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how to know a true master and a fake - 3/26/2012 1:28:33 PM

submissivejas22

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i am merely new to bdsm as a submissive first time in real life. how do i know my master isnt a fake

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RE: how to know a true master and a fake - 3/26/2012 1:51:54 PM

JeffBC

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Before we all try to answer that, perhaps you could tell us what you mean by "fake"?

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RE: how to know a true master and a fake - 3/26/2012 1:52:49 PM

Madame4a

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meet them in person, for coffee in a public place
check references
join a club or a group in your area
don't rely on your computer to let you know

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RE: how to know a true master and a fake - 3/26/2012 1:57:16 PM

DarkSteven

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Your profile says you've had him for one week.

1. Is this online or RL?
2. How do others in the community speak about him?
3. Why did you accept him being your Master?
4. Why do you suspect he might be a fake?
5. What do you mean by "fake"?

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: how to know a true master and a fake - 3/26/2012 2:09:51 PM

Rule

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quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivejas22
i am merely new to bdsm as a submissive first time in real life. how do i know my master isnt a fake

There are various kinds of dominants. For example: a true slave might dominate a genuine submissive - and vice versa.

The real McCoy, though, is brave, fearless, highly intelligent, in other respects unable to think outside of the box, and mentally has unlimited amounts of what the genuine submissive completely is without - ETA: and vice versa.

< Message edited by Rule -- 3/26/2012 2:11:07 PM >

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RE: how to know a true master and a fake - 3/26/2012 2:14:39 PM

OsideGirl

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He's YOUR master and you don't know?

That means that you're calling someone your master way too soon and without really knowing him.

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RE: how to know a true master and a fake - 3/26/2012 2:20:22 PM

provfivetine

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Ask yourself this question: does the individual that I'm currently seeing exemplify the qualities that I currently seek?

If you answer "yes" then he's not a fake. If you answer "no" then he is a fake (at least in accordance to what you're looking for).

This lifestyle is what you make of it. Don't let others tell you how to live it.

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RE: how to know a true master and a fake - 3/26/2012 2:31:45 PM

DesFIP

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Only you can answer that. Because only you know what your qualities you need in a partner and what ones are a deal breaker for you.

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RE: how to know a true master and a fake - 3/26/2012 2:45:10 PM

submissivejas22

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Thanks for everybody's replies. By fake I meant somebody who will tell you they are a master only to use you for there gangways. Again I am new to bdsm. I've been submissive forever its natural to me

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RE: how to know a true master and a fake - 3/26/2012 2:46:53 PM

submissivejas22

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Meant fantasy not gangway typo

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RE: how to know a true master and a fake - 3/26/2012 2:49:28 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivejas22
By fake I meant somebody who will tell you they are a master only to use you for there gangways. Again I am new to bdsm. I've been submissive forever its natural to me

Again....if you were taking your time and getting to know him you wouldn't be here asking questions about someone that you're already calling "Master".

Best advice....slow down.....get to know the other person before making commitments of this magnitude.

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: how to know a true master and a fake - 3/26/2012 2:55:20 PM

submissivejas22

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Actually I'm just seeking answers more. From people who know more than I do about the lifestyle than everything about if. If anybody has any advice or what not inbox me as there are a lot of fakes on here I'm sure we all have seen that. Thank you

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RE: how to know a true master and a fake - 3/26/2012 2:59:34 PM

hellionsLight

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I don't know. Master may be 'fake' to some people, but he is just fine with me. Depends on what YOU think.

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RE: how to know a true master and a fake - 3/26/2012 3:11:34 PM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivejas22

Thanks for everybody's replies. By fake I meant somebody who will tell you they are a master only to use you for there fantasies. Again I am new to bdsm. I've been submissive forever its natural to me

Oh boy. That's a tricky one. I know one man I consider a Master who imposes his fantasies on his slaves and play partners and has them wear chains around his house. I know some wankers who say they are masters who say that women will never wear panties around them. Imposition of fantasies is not by itself a disqualifier.

