RE: Trying to get an honest answer about D mandated weight loss (Full Version)

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wolf223 -> RE: Trying to get an honest answer about D mandated weight loss (3/7/2012 7:25:59 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I think there are a number of issues.

1) If some one has never lost a substantial amount of weight, they really have no idea how to do it. They're not in a position of giving advice at that point.

2) Why? Is it because you want the submissive to healthy? Or because you want a hotter girlfriend?

3) I love you, now change.

Let me also add that there are some seriously overweight Dominant men......and I don't see posts about submissives asking their D's to lose weight.



This exactly. what is more important the girl or the package?



heartfeltsub -> RE: Trying to get an honest answer (3/7/2012 8:21:08 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida


quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

I think this is where the difference is and why you might struggle with getting it. For many people their body is them or at least a part of them. An attack on their body is very much a strike at them as a person. I actually think it is rather uncommon for someone like you to have a more detached view of their body to themselves and their identity.

The part I bolded was my personal experience. Society judges us by the way we look. I judged myself that way, and my esteem was greatly (and negatively) affected. Someone telling me I was fat and actually degrading me for it basically confirmed all the tapes already playing in my head - that I was lacking as a person. It created defensive feelings and reactions in me. I suspect that's why many folks react so strongly to such judgments. I had to get my head straight, and love myself as a person, before I could get my body straight.

Having been very large, and now being in shape, it's fascinating to see the difference of how I'm treated by others.



I think this is most people's reaction, thank you both for posting. And congratulations NV on all your hard work, you look fabulous.



RaspberryLemon -> RE: Trying to get an honest answer about D mandated weight loss (3/7/2012 9:42:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kainundeva
i am attracted visually to a certain visual appearance of a girl. it´s my prey pattern ( or do you say predatory pattern? i can´t translate that properly from german ), i see that on the street and it start going RRRRRRRR instantly.

Prey pattern...hm. I like the way that sounds.



chatterbox24 -> RE: Trying to get an honest answer (3/7/2012 9:49:15 AM)

IM almost 45 and have gained the dreaded MID SECTION THINGY. THe thick middle syndrome alot of women get.

There is one answer to it. I need to get off my dead butt and work it off and eat right.............but damn those hershey bars taste sooooooooooooo good.

CUdos to anyone who has stuck it out and accomplished there weight lose goal...SUCH A HARD THING TO DO.....but it feels so good at the end.

Society sadly does view and treat people so different, in many circumstance if you have money, if your thin, if you have a pretty face, if you sane (i had to throw that in! lol)

Thats why we are soooooooo fortunate in life if we find someone who truly loves us and appreciates us for who we are regardless of the external view. THats even better then an SUPER SIZED HERSHEY BARS.[:D]



OsideGirl -> RE: Trying to get an honest answer about D mandated weight loss (3/7/2012 10:09:00 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

I watched a really interesting programme a few weeks ago but can't for the life of me find any links to it.
What scientists have now discovered is, when it comes to diet and exercise, some people are high responders, some are normal responders and others are low responders.
If you are unfortunate enough to be a low responder, then diet will be slow and possibly not work at all and exercise will make little difference. If you are a high responder then its likely you are already an ideal weight or can become an ideal weight very quickly and all exercise you do will have huge benefits to your health and physique.


The movie "Fat Head" is a real eye opener.



SailingBum -> RE: Trying to get an honest answer about D mandated weight loss (3/7/2012 11:39:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

I watched a really interesting programme a few weeks ago but can't for the life of me find any links to it.
What scientists have now discovered is, when it comes to diet and exercise, some people are high responders, some are normal responders and others are low responders.
If you are unfortunate enough to be a low responder, then diet will be slow and possibly not work at all and exercise will make little difference. If you are a high responder then its likely you are already an ideal weight or can become an ideal weight very quickly and all exercise you do will have huge benefits to your health and physique.
I don't know how you would find out what you are. I suppose its guess work. I for example can out run much more dedicated runners after only a few weeks training and whilst I'm training I have to eat lots of fuel because I burn too many calories. That probably means I am a high responder. I'm also a fairly serious cyclist but some of the people I cycle with still have to be really careful about what they eat. I on the other hand don't.

There is a couple we know where he's as skinny as a zip and she's constantly struggling with her weight. He suggested she only eat carbs in the morning and protein in the afternoon and radically cut her portion size down which she has rigidly done and he suggested she walk the mile to work and the mile home, which she does rain or shine. This started a year ago and to date she has hardly lost an ounce. I can't even start to comprehend how depressing that must be for her and after watching that programme it dawned on me that she's probably a none responder.




