Profile critique

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15speed -> Profile critique (5/20/2012 6:50:49 AM)
Greeting everyone, I have been on here for quite some time, but have not posted for a long time. Due to a very low response rate (probably due to my age and occupation), I was wondering if some of the women that are looking would check out my profile and then tell me about their perceptions. Maybe include a little wisdom, your age is unimportant,all would be welcome.

searching4mysir -> RE: Profile critique (5/20/2012 6:59:24 AM)
Welcome! I might change some phraseology. "I am open to any age" sounds much more appealing than "I can deal with any age". Deal sounds as if you will put up with it or tolerate it. It also sounds to me like you are more D/s than S&M. As far as the journal entries go, you might have to look at the no response from a submissive woman's point of view. Often when we reply with a nicely worded "thanks for your interested but I don't feel we are compatible" we either get abused or they try to coerce us. No response is a response of "I'm not interested" and is far easier and not likely to open us up to verbal abuse. I'm no longer seeking as I found my master here. Good luck.

15speed -> RE: Profile critique (5/20/2012 7:05:40 AM)
Thank you. Good food for thought. Definitely D/S.

kalikshama -> RE: Profile critique (5/20/2012 7:40:05 AM)
This would put me off: quote: My only requirements are total submission and obedience both sexually and domestic Only? Lol. You look less like an experienced Master ISO a new slave than someone whose been frustrated in a vanilla marriage - someone who wants to be in charge but doesn't have the experience to deserve the responsibility. Why don't you start by looking for a sub and work up to a slave? Have you tried keywords in trucker's personals? That's how I found M on OKCupid - I said I was looking for an assertive, dominant man.

15speed -> RE: Profile critique (5/20/2012 8:11:30 AM)
Interesting!! My wording is coming across as a little to strong. While I don't mind training or retraining, I was trying to eliminate those who are only playing and or only sub/slave in certain areas. Guess it's rewrite time again. In wording from a discussion on TSR, I was trying to say that I am looking for some with a "slaves heart". While I am fairly new to the online thing, and don't care to much for it, I am not "new". If we were talking over coffee I think that would be clear.

lizi -> RE: Profile critique (5/20/2012 8:33:12 AM)
Yes, I remember your other threads from the past and had even given you advice way back when. I'd have to say your profile has improved quite a bit since then but there are still a few things that would turn me away. In the profile text telling people that those looking for online, part time, or who are experimenting that they aren't committed is your opinion and a negative one. You have struggled with being overly negative in the past, couldn't you just say there that you are looking for a full time D/s relationship and leave it at that? Why slam others in the process of stating what will work for you? Then the journal entry saying it's bad manners for a slave not to respond to your polite inquiry...no, it's not a given to have strangers respond to emails around here. Because men act like asses and get abusive if you tell them no, so it's easier to just not respond. If you'd like that to be different then you'd have to talk to the men that use this site and tell them to stop acting like nasty children. Also, you may think your inquiry was polite, what if it wasn't to her? Does she still owe you a reply? Why? You're a stranger and not in any dynamic with her, yet. Someone calling themselves a slave doesn't need to respond to the ones calling themselves a Master until they've decided to be a part of that. Would you want a slave that is a slave to anyone at all? The other journal entry on slaves having needs and wants....well, yes, they have them. And they will be choosing relationships that fulfill those needs and wants. Why would you think that someone's sexual orientation meant that they didn't have needs and wants? That is ridiculous. You mentioned twice in the entries that you wish you could just buy a slave to get what you want, to me that says you don't want to put in the work for a relationship. Slaves are people, slaves get to be selective, especially in the beginning since after that they're looking for the other person to take charge - a slave needs to choose carefully then right? Why shoot someone down because they are selective? If your daughter were a slave would you want her to choose her long term relationship carefully or just do whatever those "Masters" out there tell her to do? Would you want her to end up with someone who respected her and her place in his life or someone who just wanted to buy her from a market because she looked good? As before with your other intro threads, you seem to be genuinely interested in sharing your life with someone and want that to work, but you seem to be very set in your ways. Not that it's wrong to be like that, but I do think it's cutting down on those who might be interested in you more than the job and your age. It's the attitude. I will say though that things are different in this profile version and are definitely more positive.

