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RE: Being snubbed and not given a reason - 6/30/2012 10:04:53 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
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Kana says, "You waited three days to give a blowjob?"
WTF
There's your problem right there

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RE: Being snubbed and not given a reason - 6/30/2012 11:05:29 AM   
ProlificNeeds


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The flaw was in this:

You expected specific behavior from a stranger, and were surprised you did not get the result you wanted.


Now before anyone takes this wrong, let me state, I have had, and would again in the right circumstances, 'fuck trips', aka an expensive booty call vacation with someone you are attracted to. That said.. I make sure before the trip I AM attracted to them physically.


There's a good reason our old school parenting use to say wait for sex, wait wait wait. Because so many people invest emotionally, and I am no expection, when it comes to sex. Not all, but enough for 'waiting' to be sound advice, until you KNOW that person you're about to suck/fuck/ect is not going to take your generosities or vulnerabilities and then make you feel horrible afterwards.

Maybe the sad truth is, he wasn't attracted to you after getting to know you and hadn't the guts to say so? who knows. Just accept it as a lack of compatibility and reasonable expectation and move forward.

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RE: Being snubbed and not given a reason - 6/30/2012 12:04:10 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

I disagree with many . . . I think you handled it all wrong and it is completely your fault.

You knew him for a month, traveled 1,300 miles to be with him then reject him by saying saying you just met. You seriously don't know what happened? Seriously . . . you don't understand?

When I have meet people online and it took weeks to get together, we were so hot, we fucked in the damn airport. But not in your case, you rejected him for days. Why did you travel to meet him in person . . . for a cup of coffee . . . nope . . . "I was expecting the kinky sex too because he discussed it and even told me to bring my toy bag". You should have just said that you didn't like him in person and turned around. Seriously . . . you don't understand that you were a dickhead?

You flew 1,300 miles to fuck him, then showed up and said, nope, you gotta' wait a couple extra days. You wouldn't submit and tear him off a piece when he wanted it, why in the hell should he tear you off piece at your command? Apparently he actually is dominant and you blew it, it's done, finished, give up, move on and get over it. You didn't submit to his desire and it looks like you aren't gonna' control that guy with your pussy whip. Better luck next time little girl.


There's one great big hole in your pussy whip allegation, he DID try to have sex with her when she was asleep. Sorry, this says big time wuss to me, since it would have been the first time.

When I said he was an asshole it was for not speaking to her about the issues between them. She's young and immature,we got that, what exactly was his excuse?

Now, do I think the lil blonde cutie drove to him with the intention of getting her pussy whip out? Oh yeah, but *I* was nice and just said she had issues.

It's been my experience that females with issues tend to be *very* passive/aggressive about sex.




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RE: Being snubbed and not given a reason - 6/30/2012 1:35:35 PM   
KaleidoKenlyn


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When you date online, your first meet should ALWAYS be vanilla. And you don't want to talk for months and months in advance. If you do, the person on the other end of the computer will never be able to live up to what you've made them into in your head.
He may or may not actually be a good guy. It's a bit hard to judge.
Let's say he is for now. In that case, what you did wrong was the way you acted when you first met. If you had already told him you were going to act a certain way, then it's not odd that he was thrown by the way you actually acted. It's not terrible that you were awkward. I understand and have been there. In those circumstances, you need to simply be open and honest. If you feel awkward in the future, let the person know! Suggest something that will relax you. When I meet someone in person after talking online, I always suggest going out for Chinese and drinks to loosen up. There aren't ever any expectations either. I know it hurts that he seems to have dumped you. But you are to blame as well. It's terrbile that he won't give you another chance. But maybe he's as insecure as you are. Maybe the way you were acting at first made him feel just as shut out as you do now. Give him time, maybe he'll get over it and contact you. If not, you are a pretty gal and will find someone else. Move on and don't stress out about it.
Now, let's say he's a bad guy. It is entirely possible that the whole month you were talking to him in advance didn't mean shit to him. It's possible all he wanted was kinky sex (even if he says otherwise). It's possible that when he realized you weren't going to suck his dick within 5 minutes of meeting him he said to himself "okay well fuck this then." If that's the case, you should probably get used to it. There are great people on this site, but just like everywhere else, there are assholes too and you WILL run into them from time to time.
I hope your next meet goes well. :)

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RE: Being snubbed and not given a reason - 6/30/2012 1:40:43 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


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I have learned, when it comes to relationships, if you start one online, you have to start over once you meet. A good reason to meet right away, but even if you can't you HAVE to understand that and be in agreement.

