RE: Spanking, when to safe word!

RE: Spanking, when to safe word! (Full Version)

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ProlificNeeds -> RE: Spanking, when to safe word! (5/13/2012 6:34:33 AM)
FR~ "Handling' the pain and enjoying it are different things. If you're enduring it to please him, great, feed on that. If you're not enjoying any aspect of the more extream ends of the spanking, let him know that. Just tell him... this is fun up to THIS point... after that I stop enjoying it in any degree." He can't really be blamed if you're not clear about your own feelings and wants for the sessions you do. Sometimes pushing the limit is not fun, sometimes it is, that's what you two have to negotiate. Exchanges should be mutually enjoyable, not one sided.

Arturas -> RE: Spanking, when to safe word! (5/13/2012 7:11:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Looking4more64 I am new to this lifestyle. I have been chatting and been with a Dom twice. (same Dom). We live 1.5 hours from each other and I'm married but live in an open marriage. This Dom is very much into spanking (hand, paddle, crop, belt) to the point were I am black and blue for a week with pain, trouble walking and sitting. I don't want to disappoint him but when do I know enough is enough and use my safe word? I do enjoy my spankings but it can get to the point where I'm not sure anymore. He tells me he feels I can handle it. Please any advise would helpful thanks! Safewords are rarely used. This is because submissives dare not so they do not disappoint the Dom or they are in sub space and cannot. Therefore, it is the Dom who must know the tell tale signs a submissive has had enough.

angelikaJ -> RE: Spanking, when to safe word! (5/13/2012 10:48:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Arturas quote: ORIGINAL: Looking4more64 I am new to this lifestyle. I have been chatting and been with a Dom twice. (same Dom). We live 1.5 hours from each other and I'm married but live in an open marriage. This Dom is very much into spanking (hand, paddle, crop, belt) to the point were I am black and blue for a week with pain, trouble walking and sitting. I don't want to disappoint him but when do I know enough is enough and use my safe word? I do enjoy my spankings but it can get to the point where I'm not sure anymore. He tells me he feels I can handle it. Please any advise would helpful thanks! Safewords are rarely used. This is because submissives dare not so they do not disappoint the Dom or they are in sub space and cannot. Therefore, it is the Dom who must know the tell tale signs a submissive has had enough. I am my Master's slave. His first commandment to me was that I never give up my right to say "No.". His second was that He needed to be able to have absolute trust in me that I would both be able and willing to use my safe words. He communicated what was needed. I have not had issue with that. Were I in subspace then yes, I would expect He would take care of me. Clear communication is not something the OP received from her partner. These are the safe words but you don't need to use them because I know you can take more for me... that is an awful head game he is playing.

Greta75 -> RE: Spanking, when to safe word! (5/15/2012 8:23:17 AM)
I gotta agree. In this lifestyle, we do play dangerous games and it's very impt for the dom to respect the sub when she feels like she can't take it any more. Especially things where it's a thin line between pleasure and inflicting physical violence on you. To me, just because you agreed to spanking, does not mean you have to be beaten until black and blue. I enjoy spanking ALOT but I definitely have no qualms about guiding the dom on appropriate pressure. I am not sure what your safe words are, but when I play, we do have a word that just hints to him to continue but please lower pressure as it's getting unbearable. It helps not disrupt the entire play.

MEUK -> RE: Spanking, when to safe word! (5/15/2012 8:36:22 AM)
me personally i use safe words in all aspects of BDSM play, even punishment yes I know what your going to say But it protects Master/Dom and sub, slave i find the traffic lights system works well :)

OsideGirl -> RE: Spanking, when to safe word! (5/15/2012 8:54:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AngelOfSilence A safe word is to let the top know something is wrong in some way and you want the scene to stop, so the time to safe word is when you want the scene to stop. Clear enough? Not necessarily. We use "yellow" and "red". "Yellow" is slow down, I need a few seconds to breathe. Master's goal is to push me to "yellow" over and over again within a play session. That way he can push me as far as possible without "red" stopping the fun. That said you can state that long lasting bruises or marks are a limit.

littlewonder -> RE: Spanking, when to safe word! (5/15/2012 10:11:18 AM)
We've never used safewords in our relationship for the very fact I completely trust him and I am completely aware that accidents happen. I believe this because we have known each other a very long time now and I have no reason to ever doubt him. If I do have something wrong while we're playing I simply tell him what the problem is and he decides if it needs to be fixed or not.

Kana -> RE: Spanking, when to safe word! (5/16/2012 4:46:42 AM)
Who safewords during spankings? :-p I mean, canings, clamps, skewers, bullwhips, dragontails, I can understand, but a spanking....c'mon now...

DarkSteven -> RE: Spanking, when to safe word! (5/16/2012 5:17:07 AM)
Hell, I've been safeworded when telling jokes.

bostondom55 -> RE: Spanking, when to safe word! (5/17/2012 12:33:37 AM)
some good posts here, and perhaps because you are a newbie you are a bit too eager to submit even when it negatively effects your life afterwards. please let me offer a suggestion: Tell him no belt, no canes, no excessive force when spanking... or whatever is bruising you. Tell him no spanking exceeding 20 minutes (or whatever). You're in PA, surely you can find a local Dom who is more suited for your wants, needs and expectations. good luck

Kana -> RE: Spanking, when to safe word! (5/17/2012 6:11:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bostondom55 some good posts here, and perhaps because you are a newbie you are a bit too eager to submit even when it negatively effects your life afterwards. please let me offer a suggestion: Tell him no belt, no canes, no excessive force when spanking... or whatever is bruising you. Tell him no spanking exceeding 20 minutes (or whatever). You're in PA, surely you can find a local Dom who is more suited for your wants, needs and expectations. good luck I don't know about "telling" him anything...:-) Maybe ask nicely while grovelling at his feet-that usually works better Gal starts telling me what I can and can't do-she's liable to be told where the door is.

kittenheels43 -> RE: Spanking, when to safe word! (5/31/2012 7:08:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Looking4more64 I am new to this lifestyle. I have been chatting and been with a Dom twice. (same Dom). We live 1.5 hours from each other and I'm married but live in an open marriage. This Dom is very much into spanking (hand, paddle, crop, belt) to the point were I am black and blue for a week with pain, trouble walking and sitting. I don't want to disappoint him but when do I know enough is enough and use my safe word? I do enjoy my spankings but it can get to the point where I'm not sure anymore. He tells me he feels I can handle it. Please any advise would helpful thanks! try the traffic light system, when you think you are at your limit you yell amber, and he knows to slow it down, when you are ok again, you say green and save red for when you really cannot stand it :)

AVegasMaster -> RE: Spanking, when to safe word! (6/14/2012 3:07:27 PM)
I'm not the first to say this- it's time to move on.

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