Oh man. I have been SOOOOO wrong. (Full Version)

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JeffBC -> Oh man. I have been SOOOOO wrong. (4/5/2012 6:40:37 PM)

OK, you regulars have known for a long time that I see myself as vanilla. Yup, no whips & chains in our house. Some of you... along with a handful of our friends in real life... well... "politely nod" would be a nice way to put it.

Well, over the last few days I've been spending some time on a vanilla relationship site. OMG. The kinds of things that they think are just incredibly beyond the pall of reason. I seriously have to wonder if any of them are male or female at all -- perhaps a bunch of androgynes? robots? I think of myself as not particularly sexually worldly or knowledgeable but sheez.... if THAT is what the vanilla world is like then I'm the freakin Stephen Hawkings of Sex.

I'm gonna stop thinking I'm vanilla. Heck, long before my run in with BDSM I was WAY more open than that. My apologies for the confusion and those of you who are my friends may proceed with mocking me now :) Well, actually, you all can, but it'll be funnier from my friends who have the track record to mock me thoroughly and accurately.

Sorry, no particular BDSM question here. Although if anyone wanted to comment on the difference between subs and slaves we could probably get one going.



MrBukani -> RE: Oh man. I have been SOOOOO wrong. (4/5/2012 6:48:49 PM)

Welcome back to the asylum, its a dangerous place outside these gates.



xssve -> RE: Oh man. I have been SOOOOO wrong. (4/5/2012 7:24:08 PM)

Yeah, it's a jungle out there.

A jungle full of Parrots.



poise -> RE: Oh man. I have been SOOOOO wrong. (4/5/2012 7:40:07 PM)

Darn it all. I was just sorta kinda getting around to liking you in all your
vanillaness, and now you have to go and switch things around? Hrmph!



TNDommeK -> RE: Oh man. I have been SOOOOO wrong. (4/5/2012 8:18:13 PM)

That is why they keep the walls padded for us. It's just safer here.



LadyPact -> RE: Oh man. I have been SOOOOO wrong. (4/5/2012 8:24:07 PM)

You won't mind if I chuckle just a little bit, will you?  



CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: Oh man. I have been SOOOOO wrong. (4/5/2012 10:26:46 PM)

*BIG GRIN*

Knew you were one of us. [;)]



JeffBC -> RE: Oh man. I have been SOOOOO wrong. (4/6/2012 12:54:37 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
You won't mind if I chuckle just a little bit, will you?  

Heck... don't you have about 30 I told you so's accrued on this one? And sheez, I'm dreading breaking this news to SimplyMichael. And oh good lord.. our kinky friends up here who've been politely nodding as I explained that we weren't kinky. I fear I'm going to be eating a lot of crow on this one.

I didn't actually understand that if you have functioning bits you are kinky. I thought you needed do something elaborate with them. All kidding aside this really was an eye opener for me. I'm not just talking sexual repression here. I'm talking pitchforks and torches full on mob. All over a guy who thinks it'd be hot to see his wife fuck another man. Mind you... he's not trying to make her do anything. He expressed a fantasy to the woman who claims to love him and asked if she'd be interested in making it real.

Per those folks, I am a perverted predator who disrespects Carol, myself, and the institution of marriage. My marriage is doomed to fail momentarily and Carol is crazy not to flee this moment. I think she's supposed to telephone the police, the fire department and God although I'm not sure in what order -- it was a bit unclear. Oh, and I forgot to mention, I'm not a real man because... you know... real men would want to claim their property (I literally did burst out laughing when I read that one.)

The sad part was some woman came there confused and worried because her husband mentioned that it'd be hot to see her fuck another guy. But rather than anything helpful... like... you know... responses from men who think that'd be hot... she got a load of venemous bile certain to erode her marriage further. I wasn't trying to annoy them so I only told them I thought it might be hot to see Carol blow another guy. I didn't mention that she wouldn't want to do this and I wasn't planning on asking for a vote.

Man. ~shakes head~ I'm actually kind of amazed that Americans manage to procreate at all. Don't you need to have sex to do that?



JeffBC -> RE: Oh man. I have been SOOOOO wrong. (4/6/2012 12:58:36 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: poise
Darn it all. I was just sorta kinda getting around to liking you in all your vanillaness, and now you have to go and switch things around? Hrmph!

Dom rule #327... never become predictable. It's the door which leads to the dreaded TFTB!

For you though, I could at least do a fantasy scene where I pretended to be that repressed... I think. We could do a webcam session.. but instead of webcam sex it'd be webcam not-sex. Maybe we could knit together or play parcheesi. I better stop before I get you all ... uh .... comfortable.



