Elric2323
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BODY DETOXIFICATION THE FUN WAY!
Everybody today is concerned about harmful toxins building up in the body. What follows is a proven way to rid the body of harmful heavy metals like lead, cadmium and mercury, results can only be guaranteed if the following instructions are followed to the letter.
First a few facts about how and where the body stores those harmful toxins:
Since they are called 'heavy metals' it is only natural that they will tend to gravitate to the bottom,
Thus one area of concentration is of course, the feet. However, science recently discovered that due to the effects of inertia another mayor area of deposit is in the rear of the body and a bit lower then the majority of body mass, the butt. Deposits there accumulate due to the fact that we walk a lot and the denser metals move forward slower then the lighter surrounding tissue.
This fact lets us deduce that the area least polluted is high up in the body and to the front, ergo, the face. These are indisputable, scientific facts that we will exploit.
The procedure:
first the deposits need to be broken down and drawn to the surface of the skin, which can be best achieved by massaging the main problem areas (the butt and the feet of course) thoroughly with generous amounts of baby oil, which, since it is petroleum based, will help break down the metals.
You should already experience some effects of the procedure, a general relaxation of the body and a warm, comfortable feeling indicate that results are starting to show already.
Next the metals need to be drawn into a temporary receptacle, for the sake of convenience let’s call him "sponge".
Sponge should be properly secured to a comfortable resting area, since the human body might show some reluctance to being poisoned by the toxins. There is no need to fear though; sponge will have his own, unique way of dealing with them. Next we will initiate an effect called osmosis.
This means that a solution saturated with a substance tends to dilute itself when brought in contact with a solution of less saturation. Since the butt and feet of the patient are more saturated with the metals then the face of sponge, his face will draw out the metals from those areas. This is best achieved by sliding the afflicted areas gently up and down his face, with pressure that can range from light to heavy and speeds from slow to fast. Those variables are best determined by the patient, by considering her own reactions and those of sponge. Special attention should be drawn to the tongue, as its texture and natural lubrication make it an excellent toxin absorber. Some time after the patient has started to detoxify the butt area, the body of the patient will experience the symptoms of the expulsion of the toxins. The body works hard to get the metabolic rate going, heart rate and perspiration set in and culminate in the effect that we like to call "the big sneeze", at which time the expulsion is at its highest. an euphoric feeling of well-being let the patient know that a great amount of poisons have been purged and absorbed into the 'sponge'.
This procedure may be repeated several times until fatigue indicates a tolerable level of the metals in the body.
At this point the sponge is quite saturated with the harmful elements, not only his own but also the ones he has just selflessly absorbed into himself. He is so saturated with the gunk that symptoms of his state are clearly noticeable. Shakes, moaning and severe swelling of the most afflicted body areas. to leave him thus would be very harmful for his health, and since a good sponge is hard to find (but a hard sponge good to find) he needs to be taken care of as well.
To make sure that all the poisons will get drawn out the areas of swelling must be gently manipulated, that will ensure that the poisons from all over his body will be drawn there.
(This may be a good time for the patient to remove the last traces of the metals from her feet, again the face and tongue will serve best for this purpose).
once the patient thinks all the poisons are properly absorbed in the organs that the sponge is equipped with for just this purpose, extraction of them will be just a matter of a few milking strokes on the swollen area. (The sponge will off course claim the point is reached way before it really is, but a good patient will easily see through those clumsy attempts of deception)
The expulsion will usually manifest itself in the launch of several streams of milky fluid, accompanied by severe thrashing and grunting, indicating a successful venting of poisonous goop.
WARNING: do not swallow or else another detoxification session will soon be needed!
The bondage of the sponge also allows for easy disposal of the contaminated fluids, movement on his part might cause contamination of the resting area by accidental rolling around similar actions. Employment of specifically manufactured latex gunk receptacles may be advisable.
This procedure is quite exhausting for the patient and the sponge, the doctor prescribes plenty of rest at this point.
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highly scientific thesis on toxin removal - 
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