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[Poll]

age gap between partners

5 year gap in age

23% (12)

8 year gap in age

5% (3)

10 year gap

34% (18)

15 year gap

15% (8)

20 or more

21% (11)

Total Votes : 52

(last vote on : 2/23/2012 10:03:11 AM)
(Poll ended: 3/3/2012 12:00:00 AM)

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RE: age gap between partners - 2/14/2012 6:09:08 AM

hellionsLight

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It depends on the people. I can't answer the poll.

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RE: age gap between partners - 2/14/2012 6:20:54 AM

fucktoyprincess

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I think this is very individual, and the ultimate success of any relationship depends on the particular two people involved. Age is, at the end of the day, a number, and that number does not necessarily reflect interests, level of maturity, intelligence, or even level of fitness. So, to the extent compatibility is around other factors, age, in and of itself, shouldn't be a barrier to a relationship where two people hit it off well.

With that said, I've always done better with people closer to my age - so plus or minus 5 is likely ideal for me. I think this is partly due to generational differences, and shared experiences.

I think it is interesting that you put 8 years in your poll because there is research out there that does suggest an age gap of, I believe, 9 years or more (man older, woman younger) has a higher incidence of domestic violence/abuse. Again, this doesn't mean that a large gap necessarily means domestic abuse, but only that the rates are higher the higher the age gap gets between an older man and a younger woman. Researchers believed this had to do with the men in those cases feeling jealous of the woman, and fearful that she would leave them for someone younger, so this resulted in a very controlling relationship that often did lead to violence. Don't know why you chose to put 8 in there, but it did remind me of this research, so thought I would just share that.

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RE: age gap between partners - 2/14/2012 6:29:08 AM

Yachtie

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There was an 11 year difference between me and the ex. That was never a problem. Not currently in a relationship so no gap to report.

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RE: age gap between partners - 2/14/2012 7:04:39 AM

LillyBoPeep

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That research is interesting, fucktoyprincess; some people do get into relationships with huge age gaps for dysfunctional reasons. A lot of criminal couples consist of an older, manipulative person, and a younger, impressionable, do-anything-to-impress person.

I know you're not trying to start a debate or anything, I just sometimes think research like that is kinda limited because it just states "age gap = higher incidence of abuse" but it DOESN'T elaborate on what things are going on in the minds of those people. There are plenty of healthy relationships with a significant age gap that don't have these issues. So research like that wants to make a conclusion, but there are so many exceptions to it, what's the point of the conclusion? Just to scare people?
Statistics can be read any way a person wants to read them -- we also don't know what questions were asked to people, or really how this conclusion was made. It reminds me of the infamous "1 in 3 men will rape you" research, which ALSO showed, that 1 in 3 women believes rape is justified in all sorts of wacky scenarios. People often forget about that half of it it, because the first part is so sensational. =p Plus, the language used to define what rape was was so nebulous, people more than likely were thinking about/talking about totally different things.

I'm attracted to older guys -- 7, 10, 20 years older. Sometimes even 30. Simple attraction vs. a functioning relationship, though -- that's a different thing altogether. But I wouldn't let age prevent me from getting to know someone. You never know what "the right one" might look like, until you find it.

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RE: age gap between partners - 2/14/2012 7:22:19 AM

crazyml

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It's impossible to answer the poll as stated, because I think the acceptable age gap kinda grows with age.

A common metric is "half your age plus 8" (for example).

Personally it just depends on the person... an age difference might indicate a likelihood of our having different outlooks/perspectives/levels of maturity - but it only indicates a likelihood.

Having said that, I really, really do find most women 20 years younger than me to be very very dull.

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RE: age gap between partners - 2/14/2012 7:38:21 AM

OsideGirl

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It's been my experience that relationships tend to work better when both partners are of the same generation. I honestly don't know too many relationships with a large age gap that have lasted beyond a few years.

