Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Emotionally broken


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Emotionally broken Page: <<   < prev  1 2 3 4 [5]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Emotionally broken - 6/29/2012 3:15:09 PM   
Englishcrumpet


Posts: 43
Joined: 2/28/2012
Status: offline 		Lockit said: Why after ten years, do I feel I have little worth? And... Is this something in me that I need some help with or a result of the relationship, partner or what has or has not happened?
 
this..

i think that after ten years with someone youre self esteem should be flying high, strong and secure, not on the floor in pieces.

but it takes stepping back and really looking at a thing to realise where the unhappyness and insecurity is coming from

i was with a guy for over twelve years, but it wasnt until i left him that i realised how much harm he had done to my self worth and how i had allowed him to break me down and make me feel worthless and ugly.  its a way of achieving control over us and making us feel we have nothing better to hope for. 

i wish you all the best


(in reply to amaidiamond)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Emotionally broken - 7/1/2012 9:29:12 AM   
TranceAwake


Posts: 5
Joined: 6/1/2012
Status: offline 		Sometimes, you just need more than a partner can give you. There is nothing wrong with that, or you for feeling that way.

Take a step back and really look - is this something you can live with? If it's making you feel dark inside, you need to figure out what will give you the light back.

(in reply to Englishcrumpet)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Emotionally broken - 7/3/2012 4:45:30 AM   
bashfulbyte


Posts: 18
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: conflicted

I feel gutted, and when I try and explain my feelings, I am met with hostility and threats of Him moving on from me. I can't seem to get my point across. I know if I smiled and agreed, I wouldn't be having this problem, but it hurts me sooo much. I am doubting myself for being such a fool, for giving myself to Him as I have, I'm questioning wether his training was becoming increasingly harsher and more severe because of this....I'm just so lost, I don't know what to do, what I'm expected to do. I don't trust easily, and feel that that has been obliterated too. Each time I've spoken with him he gets angry at me, and I cannot ring him because he will not answer my calls in his ex's company. I know I will not deal with it very well at all......but maybe this is the beginning of the end?



This article might be of interest to you. It is about emotional abuse.
http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/manipulator/emotional_abuse.shtml

(in reply to conflicted)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Emotionally broken - 7/3/2012 5:20:55 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		bashfulbyte - whilst comprehensive (and mostly correct) that essay is largely opinion with little to back it up, as are a lot of the links on that webpage. This is my field of work so I feel I would be remiss if I didn't offer some more impartial resources:

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-articles.asp?section=00010001002200410001&itemid=1294

and the power and control wheel which explains ways in which abuse can be carried out:

http://www.ncdsv.org/images/PowerControlwheelNOSHADING.pdf

I'm not picking at you. I also think some people might not be inclined to take seriously advice from a site called 'heartless bitches'.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to bashfulbyte)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Emotionally broken - 7/3/2012 6:11:18 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I also think some people might not be inclined to take seriously advice from a site called 'heartless bitches'.


Absolutely. Thanks for the new links.

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Emotionally broken - 7/8/2012 10:45:04 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		wow, this is really tough..., you given 10 yrs to this man... and it's like that

The things that bothers me is that, he cannot talk to you when his in his x company.

When things are at this stage, and if you are his girlfriend, his x should know about you and it should all be open.

Even if he goes sees his kids, he should've included you.

I don't know..., all of us have different expectations or thresholds, but my own, these are basics that need to happen, if not, alarm bells starts ringing.

His sounding a lil emotional abusive to me. Something to think about. Will he change, will he care that all this hurts you?





.


(in reply to amaidiamond)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Emotionally broken - 7/13/2012 9:34:56 AM   
conflicted


Posts: 140
Joined: 10/31/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you so much for the links and some great advice. He came back, saw me last night, told me everything was fine, I had nothing to worry about, He loves me.........oh and his EX is having a sleep over tonight, this has NEVER happened before. (and that info wasn't forthcoming, It only came out when I asked if I could come over and speak with him)

He also told me tonight in whispered tones that he would never let me go and he will always be my master and I was his property, and he would ring as soon as he had the chance and explain. Well, he had the chance to explain things last night and never mentioned anything.

