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RE: Subs that won't stop staring - 5/11/2012 6:24:07 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Ladies, do you approach subs who stare at you at parties or fetish events and ask them to stop? What if they follow you around and don't approach you, but continue to stare?

I am not talking about "watching you scene" at a public party, or giving you an appreciative glance. I am talking about staring.

AAkasha,
I disagree with you on this one.

IMO, people are allowed to stare. So long as they don't touch you, or follow you home, then they can look anywhere they want to.

I obviously don't know the individuals that you're talking about, but I am going to assume that they were the shy, socially awkward type. I tend to see that type at lots of BDSM events. While you may have a partner that you play with at events, these types often are unpartnered, and they seldom get asked to join in the fun. So to them, watching a beautiful woman is the highlight of their evening. When they get home, they're likely to make love to their right hand, and call it a night.

Why spoil their fun? Let them enjoy the view. Does it really hurt you in any way to give them a mental picture to masturbate to?

Of course, if they touch you, or follow you home, then it's completely acceptable for you to spray mace in their eyes and knee them in the groin.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Subs that won't stop staring - 5/11/2012 1:56:09 PM

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A worm can look at a queen?

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RE: Subs that won't stop staring - 5/11/2012 6:24:31 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Ladies, do you approach subs who stare at you at parties or fetish events and ask them to stop? What if they follow you around and don't approach you, but continue to stare?

I am not talking about "watching you scene" at a public party, or giving you an appreciative glance. I am talking about staring.

AAkasha,
I disagree with you on this one.

IMO, people are allowed to stare. So long as they don't touch you, or follow you home, then they can look anywhere they want to.

I obviously don't know the individuals that you're talking about, but I am going to assume that they were the shy, socially awkward type. I tend to see that type at lots of BDSM events. While you may have a partner that you play with at events, these types often are unpartnered, and they seldom get asked to join in the fun. So to them, watching a beautiful woman is the highlight of their evening. When they get home, they're likely to make love to their right hand, and call it a night.

Why spoil their fun? Let them enjoy the view. Does it really hurt you in any way to give them a mental picture to masturbate to?

Of course, if they touch you, or follow you home, then it's completely acceptable for you to spray mace in their eyes and knee them in the groin.

I've found the responses to be interesting so I wanted to clarify that by staring I don't mean appreciate looks or staring politely, or gazing in admiration, or shy looks of attentiveness. I mean staring, as in leering, without a hint of hesitation. Staring, to the point that the person you are staring it obviously knows you are staring, and you just don't stop doing it.

I mean creepy staring, invasive staring, or awkwardly going out of your way to continue to stare - like re positioning yourself in a room to continue to stare when the person gets out of the way.

I was at a sporting even with a few girlfriends recently and a man in a few rows in front of us spent most of the game literally turned around in his seat facing our direction instead of watching the event, and made no effort to hide that he was staring at someone. It got brought up in discussion later this this was similar to a situation that I had forgotten about from years ago, hence the thread. We were in a public venue so we could not ask someone to have him leave, but we were creeped out, to be sure.

Akasha

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(in reply to Rochsub2009)

RE: Subs that won't stop staring - 5/12/2012 8:24:59 PM

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Remind me never to go to that venue. I worked at a few sporting events and we took any harassment both verbal or non verbal seriously. Any complaint and we acted immediately especially when those involved were women or children. I hope next time you tell the ushers

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Subs that won't stop staring - 5/12/2012 11:57:27 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I was at a sporting even with a few girlfriends recently and a man in a few rows in front of us spent most of the game literally turned around in his seat facing our direction instead of watching the event, and made no effort to hide that he was staring at someone. It got brought up in discussion later this this was similar to a situation that I had forgotten about from years ago, hence the thread. We were in a public venue so we could not ask someone to have him leave, but we were creeped out, to be sure.

A bunch of women and none of them just went "Would you like a picture"" or "One of us has a bogger hanging from the nose or what are you looking at?"

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Subs that won't stop staring - 5/13/2012 4:44:28 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
I mean creepy staring, invasive staring, or awkwardly going out of your way to continue to stare - like re positioning yourself in a room to continue to stare when the person gets out of the way.

