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RE: Why be who your not? - 3/18/2012 6:45:03 AM

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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I have to ask, would you be so concerned about this issue if the submissive was male?

And, I totally am not getting the "misrepresentation" as you call it. People are allowed to evolve over time.

That *you* have someone pegged as 100% sub does not mean everyone does. Switches often comment about how different people bring out different sides to their personality. I know this is true of me.

Your one size fits all approach to BDSM tends not to play well here in the forums. Nonetheless, I welcome you to the discussion side of CM.

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RE: Why be who your not? - 3/18/2012 8:59:20 AM

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
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Ah yes, another new poster with 2 billion years experience here to tell us the one true way. Thank god for that. I'd been feeling a bit lost.

F/for sta/Arters, W/we do not all U/use F/funky and I/im/Pos/sible to R/read type here. S/soM/m of us/S finD/d it haR/rd to read (wasn't that last word refreshing?).

Now, on to the meat... such as it is. Yes, we are all born some way. But that way is WAY THE HELL too complicated for me or you to understand. That is, of course, unless you are born with insights into human nature that I normally attribute to God. Heck, I have a hard enough time understanding myself. I can mostly understand Carol. But now you think you can understand everyone on the face of the planet and fit them into your nice, neat little boxes? You go boy. Let me know how it works out for you.

Next, I'm really glad that you have some sort of sense of what is and is not "a dom" in your head. The sad news for you is that even very basic words in the BDSM lexicon like "dominance" are pretty much totally undefined. So while I get it that a true dom in your head, is something that exists and can be identified at birth, I do not share your confidence that life is quite that neat and tidy. And, it's really clear to me reading this one post of yours that your definition of dominance is not the same as mine. So what does it mean when two people look at each other and feel the other is "not a true dom". Must it be true that one is right and one is wrong or do you see other alternatives?

Moving on, while I agree that people should strive to be authentic, I think I've heard much better ways to say it. Maria Shriver put it quite succinctly... "I promised myself I would attend my own life as myself." The trick, of course, is figuring out what myself is. Most people I know struggle with that. I think it's really neat that you don't... not just for yourself but for the entire world around you.

Finally, I have a question for you. What prompted you to come here and spout that piece of internet wisdom? Did you feel that, perhaps, we were all confused and you'd enlighten us? Now that you've informed me that I'm not a "true dom" how, exactly, do you think that has enriched my life? I'm asking that as a serious question. Trust me on this... I'm not offended that you don't find me "true". But it does beg the question of "so what?"

You later said, "It appears my post has taken a turn from it's intent...." Great. Because the way it read was, in fact, pretty freakin rude. So what WAS it's intent? You simply wanted to say, "Hey people, try not to lie to and deceive and generally be ass-hats." Seriously?

< Message edited by JeffBC -- 3/18/2012 9:01:06 AM >

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officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to wintersnowdom63)

RE: Why be who your not? - 3/18/2012 9:05:43 AM

Posts: 52100
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From: Savannah, GA
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*adores Jeff*

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(in reply to JeffBC)

RE: Why be who your not? - 4/2/2012 12:31:24 AM

Posts: 33
Joined: 8/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

Ah yes, another new poster with 2 billion years experience here to tell us the one true way. Thank god for that. I'd been feeling a bit lost.

F/for sta/Arters, W/we do not all U/use F/funky and I/im/Pos/sible to R/read type here. S/soM/m of us/S finD/d it haR/rd to read (wasn't that last word refreshing?).

Now, on to the meat... such as it is. Yes, we are all born some way. But that way is WAY THE HELL too complicated for me or you to understand. That is, of course, unless you are born with insights into human nature that I normally attribute to God. Heck, I have a hard enough time understanding myself. I can mostly understand Carol. But now you think you can understand everyone on the face of the planet and fit them into your nice, neat little boxes? You go boy. Let me know how it works out for you.

Next, I'm really glad that you have some sort of sense of what is and is not "a dom" in your head. The sad news for you is that even very basic words in the BDSM lexicon like "dominance" are pretty much totally undefined. So while I get it that a true dom in your head, is something that exists and can be identified at birth, I do not share your confidence that life is quite that neat and tidy. And, it's really clear to me reading this one post of yours that your definition of dominance is not the same as mine. So what does it mean when two people look at each other and feel the other is "not a true dom". Must it be true that one is right and one is wrong or do you see other alternatives?

