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Who is real? (Focus: Femdom) - 5/24/2012 10:35:51 PM   
ChewMeUp


Posts: 20
Joined: 8/9/2009
Status: offline 		Re: "Any Institutions or Individuals using this site or any of its associated sites for research or studies do not have my permission to use any of my profile or photos both current and future."

Fakes and frauds are extremely prevalent in Femdom, to the point that I can hardly tell who is or is not the person they're representing themselves to be. To the point that I spend 99% of my time hiding profiles written by either male perverts pretending to be women so they can get other males to tell them erotic stories about their previous experience, or hiding frauds who are stealing someone's photos to collect money on paypal, amazon etc. I can't even tell how many of them are actually just regular females who want money and presents (less than ideal but at least its authentic).

quote:

"This scam is typically perpetrated by persons (male or female) claiming to be dominant women. Commonly, the scammer will claim that they are inundated with messages and that you need to send them a "tribute" (money) to prove your sincerity before they will speak with you further. Typically, but not always, they will request that you send the money via an Amazon Gift Certificate. Not uncommonly, once the money is received, the scammer will stop responding to messages or delete their account. So, before sending anyone 'tribute', remember that your only reward may be a lower bank balance."


In consideration of the above, lets not have the indignity of a bunch of naysayers pretending there is no significant trend of fraud; if you read CM's scam page you will also notice in the language that its in the Femdom lifestyle that these fakes are most prevalent. Respectfully, concerning submissive females and dominant males, this problem might seem less to you, but its the #1 major dysfunction of this website for anyone in the Femdom lifestyle. I can also think of a couple Dommes who may show up and poo-poo the very sentiment - after all they're swamped with emails from submissive males, real submissive males, maybe too many submissive males, so they don't see the problem. Just because males, and submissive males (the minority) in particular have to shoulder the lion's share of the burden, does not mean that it isn't a significant problem. Femdom is important, and real submissive males are important.

I am writing this post for two reasons. One is to request Collarme open up an anti-fraud fund that I and other concerned community members can contribute to with the focus of maintaining the free-site, open nature of this online community but still giving us a way to combat the fraud. Blocking whole IP addresses, not just email addresses; tracking at least the most frequently stolen images; setting up the blueprint for a "digital fingerprint" the site can use to keep predators out of this community.

Second purpose: to ask the real women - advice please? With all these fakes, what are some good ways to identify a real profile when you see her? The sad fact is that the submissive men you are hoping to meet spend a great deal of their search and talk time simply on eliminating fakes and frauds. So many great Dommes go off the site simply because they can't put up with the frustration.

I never - never, never, never - log onto this site without seeing at least one profile that needs to be permanently hidden. Obvious giveaways are old pixelated photos of 19 year old models. The other kind of fakers, men pretending to be women, tend to be the ones with all the femdom art: .

Just a word to the wise, ladies I know a lot of you are really fond of the femdom art as well but I have spoken to so many male fakers using this art (and probably using your old profile text), I just can't bring myself to write to someone with femdom art as their front page photo - most have been men. This statement: "Any Institutions or Individuals using this site or any of its associated sites for research or studies do not have my permission to use any of my profile or photos both current and future."

I see that disclaimer on almost every profile I see - including the fake ones. Every time I read a great profile and see that dialogue I immediately rethink my decision to write to that person.

Who's real? I can hardly tell anymore.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Who is real? (Focus: Femdom) - 5/24/2012 10:44:42 PM   
ChewMeUp


Posts: 20
Joined: 8/9/2009
Status: offline 		Another suggestion is that Collarme could cheaply and easily add "Hide" options to an entire search. Example, if I was going to search Google I could go to advanced search, search domain collarme.com, and hide 80% of the scammers just by typing "-tribute" into the search bar.

If Collarme added an "un-search" bar to their "Interest Search" tab, we could add words like "tribute" to a block list that kept anybody with the word tribute in their profile from coming up in your search. If they added the "un-search" bar to the Interest Search tab I could blacklist the words "tribute", "princess", "wishlist" and "amazon.com" (not "amazon"), and not have to see most of these frauds.

AND - by adding simple options like that Collarme would drastically cut down the interaction the frauds receive from their intended targets.

