"it"

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

"it"

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> "it"

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

"it" - 10/30/2004 7:56:26 AM

willing2serve

Posts: 385
Joined: 4/6/2004
Status: offline

I am a person that has been discovering bdsm and self discovery for 2 years, exploring the mind and body and felt I was ready to take that into a D/s relationship. I searched and met many Doms,( a good bit from collarme) I would only meet after extensive conversations to know that all the criteria that I needed was there, intelligence, common sense, family situations, same ideas on bdsm, likes and dislikes, let's face it there are many facets of bdsm that makes it SO exciting, looks were icing but not the main ingredient in my search. However, I did want a Dom that I was proud to serve behind close doors as well as in public.

I was truly wanting a long term partner, not just sessions. Time came and I met many wonderful men having all the criteria aformentioned, but they just didnt seem to have that "it" that I felt I could totally submit to...some of them I REALLY wanted to have that "it", but again, "it" wasnt there. I finally and recently found a Dom that has "it", still not quite sure what the "it" is, but I feel "it" when "it" is there. After much thought, I think the "it" is self-control. what else could "it" possibly be? What is the "it" that you need in a relationship?

I have read the posts here from some wise people, I look forward to hearing your opinions.

~D~

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: "it" - 10/30/2004 11:13:11 AM

newflowers

Posts: 292
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline

When you sau "it", do you mean that you felt attracted to them in a physical, emotional, and mental way, but there was something missing? Or was one of the three above missing?

What is the difference between what you have now and what there was before?

I'm leaving the first part because I'd like to know, but i totally misread your question -
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I need him to be kind and nice - rather basic good man things. I need him to be intellectually curious and intelligent and smart. I need him to be stronger and authroitative and powerful in an emotional and mental capacity. I need the part of him that will push me - be in in a slightly sadistic and still caring and nuturing way. I recently wrote that I do not like to be forced - and I do not. But I want the control the be so pervasive that I will do *whatever* not because he is standingover me with a whip, but because I can feel him in my mind and in my heart and I am compelled to act. I need him to be open so that I can take care of him but want to know that i am cared for by him. I need him to be fun and funny and intersting and interested and controlling and controlled.

I do not k now that it is possible to spearate what I consider what I need into one definable trait.

newflowers

newflowers

< Message edited by newflowers -- 10/30/2004 11:28:01 AM >

(in reply to willing2serve)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: "it" - 10/30/2004 11:29:13 AM

willing2serve

Posts: 385
Joined: 4/6/2004
Status: offline

New flowers, that was the thing, I was physically, and mentally attracted to these other men and believe I could have become more emotionally involved with any of them in time. All were great people and I did take time to get to know them. This "it" I am referring to, I cannot verbalize...the only thing I can think "it" is, was this other Dom insisted that I have self-control and accountability, which the others let slide. I believe that was the "it" that I needed. What is the "it" that you need in a relationship?

(in reply to newflowers)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: "it" - 10/31/2004 11:05:34 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

i sort of know what you mean. That "it". There is just something about them that....... strikes you. Touches you, opens your eyes. Its hard to explain. Its taken me 4 years to find some one who has had IT. 8 years to find a true Master that has had IT. to find a deeper level. To want to open yourself too. i have in my search narrowed the possible "IT" field down to a few selective qualities that would be present.

(in reply to willing2serve)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: "it" - 11/1/2004 7:16:45 AM

willing2serve

Posts: 385
Joined: 4/6/2004
Status: offline

Very nicely put RiotGirl...the "it" opens your eyes... Have you been able to verbalize "it"?

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: "it" - 11/4/2004 12:21:41 PM

TaurusMCMLVIII

Posts: 88
Joined: 1/20/2004
Status: offline

quote:

After much thought, I think the "it" is self-control. what else could "it" possibly be? What is the "it" that you need in a relationship?

"It" for me is not one single thing but a bunch of little "its" that when are all round up become one big "IT".

(in reply to willing2serve)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: "it" - 11/21/2004 2:08:30 PM

Interesdom

Posts: 197
Joined: 5/24/2004
From: England
Status: offline

I think that a large part of "it" isn't about the other person at all. In relationships, we really relate to an image of a person in our minds - this is true even of someone we live with; we hold an image of them in our minds that is never quite accurate.

One problem with successful D/s and M/s relationships - or at least with forming them - is that "it" often only happens when there is a feeling of love. But we don't want to let ourselves love someone who may not fulfil us all necessary aspects. Being in love with someone you know you can't build a good relationship with can be very painful, after all. Possibly it's easier from a dominant's perspective (one ex-slave of mine once posed the question 'do they love us because they own us or own us because they love us') but from a would-be submissive's angle I can see that "it" may not happen until she loves her man, yet she only wants to let herself love someone who has "it".

Well, there's an analysis but unfortunately I don't have much in the way of guidance. I'll think on it. Or "it".

(in reply to TaurusMCMLVIII)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: "it" - 11/21/2004 4:27:11 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

I think I understand the "It" although I am not sure I can verbalize it very well myself. I have felt the "It" on several occasions, not only coming from my own Master but also from others in the community that have "It". The things that the Dominants that i feel "It' from seem to have in common are that they are all very respectable, honorable men who have that air about them that tells you that they are very real and sincere in their pursuit of this lifestyle, but also that they are self assured and in control of their lives. They are like Father figures and have qualities about them that make one feel safe and comfortable in their presence. I know that the "It" for me is an overwhelming feeling that I would just like to curl up in their lap like a cat and be stroked. This is not to say it is at all common, I have been living this life for many years now and can probably count on my fingers the number of Dominants who I know that I feel have "It".
Peace and light,
erin

(in reply to willing2serve)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: "it" - 11/21/2004 4:43:31 PM

willing2serve

Posts: 385
Joined: 4/6/2004
Status: offline

Very well said, Mistoferin......Do you think the Doms and Masters that have "it", know they have "it" ? I agree, I believe it is someone that has control in their life and can pass on that control and teachings to the submissive or slave.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: "it" - 11/21/2004 9:57:00 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

Thank you kindly willing2serve. I do believe that the Doms who have "It" do understand that they do, but one of the qualities that comes with "It" seems to be that these men are also humble. Confident...yes...absolutely, but not the type to brag or flaunt "It". For me to fully respect a Dominant he has to be the type of man who does have his life under control and fully understand the responsibility that it takes to own another human being. How did that old song go?.....Well he can't even run his own life....I'll be damned if he'll run mine......
Peace and light,
erin

(in reply to willing2serve)

Profile

Post #: 10