Moving on, while I agree that people should strive to be authentic, I think I've heard much better ways to say it. Maria Shriver put it quite succinctly... "I promised myself I would attend my own life as myself." The trick, of course, is figuring out what myself is. Most people I know struggle with that. I think it's really neat that you don't... not just for yourself but for the entire world around you.

Finally, I have a question for you. What prompted you to come here and spout that piece of internet wisdom? Did you feel that, perhaps, we were all confused and you'd enlighten us? Now that you've informed me that I'm not a "true dom" how, exactly, do you think that has enriched my life? I'm asking that as a serious question. Trust me on this... I'm not offended that you don't find me "true". But it does beg the question of "so what?"

You later said, "It appears my post has taken a turn from it's intent...." Great. Because the way it read was, in fact, pretty freakin rude. So what WAS it's intent? You simply wanted to say, "Hey people, try not to lie to and deceive and generally be ass-hats." Seriously?

Awesome.

(in reply to JeffBC)

RE: Why be who your not? - 4/2/2012 2:49:24 AM

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta

I agree, there's no point in lying about what you want when looking in the BDSM lifestyle. So why haven't you gone up to her and told her "I liked you better when I could walk all over you and you'd just cringe like a good little girl" yet?

I got that tone from the OP's post. Between the lines, he seems a bit butthurt.

To me, between the lines, he seems mysonogistic and probably covering up a lack of self esteem in himself.

There is no such thing as a "true" dominant, or a "true" submissive or slave. As anyone can see based on the statements here, often their dominant or submissive nature is only evident with the partner they have made that connection with.

A dominant or submissive nature is more how one is raised as opposed to how one is born, and even that could go either way, since often those who were brought up to be very much one way "rebel" of a sort and become the complete opposite.

I don't know why, but it never ceases to amaze me that some people feel such a need to join the site seemingly for no other purpose than to share their "wisdom" and tell the rest of us exactly what BDSM is. It's one thing when someone says what it means for them, but that's so rare. Usually, it is fools like the OP who are all fired up sure they have the definition for everyone. When they do it without being able to use proper grammar, it just becomes even more amusing.

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

RE: Why be who your not? - 4/2/2012 3:02:47 AM

MissKittyDeVine

Posts: 1054
Joined: 9/24/2011
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OP´s obviously been awarded his Twue Dom certificate from a group of lords in Europe.

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RE: Why be who your not? - 4/2/2012 7:04:17 AM

Posts: 137
Joined: 3/29/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wintersnowdom63

Recently I was informed of a submissive I have know for over 12 years is attmepting to become a domme. Through disappointments in her life, her age and other challenges she informed Me that she was going to turn into a domme and asked My advise. she stated she was going to find a male slave to do what she wants because of her control issues, yet she informs the slaves she is conversing with that they will have to understand when she has to be with her Dom.
her struggle is with trust and insecurities so she feels she needs to control every aspect of life. For those just exploring this wonderful lifestyle there are 3 things you should understand completely.
1. We/we are all born the way We/we are. We/we can not change who or what is at Our/our core. We/we can attempt to mask what is there but in time your core will surface.
2. Control is not Dominance. When you are near a true Dom, you as a submissive or slave can tell without ever interacting with them. So to role play as a dom is acceptable as long as those who are seeking a dom know the moment is a role play setting. Otherwise you are no different than the preditors who falsely portray who they are for the purposes of hurting others.
3. To reach subspace and other wonderful moments in this lifestyle are only achievable when you open yourself, make a committment and be accepting and receptive to what is there. If you chose the position or mindset above you are only in a moment of fantacy and not reality.

Master Snow

1) The slash speak makes me stutter in my head. Master and I never use it, and we find it confusing, lol.
2) Control is his dominance. He has to physically and mentally take control to make me do things. It's because I'm stubborn, actually a switch, and it turns me on to be forced into something I think I don't want to do.
3) You can reach 'subspace' when you aren't in a 'commitment'. I know people who scene with a person they are not 'committed' to, and subspace is reached.

I am tempted to correct the spelling mistakes in the quote, but I won't.

Are you the type to believe that 'switches' don't exist?

_____________________________

LIGHTS
(hellionsLight)

http://anewslave.blogspot.com

(in reply to wintersnowdom63)

RE: Why be who your not? - 4/2/2012 7:15:19 AM

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Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: wintersnowdom63

1. We/we are all born the way We/we are. We/we can not change who or what is at Our/our core. We/we can attempt to mask what is there but in time your core will surface.

