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Aswad -> RE: Dominants who "train" submissives... (4/8/2012 2:02:19 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: kalikshama
I find that creative and intelligent and sane men like relationships, but there should be no shortage of Desktop Doms seeking to "train" you for NSA sex.
Some of us already have relationships, and would like to have someone around with which we do not have one. At least not a romantic one. We're fine with caring on par with a pet or the like, but we're not looking to bring anyone else into an established, mature relationship with a lot of history as an equal partner. For one thing, it would be dishonest, as there is no equality between someone you just met and someone you've spent over a decade with. Also, it would only stand a chance of working if the new addition developed a mutual attachment with Ars.
There's room for different people in different roles in our lives, and I fail to see how that is somehow comparable to 'desktop domming', or how it is appropriate to imply that it is. The intention for something to be temporary is no less valid, and no more binding, than the intention for it to be permanent. Regardless of initial intent, we all discover along the way whether or not we are happy, and make our choices based on that.
Granted, "training" has some negative connotations, but if you revisit the archives, you will also find some sensible threads about it. There are two primary components to training:
(1) The process of gaining experience is the universal component, and gives you a starting point for future relationships through self discovery. Even if every dynamic is different, this is useful, because of what it teaches you about yourself, and what this allows you to do when assessing future partners.
(2) The other component of it is more controversial, and deals with quite literal training and conditioning and so forth. It's less portable between relationships, and far fewer people have the skills required, let alone the experience to apply those skills. I've done so for more than a decade, both in the context of therapy and in a lifestyle context, using my knowledge of cognitive science with good results for everyone involved.
In short, I happen to think that useful training is possible, either one of the above or both, with a suitable other. Although, of course, I agree there's no shortage of people that are about as fit to train someone as GWBjr is fit to broker peace in the middle east. But that holds true for anything in the field of human relationships.
And it shouldn't discourage someone from looking.
Health,
al-Aswad.
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