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RE: NY unable to find scene. - 2/28/2012 8:42:27 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UnderBlueLight

I have a weird and kind of silly issue. I have a lot of friends who are involved in the Kink scene, however, most of them are out of state. I live sort of near NYC but the Kink scene there seems so overwhelming. I moved out of NYC years ago and find it just too congested now. I am having a hard time with dating. No one I would be able to date around here would be even remotely interested in what I am looking for. And Orange county NY is not the place for a Kink scene. Any suggestions guy? Any ideas? NYC really my own shot?



It's an interesting question, and one I've found myself intrigued with on occasion.

I happen to be one of those over abundantly helpful types....and.....let me say.....I'm here for you.

(in reply to UnderBlueLight)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: NY unable to find scene. - 2/28/2012 9:53:21 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

It's not laziness. To be there at 6:00 PM you need to leave by 3:30. But if you don't get out of work till 5:00 and home till almost 6:00 it's just not possible. Not to mention that you need to get a babysitter and be back in time to get some sleep so you can get up the next day.

For me it's a vision difficulty. I have no night vision. My doctor won't put a restriction on my license as long as I don't drive at night. The bus to the train doesn't run after 10:00 at night so I would have to leave Manhattan by 8:30 to get the last bus.

I can't drive to the munch over an hour away because it would be dark before it ends. And there's almost no public transportation around here. I'm assuming you don't have small kids or any physical disability. But really, do you also go around snatching crutches from people and tell them that they're lazy for using those aids?



DesFIP

I was referring to the OP's post. Not your situation in particular. Nor was I calling her lazy. Your other post indicated the OP could prolly find a local group 30 to 60 mins away, that is not a unreasonable time frame. The point that seem to get lost on you is the OP might have to put forth some effort to find what she is looking for.

Your right Im fit as a fiddle. So Hell ya i go around snatching crutches. The very first one I grab is my mother who is almost blind that I drive everywhere. The second set would be one of my sailing friends who just turned 88 that I pick up and take him to my boat go sail and then drive him home afterward. I suppose the 3rd set would be donating my time one day each week doing repairs at a community outreach center. So take your lame remarks and shove them right up ....

BadOne

< Message edited by SailingBum -- 2/28/2012 10:06:16 PM >

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: NY unable to find scene. - 2/29/2012 7:31:37 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline 		OP,
Perhaps this will help you to see your issue in a different light. Hopefully, it will make the solution more apparent to you.

I've altered your original post to make it about shopping, rather than about kink. Hopefully, when read in a different context, it will make the answer easier to glean.

Here is my revision:

"I have a weird and kind of silly issue. I have a lot of friends who shop at Walmart, however, most of them are out of state. I live sort of near AnytownUSA but the Walmart there seems so overwhelming. I moved out of AnytownUSA years ago and find it just too congested now. I am having a hard time with shopping. No stores I would be able to shop at around here would be even remotely likely to carry what I am looking for. I know that the Walmart in AnytownUSA carries what I need, but it's 20 minutes away. Any suggestions guys? Any ideas?"

Perhaps when placed in this context, the answer is easier to see.

(in reply to UnderBlueLight)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: NY unable to find scene. - 2/29/2012 7:33:26 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Holy fuck, good you are back in form.   All that time without the blue swatch avatar, and I was vainly attempting to grab up a frame of reference.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: NY unable to find scene. - 2/29/2012 7:36:18 AM   
LoreBook


Posts: 257
Joined: 2/22/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

While I used to live in Orange County, at that time I was immersed in the yoga scene, so have no kink advice other than the usual - have you checked fetlife?
I know I'm going to kick myself for asking this, but here goes. What's a "fetlife"?


_____________________________

WITHOUT "ART" THE EARTH IS JUST "EH"



LLT

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: NY unable to find scene. - 2/29/2012 7:37:51 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		another kink site that has an events calendar thats better than ours, since we dont ever use the one we have, we just post in in upcoming instead of a calendar.  and I think theirs goes by state. 

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to LoreBook)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: NY unable to find scene. - 2/29/2012 7:42:17 AM   
LoreBook


Posts: 257
Joined: 2/22/2012
Status: offline 		Oh. Well now I don't feel so dumb for asking, and I'm glad I did. Thanks.

