LafayetteLady
Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
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You get to know him the same way you would anyone else in the world. At this point, the only dominant/submissive thing that should exist is that you both know it is an interest you have.
I understand having not dated much/at all before, it can be very stressful not knowing how to act. Be yourself. If you develop a relationship with this man, that is who you are, and if you try to be anything else, time will make that blow up in your face.
As for what to ask him, as someone else has said, first and foremost make sure he isn't involved in another committed relationship. This could be him being married, or simply in another committed relationship. Nothing you have said indicates that he might be, but that doesn't mean he is or he isn't.
Since you are inexperienced, here are some clues about figuring out if they are in a relationship with someone else:
Do you have his full name? Do you only have a cell phone number to reach him? Since many people only have cell phones now, this one gets a bit tricky. Are you able to talk to him any time day or night? During conversations does he ever need to get off the phone quickly? When you talk about meeting, ask him to come to your area. For most people 4-6 hours isn't really close, so he may not want to drive there simply for coffee, but he should be able to afford a motel for the night (where you should not stay with him). If spending the night in your town is an issue for him, ask him why and listen closely to his reasoning. Having a pet that needs taking care of shouldn't stop him from being able to take one night away, but having a partner who might find him spending a night away from home will. Is he willing to meet you on a weekend, or at night? Married men tend to not be available on weekends or in the evening. None of these things are definitive for figuring out if he is married, but they will give you clues.
Getting to know "all" about him, ask about his family, his work, growing up, his pets (if he has them), his hobbies. Basically anything that you have an interest in knowing. Don't worry about asking him at this point about the kinky stuff. You want to know him as a person first, so as time goes on, if you continue to like him, the kinky conversations will be easier once you know him better.
I would also suggest trying to set up a meeting face to face with him soon. Ask him to come to your area, or if there is an area close to you that you are familiar with (since you said you aren't comfortable going to a strange town by yourself, even to meet in public). If the guy is really interested in you, he will make the trip. If he doesn't want to stay in a motel the first time you meet, set up the meet for the middle of the day, so he has time to drive there and back in one day.
Above all, trust your instincts. I realize being shy and inexperienced, you probably don't think you know enough to have good instincts, but if you listen to what you gut tells you, chances are you will be fine.
Good luck!
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