oops i should had seen it coming (Full Version)

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mons -> oops i should had seen it coming (6/7/2006 2:48:46 AM)

greeting to all

I had something happen to me that was so strange and
i did not see it coming i thought i had wrote it here but i did not
see my post so i am writing it now. I chatted with a male sub for
6 months or more he was kind and so sweet , funny as hell.
so we began to talk and after sometime i thought he was
someone who wouldmake a wonderful submissive or slave, as we talk
ibegan to wonder and had a gut feeling after he broke 2 dates and
was always sory about it he over slept, orsomething. So he broke
two more dates i thought maybe he was very shy and we could talk about everything.
then this last satruday he called in the daytime which was a shock we always spoke at night.
So we planned another day. As you can guess he broke it again, i am a kind
person but not a fool he made a statement that shocked me and it was " oh we
could use your voice and charge men for it " I know i am at fautl the two dates he
broke the first time i should had sent he packing but it was not so important
at that time but when my son said "he is stringing you alone" my eyes open
and he was right this was a game for him big talk and no show has this happen to anyone here
and then you do not see it until later. He was talking of things i did not even think of mariage was one
he thought i was wating for him. Now i would not go to the moonwithhim he scare me. something
was strange about him. I wrote him and told him please no calls no writing nothing leave me alone he
i think was playing a game of let me see if i can get her all dress then not call or say anyhing.
He said " i need to get some sleep so i will not be groggy with you" that was something else that
was strange i know allof you will say MOns you saw it coming but just watch out for a charming
man who likes to talk and is on collar me i can not say his name but i will say he has the longes
eyelashes i ever saw on a man, this is my fautl so i know you ladies will tell me true

best wishes
mons/jane



DiannaVesta -> RE: oops i should had seen it coming (6/7/2006 3:26:07 AM)

First two times- shame on you
Third and forth- shame on me

I'm very careful who I waste my time with. In fact I set up "jumping hoops" to avoid shit like this.

Move on.



littlesarbonn -> RE: oops i should had seen it coming (6/7/2006 3:50:35 AM)

I've never really understood the rationalization behind someone who sets up a meeting and then doesn't show up. Maybe once, but multiple times speaks of an actual problem. I'm sorry you ran into one of these types of game players, although I don't really understand what he gets out of the game, unless it's some kind of weird process of attention.



newdombbw -> RE: oops i should had seen it coming (6/7/2006 3:58:57 AM)

Mons -

I hate to tell you, but of every 5 slaves I chat with online, MAYBE 1 will actually show up as promised.  Yes, they have my phone number and can call to cancel, but they don't....just Nothing...no call and no show.

I'll spend months chatting with them every night - at length.  When they begin asking me the same questions over and over and over I begin to understand my responses are just "wanking fodder".

Why don't they show up?  Sometimes fear - sometimes they're just into the fantasy only - sometimes they're just wankers. 

My only advise is to hang in here and I am. 

Good luck with your search.



DoraExplorer -> RE: oops i should had seen it coming (6/7/2006 6:00:04 AM)

I've had this happen recently... a new sub, first meeting - he got cold feet.  Fair enough, but he didn't actually tell me until an hour before we were due to meet (I'd guessed by then due to the non-contact so didn't waste time heading for the meeting place).  Next two times, family crises, but at least he told me.  This last time, got no idea, arranged on Sunday to meet on Tuesday... haven't heard from him since.  I know family and life gets in the way, but it can't be that someone cannot get to a mobile or email account for even 30 seconds in 48 hours?  I've quit being understanding now... he's in touch, and I think anyone who acts like their time is important and your time means nothing should be the same.



SenseofBelonging -> RE: oops i should had seen it coming (6/7/2006 6:49:28 AM)

i remember vividly my first meeting with a real Domme....i was scared silly and almost cancelled...was late to lunch because i turned around three times on the way there, broke out into a cold sweat when i finally got there and sat tongue-tied and dumbfounded for the entire hour. i am normally a good, loquacious, conversationalist, but never in my life felt as foolish as i did that day. i do understand why some subs can't go through with it, but common courtesy (never mind respect) dictates at least a phone call.



crouchingtigress -> RE: oops i should had seen it coming (6/7/2006 10:46:07 AM)

Dianna, would you go into in more detail the jumping hoops you set up?
 