Also, it's a really great idea to discuss in advance how you will handle things if there is no chemistry. Which is why having some other basis for friendship (aside from sex) is to me so important.

I prefer to always, always, meet as friends with no dynamic in place, and then go from there. It doesn't matter to me how long the trip.

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RE: Being snubbed and not given a reason - 6/30/2012 2:05:07 PM   
KaleidoKenlyn


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quote:

I have learned, when it comes to relationships, if you start one online, you have to start over once you meet. A good reason to meet right away, but even if you can't you HAVE to understand that and be in agreement.

Also, it's a really great idea to discuss in advance how you will handle things if there is no chemistry. Which is why having some other basis for friendship (aside from sex) is to me so important.

I prefer to always, always, meet as friends with no dynamic in place, and then go from there. It doesn't matter to me how long the trip.


Very good points here. It's much easier to tell someone that you're feeling off-beat if you've allowed for that in advance when making those plans.

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RE: Being snubbed and not given a reason - 6/30/2012 3:04:33 PM   
JanahX


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I would just chalk all of this up to you learning about dating off the internet. - No one is perfect at it - in fact, when you first start out, youre most likely gonna make a ton of mistakes.

And as far as him snubbing you, you should be on your knees thanking your lucky stars that he's gone. You may not see it now, but eventually YOU WILL.

This I PROMISE YOU -

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RE: Being snubbed and not given a reason - 6/30/2012 3:39:48 PM   
LadyHibiscus


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There's a whole list of people I would invite to my house. Actually, several of us got together this past Thansgiving, and our hostess had only met some of us previously.

I think the reason I have had such good luck with long distance and internet meets generally is that friendship was at the heart of the thing. If we didnt have one of those moments in the airport parking garage, we were still FRIENDS.

I'll be in my bunk, reminiscing.

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RE: Being snubbed and not given a reason - 7/1/2012 3:03:48 PM   
LadyPact


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Various comments to/for the OP and beyond.

You drove 1300 miles to meet this guy and couldn't give him a friendly hug when you arrived? That, I think, is the biggest WTF of this whole thread. Attracted or not, I'd hug anybody that I traveled to meet, even if it was just to My local munch.

Lots of comments on the 'waking up to sex' bit, but I have a completely different stance. I *like* being woken up to sex and even if I'm groggy, it's very unlikely that I'd push somebody away. If I was the guy, My head would have went straight to thinking you were setting it up for a rape charge. I wouldn't have touched you the rest of the week, either. I need male input on this, but to Me, even some good oral wouldn't shake the sense of concern I'd have there. Once that flag went up, I'd just ride the time out until it was time for you to leave, too. The only reasons I would do that would be the length of the trip you would have to drive back, be a decent host, etc.

Speaking of that drive, frankly, there have been several men in My life who have traveled to meet Me. I have no reason to pick up the cost. There are plenty of folks that I know from these boards that would be more than welcome in My home, but not somebody who I had only known from the net for a month. When somebody flew 2,000 miles to see Me in person, he had a hotel. I am much better at casual S/m than I am at casual sex and NOBODY has ever received that promise from Me during a first visit. If things are good and I change My mind, great! It's a party. However, I don't even imply that it is going to happen right off of the bat.

You have absolutely no reason to have to repeat this scenario. If you couldn't find a good Dom somewhere close to you, I'd be freaking shocked. Chalk this one up to experience and stop worrying about redeeming yourself. It does sound like you've had a touch of stalker to you when you keep trying to contact him to the point he had to block you. To Me, that says you need to move on.

Best of luck to you in your future endeavors.





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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: Being snubbed and not given a reason - 7/1/2012 3:44:25 PM   
crazyml


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Well - if you ever feel in need of validation, drop me a line.

I give awesome validation

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RE: Being snubbed and not given a reason - 7/2/2012 5:41:19 AM   
chatterbox24


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I think she stepped out of her car and thought "Shit he is ugly, I aint doing that" then felt bad because they had the connection online and tried to salvage it, by working up to offer a Bj. Even though she just wasnt into it. I bet she felt a bit of nausea with the thought even. The prince turned into a middle aged toad.

Hon, you aren't into that guy, its the rejection. YOu miss the online connection and the companionship. Tell me you didnt feel a little relief when you left?

He is telling you everything you need to know. If he was crazy for you he would stay in contact. Besides, the game with the lady, and calling her while you were there? COMPLETE DOUCHEBAG. He wanted women fighting over him to feel attractive. Blah...........take it as a learning experience.

