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RE: You're No Switch! - 5/16/2012 12:35:17 PM   
caelestis


Posts: 195
Joined: 9/6/2008
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I get told I'm not a switch a lot. Mostly because I don't chance my dynamic once it's set with someone. If I play with person A as a dominant, then that's that. I'll never play with them as a submissive. Same in reverse. I just identify as a sadomasochist now for the ease of things.

_____________________________

"We are a fountain of shimmering contradictions, most of us. Beautiful in the concept, if we're lucky, but frequently tedious or regrettable as we flesh ourselves out."
— Gregory Maguire



(in reply to RexCorvus)
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RE: You're No Switch! - 5/28/2012 1:03:46 PM   
kalthus


Posts: 64
Joined: 4/17/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Just0Plain0Mike

"Real" Dommes don't submit to anyone, ever.


It's amazing howe people will fit their own ideas on everyone else. A Dom must be.... a Sub must be....

Its all bollocks, frankly.... we are what we are, we like what we like. End of.


(in reply to Just0Plain0Mike)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: You're No Switch! - 6/14/2012 12:29:41 PM   
Jennaxiom


Posts: 2
Joined: 6/11/2012
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This reminds me of the issue of bisexuality through opinions of people who only identify as homosexual or heterosexual greatly.

(in reply to Solarstone)
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RE: You're No Switch! - 6/16/2012 12:15:22 AM   
tiemetight247


Posts: 13
Joined: 5/30/2012
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Interesting concept..when i first was collared a year ago i thought i had met my true "Master"..then He started dropping hints on how He would like His balls tied..be @ my feet etc. The bells went off and i was like"OHHHHHHHH..he wants to be in my shoes..so to speak" So for the first time ever..i was the Mistress and i have got to say it was a rush and a thrill. What gets me is He just cant admit He is switch..Could save us both alot of time and effort..ive leared so many things last year and this year about this lifestyle..i embrace it fully and wish everyone would just be who they are..i myself always felt like sub but when i had that whip in my hands and the rope..i felt majastic..was amazing

(in reply to Solarstone)
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RE: You're No Switch! - 6/21/2012 8:31:56 AM   
orchid77


Posts: 125
Joined: 5/20/2011
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I guess what gets me is that some people say they are Switch and then say they a mainly submissive or dominant and looking for such person to either be their dominant or submissive. That to mean doesn't mean a Switch. It means you are trying to attract Switches to manipulate your own agenda. Now I have no problem with someone saying...I am a Switch but I am more prone to be submissive or dominant (but it should be said in their profile), that is workable...because then I can say not for me or works for me.

I am also noticing bisexuals calling themselves switches because they are bisexual. I am not into bisexuals so when I say so they get offended. I don't know why, I am just not into bisexuals.

As for me, I am quite comfortable being 50/50 switch and a lot of people don't get that. I say to each his or her own, but respect a Switch.

(in reply to tiemetight247)
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RE: You're No Switch! - 6/22/2012 11:17:35 AM   
Msandslave


Posts: 1
Joined: 5/26/2012
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I had troubles when I was learning to be a sub. I found I liked a lot of the activities that went along with a sub. I also like to explore all different types of domination People will talk. The only reason I consider myself a switch is because I do both. It does not make me a bad sub or Domme for that matter. It just depends upon who I am entertaining and what they want to do. It is too difficult to put labels upon yourself. Be free and enjoy the life for what you want it to be and not what someone else says it should be.

Regards,

Mistress_Jan

(in reply to Solarstone)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: You're No Switch! - 7/23/2012 5:33:01 AM   
thedavezone


Posts: 113
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: South Korea
Status: offline
Sounds like the messager was just frustrated and trying to find someone. Pay it no attention.

(in reply to Solarstone)
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RE: You're No Switch! - 7/24/2012 4:51:42 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RexCorvus

I had an experience by CMail that vaguely annoyed me. Thought I'd share and see if anyone else had run into the same thinking.

In my profile I list myself as a switch because, well, I'm a switch. I love being on both sides of the kneel. As far as my "Looking for" I list submissive women and switch women, but not dominant women. I explain in my profile that although I might be a fit for some dominant women, in general I don't think I'd be a good candidate for a relationship with a Domme.

So recently I got this CMail which basically said "If you don't want to be with a dominant then why do you list yourself as a switch? You're really a dominant". I guess the person figured that since I was interested in sub women (implying I'm good with being the dominant all the time) I wasn't "really" a switch. Now I've got my reasons for being okay with starting a relationship with a sub but not a dom, but they're not really relevant to this conversation. What I'm wondering is if other switches get hit with the "You're not really a swtich, you're a dom/sub" because they don't list dom, sub, and switch in their "looking for"? That seems overly restrictive to me. Thoughts?