I feel deflated at the moment amongst other things, but I know I must end it.

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Emotionally broken - 7/13/2012 10:10:21 AM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline 		Thanks for the update, so many never come back to fill in whatever happened since the thread.

It sounds to me like you're making the right decision in letting him go. He's not being forthcoming with you since all of this began, and there are the new developments like the ex sleeping over. Even though he reassured you verbally, his actions aren't following suit. I think things with the ex are heating up and he's not being entirely honest with you. Saying he would ring 'when he had the chance' and explain, is pretty much a confirmation that the ex is continuing in the place of #1 priority. Him not letting you go till he works things out with the other is pretty much standard fare, so just in case things crash and burn with the ex- he's got you to come back to. It doesn't really seem as though you are being treated very well from the information given in this thread, and it certainly doesn't seem as though you are a priority to him.

Watch out, he may change things up to become more attentive when you try to end things so he can keep you on a string.

(in reply to conflicted)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Emotionally broken - 7/13/2012 10:23:49 AM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		Wow - I dont even know what to say, except that I hope you get through this okay. It must be terrible going through this. I hope you find your happiness.

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


(in reply to Killerangel)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Emotionally broken - 7/13/2012 11:10:31 AM   
Dresproperty


Posts: 202
Joined: 6/30/2012
Status: offline 		Im sorry you are going through having to make this decision OP. I hope whatever you decide brings you much happiness and serenity.

_____________________________

-Bella

Being a slave isnt what I do its who I am.

(in reply to JanahX)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Emotionally broken - 7/13/2012 11:14:34 AM   
conflicted


Posts: 140
Joined: 10/31/2004
Status: offline 		I am absolutely crushed and can't stop crying..... I believe I have now become an option, the second one when things turn bad (and they will), and I do truly believe that I deserve more respect than that.

I know time heals all, and it will.

Thank you for your well wishes x

(in reply to JanahX)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Emotionally broken - 7/13/2012 11:41:06 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: conflicted

I am absolutely crushed and can't stop crying..... I believe I have now become an option, the second one when things turn bad (and they will), and I do truly believe that I deserve more respect than that.

I know time heals all, and it will.

Thank you for your well wishes x


This may be helpful to you:
How to Survive the Loss of a Love

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to conflicted)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Emotionally broken - 7/13/2012 1:00:58 PM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: conflicted

I am absolutely crushed and can't stop crying..... I believe I have now become an option, the second one when things turn bad (and they will), and I do truly believe that I deserve more respect than that.

I know time heals all, and it will.

Thank you for your well wishes x


Ouch. Sorry to hear about this. Sounds like your suspicions were right.

I think you should write down that sentence and stick it on the fridge or something, because chances are he will come crawling back and if you are feeling vulnerable it will be tempting.

Be strong, it will be worth it in the end.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to conflicted)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Emotionally broken - 7/13/2012 4:16:42 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: conflicted



{{{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}}

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to conflicted)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Emotionally broken - 7/13/2012 5:12:47 PM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		That bastard, I would like to kick him in his tickle stick.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Emotionally broken - 7/13/2012 5:36:06 PM   
SlipSlidingAway


Posts: 223
Joined: 11/24/2006
Status: offline 		OP, do yourself a big favor.  Stop and commit how you are feeling right this very moment to memory, write it in a journal, do something with it so that when he tries to hold onto you (and he will, at least as a backup) you can very vividly remind yourself of WHY he is unhealthy for you.  Otherwise, you will likely be back here lamenting the same thing in the not too distant future.  While you long for what you had, it's different now, the dynamic is going to change.  You are never again going to be able to trust him the way that you used to.  It sucks, it's not fair, and it hurts like hell, but it's by his own hand.  You WILL be better off in the long run, even if it does not feel like it today. 