Okay, but can we change typing like this, "We/we"?
So, basically in your world "once a submissive, always a submissive." Allow me to point out.....you don't know what her "core" is.

quote:

2. Control is not Dominance. When you are near a true Dom, you as a submissive or slave can tell without ever interacting with them. So to role play as a dom is acceptable as long as those who are seeking a dom know the moment is a role play setting. Otherwise you are no different than the preditors who falsely portray who they are for the purposes of hurting others.

A true Dom? Define please.

Next.....there are plenty of vanilla people who are alpha or have a dominant personality....who aren't Doms. I've met dozens of submissives that couldn't tell the difference between dominant, domineering, their elbow or their ass.

quote:

3. To reach subspace and other wonderful moments in this lifestyle are only achievable when you open yourself, make a committment and be accepting and receptive to what is there. If you chose the position or mindset above you are only in a moment of fantacy and not reality.

How trite and completely narrow minded.

_____________________________

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to wintersnowdom63)

RE: Why be who your not? - 4/2/2012 7:55:25 AM

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Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
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Humans are just plain amazing!!! As a daughter I can run to my mother for comfort. Later in the day I can be a mother providing that very same comfort to my own daughter. Yes, I was born a daughter, however, life made me a mother as well. We are so very complex and so very adaptable. That complexity means we have choices. We are never confined to living our lives in a box that allows no chance of experiencing life outside that box.

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Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to wintersnowdom63)

RE: Why be who your not? - 4/2/2012 9:15:48 AM

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Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

3. To reach subspace and other wonderful moments in this lifestyle are only achievable when you open yourself, make a committment and be accepting and receptive to what is there. If you chose the position or mindset above you are only in a moment of fantacy and not reality.

Simply taking a beating works for me

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(in reply to wintersnowdom63)

RE: Why be who your not? - 4/2/2012 9:20:04 AM

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Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

1. We/we are all born the way We/we are. We/we can not change who or what is at Our/our core. We/we can attempt to mask what is there but in time your core will surface.

When I was 19, I was a Munitions Systems Specialist in the USAF. Less than 20 years later, I was a yoga teacher living on an ashram. People change.

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(in reply to wintersnowdom63)

RE: Why be who your not? - 4/2/2012 9:41:35 AM

tng

Posts: 57
Joined: 6/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wintersnowdom63

Recently I was informed of a submissive I have know for over 12 years is attmepting to become a domme. Through disappointments in her life, her age and other challenges she informed Me that she was going to turn into a domme and asked My advise. she stated she was going to find a male slave to do what she wants because of her control issues, yet she informs the slaves she is conversing with that they will have to understand when she has to be with her Dom.
her struggle is with trust and insecurities so she feels she needs to control every aspect of life. For those just exploring this wonderful lifestyle there are 3 things you should understand completely.
1. We/we are all born the way We/we are. We/we can not change who or what is at Our/our core. We/we can attempt to mask what is there but in time your core will surface.
2. Control is not Dominance. When you are near a true Dom, you as a submissive or slave can tell without ever interacting with them. So to role play as a dom is acceptable as long as those who are seeking a dom know the moment is a role play setting. Otherwise you are no different than the preditors who falsely portray who they are for the purposes of hurting others.
3. To reach subspace and other wonderful moments in this lifestyle are only achievable when you open yourself, make a committment and be accepting and receptive to what is there. If you chose the position or mindset above you are only in a moment of fantacy and not reality.

Master Snow

Whaaa?
Want to try that again in English?

_____________________________

If the above makes sense -- you probably misread it.

(in reply to wintersnowdom63)

RE: Why be who your not? - 4/2/2012 10:55:49 AM

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Joined: 2/19/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: masterofholly

quote:

When you are near a true Dom, you as a submissive or slave can tell without ever interacting with them.
Yeah. That's because we all glow in the dark.

quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

Don't make snarky comment about how true masters glow....don't make snarky comment about how true masters glow...must resist....

DAMN IT!

(in reply to masterofholly)

RE: Why be who your not? - 4/2/2012 11:02:11 AM

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I <3 GS. Love that fucking post in the other thread, and now it has appeared here to brighten up the day :D

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RE: Why be who your not? - 4/2/2012 3:04:34 PM

Posts: 16
Joined: 3/16/2012
Status: offline

I am a psychology major and have been law enforcement and gotta tell you there is no definite way a person is or isn't... I am disabled and in a wheelchair and had been told I was supposed to be a vegetable etc etc. With things like that I let people walk all over me for a while. After getting a job working as security and doing things with the police department my nature changed to being dominant, it had to because lets face it, a badge of any kind paints a target in most areas, add a wheelchair and you do not have much chance of success unless you are dominant.