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RE: age gap between partners - 2/14/2012 7:45:05 AM

Arturas

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quote:

ORIGINAL: realpeoplewanted

veryu good feed back, my Gf is 24 she is exactly 25 years younger then me, we seam to share, I admit she is a slave and a partial daddies girl

Tam is 17 years younger. We've been together about three years or so. SubA was 13 years younger. SubB was 25 years younger and a space cadet geek who like to play middle ages servant girl. SubC was 22 years younger and died of kidney failure in a short period of time.

None of the breakups were due to age but due to a permature death or other incompatibilities like drug use, space cadet behaviour likely at any age and an undivorced husband I discovered on the side. So, maybe age might have made a difference but who could tell when other non-age related differences actually weigh more on a couple than age? I think in all situations but the space cadet case we shared core interests and outlooks and what really tears BDSM couples apart are serious issues that have nothing to do with age, like death and prescription drug abuse, or a character flaw that leads her to forget she is married.

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RE: age gap between partners - 2/14/2012 7:56:34 AM

SoftBonds

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I've always wondered if an age gap is something our bodies expect?
the sex drive of a 18 year old male matches a 35 year old woman, and the sex drive of a 18 year old female matches a 35 year old man. Which perplexed me for a while, but if you think about a tribal society 10,000 years ago, older males would probably be in charge and have first pick of females (by surviving they would have also shown that they had the best genes). So the older, leader males would take the hot young fertile women. The older women would have mated with men who died, so they would pick a young male and teach him the ropes. When she died of old age, he would be old enough to pick a new mate.
A young woman is most fertile, so it doesn't take as much sex to get pregnant, and an older man doesn't have as much energy (remember, we are talking about the time before antibiotics, toothbrushes, etc. so 35 was a lot older for them than us), so both evolved to not have as much sex.
Older women need more sex to get pregnant, and younger men have more energy...
As many have pointed out, there is a mental aspect as well, and that may be more important, also we don't die of old age at 40 any more. Well, not of old age I suspect, but of the combined effects of malnutrition, tooth decay, and infections...

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RE: age gap between partners - 2/14/2012 8:12:34 AM

sincelo

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I think it is interesting that you assume a natural patriarchal society 10 000 years ago as it is today. You should read "Chalice and The Blade" by Riane Eisler

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RE: age gap between partners - 2/14/2012 9:39:42 AM

Alacrity

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My last sub was 20 years my junior. In a private venue she saw me playing with others and was very very curious. She wanted to explore, and I was happy to introduce her to many new experiences. It was very rewarding while it lasted.

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RE: age gap between partners - 2/14/2012 10:31:31 AM

GuggerYou

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My ex was less than half my age we had two kid and were together for 8 years! at pres I have to subs one half my age! personaly I like a good age gap!

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RE: age gap between partners - 2/14/2012 11:37:20 AM

kitkat105

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My first relationship there was a 12 year age difference. Imagine my parents delight when their sick, vulnerable daughter ran off with a 30 year old man. That vanilla relationship lasted 8 years and ended 3 months ago. Since it was physically & emotionally abusive and toxic as hell, it's hard to say whether age difference played a factor. The first 3-4 years were hard, I always felt I needed to make an excuse or justify the age difference.

My current relationship there is 4 years difference. It's lovely.

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Post #: 32

RE: age gap between partners - 2/14/2012 1:21:30 PM

fucktoyprincess

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

That research is interesting, fucktoyprincess; some people do get into relationships with huge age gaps for dysfunctional reasons. A lot of criminal couples consist of an older, manipulative person, and a younger, impressionable, do-anything-to-impress person.

I know you're not trying to start a debate or anything, I just sometimes think research like that is kinda limited because it just states "age gap = higher incidence of abuse" but it DOESN'T elaborate on what things are going on in the minds of those people. There are plenty of healthy relationships with a significant age gap that don't have these issues. So research like that wants to make a conclusion, but there are so many exceptions to it, what's the point of the conclusion? Just to scare people?
Statistics can be read any way a person wants to read them -- we also don't know what questions were asked to people, or really how this conclusion was made. It reminds me of the infamous "1 in 3 men will rape you" research, which ALSO showed, that 1 in 3 women believes rape is justified in all sorts of wacky scenarios. People often forget about that half of it it, because the first part is so sensational. =p Plus, the language used to define what rape was was so nebulous, people more than likely were thinking about/talking about totally different things.

