RE: Questions and advice

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MasterRJ72 -> RE: Questions and advice (6/11/2012 12:32:26 AM)
Quit my "Domly" talk? Sounds like you have a biased opinion. I stated what she herself stated. She said she made promises that she did not keep. Why should she even consider taking advice from someone who is very obviously biased? How is that going to help her? Do you even know what her true intentions are in asking these questions? Did you stop to consider that maybe she is doing this as a way of trying to exert her control over him by making it appear that he is wrong and she is right? There is much that is left unsaid here. quote: ORIGINAL: kitkat105 Oh stop with your Domly talk. It doesn't work on me. Of course we can only go by what she says, she's the only one here! I still stand by what she said.. if she has to ask for advice on here, then the relationship is probably failing anyway.

MasterRJ72 -> RE: Questions and advice (6/11/2012 12:44:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: landrezy Your "dom" sounds needy. Needing to control every aspect of your life isn't being a Dom, it's being an insecure, anxiety ridden submissive. He's not in control of his insecurities. How can you be in charge of someones life when you can't master your own? It sounds like you had enough information to make a decision before you ever posted this. Make it. It's going to suck, deal with it and find someone who is a better match. It seems to me that you are one who advises against the very things you put her Dom down for. This is posted in your own profile.............. "High standards of dress, obedience and performance are expected. Willing to train honest and enthusiastic newcomers. Frequent webcam sessions will be expected. Daily assignments will be carried out regardless of RL obligations or employment" Are you giving such advice so you can come on to her yourself. Its sounds to me like you are seeking basically the same things her Dom is wanting from her. Can you say hypocrite?

kitkat105 -> RE: Questions and advice (6/11/2012 12:50:11 AM)
I'm just curious as to why this particular thread out of all of them encouraged you to join in the conversation. Does it hit a raw nerve? LOL! @ you trying to sound snarky.

landrezy -> RE: Questions and advice (6/11/2012 12:55:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterRJ72 Are you giving such advice so you can come on to her yourself. Its sounds to me like you are seeking basically the same things her Dom is wanting from her. Can you say hypocrite? Maybe I am. If I am, I have no inclination to justify or even explain my motivations to you. What I am looking for is between me and those who seek me out. I have neither the time or desire to listen to your opinions on the subject.

MasterRJ72 -> RE: Questions and advice (6/11/2012 12:56:32 AM)
Stephanie, I see a lot of problems in this relationship. I however am not going to place any blame on you or on him. Whether you or anyone else likes it or not people do have different thinks that they like. That is part of what this type of a relationship is about. Whether it is right or wrong is not for anyone else to say. That is something the two of you have to work out between yourselves. Contrary to what one person advised this is not something that you can take to a counselor. You are wrong to even bring it to this type of open forum. How can you say you love this man and lie to him? How do you have trust in a relationship when you don't do the things you say you will do? You made it clear that he told you all of this before the relationship even started. He was being honest with you. If that was against your moral beliefs then why did you even begin the relationship? Why would you promise him over and over that you would do anything he wanted if you didn't intend to do so? A Dom has every right to expect and demand obedience. As a sub you have an obligation to respect your Master's wishes and if you can't then you should leave the relationship. But its a choice that you have to make. Not one that people in a forum like this should be making for you. You don't mention why, is he is so bad, that you want to remain with him if the things he wants you to do is against your moral beliefs. I really don't understand that. I do feel there is much more to this story than what you are telling us.

FrostedFlake -> RE: Questions and advice (6/11/2012 12:56:52 AM)
quote: Master says that the only place where he really has an opportunity to exercise control is when i am at work The problem is you can't see what the problem is. You manage to type it easily enough, but you don't notice what you have typed when you do. Your master (used advisedly) has given you a very clear choice. Dump him, or he will fuck you up in the MONEY department. And, of course, not for the sheer hell of it. Guys, especially nasty guys, are basically capable of figuring out which side of the jam the bread is on. Unless Romeo is 'special' he is not going to jettison your income without a good reason. I can think of two. It could be Romeo is getting bored with you, doesn't plan to keep you, and is looking to have as much fun with you as possible, before the end comes. That way, he can laugh every time he thinks about you, knowing that you cry every time you think about him. That sounds bad, but I know a way to make it sound better. The other possibility is, he does plan to keep you, and wants to make you completely dependent. And knows exactly what he needs to do to accomplish that. Now that you can easily see exactly what the problem is, aren't you actually pretty happy that you are upset about it?