To the OP, I also set up jumping hoops, in fact my one slave calls it the gauntlet, its two weeks before meeting in person that are chock full of tasks that are nearly impossible to complete.
 
Knowing this, I am not looking for the task to be completed, but I am assessing the following:
 
What is their willingness to try?
At what point to they give up?
Are they able to communicate easily and effortlessly to me about their struggle?
Are they willing to be solution orientated?
Are they showing problem solving capability's
 
One of the things in the Gauntlet is twice daily check ins with their stats :
Arousal, Willingness to serve and their current Emotional state.
 
I am looking for punctuality, honesty and self awareness with this task.
 
Also physical non-sexual tasks, One I use is to hold and ice cube till it melts in his hand.....
 
I am looking for determination and willingness to please me past his personal comfort zone, with this task.
 
In all I am looking to see:
 
Do they carelessly disregard my instructions and joke about it?
Do they try to change it to suit them? 
Or do they take a serious tone and feel genuinely remorseful if they cant complete it.
And most importantly, what communication skills do they possess?
 
Another thing I do is make them journal every day about a topic, often things to familiarize themselves with leather family history and protocol. Through journaling you have access into the inner workings of the persons brain....and that can be very intimate and very insightful.
 
These hoops are not fool proof by any stretch but it weeds out the wankers pretty quick, I would say one out of ten make it through the gauntlet, but that fellow does show up for the meet and greet.



MisPandora -> RE: oops i should had seen it coming (6/7/2006 1:42:35 PM)

Don't waste that much time on someone.  If you intend to take it RT, do it, at least to validate your interest in one another.  Talk for a few meetings and then bring it together.  If they cancel once, they get one more opportunity if they were really exceptional, and that is ONLY if they cancelled with notice (or as I say, have a signed death certificate or discharge papers from the hospital.) And please, for your own sake, have parameters and safeguards in place to ensure that he's proved he is worthy AND respectful of your time.

Also, another helpful suggestion?  Perhaps cleaning up your writing style, grammar and spelling would help you attract and keep a slave that's going to be a bit higher up on the food chain.  I know a slave always appreciates an intelligent goddess who can present herself well not only verbally in person, but also command respect in the written form. 




BlkTallFullfig -> RE: oops i should had seen it coming (6/7/2006 2:09:01 PM)

Not everyone is born in an English-speaking country.  Not everyone is equally academically trained.  Not everyone nitpicks/cares about perfect grammar of perfect anything as a matter of fact among us imperfect human beings.  Speaking English well is not necessarily an indication of being higher up in the food chain.

Aside from that, I agree with the rest of your post to arrange a meeting sooner than later, and take a hint if he doesn't show up given 2 chances.   I usually give one chance, and if he gives me a believable excuse as to why he didn't show up and was unable to call and forewarn me, than he may get a second chance.    M



mons -> RE: oops i should had seen it coming (6/7/2006 5:56:33 PM)

Pandora greeting

I am so gifted and skilled in many thing, but i am dyslexic
I made it a point to speak with the submissive i talk with and this
is the problem many people do not see that bad writing maybe a
learning disorder i have no control over. I went to another group
and have been speaking with them, do you know not once did they
say "hey jane or mons clean up your writing, no instead they said let me
help you learn how to make up you writing better this was the men and the woman. I am
no longer shamed of my writing nor do i become angry when someone who should know
better then to out and out insult someone. I do thank you for you advice but
the next person you meet here think "maybe this person have a learning disorder"
and then think how it feels of years of someone saying just what you said. I am more then
my writing it does not shows who i am if you know me you would see. Do not judge or yet you will
be judge. I am a genius at art and remember all numbers told me to. My writing is not
and will not show you how smart i am Eistein was dyslexic think of this. It is ok i do not want
an answer back this is not a rant it is just a note to say judge no one

best wishes to you
mons/jane



Vendaval -> RE: oops i should had seen it coming (6/7/2006 9:08:40 PM)

Hi mons,
 
First of all, several of My close friends are dyslexic and also very creative,
so no worries about your writing style.
 