peppermint -> RE: Profile critique (5/20/2012 8:43:59 AM)
Your age just means you may have to expand your search to include every possibility of finding that perfect partner. I met Gary when he was 54. A male friend of mine met his sub when he was 67. As I have said before, if Gary had written to me here I probably would have said thanks but no thanks due to him being 10 years old and his location. In person works best when you are older. You wow them with your great personality. If you search Cary'sl Page, Fetlife, and the links given in the FAQs here on CM you will be able to locate munches that are happening in the towns and cities where you may be spending the night. Go to those munches. Go ahead and start to wow those ladies with your personalty. Get their email addresses and keep in contact with those who interest you. Develop friendships that may lead to something more.

kalikshama -> RE: Profile critique (5/20/2012 8:52:25 AM)
I hadn't read your journal entries before. I recommend you delete them all. Keep your public journal light. I used to post about concerts I attended and got a great response rate from that. I second the recommendation to go to munches in various areas. You could mention those in your journal. Do you have regular routes or are you all over the country? It's not likely you'll form a bond after attending one munch so it would be good if you are in the area frequently. I'm south of Boston and close to 5 munches. There's a lot of overlap in the people who go to them, so you wouldn't need to be in town for each Braintree munch for example - a lot of the same people go to the Taunton munch too.

Greta75 -> RE: Profile critique (5/20/2012 8:56:43 AM)
I think you were extremely specific on exactly what you are looking for. The more conditions you put in, the smaller and the more difficult the pool of people who will fit into requirements will be. But that's the way it is. Finding the right match will not be easy.

15speed -> RE: Profile critique (5/20/2012 9:08:40 AM)
Thanks everyone- good stuff-will be rethinking things

BBBTBW -> RE: Profile critique (5/20/2012 9:51:20 AM)
"I am a 62yr old truck owner/driver looking for a new girl." Your first line. Looking at the header of your profile, we know you are 62 male and DOMINANT, to restate it is redundant and unnecessary. Are you looking for a "girl" or a Woman? "I can deal with any age." Nothing further needs to be said about this, its already been critiqued. "I prefer women under 5'4" and under 150lbs., but it is not set in stone." So you are looking for a "woman". If her height and weight are not set in stone, why make that statement? You have just turned off about 3/4 of your possibilities. Sometimes physical preferences are better left unsaid. Your flower in the weeds might be 5'9 and 160 lbs. Weed the flowerbed as its blossoms... "I also own a large, live aboard boat, currently on the Virgina coast. When I retire this will,most likely be my home." Do you currently live on this boat, if not, then do you have a house somewhere? "My only requirements are total submission and obedience both sexually and domestic," This has already been critiqued. Except to say that you need to put a period instead of a comma. "because of the size of both the truck and the boat the domestic part is fairly easy." This should be reworded to say, "The sizes of both the truck and the boat are conducive to domestic activity" or some reasonable facsimile. "Do you have a little wanderlust in you?? Want to ride around seeing and enjoying this great country of ours??" This should probably be your opening line "I don't have any good pictures, but will share what I have. Putting the one on a horse up, because it's the best one." Rewording this might make it flow better. Perhaps something along these lines. "I apologize for the low quality picture. However, it is all I have at present. I am working on getting more to share." Then follow up and get a few shots of your truck and your boat with you in them. "Big Pluses 1) You LOVE oral 2) You have a CDL 3) you are intelligent" Leave #'s 1 and 3 off. You can tackle specific sexual desires in conversation and everyone thinks they are intelligent. That is something you need to determine when getting to know her. "IF you really have a NEED to be beaten, abused, degraded or humiliated, it will not work. IF you do not have a clear and absolute desire to serve and obey, without conditions, then it won't work, I do not want to have to force. IF you are looking for online, part-time or experimenting, you are not committed, and are of no value to me. If you are not happy in your own skin, there is no way for me to fix you." Make yourself a bullet point check list to refer to on your end of the computer or phone. These are questions and situations you can use to develop conversation with the prospective females you are "interviewing" and "being interviewed" by "I know the picture is not good, but it is the best I could do with what I have, Maybe someday someone will be available to take a better one." Completely eliminate this. You have already talked about your low quality pictures. My final critique of things that haven't been covered is that you mentioned size twice, once in the actual profile and once in your journal entry. You obviously want a small woman...ok...however, that can be intimidating (not in the good way) to someone. Hope all of our critiques helped. Now that I have gone through yours, I am going to go through mine and tweak it.