MasterRJ72 -> RE: Questions and advice (6/11/2012 12:57:34 AM)
I guess I could ask you the same thing. quote: ORIGINAL: kitkat105 I'm just curious as to why this particular thread out of all of them encouraged you to join in the conversation. Does it hit a raw nerve? LOL! @ you trying to sound snarky.

FrostedFlake -> RE: Questions and advice (6/11/2012 1:12:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterRJ72 I guess I could ask you the same thing. quote: ORIGINAL: kitkat105 I'm just curious as to why this particular thread out of all of them encouraged you to join in the conversation. Does it hit a raw nerve? LOL! @ you trying to sound snarky. Perhaps you misunderstood, Master RJ. I believe that what Kit Kat was intimating (saying without saying) was that you look just exactly like a sock puppet. Seven posts, all on this thread, joined mere hours ago. There just might be reason to doubt... certain things... that are against site policy to doubt publicly. Admin note : For the benefit of OP.

Stephanie72 -> RE: Questions and advice (6/11/2012 1:14:56 AM)
i appreciate people taking the time to respond but there are some things that you are all neglecting or failing to notice. I DO NOT WANT TO END THE RELATIONSHIP. i asked some very specific questions which i needed answered and no one has answered those questions. Am i obligated to obey promises i made even though i knew those things when i entered into the relationship? Am i the one who is really controlling the relationship? Should i obey his orders even if i am not comfortable with them? Is it true that withoou obedience there is no submission?

Aileen1968 -> RE: Questions and advice (6/11/2012 1:25:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Stephanie72 i appreciate people taking the time to respond but there are some things that you are all neglecting or failing to notice. I DO NOT WANT TO END THE RELATIONSHIP. i asked some very specific questions which i needed answered and no one has answered those questions. Am i obligated to obey promises i made even though i knew those things when i entered into the relationship? If you want. quote: Am i the one who is really controlling the relationship? Yes. quote: Should i obey his orders even if i am not comfortable with them? If you want. quote: Is it true that withoou obedience there is no submission? For some. Bottom line is...you entered into a relationship with a dickhead who doesn't care about your well being. Whether you choose to stay or go is up to you. Being submissive in a relationship does not mean you're not responsible for the end results of your choices...even if it's the end result of following the orders of an ass.

MasterRJ72 -> RE: Questions and advice (6/11/2012 1:25:46 AM)
So what you are trying to say then is that just because I recently joined the site it means that I can't go to different parts of the site and see what is there and respond to something that is scrolling across the screen because it sounded interesting? It seems to me that she was asking anyone to respond not just those who have been members for a long time. I've been in this lifestyle for many years. i have as much right to state my opinions as does anyone else. Can you show me in the rules where it says that someone who recently joined can not make posts? If you bothered to check the new members page you will find that the woman who wrote the original post is also a new member. quote: ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake quote: ORIGINAL: MasterRJ72 I guess I could ask you the same thing. quote: ORIGINAL: kitkat105 I'm just curious as to why this particular thread out of all of them encouraged you to join in the conversation. Does it hit a raw nerve? LOL! @ you trying to sound snarky. Perhaps you misunderstood, Master RJ. I believe that what Kit Kat was intimating (saying without saying) was that you look just exactly like a sock puppet. Seven posts, all on this thread, joined mere hours ago. There just might be reason to doubt... certain things... that are against site policy to doubt publicly. Admin note : For the benefit of OP.

