Am I just being greedy? (Full Version)

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kalthus -> Am I just being greedy? (5/27/2012 2:28:20 PM)

Thought I'd ask switches this question - the Masters would just say 'do what the fuck wou want!!!' and the slaves would just say 'do whatever you wish...." So -

I'm new to the kink scene, and I'm inexperienced (or more accurately, out of practice). Hands up to that one straight away.

I'm talking to all sorts of nice people, trying to learn more about kink. I'm arranging play sessions with a couple of them, because they have specific skills like medical play, rope play - things you don't want to get wrong. And I'm talking to other people who are looking for something other than a 24/7 relationship.

Now, whats worrying me is this - I have always essentially been a one woman kind of guy. It feels very odd to be talking to people who don't think the same way, but - well - it seems to enable me to have a lot of kinky sex with different women, without having to give up domestic freedom. I'm a caring sort of chap who would feel bloody awful if my partners felt used, but - well, so far they don't. And I could quote chapter and verse about not forgetting peoples emotional needs, that these are real people not sex toys, etc etc....

So - am I being greedy? Is it really OK to just have a series of play partners? Does that make me a 'player', or does the fact that these ladies all know what I'm doing and have their agenda make a difference?



LadyPact -> RE: Am I just being greedy? (5/27/2012 5:08:28 PM)

I'm not a switch.  I'm assuming you are putting your question in this category because you enjoy either both topping and bottoming or feel comfortable in either a sub or D role, but your post didn't specify that.  To Me, your post speaks more about casual play than anything else, so that is the part that I'm responding to on this thread.

It's honestly not a bad thing for people who are just starting out to spend some time playing casually.  Even as your own post points out, you're in a learning phase.  How are you going to know what you like if you don't try things out for a while?  You'll have no clue unless you actually DO certain activities.  Plus, you are trying to learn to do them safely.  There's a lot out there in the world of BDSM that aren't the smartest things to learn by trial and error. 

As far as the kinky sex with various people, that is a personal choice.  Not everybody who plays casually includes physical sex with their S/m.  Just be up front and honest about it so that people can make an informed choice.  Oh, and please remember the safer sex practices.



kalthus -> RE: Am I just being greedy? (5/27/2012 10:25:42 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm not a switch.  I'm assuming you are putting your question in this category because you enjoy either both topping and bottoming or feel comfortable in either a sub or D role, but your post didn't specify that. 


I would say that I'm mostly Dom/Top, but occasionally someone suggests a form of play that males me thing - you know, that could be fun... And I thought I night get the most balanced response from this group.

quote:

Even as your own post points out, you're in a learning phase.  How are you going to know what you like if you don't try things out for a while?......  You'll have no clue unless you actually DO certain activities.  Plus, you are trying to learn to do them safely.
 

quote:

As far as the kinky sex with various people, that is a personal choice.  Not everybody who plays casually includes physical sex with their S/m.  Just be up front and honest about it so that people can make an informed choice.  Oh, and please remember the safer sex practices.

Thats all fine. I'm interested in doing these things right, well and safely, not just as often as possible.

Eventually, I guess, I would like an exclusive relationship. When I find the right woman, that would be nice.

I suppose it's just a shift for me from the vanilla wold, which looks down on the idea of multiple partners or learning.... Partner A is great for cuddles. PArtner B is teaching me how to cook really great French food, but thats it, we don't do anything else. Partner C has a job and doesn't want to make time for a permanent boyfriend, so we spend ther weekend together when she's free. Bloody hell, you'd get SHOT for that!!



kalikshama -> RE: Am I just being greedy? (5/28/2012 7:23:20 AM)

quote:

Is it really OK to just have a series of play partners? Does that make me a 'player', or does the fact that these ladies all know what I'm doing and have their agenda make a difference?


It is ok! Do take note that despite the best of intentions, people can develop feelings for those who were supposed to be just casual play partners.

Feel free to limit your scenes to medical play, etc, that do not end in intercourse - I've had several fabulous play partners who never took off their pants.



ProlificNeeds -> RE: Am I just being greedy? (5/29/2012 6:42:53 AM)

FR~
If you're okay with it and they are okay with it, sleeping around is fine if you're being safe.
That said, when you arrange 'play dates' with these women, don't always assume there will be sex. Maybe they just intend to show you rope work or medical play, maybe they don't want your dick inside them until you've chosen to have a relationship of more meaningful quality.

Just be clear and don't make assumptions. As a kinkster myself I am more than willing to share certain kinks with multiple people... doesn't mean I will fuck any of them. In point of fact I refuse to have sex with anyone except those in a commited relationship to me.


As for being a switch? That has nothing to do with swinging around multiple partners at a rapid pace as far as I am concerned.



XenoMaster -> RE: Am I just being greedy? (7/6/2012 3:58:13 PM)

The question is whether you feel more uncomfortable about what you might be doing to them or whether it is more that you are uncomfortable with it.

I'm like you in some ways. I avoid sex and intense intimacyunless the relationship is romantic but play in the scene in other ways. Works for me.

Just make sure that you can be comfortable in your own skin with what you do and everything should be fine. Unless you are some kind of flaying fetishist of course. If that is the case don't worry about the skin. :)



ReMakeYou -> RE: Am I just being greedy? (7/7/2012 8:05:52 AM)

I guarantee you that these women are no more monogamously tied down to you than you are to them. So long as everyone's cool and nobody's pressuring anybody else too hard, where's the harm?



GreedyTop -> RE: Am I just being greedy? (7/7/2012 8:09:21 AM)

~FR~

no, Dammit...*I* am Greedy!!

(sheesh, at least twice a year, I need to point this out!! LOL)


AND... WHat LadyP said.



LadyPact -> RE: Am I just being greedy? (7/7/2012 11:05:40 AM)

OK, that was just plain funny.




mummyman321 -> RE: Am I just being greedy? (7/9/2012 4:59:52 PM)

Greedy......quit being so damn Greedy!



GreedyTop -> RE: Am I just being greedy? (7/10/2012 8:05:14 AM)

NO! I *like* me this way!! And I think that plenty of others like me this way too!! Neener, neener!!



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