I got one word to say BULL SHIT so it's like 8 words. Of course many ppl with use that as a excuse <oh I must be a low responder> to keep from getting off there fat ass, to exercise and stop stuffing their face.

BadOne



Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: Trying to get an honest answer (3/7/2012 11:43:05 AM)

heartfeltsub,

There's always been a number of topics which are touchy on here. One thing I've noticed is that often it's who makes the posting verses the topic itself. Also the way people word things can set a thread off into the flames of Hell.

I really don't use the message board that much anymore because I feel I got everything humanly possible that I could out of it.

There's a certain attraction/gravitation many people have towards trolling for topics, looking for opportunities to bash on other people. After awhile this pattern become clear with the amount of people flip flopping on topics.

It is what it is.



heartfeltsub -> RE: Trying to get an honest answer (3/7/2012 11:47:48 AM)

Whiplash,

That does definitely seem to be part of it.

thank you for replying,
heartfelt



Iamsemisweet -> RE: Trying to get an honest answer (3/7/2012 11:58:40 AM)

Oddly, having a "diet dom" is actually working for me. 
I am one of those people who struggle with their weight.  For pretty much my whole life, despite being active and largely watching what I eat, I seem to always be carrying a few extra pounds.  I recently starting working with a personal trainer, who has pretty much mandated what I eat and how much I exercise.  Oh, and he has completely forbidden drinking alcohol.  Yes, I know I am paying him, and it isn't exactly like having your partner tell you to lose weight, but there are certainly some parallels.  I trust him, he has educated himself, and what he says invariably works.  Plus, he is absolutely a hunk and I want to impress him. 
Works better than Weight Watchers, I will tell you that.



Arturas -> RE: Trying to get an honest answer about D mandated weight loss (3/7/2012 1:14:38 PM)

quote:

In that case, since not everybody who reads these threads has been doing so for years,


[sm=yourock.gif]



LaTigresse -> RE: Trying to get an honest answer about D mandated weight loss (3/7/2012 1:21:01 PM)

Suuuuuup tamistar, howz the Wii treating you?



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Trying to get an honest answer about D mandated weight loss (3/7/2012 1:25:57 PM)

She is plateau-ing according to the FB, but forging ahead! I am liking the cunning new avatar.



JeffBC -> RE: Trying to get an honest answer (3/7/2012 1:43:25 PM)

Well, since I'm not one of the people who goes nuts over it, I'll go ahead and explain why it is not an issue between Carol and I although it used to be pre-collar.

For Carol and I, that issue became not loaded once it became MY body. So it isn't HER body which is too fat, too slim, too weak, too whatever... it's MY body. Why is she having any opinion at all about it? For us, the word "ownership" means just what it says and I own her... including her body. As an interesting note, I also own her self image. I have adjusted both in the past to meet whatever needs I found in the moment. Sometimes she's looking to round to me and I put her on a diet and the elliptical trainer. Other times, she looking too round to her and I tell her that she's fine as it is -- a command between us, not a suggestion.

Right along with that... any sense of guilt or shame which might attach to MY body's current properties is also MY guilt and shame. That isn't some theoretical thing. I control what she eats and how much she exercises. In short, I directly control all the dials and switches which govern her shape, level of physical fitness, and general health. So if there's some problem, it isn't her problem, it's mine.

So for Carol and I, the simple fact that none of those concerns are hers got us out of the whole thing. That doesn't mean that she doesn't want to lose a bit of weight right now. She still has some opinions about her physical appearance, but I don't think she finds anything judgemental about me commenting on the features of the body that belongs to me. It's really not any different than me saying, "Man, I need to defrag my hard drive because this PC is bogging down."



heartfeltsub -> RE: Trying to get an honest answer (3/7/2012 1:47:18 PM)

Thanks for your reply Jeff. May I ask if Carol would agree with your last statement about how she might hear a comment about weight or exercise?

Thanks in advance,
heartfelt



JeffBC -> RE: Trying to get an honest answer about D mandated weight loss (3/7/2012 2:11:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub
The part about not having control makes it impossible to give that control to someone else makes a great deal of sense.

Actually, I'm not sure that "control" is the right word here. Or, at least, there are two different aspects to control.

Carol, for instance, is too attracted to calories for her own good. So left to her own devices in this highly caloric environment us humans have created, she puts on weight. She finds it near impossible to make good choices all throughout the day each and every day. I totally understand that.

