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Not exclusive til its real... too much honesty? - 6/17/2012 7:39:36 PM   
Milaydy


Posts: 7
Joined: 5/4/2012
Status: offline 		I am finding myself quite confused with some responses, or let's say lack there of... I have found a few interesting candidates for a FLR/LTR. but I find it quite confusing, and almost silly that after speaking for several weeks via IM or email some just drop off the radar without any explanation.
As I am very outspoken about not wanting an online roleplay friendship, I find it hard to understand how someone can belong to Me when we have not met and then is angry with Me that I haven't been speaking to them exclusively.

There have been more than a few with whom I have found that I was truly enjoying getting to know them, yet when they find out I am not exclusive (yet- as I try to explain) they drop out of site.

Why should anyone be exclusive when they have not met? why should I have to lie or hide the fact that until I am sure that they are the one slave for Me, I am not willing to be exclusive in My conversations. Does this resonate with anyone else?
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RE: Not exclusive til its real... too much honesty? - 6/17/2012 7:43:21 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Men disappear from the internet (and real life) ALL THE TIME. They're tired of wanking with you, and they've moved on to someone else. Their wife/gf has discovered their hobby. Any number of reasons.

It's one good reason to move to realtime as fast as possible, though that's not guarantee of anything either.

People are unreliable.

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RE: Not exclusive til its real... too much honesty? - 6/17/2012 8:23:51 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		You were not playing along with their fantasy in their head so they went away to find someone else who would accommodate them.

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RE: Not exclusive til its real... too much honesty? - 6/17/2012 8:29:58 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		Think of it like dating.  Some people expect you to be exclusive right away, others aren't.  And always remember, that it is a two way street.  So if you were telling them you didn't want them talking to anyone else, you should have given them the same courtesy.  As you said, you don't "own" them yet, so that is a demand, dominant or not, you aren't in a position to demand without expecting reciprocation.

(in reply to Milaydy)
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RE: Not exclusive til its real... too much honesty? - 6/17/2012 9:21:46 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Milaydy
Why should anyone be exclusive when they have not met? why should I have to lie or hide the fact that until I am sure that they are the one slave for Me, I am not willing to be exclusive in My conversations. Does this resonate with anyone else?


A better question is why are you wasting time asking questions about people who are obviously immature flakes?

There are a lot of idiots on-line. i don't mean to be disrespectful, but you should know that by now. Get over it and move on.

(in reply to Milaydy)
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RE: Not exclusive til its real... too much honesty? - 6/17/2012 9:39:30 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline 		1. Get a picture. If it's appealing go to
2) Get a phone number right away. That will eliminate a large chunk of the marrieds and/or wankers. Make that phone call and if that goes well go to
3) real time meet. That'll crop out the rest of dumb*sses. You'll either be stood up, have no chemistry or one-sided chemistry, or maybe and just possibly he'll show, you'll have a nice time together, and want to see each other again.

DON'T spend significant time and energy online. Use it as the initial connection, then get to the real stuff. Simples.

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RE: Not exclusive til its real... too much honesty? - 6/17/2012 10:54:03 PM   
SoulAlloy


Posts: 2106
Joined: 8/23/2009
From: Preston, UK
Status: offline 		Have to say I wouldn't give a phone number till we'd chatted a bit more or arranged to meet, mainly coz I'm terrible on phones...

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RE: Not exclusive til its real... too much honesty? - 6/18/2012 12:28:06 AM   
MissToYouRedux


Posts: 867
Joined: 1/23/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SoulAlloy

Have to say I wouldn't give a phone number till we'd chatted a bit more or arranged to meet, mainly coz I'm terrible on phones...


I 'm not a phone person either. I go from online to real time meetings. In the end it's the real time chemistry that matters anyway.

*edited because I know real time is two words!

< Message edited by MissToYouRedux -- 6/18/2012 12:33:08 AM >

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RE: Not exclusive til its real... too much honesty? - 6/18/2012 8:28:44 AM   
SadisticMs2


Posts: 203
Joined: 8/10/2011
Status: offline 		Online is ok for first contact, but it's a lousy way to spend your time "getting to know" someone. Most people are not who they say they are online - it's just a simple fact.

Generally speaking, if a potential sub makes it past the first couple of rounds of email (make sure they are local enough, make sure they aren't cheating on anyone, make sure they get what I'm about and can reasonably meet my expectations), it's straight to the phone. This needs to happen within a week of first contact.

From the first phone call - I give it more or less 10 days to be able to meet for coffee. If that's not going to happen, then move on.

I don't rush getting to know someone. I do however require that "getting to know you" be done face to face.

< Message edited by SadisticMs2 -- 6/18/2012 8:29:12 AM >

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RE: Not exclusive til its real... too much honesty? - 6/18/2012 3:32:20 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Why should anyone be exclusive when they have not met? why should I have to lie or hide the fact that until I am sure that they are the one slave for Me, I am not willing to be exclusive in My conversations. Does this resonate with anyone else?


