learned more of his likes and dislikes. I would suppose that after 6 years I know most of them, although sometimes he surprises me with a new food choice.

lizi -> RE: What is your goal in training a sub? (2/5/2012 2:06:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 Even in a vanilla sense, if you've got so much as one item of clothing you like but won't wear when with him because he doesn't like it, you've been (informally) trained. D/s training is just taking it to a higher or more formal level. Of course (whispering), I "may" have done that (clothing item), too. But I'm the Dom, so it doesn't count 'cause it never really happened...! ahem. [8D] Focus. Hahaha....so when she said, "Gosh that looks like my Dad's old shirt" it hit the dustbin. Got it. [:D] Hmmmm, I see what you're saying. In fact, when I read your other post, I caught myself liking it to the point of wishing my man would give me more of a concrete idea of that type of thing. He's funny though, he doesn't like to micromanage but he expects me to read his mind when it comes to appearance. Perhaps that's exactly what you mean then. The lightbulb just went on... You see, the overall shorts don't come out of the closet anymore unless I'm sure I'll be alone for the day as they got a less than favorable reaction at one point. Maybe it's the individual interpretation of the terms then- I'll admit when I hear 'training' I envision every man that's ever tried to pose as a Dom before me with his nose in the air. It's like a knee jerk reaction I have to the word and it makes me look down on it, but maybe I should stop with that. In fact, I think I will. Thanks.

MariaB -> RE: What is your goal in training a sub? (2/5/2012 2:07:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DrPeppa quote: I see it as a lets pretend game and merely for kink/play purposes. I find some ritual or role playing training scenarios to be not only fun, but valuable practice here and there. As I alluded in an example to MasterBater, there is some hint of sarcasm towards the whole notion of training as an end unto itself... but training as a natural progression and evolution of a D/s relationship is often always present, however subtle. I see training in vanilla relationships with couples that have no concept of bdsm, D/s, it is subtle in the dialogue. In a ritual or 'fantasy' scenario for fun or for kink purposes, there could be value there for both a Dominant and the sub. Some people are not into such concepts, some live by them. DrPeppa, you sound like a smart guy with a good bit of common sense. I think you will just take from this what you need. Like some others here, I think training sounds a little silly. I don't see a submissive or slave as an army cadet, I see them as adults and I expect them to be polite, attentive to my needs and most importantly pay attention to what I like and dislike. Its just a case of getting to know me. I think some dominants enjoy this continual role-play scenario and I think some dominants take on a whole heap of hard work just to entertain the submissive. My only advice is, start as you mean to go on. Inconsistency is just confusing.

RaspberryLemon -> RE: What is your goal in training a sub? (2/5/2012 5:25:11 PM)
To me, training was my Master teaching me how he wants me to serve him. It's guidance and communication, and it's very personal to each relationship. One does not need training on how to be a submissive, they need training on how to be YOUR submissive. My Master's goals in "training" me were to have me learn what and how he likes things done--it is an ever ongoing process where I learn his preferences and learn how to cater to my Master specifically. Through his communication with me and his guidance, I learn his likes and dislikes, rituals he expects, habits, how I am to conduct myself and behave... Much of this process is subtle and indirect--simply through our interactions and my desire to please him, it all becomes part of me, part of us. This process of learning to cater to and serve the individual is "training."

sunshinemiss -> RE: What is your goal in training a sub? (2/5/2012 6:10:57 PM)
I like to train the Doms to adore the snot out of me... that's why I bring charm, brains and beauty to the table. What? That's not how it works? snort

Kana -> RE: What is your goal in training a sub? (2/5/2012 9:08:33 PM)
Really I just train em to be/do what I like and don't like w/o being shy about it. Now that doesn't mean being a dick-it just means being firm and consistent

OsideGirl -> RE: What is your goal in training a sub? (2/6/2012 7:44:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DrPeppa You see a sub post something like "I am being trained by MasterBater". Well, what is he training her to do or be, what is the end result? What is the real purpose of training. Typically it's an euphemism for "tie you up, beat you and have sex". I don't like the term "training". Over time has he told me how he likes things, there were no "training" sessions.

DrPeppa -> RE: What is your goal in training a sub? (2/6/2012 9:03:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl Typically it's an euphemism for "tie you up, beat you and have sex". Yes I think this is a large part of what people mean when they are saying they are being trained. In society, women do not want to be considered 'sluts' when having a purely sexual encounter with various people, so dominants and subs have found a concept to rationalize being her being slutty. When there is some hypothetical 'good reason' for the kinky encounter, as in being trained to be a better submissive, then the event becomes no long so much about the sex act, but about the benefits the sub will get out of it on a much larger level. The sex act just becomes a means to the real end, her 'improvement' in some area. I am sure there are exceptions. Personally, I see nothing wrong with this concept if it is fun and I have enjoyed it. I just wanted to see if there was some deeper meaning behind the idea of 'training'. I would never refer to training as something I would do between me and a sub referenced to something as simple as how I want her to fold her clothes for example. In that context, I just express what I want, there is no name given to the process.

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

4.882813E-02