I was at a sporting even with a few girlfriends recently and a man in a few rows in front of us spent most of the game literally turned around in his seat facing our direction instead of watching the event, and made no effort to hide that he was staring at someone. It got brought up in discussion later this this was similar to a situation that I had forgotten about from years ago, hence the thread. We were in a public venue so we could not ask someone to have him leave, but we were creeped out, to be sure.

Akasha

I think being 'creeped out' is the appropriate reaction. TBH, I've found that 'starers' like this can be outright fruitcakes. To me, it'd feel very aggressive to stare in such a way. I have to assume a) that such starers don't mind being openly aggressive or that b) it doesn't even occur to them that they're coming across as aggressive. Either way, my instinct would be to be on my guard that I might have a nutter on my hands.

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Subs that won't stop staring - 5/13/2012 10:21:52 PM

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I wear what I wear to be stared at. It's the creepy stalking that bothers me. If I put on the corset, you damn well better stare.

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RE: Subs that won't stop staring - 5/16/2012 11:19:28 AM

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I hate being stared at and I think it's rude too. basically it's someone just being inconsiderate or insensitive and normally it's a boy too... surprise surprise.

(in reply to earthycouple)

RE: Subs that won't stop staring - 5/16/2012 11:31:44 AM

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Can I assume then, that it isn't a breach of etiquette for a sub to make the first move and approach a dom?

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

I usually go up to them and say something along the order of "Well, instead of just staring, why don't you start up a conversation with me? I don't bite unless it's consensual" and then I . If they're just shy, that usually breaks the ice. If they're weirdos, they usually shuffle off mumbling and looking at the floor.

NBMG

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

RE: Subs that won't stop staring - 5/16/2012 11:39:21 AM

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Really, Rick, get over the "etiquette" thing. These dominants (if indeed they are) are not YOUR dominant. Be friendly, smile, be polite. If they blow you off or are rude--and let me warn you in advance that some folks think black leather clothing makes them important--then you know not to waste any more time with that person.

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RE: Subs that won't stop staring - 5/16/2012 11:59:48 AM

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I just can't imagine feeling stalked, victimized, bothered in any way and not telling someone to stop. If you are that bothered by it... what's complicated about telling someone they are a pain in the ass and sending them off? I don't think meek is a comfortable place for a dominant woman... I think she ought to be able to handle some idiot.

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RE: Subs that won't stop staring - 5/16/2012 12:05:54 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I just can't imagine feeling stalked, victimized, bothered in any way and not telling someone to stop. If you are that bothered by it... what's complicated about telling someone they are a pain in the ass and sending them off? I don't think meek is a comfortable place for a dominant woman... I think she ought to be able to handle some idiot.

What is this in response to, Lockit?

I agree, meek is not domly. My femdom friends and are are rarely if ever bothered by anyone. But I also have a Rule based on being a city girl--DON'T PISS OFF THE PSYCHO. When it comes to the unknown entity that's acting in a potentiallly dangerous way, assess the situation, act accordingly, and avoid confrontation. You just never know who is going to follow you.

And here I offer props to my mom who evaded some dude who was stalking us around a department store---she tracked him *by his cologne*, when I thought we had lost him. Fucking brilliant. Situational awareness, people!! Don't underestimate the people around you, but don't overreact.

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RE: Subs that won't stop staring - 5/16/2012 12:18:18 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I just can't imagine feeling stalked, victimized, bothered in any way and not telling someone to stop. If you are that bothered by it... what's complicated about telling someone they are a pain in the ass and sending them off? I don't think meek is a comfortable place for a dominant woman... I think she ought to be able to handle some idiot.

What is this in response to, Lockit?

I agree, meek is not domly. My femdom friends and are are rarely if ever bothered by anyone. But I also have a Rule based on being a city girl--DON'T PISS OFF THE PSYCHO. When it comes to the unknown entity that's acting in a potentiallly dangerous way, assess the situation, act accordingly, and avoid confrontation. You just never know who is going to follow you.

