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RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 6/11/2012 8:06:55 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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My personal perspectives are quite contrary to much of this. Glad it works for you though.

Did you want us to shoot the flaws in this type of thinking down?
Did you want to add things that are commonly much more important?

A universally applicable "submissive's manual" is possible to write, but it would be quite extensive. i love universal truths and have been trying to write them effectively for over 40 years. So far I have got this:

"Be happy, unless you prefer not".

I think that sums it up. Everything else always turns into a moot point given enough time. However. I have enjoyed the quest for universal truths even though I very rarely arrive at one. The journey is good mental exercise.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.


(in reply to Maxmillean)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 6/12/2012 2:57:27 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
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I'm sorry, I really am, because I'm not wantin to be snarky or mean. This list seems to contradict the impression it gives of the one posting.
It sounds like good relationship advice on the surface, but when I read it, I simply get the impression of a Dominant recycling his or her past and working through numerous issues.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it.

Anyway, thank you for sharing your thoughts on the subject.

WinD


(in reply to Lucifyre)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 7/25/2012 7:59:57 PM   
NewbieMistress


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Joined: 6/19/2012
From: United States
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Hello

Finally. someone who shares, and is unselfishly assisting the rest of us. Thank you for your thoughts,opinions and a copy. Please let me know when you have other things to share Master Maximilian. I appreciate the time and effort. Its nice to have someone actually teaching you and not just mocking you.

NewbieMistress

(in reply to Maxmillean)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 7/25/2012 8:18:20 PM   
Endivius


Posts: 1238
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There's not 10 things I need. There's like 3 things.

Don't talk so much, play with my balls, and make me a sandwich.

_____________________________

Basically if you can't inspire someone to trust you deeply, you aren't going to be able to buy that or a reasonable facsimile thereof. -DesFIP

(in reply to NewbieMistress)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 7/26/2012 12:32:31 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
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From: The cold bit of the UK
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You been talkin' to my Master?

*runs off to make yet another sammich*

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There's nowt so queer as folk


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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 7/26/2012 12:39:51 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
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*tacklehugs da Bunny*

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Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 7/26/2012 12:47:25 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
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From: The cold bit of the UK
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smoochiegropes da flyin' monkey!

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There's nowt so queer as folk


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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 7/26/2012 6:34:19 AM   
Kana


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Joined: 10/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Endivius

There's not 10 things I need. There's like 3 things.

Don't talk so much, play with my balls, and make me a sandwich.

And no teething. Never forget that lil tidbit. No teeth. None. Nada.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to Endivius)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 7/26/2012 6:36:38 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

Its nice to have someone actually teaching you and not just mocking you.


I've just skimmed though your other threads and can see why you feel like people have been mocking you. You might get a better reception moving forward if you start your new threads with:

- I took previous advice and bought these books from the booklist
- I want to take your advice and go to munches but I have these questions
- I took your advice and started going to munches
- I realize that BDSM relationships have a lot in common with vanilla relationship. That being said, ...

Your questions aren't asked in a vacuum - people remember your posting history and get frustrated if you seem to ignore all the advice or knowledge previously given.

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(in reply to NewbieMistress)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 7/26/2012 6:40:57 AM   
Kana


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Joined: 10/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Englishcrumpet

it did well on fetlife .... - i guess its all down to 'know youre audience


Holy snikes-it did well indeed.
The response difference between there and here is amazing. There they are falling over themselves fawning on how brilliant it is, here we cranky bastards are blasting away.
Damn, we be mean!

< Message edited by Kana -- 7/26/2012 6:42:42 AM >


_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to Englishcrumpet)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 7/26/2012 7:03:06 AM   
JhonP


Posts: 83
Joined: 7/5/2012
Status: offline
quote:

Speaklng as a domly dom, how wise would I be if I didnt delegate, and use my submissive's skills? I am not 100% behind the idea of kicking him out on the front lines while I lag back at the base, but if he knows stuff, he's taking care of those things.


I may have misinterpreted and most likely have…but my take is you perceive the male submissive as something more than an over-sexed cock-driven mindless puppet responding to commands or demands.
How very unusual, if so.


< Message edited by JhonP -- 7/26/2012 7:05:47 AM >

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 7/26/2012 7:09:15 AM   
LaTigresse


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Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NewbieMistress

Hello

Finally. someone who shares, and is unselfishly assisting the rest of us. Thank you for your thoughts,opinions and a copy. Please let me know when you have other things to share Master Maximilian. I appreciate the time and effort. Its nice to have someone actually teaching you and not just mocking you.

NewbieMistress


I don't know how I missed this little treasure of a thread when it was first posted........other than I was busy living life, or had a serious lack of give a damn due to the title.

Way back when (not all that long ago in dog years even) I first discovered this delightful world of BDSM and power exchange dynamics, and was busy having lots of 'ahaaaaa' moments, there was a very brief (like maybe 10 minutes or so) when I might have been impressed by the OP.

Fortunately those brief few moments passed quickly and I now realize that sort of thing for the worthless crap it is.

I hope your 10ish minutes pass equally as quickly.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to NewbieMistress)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 7/26/2012 7:11:08 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Here we go again.....

So basically the same responsibilities for any single relationship on the planet.

Amazing huh?



This

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Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 7/26/2012 7:13:20 AM   
crazyml


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Joined: 7/3/2007
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Just so we're totally clear on this one, subbie ladies...
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: Endivius

There's not 10 things I need. There's like 3 things.