WestBaySlave -> RE: Oh man. I have been SOOOOO wrong. (4/6/2012 1:11:54 AM)


Yes, I sometimes think of BDSM sites as far too much dick-in-(my)-inbox and incompatible types, then I go onto a vanilla dating website and find myself inundated by seven hundred kinds of the wrong kind of guy.

It is not better on the other side, it's just a less compatible, and socially, a lot more rigid and less understanding for those outside the norm.



JeffBC -> RE: Oh man. I have been SOOOOO wrong. (4/6/2012 1:34:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WestBaySlave
It is not better on the other side, it's just a less compatible, and socially, a lot more rigid and less understanding for those outside the norm.

See, I already knew that the vanilla relationship sites basically had the same problems as I see here. A lot of the problems are the same old thing just with different window dressing. I'd done that once before. But THIS web site had a focus section on marriage and sex.

But what I didn't understand was just how tightly defined "the norm" is. Missionary was fine. Oral they could haltingly talk about. Anal was a stretch (sorry, I couldn't resist). And anything more unusual than that and it was straight to the pitchforks and torches. A fully consensual three way, as you might imagine, was the end of the world as we know it.

Oh good lord... and you should see them flock to the word "alpha". It's their version of "dominant". Near as I can tell it involves doing lots of baby-sitting for your supposedly adult wife... setting boundaries so she won't cheat on you - LOL. But, per them, better an alpha than the much dreaded "nice guy"... which judging from their list I absolutely am... except when I'm being satan incarnate. But then all these "alphas" sit and discuss... at length.. their plan for handling a wife who in public, in front of his employees, tells her husband to "grow a set". Now mind you, I often times think I'm pretty soft... I call myself "disney dom". But it sure didn't take me long to think of a "plan" for dealing with that. And my "plan" would not take months to execute nor would it depend on any sort of submission.

For the record, this is the very first time I can ever recalling psychically associating with the BDSM community. The vanillas have always been "us" in my head and it's been "you kinksters". Suddenly, they are looking very much like "them" to me. I think I've been assimilated.

(by the way mods... I'm assuming someone's gonna kick this out of the general forum at some point. I just never use the other forums).



LadyPact -> RE: Oh man. I have been SOOOOO wrong. (4/6/2012 1:57:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
Heck... don't you have about 30 I told you so's accrued on this one? And sheez, I'm dreading breaking this news to SimplyMichael. And oh good lord.. our kinky friends up here who've been politely nodding as I explained that we weren't kinky. I fear I'm going to be eating a lot of crow on this one.

You do realize that is exactly why it is funny, don't you?  I'd try telling you that Michael will be gracious about it, but I'd be entirely too full of sh*t to be able to look Myself in the mirror.

quote:

I didn't actually understand that if you have functioning bits you are kinky. I thought you needed do something elaborate with them. All kidding aside this really was an eye opener for me. I'm not just talking sexual repression here. I'm talking pitchforks and torches full on mob. All over a guy who thinks it'd be hot to see his wife fuck another man. Mind you... he's not trying to make her do anything. He expressed a fantasy to the woman who claims to love him and asked if she'd be interested in making it real.

Hon, I hope you are sitting down, but please do realize that threesomes are supposedly kinky.  So are things like voyeurism.  Try not to be too shocked.

quote:

Per those folks, I am a perverted predator who disrespects Carol, myself, and the institution of marriage. My marriage is doomed to fail momentarily and Carol is crazy not to flee this moment. I think she's supposed to telephone the police, the fire department and God although I'm not sure in what order -- it was a bit unclear. Oh, and I forgot to mention, I'm not a real man because... you know... real men would want to claim their property (I literally did burst out laughing when I read that one.)

[sm=rofl.gif]

quote:

The sad part was some woman came there confused and worried because her husband mentioned that it'd be hot to see her fuck another guy. But rather than anything helpful... like... you know... responses from men who think that'd be hot... she got a load of venemous bile certain to erode her marriage further. I wasn't trying to annoy them so I only told them I thought it might be hot to see Carol blow another guy. I didn't mention that she wouldn't want to do this and I wasn't planning on asking for a vote.

Man. ~shakes head~ I'm actually kind of amazed that Americans manage to procreate at all. Don't you need to have sex to do that?

Bah, this one's easy enough.  Just send Me the name of the site and I'll copy/paste any of the posts I've written are certain fun subjects.  That will fix the whole thing.


Hahahahaha!



kalikshama -> RE: Oh man. I have been SOOOOO wrong. (4/6/2012 7:00:34 AM)

I've always had you pegged as "not a sadist; definitely kinky." [;)]



LaTigresse -> RE: Oh man. I have been SOOOOO wrong. (4/6/2012 7:13:29 AM)

The way it works in my little corner of Puritanical America.