_____________________________

WITHOUT "ART" THE EARTH IS JUST "EH"



LLT

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: NY unable to find scene. - 2/29/2012 7:43:52 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		No one should feel dumb for asking anything about anything here,  other than what type of grease does mistress use on her dildoes......

and you can, as always, quote me.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to LoreBook)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: NY unable to find scene. - 2/29/2012 7:59:27 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		I see listing for groups in Hudson Valley, Poughkeepsie, and Newburgh on fet: https://fetlife.com/administrative_areas/3969

I search by the town, and if nothing comes up, the next biggest town. The OP could also find members in her town and see to what groups they belong.

I was a little daunted by The City when I lived in Orange County, but still made it in a few times.

LoreBook - another nick for fet is FL.









< Message edited by kalikshama -- 2/29/2012 8:01:34 AM >

(in reply to UnderBlueLight)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: NY unable to find scene. - 2/29/2012 9:12:37 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Roch, I understand that we don't know if the op has children or not. However she alludes to anxiety with large crowds. And certainly NYC qualifies as that.

The Newburgh munch died years ago and it was entirely composed of men when a friend at bondage.com tried to get me to attend. Last thing I wanted was to be the only female with a dozen straight men without partners. The Poughkeepsie munch hasn't met in months. There is one in Wappingers Falls. However if she's in Western Orange that's a long drive and for someone with anxiety issues it could be a problem. If she is in Western Orange, then she's closer to Sullivan County but there are no munches there. I'm not sure what's in Pennsylvania near Port Jervis, I've never heard of anything.

If for whatever reason that she hasn't shared with us, she no longer feels capable of doing long drives and then being able to enjoy herself after the drive, she really is out of luck around here. There are several individual men advertising in Orange, but not much of an organized scene.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: NY unable to find scene. - 2/29/2012 5:44:36 PM   
Casteele


Posts: 655
Joined: 12/10/2011
From: Near Sacramento, California, USA
Status: offline 		Is the OP even still around and reading this? At least a lot of the comments and discussion is helpful to anyone who is having difficulty getting involved in their own local communities, or lack thereof.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: NY unable to find scene. - 2/29/2012 7:04:45 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		Who cares? Us posters like to hear ourselves type

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to Casteele)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: NY unable to find scene. - 3/1/2012 1:20:14 AM   
Casteele


Posts: 655
Joined: 12/10/2011
From: Near Sacramento, California, USA
Status: offline 		Sucks to be me, I use one of those membrane keyboards that make no sound. Sometimes I still find myself pounding the keys harder expecting to hear that little click, heh.

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: NY unable to find scene. - 3/1/2012 6:02:10 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LoreBook

Oh. Well now I don't feel so dumb for asking, and I'm glad I did. Thanks.



They charge double, though, for people whose faces look like a paperback.

(in reply to LoreBook)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: NY unable to find scene. - 3/1/2012 11:51:04 PM   
UnderBlueLight


Posts: 13
Joined: 2/7/2012
Status: offline 		Wow. For those of you who have said I was too lazy and then are directing me to other websites to check for information.... what?! That's exactly what I was doing here! What better than to go to the source. I am regretting very much posting to these forums. Yes, on my profile it says I would not think too many people in this area are into what I am looking for. SORRY if I have lived in cities my whole life and now live somewhere where it is much harder to find people, and although I have met some of the most wonderful people ever here, there are not flyers out and about for the next kink, goth, electronic, play party, punk rock show etc. on every corner like there is in San Diego, Seattle or NYC. More people = more varied interests and things to do.

I did not think that many people were responding so I have not checked here for a while. '

For those of you who were nice and trying to be helpful I am grateful and will take your advice.

For those of you telling me to go into NYC SORRY I am over being down town! I just don't feel like it's "my scene" any more. I grew up there, I did it all and I am done! It's an hour and a half drive and going there, drinking, driving home tired on top of working five days a week is not my idea of a pleasant time. Sometimes I think bullies and people who feel the need to be rude or mean on the internet really have no power in their lives and feel the need to take it out on people who can only fight back by typing very very hard.

And Roochsub... don't act like you have any idea who I am or what i am looking for because you are just a freaking bully. Good luck with that.

Also... when did I indicate I had not put forth effort...

On the other hand... don't answer any of this. The original post was an exercise in bad ideas.

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: NY unable to find scene. - 3/2/2012 3:53:08 AM   
MrBukani


Posts: 1920
Joined: 4/18/2010
Status: offline 		If you are lookin for a person I would not exclude any place. Maybe your dream sub just signed up today and lives in NY.
Doesn't mean you have to be in NY, to be with your sub.
If you are lookin for a scene and cant find a match for your desire, you could create your own maybe.
You already have a lot of friends, maybe not near, but you could throw the most badass party with them.
Maybe not every week, but I rather have one great party a year then 10 boring munches or whatever one may call it.
I think there will be many people likin what you like when you express, exactly what you like.
Make it an american party where everybody chips in and you could even make money on it if you're smart selling drinks and all.