I'm attracted to older guys -- 7, 10, 20 years older. Sometimes even 30. Simple attraction vs. a functioning relationship, though -- that's a different thing altogether. But I wouldn't let age prevent me from getting to know someone. You never know what "the right one" might look like, until you find it.

As I said in my post, this still means there are relationships with a large age gap that do not have any domestic violence. But the fact remains that the rate of domestic violence is higher in those relationships where the age gap is larger. This is the same as saying lung cancer rates are higher in those who smoke. That does not mean that everyone who smokes will get cancer. It also does not mean people who don't smoke will never get lung cancer. But it does mean if you take a 1000 smokers and 1000 non-smokers and follow them over their lifetime that more people in the smokers group will end up with lung cancer than in the non-smoker group. The statistic on domestic violence is the same. It is not saying there isn't domestic violence in people who are close in age. Neither is it saying that all relationships with a larger age gap result in domestic violence. It is only saying the rate is higher in the larger age-gap group. Just like the cancer studies, this study is also not going to be able to tell you which specific relationships with a large age gap might result in domestic violence. Only that the overall rate is higher in that group. And just like the cancer statistics, they are not making them up, but obviously, they do not have a full explanation yet of why cancer occurs in some but not other smokers - in the same way they do not yet fully understand why the rate is higher for large age gaps - but the rate is higher. I hope this helps clarify.

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RE: age gap between partners - 2/14/2012 3:33:18 PM

Arturas

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quote:

there is research out there that does suggest an age gap of, I believe, 9 years or more (man older, woman younger) has a higher incidence of domestic violence/abuse

Was there a global locality where this is more or less true? For example, does this happen in societies where women are treated as cattle and the age difference is pronounced most of the time?

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RE: age gap between partners - 2/14/2012 3:47:53 PM

realpeoplewanted

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

That research is interesting, fucktoyprincess; some people do get into relationships with huge age gaps for dysfunctional reasons. A lot of criminal couples consist of an older, manipulative person, and a younger, impressionable, do-anything-to-impress person.

I know you're not trying to start a debate or anything, I just sometimes think research like that is kinda limited because it just states "age gap = higher incidence of abuse" but it DOESN'T elaborate on what things are going on in the minds of those people. There are plenty of healthy relationships with a significant age gap that don't have these issues. So research like that wants to make a conclusion, but there are so many exceptions to it, what's the point of the conclusion? Just to scare people?
Statistics can be read any way a person wants to read them -- we also don't know what questions were asked to people, or really how this conclusion was made. It reminds me of the infamous "1 in 3 men will rape you" research, which ALSO showed, that 1 in 3 women believes rape is justified in all sorts of wacky scenarios. People often forget about that half of it it, because the first part is so sensational. =p Plus, the language used to define what rape was was so nebulous, people more than likely were thinking about/talking about totally different things.

I'm attracted to older guys -- 7, 10, 20 years older. Sometimes even 30. Simple attraction vs. a functioning relationship, though -- that's a different thing altogether. But I wouldn't let age prevent me from getting to know someone. You never know what "the right one" might look like, until you find it.

I find this all very interesting but I see there is no right or wrong, but what attracts a woman to a guy who is 25 years her senior, does the daddy daughter play dynamic come into the mix. is it something she misses, as some have stated it could be from a child hood thing, or is it from a point of the older male teaching her about her sexuality, re discovering it, could a a life event in the female trigger this.

would you all consider this a healthing relationship or one that would drain the male

< Message edited by realpeoplewanted -- 2/14/2012 3:58:57 PM >

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RE: age gap between partners - 2/14/2012 7:23:44 PM

ShaharThorne

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Bo is 15 years older than me and we had a relationship that lasted for years. We went our separate ways when it got dull.