BitaTruble -> RE: Questions and advice (6/11/2012 1:29:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Stephanie72 This is a question for all Doms, Dommes, subs and others. Do you think i should give in and obey his orders about having sex with other men during work hours even if i am uncomfortable with it? Feel free to call me a cynic, but I'm not buying what you're selling. 16 years in the same job but you can't afford your own place? Get a new job. You're getting screwed. Look, bottom line is you agreed and for six years you've been yanking his chain telling him you would obey and you're not. Your word is flexible, your job is your priority. He's an option or you wouldn't be actively seeking dominant men. Suck it up, buttercup. Do what your told or quit him. Your string along, dance to my tune doesn't = submissive in any of the big books I've read. That said, it's okay to change your mind but you want to gobble all that cake down and once it's gone, scream for more. It's bull. If I were him, I'd dump your ass and find someone who actually obey's, keeps their promises and doesn't try to control the relationship or choose the path and most especially isn't actively seeking dominant men in the same breath they talk about getting married. Maybe I'm too old school.. where the bottom half actually submits even when it's hard (so easy to submit to the stuff you like, right?.. yeah). Anyway, get yourself validated.. there will be lots of folks ready to throw stones at the dom guy for .. I don't know, actually wanting to be the dom guy and getting his bottom half to, basically, keep the word which was given so long ago. Up to you, though. Like I said.. I'm not really buying this story.. at least not the way it's been presented but I'm leaning on the side of the dom dude and I think your behavior and your attitude rather sucks. He's not asking you to kill someone.. he's asking you to fuck someone. Pfft.. big deal. Your job isn't paying you enough to live on.. fucking someone at work at least will break the tedium of a boring day if nothing else. Maybe start small. Masterbate in the bathroom at work or something. Fuck someone after hours when the place is closed. Work your way up to the level he wants you at.. at least then you're trying because it doesn't sound like it's the sex part that's the issue.. just the timing.

Stephanie72 -> RE: Questions and advice (6/11/2012 1:50:16 AM)
You are correct in the fact that this is more about when and where than actually having sex with others. i do need to make something more clear after reading the various responses. i don't object to having sex with others when told to do so. My problem is with where he wants me to do these things. But i have been on my job for over 16 years. i work in DC and the prices are too expensive to afford my own place. About 1/3 of my pay goes to taxes and insurance. If i had more training or a college degree i would be looking for a better paying job. But that still doesn't change the fact i am not willing to risk losing my job over this. i still have to depend on my job and my retirement if this doesn't work out.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Questions and advice (6/11/2012 1:53:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Stephanie72 i appreciate people taking the time to respond but there are some things that you are all neglecting or failing to notice. I DO NOT WANT TO END THE RELATIONSHIP. i asked some very specific questions which i needed answered and no one has answered those questions. Am i obligated to obey promises i made even though i knew those things when i entered into the relationship? Am i the one who is really controlling the relationship? Should i obey his orders even if i am not comfortable with them? Is it true that withoou obedience there is no submission? It's very difficult to give you straight answers because these are such complicated questions. The answers in my relationship would be different to the answers in Aileen's relationship, or LittleWonder's relationship, etc etc. If you've agreed to a TPE (which it sounds like you have) and you knew the conditions before you started out, then yes, you are obligated to obey OR exercise your final option of choice and end the relationship. That's not saying I agree with his orders - I personally wouldn't be with someone who wanted to jeopardize my career and my family life - but that's when I would end the relationship. I'd say that neither of you have much control at the moment. He's giving orders which aren't being followed, and you obviously feel in a desperate situation because you're scared of the relationship ending. Should you obey even when uncomfortable? Same answer as question one - you either obey or change/end the dynamic. Only you know which is more important to you. You are the one who has to look yourself in the mirror every day. 'Without obedience there is no submission'- I suppose so. If I never do anything my husband says, how am I submitting to him? You aren't wrong to have doubts about what he wants - I would too - but it sounds like a number of times this has come to a head and you have jumped right back in, agreeing to these things again. Ultimately it sounds like you want wildly different things. So either you compromise, or you end it. Time for a big, serious, completely honest talk. You need to say 'I don't think I can ever do this, so what happens next?' Also, you need to know what the overall plan is. You are getting married? When are you moving in together? Surely that will solve the 'I can only dominate you at work' issue. What's his plan for financially supporting you when you lose your job? Are you happy being dependent in that way (realising that it will limit your options if you decide twelve months from now to end the relationship)?