What do all frauds eventually do when the well runs dry? A: They Leave. We will never get rid of all of them but giving us simple search tools to filter them would dramatically shrink their food supply.

(in reply to ChewMeUp)
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RE: Who is real? (Focus: Femdom) - 5/24/2012 10:44:43 PM   
Pyramus


Posts: 397
Joined: 5/14/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChewMeUp
With all these fakes, what are some good ways to identify a real profile when you see her?


I'm decidedly not a Domme - but - what I do to identify fakes is simply ask for a phone number.

The fakes drop off instantly. Those that give a phone number out of the country when they're listed as local also drop off my list. The rest almost always become friends over time because we have fantastic late-night conversations!

(in reply to ChewMeUp)
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RE: Who is real? (Focus: Femdom) - 5/24/2012 10:48:00 PM   
subbyinlosangele


Posts: 117
Joined: 1/23/2012
Status: offline 		You doth protest too much. Here's the solution. Just be real. The BSers and fraudsters disappear quickly if you greet people as a human being and other deal with others who do the same with you. If you get suckered in by someone, it's because you allow yourself to be.

(in reply to ChewMeUp)
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RE: Who is real? (Focus: Femdom) - 5/24/2012 10:49:36 PM   
Whenready


Posts: 319
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline 		I'm not a munch fan (that's another story) but - everyone there will be a real genuine 100% human (except bert, but we don't talk about him).

< Message edited by Whenready -- 5/24/2012 10:50:09 PM >

(in reply to ChewMeUp)
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RE: Who is real? (Focus: Femdom) - 5/24/2012 11:04:29 PM   
ChewMeUp


Posts: 20
Joined: 8/9/2009
Status: offline 		True there are a lot of ways to navigate the fakes (and no I've never been suckered), but sometimes the sheer volume of fakes is wearying. If I don't log in for three months for example I generally find about 20 in 40 Dommes are real; and 16 out of those 20 are not compatable. That leaves 4, all of whom may not actually be searching, may be in a relationship and just maintaining their profile, or may be very far away. Looking for the right woman you are better off with a sample size of 400, 200 of whom are real and 40 of those 200 are compatable, and those 40 people might be far away but the hope is you meet one you strike a chord with where there is a mutual interest; and hopefully at least a few of them are interested in you and find you appealing as you do them; the idea is to find the right person. To really have a good chance of meeting the right person you want more than 400, you want a healthy online community with thousands of people, even hundreds of thousands. Frauds and fakers are in the way. Timing, distance, circumstance, personality differences are all big enough challenges themselves. Frauds and fakers don't need to be in the way.

All of us should want to improve our ability to find the right person; I know for a fact Collarme does too. A few years back they added "Interest Search"; some time soon they will update their website again; when they do they need to be thinking that people are very concerned with this problem in order that when cheap easy ways to fix it present themselves, CM is ready to act and implement them.

(in reply to Whenready)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Who is real? (Focus: Femdom) - 5/24/2012 11:16:00 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		What is the purpose of making your suggestions on the forums? Are you trying to gain support for your idea and think by posting this, we can force something by numbers? Personally I don't see that working so well. I won't go into why I think that as I need to get to bed, but having some members paying or donating and others that don't could pose some challenges of some sort.

I don't see a reason that someone should protect me. I am an adult. I am dominant and female and we women get the same come on's, the same scammers and as you call it, fraud attempts. The military guys... the cute model types sending their email address, etc. It isn't just this site. It is everywhere online. If you don't know the game, it is time you learned that lesson. Trying to get something for nothing... or something so good it couldn't be true, tend to be the ways people get caught up in the trap and the cheap and horny kinkster as well, as on many others on other sites. Looking for love in all the wrong places... you know the deal.

If a site wants to pursue something like this... if they are able... cool. If not... we adults ought to realize that we need to be aware, not be too greedy, needy or horny and that the scammers all over the world, in every type of business or area in life, are there. These people are not perverting our, my, or your lifestyle. How the hell can they do that? They say, do this, I say no and I get on with what is important to me. They haven't perverted anything.

You want a clean site, (maybe) scammer free... try Disney.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 5/24/2012 11:20:14 PM >

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to Whenready)
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RE: Who is real? (Focus: Femdom) - 5/24/2012 11:18:01 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		The sheer number of men who start threads about all the fake/pro/otherwise unacceptable profiles is wearying.