I do think expecting exclusivity before meeting is presumptuous but how does it come up? This has always been unstated for me in the initial phase.

After M and I had been dating IRL for a few weeks we discussed changing our FetLife statuses and did so.

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RE: Not exclusive til its real... too much honesty? - 6/18/2012 3:42:59 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Why is it that a reasonable adult would think that anyone owes them anything in the beginning stages of getting to know each other? If someone's mind changes then so be it. Sure it's confusing at times if someone takes a powder, but if they decide they're not interested in what you are selling then it's perfectly fine for them to piss off. It's not all about you and what you want, someone else is involved. That being said, they're entitled to their own feelings on the matter. Maybe the ones who disappear when finding out you aren't exclusive have been burned before, it's their prerogative to do as they like, and what is best for them.

It's a good thing. Why not find out right away that they're unreliable and don't feel like sticking around?

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RE: Not exclusive til its real... too much honesty? - 6/18/2012 4:33:11 PM   
StrictlyADomina


Posts: 103
Joined: 7/11/2011
Status: offline 		I agree with the rest of the posts. There are a myriad of reasons why subs bolt. A common one seems to be that the fantasy in their head does not match the reality they find. With those, no living person will ever make that cut. Keep looking; be honest and true to yourself. You will find a submissive that respects that.
Good Luck
StrictlyADomina

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RE: Not exclusive til its real... too much honesty? - 6/18/2012 6:38:35 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I'm not quite sure why you even told these men you were speaking to others. I mean when I was first talking to Master I never thought to even ask him if he was talking to others and he never offered the information. It just wasn't important to either of us and I wasn't his yet. Hell, even though we've been together for 6 years now he doesn't care that I'm speaking to others and vice versa. lol

I mean how does another find out that you're speaking to others? They hacked your computer? There's some kind of tight knit group of male subs, all just happened to be who you were talking to? You have it in your profile? They have you in their profile?

I'm just curious.


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RE: Not exclusive til its real... too much honesty? - 6/18/2012 7:11:20 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Men disappear from the internet (and real life) ALL THE TIME. They're tired of wanking with you, and they've moved on to someone else. Their wife/gf has discovered their hobby. Any number of reasons.

It's one good reason to move to realtime as fast as possible, though that's not guarantee of anything either.

People are unreliable.


Hibbie, you do not have any shovels in your basement now?

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RE: Not exclusive til its real... too much honesty? - 6/18/2012 7:25:51 PM   
Delilya


Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I mean how does another find out that you're speaking to others? They hacked your computer? There's some kind of tight knit group of male subs, all just happened to be who you were talking to? You have it in your profile? They have you in their profile?

I'm just curious.



This is what I was wondering. I don't lie about it, but I do refrain from mentioning, until such a time as it becomes pertinent. Which certainly is not in the beginning.

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RE: Not exclusive til its real... too much honesty? - 6/19/2012 5:46:50 PM   
Byste


Posts: 21
Joined: 6/1/2012
Status: offline 		Most likely, they asked. She said she doesn't lie, so she answered.

Byste


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RE: Not exclusive til its real... too much honesty? - 6/19/2012 7:13:37 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		If I'm corresponding with someone and he outright asks me if I'm corresponding with anyone else, I will probably tell him and let him know that I expect he probably is also. BUT, if I'm at all serious about wanting to get to know him better, I will let him know that too. Even if I am corresponding with more than one, there is usually one or two that I'd really, seriously, like to know better. After all, how can one decide otherwise? If someone doesn't ask me, I'm certainly not going to go out of my way to tell him either way. Why should that really matter? I mean, after all, we are all on a kinky dating site here(or whatever you prefer to call it), so what does anyone expect?

NBMG

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RE: Not exclusive til its real... too much honesty? - 6/20/2012 12:01:14 AM   
Ambyant


Posts: 194
Joined: 4/22/2008
From: California Girl
Status: offline 		Sure that happens; I am the same way: haven't met = not owned.
I was surprised the first time when a possible subject blurted out that he was too afraid of losing his wank Fantasy.

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RE: Not exclusive til its real... too much honesty? - 6/20/2012 12:34:47 AM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ambyant


I was surprised the first time when a possible subject blurted out that he was too afraid of losing his wank Fantasy.


That was so honest it's painful. I'd have to come up with some sort of consolation prize for actually telling it like it is. That said, I'd also have to give him the dumb*ss-foot-in-mouth award.

(in reply to Ambyant)
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RE: Not exclusive til its real... too much honesty? - 6/20/2012 10:53:15 AM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ambyant

Sure that happens; I am the same way: haven't met = not owned.
I was surprised the first time when a possible subject blurted out that he was too afraid of losing his wank Fantasy.

Wow. Just WOW. I can't believe he actually said that!!!! Well, at least he was honest.

NBMG

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