kitkat105 -> RE: Questions and advice (6/11/2012 2:14:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Stephanie72 But that still doesn't change the fact i am not willing to risk losing my job over this. i still have to depend on my job and my retirement if this doesn't work out. Annnnnnd ding ding ding! There's your answer!

FrostedFlake -> RE: Questions and advice (6/11/2012 2:22:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterRJ72 So what you are trying to say then is that just because I recently joined the site it means that I can't go to different parts of the site and see what is there and respond to something that is scrolling across the screen because it sounded interesting? It seems to me that she was asking anyone to respond not just those who have been members for a long time. I've been in this lifestyle for many years. i have as much right to state my opinions as does anyone else. Can you show me in the rules where it says that someone who recently joined can not make posts? If you bothered to check the new members page you will find that the woman who wrote the original post is also a new member. quote: ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake quote: ORIGINAL: MasterRJ72 I guess I could ask you the same thing. quote: ORIGINAL: kitkat105 I'm just curious as to why this particular thread out of all of them encouraged you to join in the conversation. Does it hit a raw nerve? LOL! @ you trying to sound snarky. Perhaps you misunderstood, Master RJ. I believe that what Kit Kat was intimating (saying without saying) was that you look just exactly like a sock puppet. Seven posts, all on this thread, joined mere hours ago. There just might be reason to doubt... certain things... that are against site policy to doubt publicly. Admin note : For the benefit of OP. Master RJ. Listen carefully. This is the sound of me not arguing with you. There is no point. I have nothing to prove and intend not to prove it to you. It's unfair, I know, but, I'm just not going to argue. Thank you, though, for the invitation.

Stephanie72 -> RE: Questions and advice (6/11/2012 2:24:49 AM)
Its hard for me to accept your advise since you seem so determined to just see what you want to see. You are making judgements about a man that you don't know at all and thoroughly putting him down. If he was as evil as you and others are saying do you really think i would have stayed with him all of these years and plan to marry him. He has many many good qualities. No one is perfect. Just because i don't agree with one thing he wants doesn't make him a bad person. I have met many on here who are much much worse. I've know some of those in real life.

FrostedFlake -> RE: Questions and advice (6/11/2012 2:28:50 AM)
Yes, Stephanie, those are all classic. But it remains that Romeo is threatening your ability to put food in your mouth, or your childs mouth, because it is fun.

Stephanie72 -> RE: Questions and advice (6/11/2012 2:42:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake Yes, Stephanie, those are all classic. But it remains that Romeo is threatening your ability to put food in your mouth, or your childs mouth, because it is fun. After reading your profile i find it amusing that you choose to put down someone that you don't really know. Do you normally make a habit of juding someone without knowing the facts or do you just see what you want to see and disregard the rest. You criticize him for wanting me to have sex with others while it says in your profile that you dislike chasity and are interested in polyamory. You love beating women and using whips on them which Master has never done with me. As i stated earlier i have no problem with him sharing me with others. The problem i have is with where.

BitaTruble -> RE: Questions and advice (6/11/2012 2:53:53 AM)
Dude, dude.. I have an idea! You go out and get yourself a part-time job at Starbucks or Mickey's D or some shit like that. Doesn't matter.. you're not going to be keeping the job anyway. Have your little fuck fest at THAT job.. seduce your boss or whatever.. then quit. That will satisfy your word, let you keep your integrity, obey his order AND put an extra few bucks in your pocket to go out and get yourself a little pink cami or something. Win/win! You won't be worn out because you'll only work that job for a few days. Hey.. not that I'm totally buying it all, but, good luck to you anyway. Where there's a will there's a way.

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