Right now, I got a Dom mentor who is 72. He bolsters my self esteem, helping me out with my diet and so forth. Its a relationship that I did not expect to develop, but it has.

now if these damned subs read my profile and realize that I am not looking to prostitute myself out to fill their whims (burning their asses with cigarettes, pissing on their face), my day will be complete.

Besides, Bo still loves my titties....and the gallery kitchen is too small to cook in...LOL!

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RE: age gap between partners - 2/14/2012 7:42:48 PM

DesFIP

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The problems with having a partner who is a generation older or younger than you are myriad.
OP, when you go out with friends, does she have anyone there who she can be friendly with? Are the wives of your friends, women your age, interested in being friends with someone the age of their children? If not, what does she do all night besides sit there and look decorative?

What about music? Are you willing to go to concerts that she wants to go to? Can you stay up all night and dance? If not, then when and with whom does she get to do what she likes?

If you go out with her friends, is anyone comfortable talking with you? Do you have anything in common with any of them?

It isn't just about how the two of you relate sexually/kinkwise. If you have children her age, are they comfortable being with a stepmother who may be younger than they are? Are you fine with being estranged from your family? Is she fine with her parents not being comfortable around you?

There's a lot more to a relationship then just sex. Can you share all the other interests that you have with each other?

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RE: age gap between partners - 2/14/2012 9:38:04 PM

Daddysredhead

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My ex-husband is 7 years older than me. My ex-whatever he was, is 1 year older than me. My fiance and partner in WIITWD is 17 years younger than me. I had never even kissed a guy younger than me before a year ago. I think it is less to do with the age than the total person. You click or you don't.

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RE: age gap between partners - 2/15/2012 3:35:21 AM

LillyBoPeep

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Des has some good points, but honestly, not all 20-something females are into the same things.
I like to go out sometimes, every now and again, but I don't need to go dancing every Saturday, nor do I want to. The typical club scene isn't really my scene. I'd be just as happy staying in and watching a documentary. =p It is nice to have someone who's willing to do that sort of stuff with you, though -- if you're always having to go alone, it kinda sucks.

That stuff is important to think about. I don't think you should make EVERY decision based on whether or not friends and family will agree, but if you plan to take a course of action that may alienate everyone you know, then you'd better be prepared for that.

I never thought I'd say this, though, but I actually agree with Arturas -- age doesn't have so much to do with relationship failure as personality issues. A guy I knew in his 40s let a 26 year old girlfriend with serious mental instability alienate a good number of his friends. Had she been his age, the personality issues would still have been the problem.

< Message edited by LillyBoPeep -- 2/15/2012 3:37:41 AM >

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RE: age gap between partners - 2/15/2012 7:16:02 AM

fucktoyprincess

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

quote:

there is research out there that does suggest an age gap of, I believe, 9 years or more (man older, woman younger) has a higher incidence of domestic violence/abuse

Was there a global locality where this is more or less true? For example, does this happen in societies where women are treated as cattle and the age difference is pronounced most of the time?

No, it was either an American or Canadian study. I'm trying to track it down. I've located some very local studies in the U.S. that involve statistics around domestic homicide or near fatalities, and it is making me think that the study I am thinking about was not about domestic violence per se, but, perhaps, domestic homicide (although most domestic homicide cases would also be considered cases of domestic violence). If I locate it I will post a link. I recall reading about it quite vividly, because I recall that the researchers had some hypotheses for why they were seeing the results they were seeing, but I don't think they head any hard and fast explanations for the pattern they saw, and I remember thinking, hmmm, I wonder what might be going on there. And again, the study found a greater risk, but to be interpreted the way I discussed the smoking-lung cancer risks above. It certainly does NOT mean every relationship with a a larger age gap was at risk for this and I certainly was not suggesting that.

I will repeat what I said in my original post because I don't want people to misconstrue my main point:

I think this is very individual, and the ultimate success of any relationship depends on the particular two people involved. Age is, at the end of the day, a number, and that number does not necessarily reflect interests, level of maturity, intelligence, or even level of fitness. So, to the extent compatibility is around other factors, age, in and of itself, shouldn't be a barrier to a relationship where two people hit it off well.

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