You've discovered the hide function, use it in good health. I agree, there are far too many moneygrabbers pretending to be femdoms. They annoy me very much, not least of all becuase they foster an attitude of bitter entitlement in the men.

For my part, I am (or rather was, when I was actively seeking) tired of the men who are bored with the company of their spouses and want some 'discrete' fun. The 'cuckolds' who have no idea what that entails. The men who want a woman's attention and offer not even a cup of coffee in return, because that would be 'tribute', now wouldn't it?

So, who gets the scarlet letter? And explain again why you're not getting full value here?


_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to ChewMeUp)
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RE: Who is real? (Focus: Femdom) - 5/24/2012 11:28:56 PM   
ChewMeUp


Posts: 20
Joined: 8/9/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

The sheer number of men who start threads about all the fake/pro/otherwise unacceptable profiles is wearying.

You've discovered the hide function, use it in good health. I agree, there are far too many moneygrabbers pretending to be femdoms. They annoy me very much, not least of all becuase they foster an attitude of bitter entitlement in the men.

For my part, I am (or rather was, when I was actively seeking) tired of the men who are bored with the company of their spouses and want some 'discrete' fun. The 'cuckolds' who have no idea what that entails. The men who want a woman's attention and offer not even a cup of coffee in return, because that would be 'tribute', now wouldn't it?

So, who gets the scarlet letter? And explain again why you're not getting full value here?


quote:

the


I use the hide function in bad health, any more of it and I will get an aneurysm. Full value? Everyone, including CM, is getting less value out of whatever can be invested be it time or money, via the impediment of frauds and fakes (as you mention yourself). How much would it cost to add a keyword-blacklist to the interest search tab? Almost nothing. Better searches = better member experience; better member experience = happy members; happy members = thriving community; thriving community = better advertising rates.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Who is real? (Focus: Femdom) - 5/24/2012 11:32:09 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subbyinlosangele

You doth protest too much. Here's the solution. Just be real. The BSers and fraudsters disappear quickly if you greet people as a human being and other deal with others who do the same with you. If you get suckered in by someone, it's because you allow yourself to be.


Yes indeed, I recall I had to stroll down in full leather regalia down a mall and you were on your knees screaming "Mistress, Mistress, over here" then I woke up from my nightmare and recalled that I was on my knees, cuddling a boxer (dog) and you said "I didn't see you" and I had to point out that I blend in well with dogs ;) Then we just had coffee and conversations... Btw I think you might have enjoyed DomCom, I did.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to subbyinlosangele)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Who is real? (Focus: Femdom) - 5/24/2012 11:33:46 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I suggest you take your list of suggestions and forward them to the support team. There is absolutely nothing we forum participants can do to affect any kind of change to the site. The owners have their plan, the admins and mods implement their policies. The strategy must be working for them.

Good luck, and keep clicking. The number of profiles you can hide is evidently unlimited! I've hidden hundreds.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to ChewMeUp)
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RE: Who is real? (Focus: Femdom) - 5/24/2012 11:48:26 PM   
ChewMeUp


Posts: 20
Joined: 8/9/2009
Status: offline 		There's always something we can do. Interest sites post forums as a place for their members to talk, yes; but also because its one of the best places to learn about what their members think about their site. This is interactive media where the interaction is the media. Its important to let them know. The moderators read and talk about the forums and generally seem to have an interest in the lifestyle themselves. It pretty much goes without saying that they are interested in what goes on here, its their business after all. They know about the frauds, it appears they do what they can with what they have, but that is not to say that what they're doing now is as good as what they can be doing in the future. Craigslist is free but they have a feature to prevent duplicate advertisements; the same could be done for profiles. They are probably wondering on a regular basis how they can improve the problem; soon enough it will dawn on them there are a lot of cheap, simple design features they could implement quickly.

I don't know if there are a lot of women who pretend to be men to manipulate submissive females to get auto erotic conversation out of them, but there certainly are a great number of men pretending to be be women to manipulate submissive men. They are less than the tribute frauds though.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Who is real? (Focus: Femdom) - 5/25/2012 12:07:21 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2298
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subbyinlosangele
You doth protest too much. Here's the solution. Just be real. The BSers and fraudsters disappear quickly if you greet people as a human being and other deal with others who do the same with you. If you get suckered in by someone, it's because you allow yourself to be.