If you discuss your sex life or live your life in such a way that anything is visible, you are either crude or trash, usually both. Most everyone, as far as I know, has, or has had sex, likely not the Puritanical only married mission style in the dark monogamous variety......but refuses to admit to it. And either pretends they don't, or sneaks off to another locale where they are not known (Vegas! What Happens Here, Stays Here!!!!) to get crazy. Then returns home to continue pretending they are leading their Puritanical, all American, lives.

I know an OPENLY GAY MAN that is a business owner, civic leader, and very respected in the community that still, leaves town for most of his hookups.

People are WEIRD.

And Jeff, I am smiling at your self realization that you are just as slutty nasty kinky as the rest of us!



OsideGirl -> RE: Oh man. I have been SOOOOO wrong. (4/6/2012 7:23:23 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

I've always had you pegged as "not a sadist; definitely kinky." [;)]

^^^^This!



poise -> RE: Oh man. I have been SOOOOO wrong. (4/6/2012 8:40:19 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

I've always had you pegged as "not a sadist; definitely kinky." [;)]

I would have agreeed he was not a sadist either, until he suggested
we play parcheesi on webcam. [:o]



JeffBC -> RE: Oh man. I have been SOOOOO wrong. (4/6/2012 11:06:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
And Jeff, I am smiling at your self realization that you are just as slutty nasty kinky as the rest of us!

You know *laughs*... it was never like I thought any of you were awful ... well.. some maybe but not because you liked sex. I liked that... that's why I was here. I was hoping it would be good for me. Apparently, it was.

I honestly was just entirely miscalibrated. I think I pretty much didn't have any connection at all with my vanilla sex life. Then I started exploring BDSM and met all you freaky perverts. Obviously, I'm not like that... I have sexual hangups out the wazoo... or used to anyway. But I suspect what's happened is that Carol's crafty plan of giving herself to me to pervert me has worked... with a lot of patient and tolerant encouragement from all you pervs. I just didn't know it until I went back and took a detailed look at how the "good" people do marriage and sex... *shudders*.

What I see isn't anything like "pure and good". Quite the contrary. What I see is bitterness, sexual politics of the worst kind, and something that I'm tempted to label "institutionalized male oppression" although that's not really right... or maybe it is. What I'm very clear on is I need to NOT be like that.

I need to remember to go put "parcheesi" on my fetish list.



ProlificNeeds -> RE: Oh man. I have been SOOOOO wrong. (4/6/2012 11:40:57 AM)

You've been sitting in the hotspring so long now it's been feeling luke-warm for awhile... then when you get out, you realize just how cold the air around you is.



fucktoyprincess -> RE: Oh man. I have been SOOOOO wrong. (4/6/2012 11:49:29 AM)

Look, I don't claim to know you and your wife, but based on your pic alone, and the comments on various threads that you've written on this site, I would be hard pressed to call you a vanilla couple.

I think the definition of vanilla has shifted slightly. I think not too long ago, even things like oral and certainly anal sex, would have been considered taboo. I think that's much less the case today. There are many sites, forums, books, etc. dedicated to things like anal sex.

And then there are swingers (who I would categorize as completely vanilla in their sexual practices), but who just enjoy including others in their vanilla sexual escapades.

But I actually think the line between BDSM and vanilla is a clear one. I've never encountered anyone into kink who didn't self-identify as a kinkster (at the bare minimum) or into BDSM, specifically. Maybe this is because I am into S&M (where to me the line seems quite a bright one)? But even those I know who are into more of the D/s side of dynamic would still identify as into BDSM or kink.

Most I know in this world relish identifying as something other than vanilla.

Quite frankly, and I mean no ill-respect, but why, really, would you want to identify as vanilla? [&:]



JeffBC -> RE: Oh man. I have been SOOOOO wrong. (4/6/2012 12:06:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess
Quite frankly, and I mean no ill-respect, but why, really, would you want to identify as vanilla? [&:]

Isn't that a lot like asking someone "Why would you want to identify as gay?" I pick labels not because I "want" them. I pick them because they are accurate descriptions to the best of my ability to understand "accurate". Internally, I didn't self-identify as kinky and I felt more at home with the vanilla mindset. it's a lot like saying, "I would pick 'gay' if I was turned on by male bodies".

The reasons for that, I suspect, are largely contained in this statement.

But I actually think the line between BDSM and vanilla is a clear one. I've never encountered anyone into kink who didn't self-identify as a kinkster (at the bare minimum) or into BDSM, specifically. Maybe this is because I am into S&M (where to me the line seems quite a bright one)?

Trust me on this. Without the SM component it is a lot like being a stranger in a strange land. A fair number of posters here agree that in the absence of bondage, discipline, sadism or masochism you're not into BDSM. It's not an entirely unreasonable viewpoint.



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