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MissAsylum -> Why I Don't Go to Church. (5/28/2012 1:36:38 PM)
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The last few months have been a bit...freeing for me. The only thing i have done differently: i have stopped attending church.
Have I lost faith in God? No, not by a long shot. I have simply lost faith in the institution that is church. Same as religion, the "physical" church is man made. As with all things made by man, it is full of flaws.
I have been attending the same church since I was 9 or so. Like most kids who are in religious households, Sunday mornings were filled with dread for me. Getting up early, putting on nice clothes to impress nobody as far as I was concerned. I wanted to learn about God, but I hated the process to get there.
Then as I got older, around the high school age, I started to like church. My cousins and my younger brother was going as well, so it was lovely to have somebody to talk to and understand.
Things (in my head) were so nice to the point that I was interested in taking on more responsibilities in the church as they came my way.
I actually wanted to teach Sunday school (specifically the middle and high school classes).
This required me to be trained- go to teaching symposiums, learn how to plan lessons, all that.
I was up to the task, no problem.
Around this time, my cousins went away for college, and i went to a local school. So i was by myself. No matter- there are youth in the church I should be able to get along with. I'm a people person.
Youth retreats turned into the very bane of my existence from ages 14 to 17: HIGH SCHOOL. Drama. The adults were absolutely NO better. Actually, they were worse, because they should KNOW better. I actually remember being taught about gossip being bad (i didn't need the bible or church for that) during a lesson....somewhere in the first chapter of Romans. However, it seems that ALL people did was gossip and otherwise meddle in everybody's business but theirs. So tacky.
Back to teaching, I was generally taught to always reference the bible when there is a question. Ok, that seems all well and good, but try answering questions and having a bible quote at the ready.
What do I say to somebody who is under threat to join a gang and their family is at risk? What do I say to the person who is carrying a baby and they were raped, but is emotionally unable to go through with it?
"Read yada yada yada?"
No.
I'm going to give the best advice I know how. Why? I have been in the same situation as these people or have seen it happen to somebody else.
The best thing I can do is be honest, not skirt around the issue. I was verbally bashed to my face and behind my back for just being real.
That wasn't good enough, so I stepped down from teach, and packed in going to church all together.
Through doing that, I have found myself to be more spiritual than religious, and closer to my God, more than I had ever been while attending church.
Will I go back? Who knows?
Right now, I know church isn't for me.
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