RE: you can never go back, once Pandora's box is open~!

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RE: you can never go back, once Pandora's box is open~! - 11/19/2004 8:19:44 AM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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quote:

...i want so badly to be able to play the dynamics in such a way that my service to him is just to love him the way he is, and i DO love him the way he is, but something will always be missing for me. i don't want to be the kind of equal he needs me to be, although i do my best..

I find that very interesting if i am interpretting it right. Are you saying you are submitting to him without him realizing it by being his equal because that is what he wants? Have you ever really told him him your desires in a serious discussion? I never thought Hubby would understand either, but it turns out He did and He is now my Dom.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

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RE: you can never go back, once Pandora's box is open~! - 11/19/2004 9:10:54 AM

sprite67

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Joined: 11/15/2004
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Oh, we have had many discussions - wonderful, difficult, productive and destructive conversations, and we each do our best to meet the other's needs and to fulfil them, and yet there is a disconnect because of the intensity of my need and his clear lack of a corresponding need... we do well - it is a lovely give and take. But nothing other than being possessed fully, and being able to give myself over fully into the trust of my partner will match those previous experiences - and that dynamic is not one that he wishes, except in pieces and parts, to make me happier, or to play a game, and so on...which is less than 100% complete. Certainly we are closer than we've ever been. And we are each learning so much as we learn to more and more be what we need to be to fulfill ourselves and the potential of our relationship through eachother...it's of course an ongoing, lifelong process of growth!

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RE: you can never go back, once Pandora's box is open~! - 11/20/2004 8:49:08 AM

dally

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Joined: 10/27/2004
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through my own experience with my ex husband i personally had to come to the conclusion that he simply was never going to be the man i wanted...it just was not in him, and i definately did not want anything forced and had no intention of changing him since i know thats a fruitless effort ...besides the whole dynamics of a D/s relationship, for me at least, is in knowing that i am pleasing my dom that i am filling that deep desire that is inside of him, and in turn that fulfills my own desires. I want to be able to submit to someone that will truly value that and cherish it. My ex husband never had a clue about any of my wants or desires, and he is just the kind of man that is fulfilled by leading a very vanilla life, he's happy just going to work, coming home having his dinner ready and in between a simple hassle free screw...ugh, i hate to sound so blunt, but hey that was my marriage in a nut shell. He needed my guidance in most of what he did, i pretty much had to take charge in almost every aspect of our relationship and our lives...so, of course, i was miserable and the time finally came when i had to really see my life for what it was, and see him for who he really is, i did a lot of soul searching and realized i did not want to grow old with him.
Towards the end of my marriage I was just so unhappy, and a lot of it came about after I discovered the lifeystyle, once I "opened that pandora's box" it changed everything for me....I would say it's like someone who lived their entire life in a communist country, who didn't know anything else, who was deprived of freedom, of all the good things life has to offer, but they did not know it, so how could they really understand what it was they were missing? But then, that person learns of a different life where he can speak freely, see the fruits of his labor, etc... how could that person just continue living contently in a place he now knows for certain is not where he wants to be? well....that's how i felt...whoa i just realized how much i've rambled on here, sorry : )
It's obviously a subject which stirrs up a lot of emotion in me.
Anyhow, it's been three years since we seperated and divorced, and I have never had the slightest regret or doubt that I made the right decision. I am currently single, yet I have never again felt the lonliness I felt during my marriage.

~hugs~
dally

"And those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music" -Angela Monet

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RE: you can never go back, once Pandora's box is open~! - 11/20/2004 1:52:33 PM

RaeRae39

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Joined: 10/26/2004
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Dally,
What you wrote about your marriage was just like mine. I had a feeling of being stuck for years, yet excepting it, thinking, this is the way it's supposed to be right? And the worst is not having that life's spark. Not that every day is great for anyone, but, not living your "truth" is worse. The weird thing is, when I get together with my "vanilla" girlfriends, and they talk of their marriages, they all complain about not having a sex life any more, or their lack of intimacy with there guys. Being in a Dom/Sub relationship is so different. But, I don't dare say anything to these girls, they would think I was nutso~! LoL. Any way, I really related to what you wrote.
Raerae

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RE: you can never go back, once Pandora's box is open~! - 11/21/2004 7:46:20 AM

transmarylove

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i am lost in this sight can anyone tell me how you join the chat roomand be able to talk in it as others do

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RE: you can never go back, once Pandora's box is open~! - 11/22/2004 12:09:23 AM

Estring

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Click on chatrooms.

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RE: you can never go back, once Pandora's box is open~! - 12/5/2004 12:41:58 AM

Wolfsbabygirlz

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hi there ..... Just wanted to say how much I agreed with what you said. There's no way or satisfaction going back to the :"normal" scene once you've experienced the passion that dwells inside. im a newbie to my chosen lifestyle, but ive always been sub with no one to share it with. I finally feel im right where I belong which is both scary from change and exciting to find home. Ive had the good fortune of meeting my perfect Dom/Sir. He's more than I could ever ask for, all my love for him.
-Wolfsbabygirlz

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