However, I'm not asking Carol to do any such thing. I'm asking her to do one simple thing... obey. If I needed to, I'd simply tell her that she was to put nothing in her mouth that didn't come from my hand. In that way, we're replacing her [faulty] food judgement with mine and the problem goes away. If I gave her that command, I have changed the nature of the judgement she is exercising. Now, rather than judging whether she should go ahead and eat those potato chips or not she's judging whether she wishes to be mine or not. She finds much more strength in that area than she does in areas like diet & exercise.

I've been often amused at how things she "cannot do" on her own, she can do at my command. Somehow, she shrugs off all the negative aspects with a mental, "Well, I don't have any choice so...." It's a neat trick.

edited to answer that last question
On this one I checked with her before I posted. She agreed with the post in it's entirety including particularly the detachment at any comment's I make about the body she gave to me. But perhaps I should get her to post. She conceptualizes the entire world differently so even when we agree she's going to be "agreeing out of a different door" and I often find interesting stuff by comparing the viewpoints.



heartfeltsub -> RE: Trying to get an honest answer about D mandated weight loss (3/7/2012 2:17:58 PM)

It does work for some of us, if obedience is instilled to that level, when there is no choice then what would have been impossible to do on one's own becomes doable.

Thanks again Jeff for the reply.

heartfelt



CarolBC -> RE: Trying to get an honest answer about D mandated weight loss (3/7/2012 3:03:40 PM)

Hi heartfelt - in the old vanilla days if Jeff said I was a bit too heavy, or if he commented that I eat too much, I got steamed. I wouldn't deny it or say much about his comments, even tho it infuriated me - because it was true and I didn't have any defense. Interestingly, our first steps into M/s were around food & exercise. He challenged me to let him dictate my diet & exercise for 3 months...I thought about it, we talked and we settled for one month. Those were my first bona fide submissions. I was surprised at his consideration - he didn't ask for anything outrageous, and he constantly asked where my head was at so he could adjust accordingly. I learned to trust that he was worthy of the task and wasn't out to make my life miserable. If I had a bad day, he'd be lenient. He was sort of what I would be if I had good self-control.

We're much further down the M/s path now, and I have more skills at my disposal. He loves owning me, so owned I am... and I'm comfortable with his diet and exercise commands. That's a result of past experience - I trust his commands won't be mean-spirited and I also know now that I can adjust to a low calorie diet. I don't get mad when he says I'm getting a little too round - hey, it's not my problem! It's his body...start giving me commands if you don't like it! In my head I have a 'okay-whatever' sort of attitude, a kind of roll with the punches. As time goes by I get better at that. I'm better at that in some areas more than others, but diet and exercise are no longer hot buttons.

Also, remember relationships are complex. I recently told him to get the elliptical trainer dusted off because I wasn't happy with my extra pounds. He didn't seem to mind!



heartfeltsub -> RE: Trying to get an honest answer about D mandated weight loss (3/7/2012 3:41:15 PM)

Thank you very much Carol for your response, it was very helpful. Thank you for the insight into your mindset.

heartfelt



JeffBC -> RE: Trying to get an honest answer about D mandated weight loss (3/7/2012 4:15:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CarolBC
If I had a bad day, he'd be lenient. He was sort of what I would be if I had good self-control.

"Lenient" isn't exactly the right word although it probably looks that way to Carol. All too often people want "total" ownership of only the good stuff. So, to this example, someone wants to be able to control the weight, diet, and exercise but does not want to deal with the emotions and "boring life stuff". I took the whole enchilada which makes the whole thing a lot simpler and a lot more "fair". Sure, I get to tell her to diet. Then again, I also treat her emotional distress as I would my own which sometimes includes a tub of ice cream. In the last year, we've done 3 moves... two of them crossing a border. I'm content with a slightly rounder Carol given the year we've had. Now that things are settled down, we can work off a few kilos (how Canadian of me, eh?).

quote:

He loves owning me, so owned I am...

I can't quite figure out why but that just made me smile!!!.



OsideGirl -> RE: Trying to get an honest answer about D mandated weight loss (3/7/2012 5:30:33 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
Sure, I get to tell her to diet. Then again, I also treat her emotional distress as I would my own which sometimes includes a tub of ice cream.
Here's the key. Real life happens. All too often, we see some unrealistic plan given to a submissive and then no emotional support is given. In most cases, that's going to backfire.

I know a female submissive that was told she would be released if she didn't lose weight. The dominant gave her what her thought was a "healthy" diet. It turned out what he gave her was loaded with simple carbs and actually caused her to gain weight. He chewed her out and threatened her some more. In desperation, she started taking meth. Yup, she lost weight. She also ended up an addict.



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