is there any way to "sense" a dominant guy

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niea -> is there any way to "sense" a dominant guy (5/2/2012 11:47:05 PM)
So im a switch usually dom but when around the right person i melt into a submissive pile of goo :p (i really love being submissive if i could just find the right guy) well there is this guy i like, and the fact that i like him is probably the problem. I just cant tell what he is. I havd known him for years and usually acted submissive around him, but i just assumed he was vanilla so it was just sorta self serving on my part. But the other day we were somking and he said ima burn u with this cigarette and i playfully said well i might like it. We proceded to flirt in this manor and i shared that i liked biting and spanking ect. He seemed interested but ended the conversation with you would be kinky like that. Well nothing else was said and i forgot about it. Untill a few days later. In which we decided to go downtown and drink and have fun. XD when we got back home he was slightly drunk and i had some fun with him. I doubt he knows much about the lifestyule but he managed to burn me with his cig on purpose and look to see what my reaction was. He also smacked me in some rather nice places. Best part is he did it all in the presence of my finance/bottom. So i have to give him some credit for his ballsyness. Now im just really curious and i really like him. But because i like him (and i really want atleast a top) i worry im seeing things that arent there because i want it so badly. So what do you guys think. Is there any signs or traits i can look for without just asking him what he is?(if he doent know what bdsm is it might creep him out a bit so i dont want to do that quite yet)

niea -> RE: is there any way to "sense" a dominant guy (5/2/2012 11:48:35 PM)
Also sry about teh typos im using my phone

Alecta -> RE: is there any way to "sense" a dominant guy (5/2/2012 11:57:11 PM)
Seems you should just come right out and ask him :) but make sure you run the poly thing by your "finance"/bottom first!

niea -> RE: is there any way to "sense" a dominant guy (5/3/2012 12:03:44 AM)
Naaa he does wot i say :p hehe just kidding. I talked about it he seems okay as long as he gets to be there too and its a guy he knows well. This guy is my bottoms bff, so we have that covered. It seemed a three way was possible they were both up for it but i wasnt in proper condition for any Sir erm down below if ya know wot i mean.

Alecta -> RE: is there any way to "sense" a dominant guy (5/3/2012 12:18:33 AM)
ack damn shame. I hate it when anatomy happens.

Lucifyre -> RE: is there any way to "sense" a dominant guy (5/3/2012 5:04:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: niea So im a switch usually dom but when around the right person i melt into a submissive pile of goo :p well there is this guy i like, havd known him for years and usually acted submissive around him, there's your answer hun ;) Lucifyre

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: is there any way to "sense" a dominant guy (5/3/2012 5:20:47 AM)
Being a switch with a strong desire to have a great male to lead me, I can relate to your dilemma. Finding a great dominant male who can lead us switchy types is a long hard road for many. What has helped me is to have a good understanding of what it is I need in a dominant male, and what I need to give. For me it is all about emotions. I need someone who can serve as my emotional anchor. If he can do that, my primary need as a sub is answered. (BTW, I am assuming D-type is dom in bed, b/c let's face it, that is not hard to find. It's being dominant in other ways that's the kicker. ) From your very annoying upside down pic (I can't see how cute you are) you are quite young. So live, love, learn, explore, and eventually you will be able to nail down what it is you need. Try to remember for now, not every relationship has to be the be all and end all, you know?

kalikshama -> RE: is there any way to "sense" a dominant guy (5/3/2012 5:38:24 AM)
If he's sadistically inclined enough to first joke about burning you with a cigarette and then follow through and do it, I'm sure he's open for a discussion about BDSM. If you are too shy to have the convo in person, what about email?

strangedesire -> RE: is there any way to "sense" a dominant guy (5/3/2012 7:29:54 AM)
Cigarette burns without explicit consent says "psychopath" to me more than "dominant" to me, but I admit that I'm biased - I've had minor burns leave scars that lasted for years. You need to learn to negotiate, niea. You don't need to "ask him what he is." You've made it clear that you like having painful things done to you. He has pretty clearly indicated that he might like to do those things to you. If you want him to top you, get together when you're both sober, and ask him-flat out if he would like to do some things to you. If he is as inexperienced as you're making him seem here, you will have to teach him about safewords and limits, and give him some tools to negotiate a safe scene. In response to your question in the title of this post: quote: is there any way to "sense" a dominant guy I'm going to repost a story that John Warren related on Fetlife recently. I'm guessing that he won't mind. quote: ORIGINAL: JohnWarren quote: The best, meanest, hold-you-down-and-fuck-you-roughly folks won't be anything past polite without your explicit consent. This reminds me of something that happened when I lived in NYC, before I met Libby. I was in Eulenspiegel, but I also placed an advertisement in New York Magazine that yielded date with a number of women. Since these were initial meeting with what I thought were vanilla women, I kept my "dominance" under tight rein during them. One of them later turned up at Eulenspiegel, I didn't notice her until I heard a roar of laughter from a group of women off to one side. Later, I asked one of my friends, who had been part of the group, what happened. She laughed and recounted that the woman had been talking to the group about the Scene life when she'd seen me. Her comment had been, "Oh, I know him. He's too submissive."