DITTO... best advice in how to deal with it.

_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to subbyinlosangele)
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RE: Who is real? (Focus: Femdom) - 5/25/2012 12:09:24 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		But you having a female avatar while being male is also a bit misleading...

There is a difference in overly policed and running wild, so how will you prevent people who feel the same way from expressing what they are looking for? I'd be peeved if somebody in another part of the world would have the same keywords and it would mean I would have to rework my profile around not using what they use...

As for the frauds, using common sense, phone verification (Skype is free and anonymous) goes a long way, and even longer way goes meeting people IRL at munches

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to ChewMeUp)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Who is real? (Focus: Femdom) - 5/25/2012 12:10:43 AM   
ChewMeUp


Posts: 20
Joined: 8/9/2009
Status: offline 		Stockholm Syndrome: an apparently paradoxical psychological phenomenon in which victims express empathy and have positive feelings towards their defrauders, sometimes to the point of defending them. These feelings are generally considered irrational in light of the danger or risk endured by the victims, who essentially mistake a lack of abuse from their captors for an act of kindness. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stockholm_syndrome

(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)
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RE: Who is real? (Focus: Femdom) - 5/25/2012 12:14:42 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		A note from a scammer does not equate to an abduction.

And having a certain amount of longevity on these boards....I can assure you that the site owners are walking their own primrose path.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to ChewMeUp)
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RE: Who is real? (Focus: Femdom) - 5/25/2012 12:17:04 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2298
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline 		ChewMeUp... it's important to not become emotionally involved or emotionally lured in right away by anybody.

Scammers and fakes can be very adapt at forcing you into corners to make decisions/choices. Much like a high pressure sales person does. In fact, very much the same tactics. Manipulative little pixies.



_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to ChewMeUp)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Who is real? (Focus: Femdom) - 5/25/2012 12:20:17 AM   
ChewMeUp


Posts: 20
Joined: 8/9/2009
Status: offline 		Who has a female avatar? Just checking - not I. Not quite sure what you're saying about keywords without knowing the keywords you mention.

Ideally being able to un-search words like tribute would at the very least eliminate the majority of frauds from a search. True some pro-dommes use the word tribute legitimately, submissive males eliminating that word from searches would limit pro-Domme visibility; but less so if pros had their own category.

Categories are a whole other problem with the site. Pros and lifestylers should have different categories that way everybody finds what they are looking for. I never saw a pro Domme before but I've considered it to increase my training. Meaning that while I'm single I would probably take the time to search for both. And since pros would have their own category, the word "tribute" would go without saying. And since you could un-search the word tribute in a lifestyle Domme search, you wouldn't have to see the fakes.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Who is real? (Focus: Femdom) - 5/25/2012 12:22:50 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		And what of the pro dominants who (surprise!)also are 'lifestyle'?

This is a worn down path of same-old, Chewy. And your avi does look like a chick.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to ChewMeUp)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Who is real? (Focus: Femdom) - 5/25/2012 12:30:11 AM   
ChewMeUp


Posts: 20
Joined: 8/9/2009
Status: offline 		I guess I look like a chick then, though not so in person. If not for the glare you could see my stubble and gratuitous eyebrows ;)

Categories are your friend. I the male sub want women to have everything and anything they want; I do think they'll have an easier time getting it if they have a category whose focus lends itself to that desire. I hope it goes without saying that I am all for Dommes, pro or otherwise. Sub or otherwise I think every man owes the lady in his life the very best of what he has to give, and should always be generous, with emotions, intimacy, effort or prosperity, what little prosperity there is to be had in this economy anyway.

That some member types experience a great deal less imposterism than others is... I guess good for some. I think most people would agree that its not a good thing. Generally speaking I would venture a guess that women deal with more liars, more big talkers, more philanderers, people who are only interested until they get their cyber fix. But I would trade them so fast for this great, tremendous number of "Dommes" who are really not even the right gender, much less interested in the lifestyle.

< Message edited by ChewMeUp -- 5/25/2012 12:35:22 AM >

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 20
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