(in reply to chatterbox24)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Emotionally broken - 7/13/2012 7:04:09 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: conflicted

I am absolutely crushed and can't stop crying..... I believe I have now become an option, the second one when things turn bad (and they will), and I do truly believe that I deserve more respect than that.

I know time heals all, and it will.

Thank you for your well wishes x

Hang in there. I don't know if it will help, but I will share the way I got through the ending of a 20 year marriage.

He left on March 2nd. Absolutely threw me for a loop, came as a shock and all that jazz.

I spent the first couple of days in shock, and crying. I had to hide it from my son, so it was mostly when he was at school and late at night.

On the 3rd or 4th day, I realized that, no matter what, life was gonna go on, but, I also realized that, at the age of 39 the man I had loved since I was 19 was gone, and that hurt like a mofo.

I picked April 1st as the end of my period or mourning. That gave me nearly a month to wallow in my misery, and man, did I wallow! By the end of the month, the pain had lessened, in fact it was being replaced by anger, as I spent time dissecting everything about the past 20 years.

On April 1st, I got up, called my old boss, at the job I had resigned from in January, because we were going to move 75 miles away to be closer to his family, and I asked her if there was any way I could come back. Luckily, she had not replaced me yet, she had been using temps, and I went back to work that week.

Not saying it was easy. I spent the first year expecting to fall apart again, the 2nd year feeling like I had to find someone else, or I would not survive, the 3rd year realizing that alone was not so bad after all, 4th year thinking shit I may never ever wanna have to answer to anyone again.

Didn't mean to type so much, but, I couldn't stop. Good luck, and hang in there, and just remember, time does heal almost anything.


_____________________________

yep

(in reply to conflicted)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Emotionally broken - 7/13/2012 7:13:35 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		OP: You have my sympathy and I wish you strength.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Emotionally broken - 7/14/2012 5:38:15 PM   
joeleyre


Posts: 69
Joined: 10/17/2010
From: Kansas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: conflicted

I am hoping someone can give me some good old fashioned advice.
I have been with Master for 10yrs, and everything seemed to be great, even to the point of Him saying to me 3 months ago that he is thinking of marrying me. All through our relationship He has been in contact with His ex (due to the kids), and has now left to go on a "family holiday" with them for 3 weeks. There wasn't much of a discussion with me about it, only he didn't want to hurt me.....
I feel gutted, and when I try and explain my feelings, I am met with hostility and threats of Him moving on from me. I can't seem to get my point across. I know if I smiled and agreed, I wouldn't be having this problem, but it hurts me sooo much. I am doubting myself for being such a fool, for giving myself to Him as I have, I'm questioning wether his training was becoming increasingly harsher and more severe because of this....I'm just so lost, I don't know what to do, what I'm expected to do. I don't trust easily, and feel that that has been obliterated too. Each time I've spoken with him he gets angry at me, and I cannot ring him because he will not answer my calls in his ex's company. I know I will not deal with it very well at all......but maybe this is the beginning of the end?




As shitty as this will make ma seem. and I know it will, I can tell you my point of view on what your "sub" is thinking. I pulled near exactly this stunt on my former (both) g/f and Domme, that is a regular poster on these forums..................

I moved to be with her....She lives in Kansas, and I wanted to go back and "visit" family and friends where I originally came from (5 states away, in Ohio).

I thought I was in a bad situation at the time (not trying to start an argument here), so I tried to find the easy way out as oppossed to telling her I wanted it to be over. I ended up coming back to her at one point, as well, but in my time back, somewhere along the line, I grew the nuts to tell her I was done.

To answer your question directly, yes, the "red flags" are usually a sign. If your "sub" happens to be anything like me, sorry to say this, the two of you are already over. You just don't want to believe it.

< Message edited by joeleyre -- 7/14/2012 5:39:24 PM >

_____________________________

"Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member."
-Groucho Marx

(in reply to conflicted)
Profile   Post #: 99
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 3 4 [5]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Emotionally broken Page: <<   < prev  1 2 3 4 [5]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109