15speed -> RE: Profile critique (5/20/2012 10:12:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lizi Yes, I remember your other threads from the past and had even given you advice way back when. I'd have to say your profile has improved quite a bit since then but there are still a few things that would turn me away. In the profile text telling people that those looking for online, part time, or who are experimenting that they aren't committed is your opinion and a negative one. You have struggled with being overly negative in the past, couldn't you just say there that you are looking for a full time D/s relationship and leave it at that? Why slam others in the process of stating what will work for you? Then the journal entry saying it's bad manners for a slave not to respond to your polite inquiry...no, it's not a given to have strangers respond to emails around here. Because men act like asses and get abusive if you tell them no, so it's easier to just not respond. If you'd like that to be different then you'd have to talk to the men that use this site and tell them to stop acting like nasty children. Also, you may think your inquiry was polite, what if it wasn't to her? Does she still owe you a reply? Why? You're a stranger and not in any dynamic with her, yet. Someone calling themselves a slave doesn't need to respond to the ones calling themselves a Master until they've decided to be a part of that. Would you want a slave that is a slave to anyone at all? The other journal entry on slaves having needs and wants....well, yes, they have them. And they will be choosing relationships that fulfill those needs and wants. Why would you think that someone's sexual orientation meant that they didn't have needs and wants? That is ridiculous. You mentioned twice in the entries that you wish you could just buy a slave to get what you want, to me that says you don't want to put in the work for a relationship. Slaves are people, slaves get to be selective, especially in the beginning since after that they're looking for the other person to take charge - a slave needs to choose carefully then right? Why shoot someone down because they are selective? If your daughter were a slave would you want her to choose her long term relationship carefully or just do whatever those "Masters" out there tell her to do? Would you want her to end up with someone who respected her and her place in his life or someone who just wanted to buy her from a market because she looked good? As before with your other intro threads, you seem to be genuinely interested in sharing your life with someone and want that to work, but you seem to be very set in your ways. Not that it's wrong to be like that, but I do think it's cutting down on those who might be interested in you more than the job and your age. It's the attitude. I will say though that things are different in this profile version and are definitely more positive. You have made good points, and I will try to address some of them. The purchase thing was an attempt at humor with a touch of of serious as it would eliminate all hassles and one would not have to try to discern if she was truly a slave. The one that I am looking for would have a "slaves heart" who is less concerned with pickyness, and more about her need to serve. Having said that I do think she should be concerned with safety, provision and protection. I,also, am a little different in that I think that a happy, obedient slave is of great vaue. I am very aware of the abuse that most have to deal with on here, and wish that it was different. But courtesy and politeness, in my opinion, help to define a good slave regardless of the conditions. As to my being set in my ways that should be a good thing, and I would not be very open to one who I felt would attempt to place her needs over mine. Having said that, once her needs, wants, desires are known to me, it would behove me to to try to incorprorate those things to promote her mental well being, i.e. being happy. Good conversation and I hope it continues, at least for a while.

15speed -> RE: Profile critique (5/20/2012 10:23:13 AM)
WOW!!!! Line by line-good stuff. Thank you. At least I have no doubt that you read it. I have work to do.

15speed -> RE: Profile critique (5/20/2012 10:37:56 AM)
I think that I picture someone bouncing up and down, waving and saying "pick me, pick me". LOL really hard.