I was going to list myself as a Professional male sub, but I could not for the LIFE of me figure out that whole Amazon wish list thingie.

(And by the way ladies....I'm quite affordable).

(in reply to RexCorvus)
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RE: You're No Switch! - 7/27/2012 2:46:46 AM   
tiemetight247


Posts: 13
Joined: 5/30/2012
Status: offline
.i will not be labeled and i know many who say they are ...but it all comes down to what we enjoy and prefer..desire and crave. get what you want..and want what you get..ENJOY!

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
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RE: You're No Switch! - 7/27/2012 4:18:12 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tiemetight247

.i will not be labeled and i know many who say they are ...but it all comes down to what we enjoy and prefer..desire and crave. get what you want..and want what you get..ENJOY!



I self label as a switch, and I do it for a reason. It's my petty tyranny over those who believe "switches don't exist."

Anyone who knows me at all well knows -- they do.

_____________________________



(in reply to tiemetight247)
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RE: You're No Switch! - 7/27/2012 6:20:12 AM   
tiemetight247


Posts: 13
Joined: 5/30/2012
Status: offline
all im saying is i like and want it all..crud,,i always believed i was 100%sub. but then i was encouranged to be aggressive and dominant. i was enthralled..enlightened and said to of had a "gleam in my eye" i do not judge..i do not care..all i do is what comes naturally

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
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RE: You're No Switch! - 10/26/2012 4:11:26 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
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I had the opposite of this experience. I'm Domme but didn't get the last word in a past D/D relationship, so for honesty I list as switch because of the value this experience had for me. As you might imagine that makes me spanky dom fodder from time to time. Even in real life bartending a munch.
A wanker is a wanker male or female!! If someone is going to make assumptions about me, they are likely to be wrong. If someone is going to try to bully or humiliate me "into my proper place" they are likely to regret the effort.
Knowing who you are is part of the drill!! If like me you spend hours explaining lists, toys, thoughts & desires with someone only to have them bolt after reading switch then deciding "you're not Domly enough", its their problem not yours!!! Yes its disappointing to get your hopes up, but if your partner doesn't like you the way you are there will be problems later on. There are other fish in the sea

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Solarstone)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: You're No Switch! - 10/31/2012 1:34:22 PM   
Steelslilbit


Posts: 130
Joined: 8/10/2009
Status: offline
I read the OP and some of the responses and almost shot Code Red Mountain Dew out of my nose. Thanks guys n gals but that really hurts a lot. lol

You'll hear the "You're no x" whenever what you consider yourself to be doesn't perfectly align with what someone else considers "x" to be. There is such a huge overlap with what the labels we use in this subculture are, can mean, mean to each other, and mean to the community at large. Add in even more with "there is no one right answer".... poof. Suddenly no one is anything. You are.... what you are. What you claim to be, what you think you are, what you tell other people you are, and what you are when the blinds are closed and the neighbors can only barely hear what's going on and wonder wtf you are doing. I've worn so many labels, been dubbed so many different things that if they were tattoos or permanent marker I doubt I'd have an inch of clear skin left. Bad thing? Sometimes it's confusing to sort through the dribble, and you are going to piss a lot of people off. Good news? When you are truly comfortable in your own skin those who get pissy over your 'label' just don't mean a damn thing to you. Instead of getting worried you may need to change your profile settings, just go "aww, damn, another one not for me". Sometimes you get lucky and it's just so funny you can't help but keep the message for later re-visiting. ^.^

Lil Bit

_____________________________

i'll try anything once, twice if i like it.

If you wanna know you better ask, and if i don't want to answer i won't.

Offical Language: Caryn-ese
(Translator available upon request)

(in reply to theRose4U)
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RE: You're No Switch! - 5/29/2015 3:31:51 PM   
DoomKitteh


Posts: 8
Joined: 4/14/2015
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RexCorvus

So recently I got this CMail which basically said "If you don't want to be with a dominant then why do you list yourself as a switch? You're really a dominant". I guess the person figured that since I was interested in sub women (implying I'm good with being the dominant all the time) I wasn't "really" a switch. Now I've got my reasons for being okay with starting a relationship with a sub but not a dom, but they're not really relevant to this conversation. What I'm wondering is if other switches get hit with the "You're not really a swtich, you're a dom/sub" because they don't list dom, sub, and switch in their "looking for"? That seems overly restrictive to me. Thoughts?



I have neither submissive men or dominant listed in mine. I do not want a completely submissive man nor a completely dominant one.

(in reply to RexCorvus)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: You're No Switch! - 9/28/2015 5:04:05 PM   
Kitty35


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/21/2012
Status: offline
I used to feel thar switches had to be confused, and that there are only Dom and subs, but now that Im exploring my dominant side, Im starting to understand a little more, that its definately not so black and white. Im having a difficult time with exploring... its not a popular topic to google search for advice about I guess?