Don't talk so much, play with my balls, and make me a sandwich.

And no teething. Never forget that lil tidbit. No teeth. None. Nada.


That's Never EVER with the teething


_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 7/26/2012 7:27:42 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
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Oh fuck me with a pitchfork I am soooo glad I found this.

quote:

ORIGINAL: warlock1935


Excellent post, @Maxmillean. As it happens, I train submissives in all of those points,


I'm biting... how many subs have you trained?

Is this a training program?

Do they get a certificate?

quote:



but that's because while the women I've been in relationships with were eager to learn, few of them really understood that they needed to practice submissive Principles like Trust, Transparency (Communication), Loyalty (Discretion), Patience, and Dedication (Honest Effort and Understanding). I meet a lot of submissives who have a wonderfully deep desire to be trained, especially once they fully understand what it is to be an excellent submissive. But it's a lot to learn, even more work to practice, and it's out of their comfort zone and thus can be a strain.


You actually meet a lot of subs? How many is a lot?

How the fucking-fuck do you interpret Trust, Transparency (Communication), Loyalty (Discretion), Patience, and Dedication as "Submissive principles". Do you not apply these principles to yourself?

quote:


The hard part about it is that Suburban Sue attitudes (the PaleoFeminist doctrines that men are inferior and have to learn to be just like women) is deeply ingrained in popular culture.


Now, I'm saying this out of love, you understand?

On what fucking planet did you get the impression that PaleoFeminist doctrines imply that men are inferior? And on which planet is the doctrine deeply ingrsined in popular culture?



quote:




It's so pervasive that submissive women have to change attitudes that they don't even notice they have. The anti-submissive nature of our entire culture is so universal that for most people it's presence is as natural and unnoticed as air.


Oh fuck me... this sounds like some serious stuff. Don't we need to save all wimmins from this shit? What about the women that aren't submissive... do we leave them to their meaningless, masterless existence or do we save them too?


quote:


For example, a lot of submissives have told me stories of submissive support groups turning into what they referred to as "Subbie Bitch Sessions". That's a Loyalty issue. It's something that submissives can get sucked into easily unless they're forewarned and watching out for it; our whole culture celebrates the Suburban Sue scenario of women snarking on their men, and it's so ingrained it's a hard attitude to overcome.


I am quite sure that plenty of Doms provide subs with oodles of snark fodder.

quote:


Similarly, Doms often have to work hard to "Man Up" and learn to be - not just act - like a Man. Every single day of our lives our present culture has told them, in a hundred small and large ways, that it was bad to be a Man.


Do you feel oppressed? Do you need a hug? Are all those scary wimmins making you afeared? Because I certainly don't feel fucking oppressed.

quote:




Now, submissive women want Men instinctively, not just in their fantasies. And Dominant men want their women to be submissive. But the cultural pressure tends to cause Doms to unconsciously slip into Vanilla relationship mode, and that of course makes the submissive unhappy. And then the Suburban Sue attitudes of disrespect come back out.


I just don't have this problem.... never seen it. I meet the odd asshole, the odd wacko, but you know... I just don't get the disrespect you're alluding to here.

Can it be that I'm just very very fortunate?

quote:


I've found that for me, a consistent program of training helps keep us both on track. It's easier to change attitudes force-fed to us our whole lives if you work at them every day. It's also easier for the Dom to discipline her, and to live a principled life, when it's a daily activity.



Oh please, please, for the love of all things awesome, share more with us about this program of yours.

quote:


Personally, my methods of discipline lean heavily on paying attention to what submissives do right; my punishments for mistakes or carelessness, etc, thus can be pretty light. What I do punish harshly is any hint of Suburban Sue attitudes, and I do it instantly - that works better than anything else I know of.


Wait... that's dog training? You know we're talking about human females here don't you.

--------

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to warlock1935)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 7/26/2012 7:32:18 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: Endivius

There's not 10 things I need. There's like 3 things.

Don't talk so much, play with my balls, and make me a sandwich.

And no teething. Never forget that lil tidbit. No teeth. None. Nada.



where's the fun in THAT???

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 7/26/2012 7:34:38 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama
Your questions aren't asked in a vacuum - people remember your posting history and get frustrated if you seem to ignore all the advice or knowledge previously given.


This ^^^


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 7/26/2012 7:35:22 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
*loves ML bigtime (except for that no teeth thing)*

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 7/26/2012 7:42:06 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

Just so we're totally clear on this one, subbie ladies...
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: Endivius

There's not 10 things I need. There's like 3 things.

Don't talk so much, play with my balls, and make me a sandwich.

And no teething. Never forget that lil tidbit. No teeth. None. Nada.


That's Never EVER with the teething




Pffftttt...a WEAL dominant could cope with a couple of minor grazes, bruises and gaping wounds

SuburbanSuebunny

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive - 7/26/2012 7:43:13 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself


quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

Just so we're totally clear on this one, subbie ladies...
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: Endivius

There's not 10 things I need. There's like 3 things.

Don't talk so much, play with my balls, and make me a sandwich.

And no teething. Never forget that lil tidbit. No teeth. None. Nada.


That's Never EVER with the teething




Pffftttt...a WEAL dominant could cope with a couple of minor grazes, bruises and gaping wounds

SuburbanSuebunny


Listen, even a WEAL dominant can cry sometimes.

<ouchies>


_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 60
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