Second, if someone blows you off once, drop them.  Otherwise
you are just wasting your time and emotions.
 
Third, you live in a great area for Kink events, check out these
two web-sites,  www.soj.org and www.smodyssey.com
 
Take good care of yourself and your son.
Message me on the other side if you want to talk.
 
Peace and Light,
 
Vendaval
 
 



Misstoyou -> RE: oops i should had seen it coming (6/7/2006 9:57:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mons

... i can not say his name but i will say he has the longes
eyelashes i ever saw on a man, this is my fautl so i know you ladies will tell me true



Please don't feel alone. Yes, been there, done that. lol

In reality, after a couple of one-handed telephone conversations, I never talk on the phone anymore to submissives I haven't met, except to confirm that I'm on my way to meeting them. And there appears to be an inverse relationship between the length of time I spend on chat, and my interest in meeting someone.

But that being said, there was this one guy that just looked (literally) too good to pass up. So even though he didn't email as to the time on the day we were to meet the first time, after he apologised, he had been scared,, begged, etc, etc. we set up another meeting. And this time he stood me up for real. lol

I couldn't get mad at *him*. I knew better. I let my appetites cloud my judgment. But, after all, we are only flesh and blood. :)



mons -> RE: oops i should had seen it coming (6/8/2006 1:07:52 AM)

greeting to all

Wow i thought i was the only one and i am very hard
at learning to spell names so the one who said she had friends
who are dyslexic i know i am so gifted but it makes me so angry i
can not write well, it took me years to get this far and learn so that everyone
can understand a littel of what i say.
OH yes that submissive he was playing so many games and he was charming ans so shy
and samrt but when my son lol said he is pulling your string i was hurt and should had known
this already my son later said sorry. I want to understand why this men do this and this was the first
time i had this happen. All of the ones i seen were true but so shy and scare but sweet and i could
ususaly tell. This is the one way i keep myself safe i have a 6th sense that borders on phsyic and my twin does too so this has made me really feel when something is wrong even when i am writing to someone. Once i had things fall behind me when i was talking to someone who turn out to be a nut. So i come to lean on
that but it did not work this time. But i did have a bad feeling. I am so sorry this has happen so many of us what a joke i think someone like that is sick and scary i am not speaking of the very shy ones who it takes time to really get to know them but the ones who play games and say oh i will meet you and oh yes he said i will show my driver card to your family. That was strange after all of the time we talk. I wrote him and told him he was sick and never to write or call me ever again. Please true submissive come out of the woods lol .

thank you for your kind words and wow what a long silly thing i never was stood up one a date
mons/jane



DiannaVesta -> RE: oops i should had seen it coming (6/8/2006 5:21:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
Dianna, would you go into in more detail the jumping hoops you set up?


Jumping through hoops…
  I know that many of you don’t know me but I’ve been in the public scene for a number of years as a high profile femdom. Not only a professional dominatrix but publishing magazines, videos, articles, web sites, etc. Not only was femdom my lifestyle but my full time business. I am approached by many people daily. In my search to find personal slaves it’s a huge weeding out process because 90% or higher simply want to fulfill their sexual fantasies of possibly being my slave or they are just curious.


  I am an experienced trainer. If I train a slave you know that he/she is properly trained. I get paid to train. It’s my job to carefully nurture them, consult them and transition them into the lifestyle. Its not professional domination per se. They can’t make an appointment for an hour session and then decide how it will be conducted. It’s completely different. I also get paid, my job, to provide phone consultations.


  So you see if I open my lines of communication up freely there’s just too much room to abuse my time. I just don’t have that kind of time. Between my business, contributions and the little bit of time I have for my personal life, I am swamped! Then I have to weed through many email requests and follow up on replies. I live the lifestyle 24/7 so even my personal life requires maintenance 


  My life is not like most people. I guess that is my point.