And here I offer props to my mom who evaded some dude who was stalking us around a department store---she tracked him *by his cologne*, when I thought we had lost him. Fucking brilliant. Situational awareness, people!! Don't underestimate the people around you, but don't overreact.

LOL... damn me and my fast reply!

I grew up mostly in California and if there weren't a bunch of nut cases all bunched up on the same block there, I don't know where else you would find more! I used to say... move to a new place, get a new stalker. Now there are the followers and the dangerous ones. Dealt with both and I tend to deal with both the exact same way. Sum the situation up quickly, do what I need to do to stop it and watch my ass to make sure they don't have the opportunity to get close or closer by following me home if I am out somewhere.

Situational awareness is where its at, but I rarely do anything but, stand my ground. lol

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(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: Subs that won't stop staring - 5/16/2012 12:42:31 PM

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Well I tend to have this happen just by being in public. I try not to care- but I'm one of those people who are able to feel somebody staring at them. I may not even be paying attention to the world around me, so to speak- and once I feel it- I can pinpoint where the stare is coming from.

Some stop and walk away/continue on with their lives, others see that as an invite to come talk to me.

However, if a person has been staring at me for 10 minutes without saying a word, I'm a bit stand off ish.

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RE: Subs that won't stop staring - 5/16/2012 1:34:15 PM

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Just being careful. I got of to a bad start here and put a few people off, so I want to try to tread a little more carefully when I enter the BDSM community for real. I don't want to start off making a name for myself there that I won't be able to shake.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Really, Rick, get over the "etiquette" thing. These dominants (if indeed they are) are not YOUR dominant. Be friendly, smile, be polite.

< Message edited by CougarRick -- 5/16/2012 1:36:25 PM >

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: Subs that won't stop staring - 5/16/2012 1:38:02 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CougarRick

Just being careful. I got of to a bad start here and put a few people off, so I want to try to tread a little more carefully when I enter the BDSM community for real. I don't want to start off making a name for myself there that I won't be able to shake.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Really, Rick, get over the "etiquette" thing. These dominants (if indeed they are) are not YOUR dominant. Be friendly, smile, be polite. If they blow you off or are rude--and let me warn you in advance that some folks think black leather clothing makes them important--then you know not to waste any more time with that person.

That's only sensible, folks will remember one mistake and forget a thousand good deeds. It's so easy to get misled by what you read, because a lot of it is essentially bollocks. Fantasy, wish fulfillment, just not the real lives we live every day. Pervs are just folks, and not unique snowflakes more than any other special interest group. Google TNG for your area, especially. People in your own age group seem to be less swept up in internet nonsense. (which is not to say that they aren't into other forms of nonsense

)

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RE: Subs that won't stop staring - 5/16/2012 1:38:30 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
If they blow you off or are rude--and let me warn you in advance that some folks think black leather clothing makes them important--then you know not to waste any more time with that person.

Thanks for the heads up. I might have been discouraged if the first dom I tried to speak to blew up at me or made me feel like I had crossed some very serious line. Knowing what you have said, I will take it in stride and not roll over for anyone (unless of course she is my dom)

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: Subs that won't stop staring - 5/16/2012 1:39:35 PM

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That's the spirit! "Don't be a douche". That's all you need to know for most any public situation.

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RE: Subs that won't stop staring - 5/16/2012 1:47:02 PM

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Glad to hear the bit about real every day lives. I am willing to submit to a dom in a relationship, but by the same token I would ratehr not have that become public knowledge. She would still very much be in charge when we are not behnd closed doors, but I would rather not have that be obvious. I also want some freedom to have my own life (get a university degree, pursue a craeer of my choice....etc), but in terms of the relationship, let her call the shots.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
It's so easy to get misled by what you read, because a lot of it is essentially bollocks. Fantasy, wish fulfillment, just not the real lives we live every day. Pervs are just folks, and not unique snowflakes more than any other special interest group.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: Subs that won't stop staring - 5/16/2012 1:48:51 PM

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I don't know anyone that wouldn't want you to have a life... and one of those JOB things. Men with jobs are good.

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