cravingtaboo -> RE: is there any way to "sense" a dominant guy (5/3/2012 10:39:57 AM)
How my Master Dominates and tops my thoughts. When you say He is topping my thoughts, most have no idea what that means. They would probably assume sexually. He does top them sexually but He does it like no other. Its sexual thoughts and all kinds of interactions that He tops. He will think of things from my perspective. He will tell things I have done without Him telling me to do them. He knows exactly what I do and describes it to me in detail. These are not things He has seen me do. What He brings up is always different. . I was also thinking today what Makes Him different is He has Mastered and incorporated into His teachings what all girls want. The bad boy, the edgy one, not abusive just wild and free. Dominant. The Doms that have no clue thinks this means barking commands or as one girl said in her profile, chest thumpers. That is not Dominance. Its How I am sitting near Him talking and talking, about everyday things and He will just reach down and brush his fingertips across my skin...and it takes my breath away. My nipples harden, my cunt saturates and He will say mmmm...good girl... Think about all of the movies that the females go crazy over or the stars on stage. Its the men that in control, confident. they draw the females towards them. Master does this. I beg on my own......because i crave Him. This is how He uses mental to keep me hungry for His presence. We do fuck but We dont have to. Dominance is calm, its confident. Its earning respect. Its soft, its at times silence and whispers.............It is never angry or loud or abusive.

niea -> RE: is there any way to "sense" a dominant guy (5/3/2012 1:13:32 PM)
Ohs :) he is very much like that. He will do things, say things, or touch me in a way that keeps me on my toes. He keeps me guessing and wondering, but it never went so far as him actually doing something i said i would enjoy. Nextime i go visit i will just ask him right out. No doubt he will have to be taught a bit, but he did very well considering. The cig burn was wonderfull n i figured i would have a mark for a while but ;.; he managed to do it in a way that would heal without leaving marks. (Which is preferred of course, but i thought it might be red longer atleast hehe) After thinking about it im crosing my fingers and hoping he is interested. I swear i have the worst school girl crush on this guy.

kalikshama -> RE: is there any way to "sense" a dominant guy (5/3/2012 3:48:38 PM)
quote: Cigarette burns without explicit consent says "psychopath" to me more than "dominant" to me, but I admit that I'm biased - I've had minor burns leave scars that lasted for years. You need to learn to negotiate, niea. You don't need to "ask him what he is." You've made it clear that you like having painful things done to you. He has pretty clearly indicated that he might like to do those things to you. If you want him to top you, get together when you're both sober, and ask him-flat out if he would like to do some things to you. If he is as inexperienced as you're making him seem here, you will have to teach him about safewords and limits, and give him some tools to negotiate a safe scene. Very well put.

subbyinlosangele -> RE: is there any way to "sense" a dominant guy (5/4/2012 12:42:23 AM)
Can't say that I am a fan of a guy who's tipsy and puts a lighter up to a woman without permission or discussion, but you don't seem to mind and it's your business. However, it's important to remember that people will sometimes do stuff when their drinking that they won't when they're sober, so I think the first step is to meet him while you're both sober to get a reality check. And really if some guy is holding a lighter up to you, I don't think you would be worried about creeping him out. I think you should be worried about other stuff, and you've gotten some good advice about limits and safety.

fucktoyprincess -> RE: is there any way to "sense" a dominant guy (5/6/2012 10:59:51 AM)
Seems a little cart before horse to me. I agree with strangedesire's advice - quote: If he is as inexperienced as you're making him seem here, you will have to teach him about safewords and limits, and give him some tools to negotiate a safe scene. I think you need to press the rewind button and just start at the beginning. Personally, I think engaging in S&M with someone without gaining trust, and having clear discussions up front is ill-advised. At this early stage the kinds of activities you are engaging in without sober discussion beforehand, troubles me. Once certain things have been discussed, with a trustworthy partner, there is much that can be explored. But without setting things up properly to begin with you leave yourself open to unsafe situations - physically, and psychologically. Please play safe. [sm=2cents.gif]

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