BurntKitty -> RE: Profile critique (5/20/2012 10:59:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: 15speed I am very aware of the abuse that most have to deal with on here, and wish that it was different. But courtesy and politeness, in my opinion, help to define a good slave regardless of the conditions I'm going to address this point as the others pretty much gave you spot on advice regarding the rest of the profile. The people you are contacting are women first, then slaves. As soon a a woman logs on, the messages begin pouring in. I might have one waiting when I log in, but 3 more suddenly show up, and I'm not looking for a mate. It's even worse for the ~~fresh meat~~ new users. Think of it as this: it's unsolicited mail that really doesn't have to be replied to if the woman doesn't want to. Do you really reply to all messages you receive on your outside email account? How many times do you get the "bigger penis now" or "discount cialis" and don't forget the "£300 million inheritance" scams we all receive on a daily basis. It isn't disrespecting you by not replying, so try not to feel that it is. The fact you are asking for help in tweaking the profile shows you're open minded in looking for a better advert for yourself. Best of luck. By the way, a closeup of the horse's face would have won me hands down. I fell for my guy because his pics showed his love of animals. He had his dogs & cats as well as a collection of dragon figurines. (I loooove dragons.)

15speed -> RE: Profile critique (5/20/2012 11:48:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BurntKitty quote: ORIGINAL: 15speed I am very aware of the abuse that most have to deal with on here, and wish that it was different. But courtesy and politeness, in my opinion, help to define a good slave regardless of the conditions I'm going to address this point as the others pretty much gave you spot on advice regarding the rest of the profile. The people you are contacting are women first, then slaves. As soon a a woman logs on, the messages begin pouring in. I might have one waiting when I log in, but 3 more suddenly show up, and I'm not looking for a mate. It's even worse for the ~~fresh meat~~ new users. Think of it as this: it's unsolicited mail that really doesn't have to be replied to if the woman doesn't want to. Do you really reply to all messages you receive on your outside email account? How many times do you get the "bigger penis now" or "discount cialis" and don't forget the "£300 million inheritance" scams we all receive on a daily basis. It isn't disrespecting you by not replying, so try not to feel that it is. The fact you are asking for help in tweaking the profile shows you're open minded in looking for a better advert for yourself. Best of luck. By the way, a closeup of the horse's face would have won me hands down. I fell for my guy because his pics showed his love of animals. He had his dogs & cats as well as a collection of dragon figurines. (I loooove dragons.) I like most animals better than most people. Thousand of pics of horses, in pasture, under saddle, in harness, and in the show ring, but that is no longer part of my life so I don't say much about it. As to the messages I can agree with you if we are talking about general email, but when one states on here that she is searching then that is different in my opinion. Thanks for the input.

15speed -> RE: Profile critique (5/20/2012 11:52:23 AM)
Ok ladies, I did a quick rewrite- have at it!! The input has been awesome

searching4mysir -> RE: Profile critique (5/20/2012 12:04:23 PM)
Much better!

BBBTBW -> RE: Profile critique (5/20/2012 1:51:25 PM)
I agree MUCH BETTER, I love the second paragraph. I found myself fantasizing that I had a "slave heart" and was about a foot shorter and a couple hundred lbs lighter. Then I get to the bottom and you just lost any woman you had a chance with. Simply because you contradicted yourself. You say you want someone to be comfortable in their skin, then you talk about your fantasy woman. I can't tell you what an INSTANT TURN OFF this is. Remember, you are talking to a PERSON first. No one wants to think they are the one settled for or be second choice. *Edited to add: You seem to think it is rude if you are not replied to...but honestly if I were what you were seeking and you wrote me an e-mail and I went to look at your previous profile, I wouldn't have written you back either. The person you represent yourself to be is the person who is going to get responses. You were poorly represented before. Remove that last line and see what happens now. Oh and be realistic and open-minded in your venture.

smartsub10 -> RE: Profile critique (5/20/2012 2:14:38 PM)
quote: Then I get to the bottom and you just lost any woman you had a chance with. Simply because you contradicted yourself. You say you want someone to be comfortable in their skin, then you talk about your fantasy woman. I can't tell you what an INSTANT TURN OFF this is. OMG, OP, pleeeeease ditch the last sentence in your profile. Jeez, what a turn off. Maybe you meant for it to be funny, but most women will not think so.

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