So, yes, you can change like that as you grow, as others here have said.

(in reply to Endivius)

RE: Why be who your not? - 4/2/2012 9:29:35 PM

domincalifornia

Posts: 88
Joined: 6/7/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wintersnowdom63

Recently I was informed of a submissive I have know for over 12 years is attmepting to become a domme. Through disappointments in her life, her age and other challenges she informed Me that she was going to turn into a domme and asked My advise. she stated she was going to find a male slave to do what she wants because of her control issues, yet she informs the slaves she is conversing with that they will have to understand when she has to be with her Dom.
her struggle is with trust and insecurities so she feels she needs to control every aspect of life. For those just exploring this wonderful lifestyle there are 3 things you should understand completely.
1. We/we are all born the way We/we are. We/we can not change who or what is at Our/our core. We/we can attempt to mask what is there but in time your core will surface.
2. Control is not Dominance. When you are near a true Dom, you as a submissive or slave can tell without ever interacting with them. So to role play as a dom is acceptable as long as those who are seeking a dom know the moment is a role play setting. Otherwise you are no different than the preditors who falsely portray who they are for the purposes of hurting others.
3. To reach subspace and other wonderful moments in this lifestyle are only achievable when you open yourself, make a committment and be accepting and receptive to what is there. If you chose the position or mindset above you are only in a moment of fantacy and not reality.

Master Snow

Personally, I found your post to be a heaping pile of BS.

Who the hell are you to decide who someone else is at their core or to decide they can't become something else?

Why should anyone care what your opinion of being "a true dom" (a phrase I detest).

And so what if someone wants moments of fantasies. Heck my guess is that is what the majority of people on this site want, and there's nothing else wrong with that.

So overall, I'd say: Live your own life, and let other people live theirs.

(in reply to wintersnowdom63)

RE: Why be who your not? - 4/2/2012 10:22:05 PM

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From: Sailin the stormy sea
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Wonders if the OP has ever changed his mind???

BadOne

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RE: Why be who your not? - 4/3/2012 1:01:18 AM

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Joined: 7/3/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: wintersnowdom63

1. We/we are all born the way We/we are. We/we can not change who or what is at Our/our core. We/we can attempt to mask what is there but in time your core will surface.

I pretty much agree that we can't change what is at our core, or at least that it is likely to be a fabulously complicated thing to try to do. But, it seems to me that you've just described a situation in which the person is in the process of discovering her "core".

I'm sensing that you feel that you know better than her, and that may be true, but even if you have a better and more insightful take on what her core is, I'd bet that there's nothing you can do about it - she needs to discover her own personal truth, her own way.

quote:

2. Control is not Dominance. When you are near a true Dom, you as a submissive or slave can tell without ever interacting with them. So to role play as a dom is acceptable as long as those who are seeking a dom know the moment is a role play setting. Otherwise you are no different than the preditors who falsely portray who they are for the purposes of hurting others.

Firstly this whole "dom aura" riff strikes me as horseshit. Dominant people come in all shapes and sizes. Secondly, I'm sensing a lot of judgement - I think that someone looking to discover herself is about as far as it is possible to be from a predator who is falsely portraying themselves.

quote:

3. To reach subspace and other wonderful moments in this lifestyle are only achievable when you open yourself, make a committment and be accepting and receptive to what is there. If you chose the position or mindset above you are only in a moment of fantacy and not reality.

Master Snow

Yada yada. Dude, this isn't "zen", there are lots of different drivers and motivations - and outcomes.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to wintersnowdom63)

RE: Why be who your not? - 4/3/2012 6:24:07 PM

Posts: 1302
Joined: 1/25/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: masterofholly

quote:

When you are near a true Dom, you as a submissive or slave can tell without ever interacting with them.
Yeah. That's because we all glow in the dark.

Nah. It's because you eat the meatloaf o' doom!

(in reply to masterofholly)

RE: Why be who your not? - 4/8/2012 10:02:07 AM

Posts: 41
Joined: 3/18/2012
Status: offline

There's nothing wrong with her exploring. She'll hopefully learn something about herself one way or another.

(in reply to DesFIP)

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