My own ideas (feel free to accept them or not) is that a Master will engage you on multiple levels. He will try to figure out what makes you tick, what your strengths are and your weaknesses, and work to use your strengths and reduce your weaknesses. He will think of what is best for you, best for him, and best for the two of you together. He will be someone whose lead you will WANT to follow.

The above Master once told me that his plans for his slave included teaching her about money management, getting her to quit smoking, and getting her in shape. He had a clear idea of where he wanted her to be, and he pushed her to get her there.

Does that help?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: how to know a true master and a fake - 3/26/2012 3:24:27 PM

kalikshama

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quote:

By fake I meant somebody who will tell you they are a master only to use you for their fantasies.

I wouldn't necessarily call someone like this a fake but would say that we are not compatible. To me, Master is more than a play partner. If I were looking for a Master, I'd seek someone like this:

quote:

a Master will engage you on multiple levels. He will try to figure out what makes you tick, what your strengths are and your weaknesses, and work to use your strengths and reduce your weaknesses. He will think of what is best for you, best for him, and best for the two of you together. He will be someone whose lead you will WANT to follow.

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RE: how to know a true master and a fake - 3/26/2012 3:36:09 PM

IrishMist

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Personally, I have never come across a man or woman on here who was a 'fake'.

I have come across those who could be compatible, and those who could not.

But fake?

Nope.

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RE: how to know a true master and a fake - 3/26/2012 3:36:45 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivejas22
By fake I meant somebody who will tell you they are a master only to use you for there fantasies

I remain confused. I use Carol to make my fantasies real every day. I'm married to her and have been for 15 years. She wouldn't see me as "Fake". Perhaps it would help you to speak in the positive rather than negative sense. Instead of thinking and writing about what you don't want, how about you tell us what you DO want?

quote:

Again I am new to bdsm. I've been submissive forever its natural to me

OK, then it might help you to know that I have no idea what you mean by "I've been submissive forever". That could mean anything. That could mean that you like to be used forcefully in the bedroom. It might mean that you like to play hot force fantasies outside the bedroom. It might mean that you prefer to not wear the pants in your household. Or it might mean that you are generally submissive and prefer being follower more than leader. Or, I suppose, it might mean a gajillion other things.

This is exactly why the whole "fake" problem is a rub. We don't know what you mean by "submissive" or by "master". So how can we possibly know what you would think of as a fake? Let me try to give you a very specific example.

Carol is just plain socially submissive. She doesn't want some "BDSM master in leather pants". She wants a man to lead the marriage. So for her, my un-kinky self works out well. To her, my willingness to assume responsibility and authority for the marriage is what makes me "authentic". The fact that I'm not particularly kinky and I'm pretty comfortable with top/bottom/equal in the bedroom doesn't matter one iota to her because she's not looking at the sexual angle at all.

For pretty much every other submissive on this site, they are sexually submissive. So my unkinky self would very much represent "fake". In their minds, they're thinking of some guy who's going to take them on wild flights of sexual fantasy and who may or may not assume at least some authority around the house otherwise. I'd be a really, really bad deal for them.

So there you go.... same guy... fake to a lot of folks, not to Carol. So back again to... what are YOU thinking of when you say "master"? What's a day in the life look like for you? Is it even a "day in the life" or are you thinking "hot scenes"?

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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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RE: how to know a true master and a fake - 3/26/2012 4:28:18 PM

soul2share

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Jas, you have mail.....

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RE: how to know a true master and a fake - 3/26/2012 4:43:01 PM

bitchdog4master

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I think she may be referring to Men on here who are very young and claim to have been Masters all there life.
There are many fakes/flakes/wannabes on here and other sites also.
An experienced sub. or slave can weed them out after a few conversations or even one meet.
I have had many Dom's/ Masters tell me there are some very ill people out there who use sites like this and others as an avenue to fine and just beat the hell out of Women.
Not far fetched in my opine as I am a true crime buff and part time paralegal.
Wish I had a concert and tangible answer for her.

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RE: how to know a true master and a fake - 3/26/2012 4:44:54 PM

bitchdog4master

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Have not posted in a long time. Why the bleep does it say VANILLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh God no please.

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