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RE: Being snubbed and not given a reason - 7/2/2012 9:03:15 AM   
GotSteel


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Take this as random guesses that likely have little or nothing to do with what actually happened. But perhaps because he was rejected/there was terrible chemistry initially he gave up on the idea that the two of you were compatible, was confused or just plain butt hurt. Just plain not in a kinky domy place with you.

Looks like you tried to reestablish that relationship dynamic by being rather forward sexually. That can rub some people into the master-slave dynamic the wrong way. If that's what happened it could have put him more into the not compatible, confused or butt hurt mindset.

Sorry that things went bad but try not to dwell on it too much there are plenty of dominant men out there.

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RE: Being snubbed and not given a reason - 7/2/2012 9:04:17 AM   
Kana


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Ya know, I'm not trying to be an ass here, but sometimes folks just crack me up.
I'm not saying this to blow my own horn, or to sound like I'm all the worlds biggest hunk or anything, but all this virtue running amok cracks me up. It just doesn't match my experience, not in the least.
Again, I'm not trying to brag but laying out the facts from my experience here.
(And I'm gonna get killed for this-oh how I am gonna pay)

Start with the fact that I've been on here a loooooong time. As such, I've met more than my share of women from here. Sometimes I've talked to them for a months before we met, others only a very little. Matter of fact the first gal I really "met" here I talked to for only two nights, maybe 3 hours total, before we made plans to meet and two days later I was in the car heading west (Buttressing this comment-most of the...sigh, I hate to use this word, but I can't think of a better, real, or perhaps I should say committed, women have almost always been pretty quick to meet-they don't wanna waste time and neither do I. We both got itches that need scratching).
Either way, the vast, and I mean like 90% or so, are more than willing to fuck...or at a minimum play... on the first meet. Maybe not right out the gate, but usually by about 1/2 way through coffee I can tell.

Now, there have been times I've met women strictly with the intent to ravage. I've had chicks fly in for a weekend, beaten her, raped her ten times sideways, pissed on her, stuffed her with a toilet brush and hot peppers and in general had a lovely time together... and when we met she knew what she was in for and committed to it. Hell, that WAS the reason she had come so far.
Cripes, she went so far as to put her collar on in the airport and was naked and wet under her clothes when I met her at the terminal.

We discussed parameters beforehand. It was understood that the reason they were coming was for such treatment, that by showing they were agreeing to anything within the pre-arranged boundaries.

I've also met chicks who started with an interest or an inkling that quickly degenerated. (Chortles. I remember walking through a museum with a gal I had just met, sniffing close when I leaned in to whisper something to her, and realizing I could smell her wetness...which, of course being the dick that I am, I pointed out to her, watching her blush in humiliation and degradation, which only made her wetter. Yeah, that was a fun date.)

Either way, chicks ain't all legs glued together like I see propagated so much on the boards.

To be flat out honest, usually it's something I discuss before we meet. I say something like, "Hey, we are meeting because I like you, or may like you, and you like me, or at least are attracted enough to pursue this and see how they go. Understand this walking in. I am going into this with intent. If I like you, if I am attracted, feel that sexual energy, I'm gonna make a move, make sure you know how I feel. What you do with that is both up to and on you.
If you respond in kind, I'm going to take charge from there on out.
That's why we are meeting. Because you are a slut and I'm a dominant. You have needs that I can perhaps sate and I, I have twisted bent desires that you can mayhaps help me fulfill.
I don't like to dick around. If I feel that electricity I'm gonna want to know if we synch in play.
Or are we just wasting time? In which case, lets find out up front so we can each move on to someone who we may click with.
Not to mention that I'm kinda an alpha male predator, which comes out like a ravenous beast sometimes in these instances."

So they know who and what I am before we meet, and know, in no uncertain terms, exactly where I am coming from and what I may expect of them.
And guess what? Most of the women I've talked to over the years love it. They love the confidence. They love the control. They love the fact that I'll lay down parameters before we meet and that they can either take it or leave it. They love the fact that they are finally not talking to some ridiculous wanker but are actually getting directions/seduced/sucked in by a cat who knows what he's about.

