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RE: Spanking, when to safe word! - 5/13/2012 6:34:33 AM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		FR~
"Handling' the pain and enjoying it are different things.
If you're enduring it to please him, great, feed on that. If you're not enjoying any aspect of the more extream ends of the spanking, let him know that. Just tell him... this is fun up to THIS point... after that I stop enjoying it in any degree."
He can't really be blamed if you're not clear about your own feelings and wants for the sessions you do. Sometimes pushing the limit is not fun, sometimes it is, that's what you two have to negotiate. Exchanges should be mutually enjoyable, not one sided.

(in reply to Alecta)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Spanking, when to safe word! - 5/13/2012 7:11:41 AM   
Arturas


Posts: 3245
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Looking4more64

I am new to this lifestyle. I have been chatting and been with a Dom twice. (same Dom). We live 1.5 hours from each other and I'm married but live in an open marriage. This Dom is very much into spanking (hand, paddle, crop, belt) to the point were I am black and blue for a week with pain, trouble walking and sitting. I don't want to disappoint him but when do I know enough is enough and use my safe word? I do enjoy my spankings but it can get to the point where I'm not sure anymore. He tells me he feels I can handle it. Please any advise would helpful thanks!


Safewords are rarely used. This is because submissives dare not so they do not disappoint the Dom or they are in sub space and cannot. Therefore, it is the Dom who must know the tell tale signs a submissive has had enough.

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to Looking4more64)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Spanking, when to safe word! - 5/13/2012 10:48:50 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas


quote:

ORIGINAL: Looking4more64

I am new to this lifestyle. I have been chatting and been with a Dom twice. (same Dom). We live 1.5 hours from each other and I'm married but live in an open marriage. This Dom is very much into spanking (hand, paddle, crop, belt) to the point were I am black and blue for a week with pain, trouble walking and sitting. I don't want to disappoint him but when do I know enough is enough and use my safe word? I do enjoy my spankings but it can get to the point where I'm not sure anymore. He tells me he feels I can handle it. Please any advise would helpful thanks!


Safewords are rarely used. This is because submissives dare not so they do not disappoint the Dom or they are in sub space and cannot. Therefore, it is the Dom who must know the tell tale signs a submissive has had enough.



I am my Master's slave.
His first commandment to me was that I never give up my right to say "No.".
His second was that He needed to be able to have absolute trust in me that I would both be able and willing to use my safe words.

He communicated what was needed.
I have not had issue with that.

Were I in subspace then yes, I would expect He would take care of me.

Clear communication is not something the OP received from her partner.
These are the safe words but you don't need to use them because I know you can take more for me... that is an awful head game he is playing.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

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30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to Arturas)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Spanking, when to safe word! - 5/15/2012 8:23:17 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		I gotta agree.
In this lifestyle, we do play dangerous games and it's very impt for the dom to respect the sub when she feels like she can't take it any more.
Especially things where it's a thin line between pleasure and inflicting physical violence on you.

To me, just because you agreed to spanking, does not mean you have to be beaten until black and blue.

I enjoy spanking ALOT but I definitely have no qualms about guiding the dom on appropriate pressure.

I am not sure what your safe words are, but when I play, we do have a word that just hints to him to continue but please lower pressure as it's getting unbearable. It helps not disrupt the entire play.

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Spanking, when to safe word! - 5/15/2012 8:36:22 AM   
MEUK


Posts: 3
Joined: 11/4/2009
Status: offline 		me personally i use safe words in all aspects of BDSM play, even punishment
yes I know what your going to say But it protects Master/Dom and sub, slave
i find the traffic lights system works well :)

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Spanking, when to safe word! - 5/15/2012 8:54:17 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AngelOfSilence

A safe word is to let the top know something is wrong in some way and you want the scene to stop, so the time to safe word is when you want the scene to stop. Clear enough?


Not necessarily. We use "yellow" and "red". "Yellow" is slow down, I need a few seconds to breathe. Master's goal is to push me to "yellow" over and over again within a play session. That way he can push me as far as possible without "red" stopping the fun.

That said you can state that long lasting bruises or marks are a limit.


_____________________________

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to AngelOfSilence)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Spanking, when to safe word! - 5/15/2012 10:11:18 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		We've never used safewords in our relationship for the very fact I completely trust him and I am completely aware that accidents happen. I believe this because we have known each other a very long time now and I have no reason to ever doubt him. If I do have something wrong while we're playing I simply tell him what the problem is and he decides if it needs to be fixed or not.


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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Spanking, when to safe word! - 5/16/2012 4:46:42 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Who safewords during spankings? :-p

I mean, canings, clamps, skewers, bullwhips, dragontails, I can understand, but a spanking....c'mon now...

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Spanking, when to safe word! - 5/16/2012 5:17:07 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Hell, I've been safeworded when telling jokes.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Spanking, when to safe word! - 5/17/2012 12:33:37 AM   
bostondom55


Posts: 44
Joined: 9/26/2011
Status: offline 		some good posts here, and perhaps because you are a newbie you are a bit too eager to submit even when it negatively effects your life afterwards. please let me offer a suggestion: Tell him no belt, no canes, no excessive force when spanking... or whatever is bruising you. Tell him no spanking exceeding 20 minutes (or whatever). You're in PA, surely you can find a local Dom who is more suited for your wants, needs and expectations. good luck

< Message edited by bostondom55 -- 5/17/2012 12:35:46 AM >

(in reply to Alecta)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Spanking, when to safe word! - 5/17/2012 6:11:18 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bostondom55

some good posts here, and perhaps because you are a newbie you are a bit too eager to submit even when it negatively effects your life afterwards. please let me offer a suggestion: Tell him no belt, no canes, no excessive force when spanking... or whatever is bruising you. Tell him no spanking exceeding 20 minutes (or whatever). You're in PA, surely you can find a local Dom who is more suited for your wants, needs and expectations. good luck

I don't know about "telling" him anything...:-)
Maybe ask nicely while grovelling at his feet-that usually works better

Gal starts telling me what I can and can't do-she's liable to be told where the door is.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to bostondom55)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Spanking, when to safe word! - 5/31/2012 7:08:10 AM   
kittenheels43


Posts: 107
Joined: 2/4/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Looking4more64

I am new to this lifestyle. I have been chatting and been with a Dom twice. (same Dom). We live 1.5 hours from each other and I'm married but live in an open marriage. This Dom is very much into spanking (hand, paddle, crop, belt) to the point were I am black and blue for a week with pain, trouble walking and sitting. I don't want to disappoint him but when do I know enough is enough and use my safe word? I do enjoy my spankings but it can get to the point where I'm not sure anymore. He tells me he feels I can handle it. Please any advise would helpful thanks!


try the traffic light system, when you think you are at your limit you yell amber, and he knows to slow it down, when you are ok again, you say green and save red for when you really cannot stand it :)

_____________________________

6 months ago I was so vanilla you could have scooped me into a bowl

(in reply to Looking4more64)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Spanking, when to safe word! - 6/14/2012 3:07:27 PM   
AVegasMaster


Posts: 119
Joined: 8/2/2010
Status: offline 		I'm not the first to say this- it's time to move on.

(in reply to Alecta)
Profile   Post #: 33
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