  Hoops are options. You can do some research about me which is all over the web. Go where I go; forums, etc. and let me get to know you that way. A good example is the slave I have here now. We shared in the forums and I liked what he had to say. I actually invited him to spend time with me and personally train under me. He’s a complete novice but in exchange we both are getting what we need out of the relationship.


  The guys that email me want instant gratification. So I give them several options. The easiest way to get to know me is to make yourself useful in my busy life. Find out what I need and find a way to fill that for me. I need to pay bills and support my many venues so join one of my sites and or pay for a phone consultation. Not because you want to get off but to support my hard work and hopefully make my life easier. I always start with friendship and they need to be willing to start in that space as we build trust.


  I’ve asked guys to email me every day for 2 weeks and they stopped after 4 days. They use the excuse that they are busy. If they are that busy and they don’t have 10 minutes a day for me then how in the hell will they ever be my slave?    





RavenMuse -> RE: oops i should had seen it coming (6/8/2006 6:06:41 AM)

Mons sweetie, no it isn't your fault. All too easy over the net to actualy start believing people, to think THIS time I maybe not being lied too.

I've certainly done it before and no doubt will do it again in the future, the only time it is your fault is if you let them bite you a second time.

For me.... first time, they get my usual reasonably considerate self. If they let me down, prove not to be what I was lead to believe they where or led to believe they wanted/where looking for, I write it off, chalk it upto experience.

Second time, IF they BEG for a second chance and IF I choose to even consider it, they are dealing with a harsher side of me. One that expects to be let down, twice shy. THEY then have hoops to jump through, THEY are the one needing to take the chances, no compromise on MY convenience.

Third time... there ain't no third time! Blow the second chance and forget it. Best they can hope for is a polite 'hi' in passing if I meet them at an event.

That said, sometimes the first chance is all it takes. It is all my girl needed [:)]



subrob1967 -> RE: oops i should had seen it coming (6/8/2006 2:35:53 PM)

I almost backed out of meeting SweetDommes's, 2.5 years ago. Frankly I was burned by a woman previously, and while Karen, Holly, and I seemed to be a good  match, the fear of being burned, with the fear of actually getting what I wished for, almost made me back out at the last hour.

Yes I did say fear of getting what I wished for, because few people have the courage to follow their dreams, and make them a reality.



theRose4U -> RE: oops i should had seen it coming (6/8/2006 8:24:35 PM)

I guess I'm just more of a hardass especially with a newbie. If I can't get them on the phone 30 minutes before our date I won't go. Newbies I've discovered it's better to catch them on the phone make sure they really are leaving their house and talk them through all the doubts that make them not show up. If I can't get them on the phone they aren't going to show...haven't been wrong yet.

Speaking of phone:
quote:

  i am a kind
person but not a fool he made a statement that shocked me and it was " oh we could use your voice and charge men for it "


Did you ever think that he was playing you so that he didn't have to pay a 900 operator?



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: oops i should had seen it coming (6/9/2006 9:29:04 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U
I guess I'm just more of a hardass especially with a newbie. If I can't get them on the phone 30 minutes before our date I won't go. Newbies I've discovered it's better to catch them on the phone make sure they really are leaving their house and talk them through all the doubts that make them not show up. If I can't get them on the phone they aren't going to show...haven't been wrong yet.
I actually do this too... Never thought of it as a hard and fast rule, but indeed if I'm unable to get in touch 0.5-1.5hours before the meeting, I don't go, because he isn't going to show up.    M



OnyxGoddess -> RE: oops i should had seen it coming (6/9/2006 11:32:25 AM)

What a waste.  I had something like that happen little while ago to me.  I guess this is one reason i like chatting with them for a while THEN set up a public meeting at the mall (an example)  Even if they don't show I can still have a nice afternoon/evening.  When I get home they get deleted / blocked and phone number erased.  I have other things to do than waste my time on liars.  As far as your typing goes...who cares?  I know what you're talking about and if I didnt I could always just float you an email and ask for clarification *wink*  My son has a learning disability...i don't notice a thing. *smile* 



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