And ya know what? It's worked out great.
I've had some terrific experiences, met some amazing women (Almost all of whom I think fondly of to this day- a feeling that AFAIK is reciprocated). Some of the meets never became anything-no sex, no play despite the fact the chance was there because I didn't like the vibe for whatever reason. Some turned into great friendships. Others were one-shots, either the play didn't click or maybe the person had circumstances that prevented things from going further. Some emerged into relationships, which didn't last/work out for a variety of reasons (Usually flaws on my part), and of course, I met the lilone and you all know how that's worked out :-)

So why say this when I probably gonna get pilloried for it?

Because I have sat back for years and heard people weighing in on these sorts of instances, I don't want to use the words sit in moral judgement, so lets say condemn playing/fucking on first meet and while it may or may not be a great idea, it just doesn't match my experience...and I doubt I'm the only one.
This is a BDSM sex site, basically a personals site with some cool forum discussions from time to time. And most of the folks here, for good are bad, are trying to hook up (Or at least they were before the Nigerian scammers arrived in droves, but that's a different forum). And lots and lots of em do. Regularly.
Again, I'm not getting into the ideal. just stating the reality as I've seen it.

So I'm not gonna cream someone who fucks/plays quick in a discussion. What I will do is encourage them to be careful, to protect themselves, to walk in with clear eyes and true vision. In other words, be a responsible rational adult who knows what they are getting into and protect themselves accordingly.
You know, like any other chick who goes home with a guy she met at a bar or any similar thing.


Just sayin...

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RE: Being snubbed and not given a reason - 7/2/2012 9:06:41 AM   
LadyHibiscus


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Kana, thank you. That's all, just thank you.

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RE: Being snubbed and not given a reason - 7/2/2012 9:17:24 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
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I'm all for people playing and/or fucking on a first meet but there are some people who are repeat offenders who come back and cry "PREDATOR! He destroyed my life!". Those type really should not fuck or play on a first date since they obviously are not prepared for the consequences and they don't have a single clue about themselves. For the most part I think most women are pretty good about sex/play on a first date and know and accept the consequences but it seems more and more, women just are clueless, like they think they are going off to meet some Prince Charming, a white knight who won't touch them, he's the perfect gentleman like in a romance novel. Those type seem to be becoming more and more common. And it's not an age thing. We've all seen women in their 40's and 50's which just leaves me flabbergasted. How can you be that old and still be so clueless???

The only reason I go around telling people not to play or fuck on a first date and to only have coffee and then go home are for these simple reasons.....they're repeat offenders with major hangups or just not that many braincells between both that person or the other person they are going to get together with.

I'll admit I've fucked and played on many first dates but I knew exactly what I was getting into <except for the ahem...cat above > and took responsibility for myself.

Those who actually don't ask these kinds of questions on here are the ones we don't need to worry about because they have a head on their shoulders.



< Message edited by littlewonder -- 7/2/2012 9:22:30 AM >


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RE: Being snubbed and not given a reason - 7/2/2012 9:34:23 AM   
JanahX


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Agrees with Auntie Hib! Nice post Kana!

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RE: Being snubbed and not given a reason - 7/2/2012 10:23:26 AM   
NiceButMeanGirl


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I just want everyone here to know that I do not fuck on the first meet but I have no problem with someone who does.

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RE: Being snubbed and not given a reason - 7/2/2012 10:26:33 AM   
mnottertail


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Ja, change your name to MeanCow (no goddamn milk for the old man).

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RE: Being snubbed and not given a reason - 7/3/2012 6:24:55 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
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A very good post, Kana. Absolutely credit where it is due.

More often than not recently, I find us more alike than different, Kana. However, we are showing our different stripes on this subject. Granted, if I traveled 1300 miles to meet someone, effort on My part, you're damn right, I'm getting laid. There had better be golden dick at the end of that road. For that much personal inconvenience? It had better be the lay of My life.

At the same time, I am not 25 and I am not naive. Sport fucking and I don't mix and I'm more than well aware enough of life in general to know that dick just isn't that hard to find. Going 1300 miles for it, to Me, is a travesty. That's called the 'you'd better have a real time, long term relationship to go through all of that' scenario.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Being snubbed and not given a reason - 7/3/2012 6:42:28 AM   
Kana


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

A very good post, Kana. Absolutely credit where it is due.


Tips hat. Thanks. Praise from the maestro is praise indeed

quote:

Granted, if I traveled 1300 miles to meet someone, effort on My part, you're damn right, I'm getting laid.


I said, "Sister, can I get an amen?"
Fucking ass that's right.


quote:

There had better be golden dick at the end of that road. For that much personal inconvenience? It had better be the lay of My life.


Cracks up.
Someone owes me a keyboard




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"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 80
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