(in reply to Solarstone)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: You're No Switch! - 10/6/2015 2:06:49 PM   
AimeKitten


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/1/2015
Status: offline
It gets crazier when you try to explain to someone, "I'm a switch within terms of play/scening, but in relationships I am the submissive/slave". That'll blow their damned minds.

It really speaks to me about how much bi-erasure goes on, and I guess this is a similar experience. I don't even bother putting switch on my profile anymore in fear of being inundated with messages from bottoms. Whereas, I'm great with topping, it's not something I do all the time hah.
To be honest, it sounds like this person got mad, read your profile, got even madder and lashed out. Totally nothing you did wrong. You rock your switchhood.

(in reply to Kitty35)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: You're No Switch! - 10/7/2015 1:14:46 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RexCorvus

It's been good to read other peoples' affirmation that they, too, catch similar flak. Like I said, it's vaguely annoying rather than being any kind of a huge deal.

I don't even mind explaining myself, and to some extent trying to "convince" someone I'm a switch (or whatever), as long as we're talking about a polite conversation. When it starts with "You're not really a switch" that's not a good beginning. And it's especially annoying when it comes out of the blue. If I message someone and express interest in them, to some degree they're entitled to reply with "No thanks, I don't think you're really a switch based on your profile". I might not agree, but at least I started the conversation. But what's the motivation to pick an argument with someone you've otherwise had no discussion with? Oh, right, it's the Internet...


There is no point trying to explain yourself to people like that. What this person said to you reveals a lot more about them than it does about you.

I come up against men who tell me that I'm only dominant because I haven't found the right man yet. I've had people tell me that because I've bottomed to my man I'm not a real dominant and I recently had one man suggest I'm not a real dominant because I don't demand obedience from him. My answer to that was, "I don't know you and you are not my submissive so if I ruined your expectations there's only one thing to do...fuck off".

How many dominants get accused of not being a real dominant and how many submissives/slaves get tarred with, "you're not a real sub/slave"? I have to say, this is the first time I've heard "you're not a real switch" I would honestly laugh this one off.


_____________________________

My store is http://e-stimstore.com

(in reply to RexCorvus)
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RE: You're No Switch! - 10/22/2015 4:46:24 PM   
LVRiggerboy


Posts: 1
Joined: 10/21/2015
Status: offline
The one issue I haven't seen brought up is the ever more fun, "My First Message to you will demand that you, as a switch (that we completely ignored your status and didn't read the profile), begin immediately to serve as my financial slave, worshipping my genitalia (pussy or dick or strapon as was my lastest issue), the ground I walk on, and the air I, as clearly the superior gender, breathe. I shall have your useless genetalia locked away for only MY domly pleasure; but i never intend to use you till orgasm, just for my pleasure; and I will screw whatever of my other friends come over and you will service them however I tell you, male or female, they are better than you. (Ignoring the straight, bi, or gay tagon the profile they didn't read again) I demand you reply to my outside CS email/messenger and move to my location immediately to begin your financial slavery."

This email is one i have recieved several times from, oddly, both genders and I think maybe a TV but can't confirm since he/she/it was banned and account deleted and that website broken. I have replied to these before, trying very hard to be polite to someone that I have had zero time to get to know, kindly trying to ask them to pay attention to my profile and what I am looking for, one woman (name deleted to show respect for the guilty) turned around and said, "you are a male, therefore you must be weak to a strong female. I am a professional Dominatrix and you belong at the feet of a woman like me to be her little house slave piggy, and since you have a certain set of fetishes you can't be a switch, you must be a slave."

It was REALLY hard for me to not write back something obscenely violent along the nature of, "I am what I am and if i ever met you IRL I would put a sale on for every person who has ever been hurt by you to get 50$ to humiliate and degrade you on camera for my Dominant Gor sensibilities, I would pay them out of your resources so they could get their revenge and maybe start to heal a little from your unimaginative closed mindedness. You are no more a dominatrix than I am a mickey freakin mouse. You need a collar and a good hard time in one to learn that you are not what you think you are, and what it means everytime you open your mouth to someone who has offered you submission.

Fortuneately, I was able to restrain myself to, "read my profile, dips***, and grow a brain."

(in reply to MariaB)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: You're No Switch! - 12/21/2015 3:13:10 PM   
WickedsDesire


Posts: 9361
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline
I am muffin, genuine one, unlike the many on here of which i can easily prove and abacus...unlike the urchin above me....so best we show them a handsome mace or ignore them all and talk to ourselves;...has it come to that?


(in reply to LVRiggerboy)
Profile   Post #: 39
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