(in reply to UnderBlueLight)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: NY unable to find scene. - 3/2/2012 5:26:59 AM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline 		As someone who's living in rural NH I get that it's harder for you to meet kinksters than when you were living in NYC. I think that a lot of the flack you're getting is from people who are used to the dating challenges that rural living creates and they may even be a bit envious that you're only an hour and a half from the kinky mecca that is NYC. Plus some people are just dicks.

That said I'd also recommend fetlife, it's just organised in a way that makes it so much easier to keep up on events and groups in your area.

(in reply to UnderBlueLight)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: NY unable to find scene. - 3/2/2012 5:30:09 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UnderBlueLight

And Roochsub... don't act like you have any idea who I am or what i am looking for because you are just a freaking bully. Good luck with that.



Actually, I am not a bully. If you go back and re-read my responses, you will see that I made helpful suggestions. But if you choose to cast yourself as the victim, that is your choice.

I have been active in the BDSM community for almost 20 years. I have been an officer of many groups in many cities. I have traveled all over the country to attend events. So that is the perspective that I come from.

To me, driving 7 hours to NYC doesn't seem like that great a sacrifice. So it's hard for me to fathom that someone who is 1.5 hours away isn't willing to make that drive. Personally, I've driven from New York to Kentucky to meet a Domme. I've lived in the "Bible Belt" where I had to travel several states to find fellow kinksters. And this is an international website, so I'm sure that there are some on here who will tell you that they aren't aware of a BDSM group or event in their entire country. So many will not understand how someone who lives in close proximity to NYC could possibly think that they have a problem finding kinky folks/events.

But only you know your personal situation and what sacrifices you are willing to make. I don't know you, nor do I know your situation. And frankly, I'm not trying to judge you.

For what it's worth, I have also started groups when I lived in cities that didn't have an existing BDSM community. So that also factors into how I perceive your situation. If it were me, rather than conclude that "no one in the area is into what I'm into", I would instead say, "I'm going to start a munch for all the other kinky people like me who are looking for a local BDSM group".

By using sites like this one and Fetlife, it would be pretty easy to start such a group. If you're interested, I can share information (privately) about how to go about starting a local group.

I hope you don't see this as bullying. Like I said, that was not my intention. I just see the problem very differently than you do. While you see an immovable barrier, I see a mountain to be climbed.

I really do think that your situation is far more manageable than you currently perceive. If I lived in Orange County, I would actually help you start a local group. But since I don't, I will provide any help that I can from afar.

Just remember that how we view a situation is really just a matter of perspective. One person may see a lump of coal, while another sees the potential for a brilliant diamond. Both are right. But one perspective is far more optimistic than the other. Choose optimism.

Good luck in your quest.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 3/2/2012 5:47:50 AM >

(in reply to UnderBlueLight)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: NY unable to find scene. - 3/2/2012 8:03:34 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Wow. For those of you who have said I was too lazy and then are directing me to other websites to check for information.... what?! That's exactly what I was doing here! What better than to go to the source.


Um, CM is NOT a great source for local events. Several of us have mentioned fetlife.com, including me with my helpful links a few posts up.

I don't know why you are focusing on what's irrelevant to you, but I do see that a lot here.

(in reply to UnderBlueLight)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: NY unable to find scene. - 3/2/2012 8:08:24 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UnderBlueLight

Wow. For those of you who have said I was too lazy and then are directing me to other websites to check for information.... what?! That's exactly what I was doing here! What better than to go to the source. I am regretting very much posting to these forums. Yes, on my profile it says I would not think too many people in this area are into what I am looking for.

For those of you who were nice and trying to be helpful I am grateful and will take your advice.

For those of you telling me to go into NYC SORRY I am over being down town! I just don't feel like it's "my scene" any more. I grew up there, I did it all and I am done! It's an hour and a half drive and going there, drinking, driving home tired on top of working five days a week is not my idea of a pleasant time. Sometimes I think bullies and people who feel the need to be rude or mean on the internet really have no power in their lives and feel the need to take it out on people who can only fight back by typing very very hard.




So lemme get this straight instead of you doing a little searching YOU expect us to A. do your search for you as most of us dont live anywhere near NYC. OR B. Do your search for you as most of us dont live anywhere near NYC, CUZ your too lazy to use a couple keywords.

Yep your lazy. BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to UnderBlueLight)
Profile   Post #: 40
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