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RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 9:44:28 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dunamis2009
I guess not the greatest post to start off my career at CM, but hey; I'm learning already!

Don't feel too bad. God only knows some of my early posts were... uh... not exactly optimal in hindsight.


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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 10:22:34 AM   
Salinedion


Posts: 198
Joined: 5/25/2012
Status: offline 		I can't punish mine. She's upstairs recreating the exact same chicken and rice we ate under a specific highway overpass in Bangkok (a much blogged about six plastic chairs BTW, Anthony Bourdain is inevitable).

I was just remembering that meal off the top of my and then 20 minutes later, she told me she was on the case.

My not-even-a-wish is her command. Topping from the dinner menu-bottom? I can live with it.

But she takes a light/medium 15-20 minute spanking about every other day. And it's my pleasure. 'Can't even imagine being a prick about the chicken and rice and inventing some nutty transgression.

So our deal is that if I feel some buttock reddening would be 'good' for her (stress relief, pussy wetting ect.) then I'll adjust my sweetie accordingly and to my preferred wave length. And if I simply feel like beating an ass, then that's good too.

In theory, she can ask for a spanking, but since it's like every 36 hours, pent up demand seldom accrues. Once, she came and knelt before me with a slapper between her teeth. Tres hot, and no punishment dynamic head thingy needed for a nice night in after that.

You're the boss, spanking makes that real, it's good to be king.

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 10:30:23 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Salinedion
My not-even-a-wish is her command.

For me, reality is contained in that line right there not in a bit of spanking.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 10:33:38 AM   
wildernessbitch


Posts: 67
Joined: 5/19/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Disapproval is always sufficient punishment for me.


This ^^

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 12:22:19 PM   
Char2688


Posts: 151
Joined: 4/16/2012
Status: offline 		Well,
If the two of you insist on punishment you could handle it this way.
One infraction is 2 smacks with a paddle
The second infraction is 4 smacks
The third is 8 smacks

This resets and is cumulative, the above set of three infractions is 14 smacks. If you do not get around to delivering the punishment, the next infraction is 16 smacks for a total of 30.....
And so on
Not delivering punishment is punishment in itself.
The fifth infraction is 32 for a total of 62....

Small infractions can escalate and the anticipation factor is exponential

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RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 1:32:38 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Lots of us don't use punishment. If she didn't wash the dishes, then she misses her favorite tv show while doing it then. That's a consequence.

If she wants to please you, then she'll listen when you tell her not to do it again.

If however this is how she shows her need for play, you folks need to figure out other ways for her to do so. It could be asking for a spanking or just coming out naked and draping herself over your knee. Or the traditional crawling to you with the implement between her teeth, assuming her knees will allow that.

And the only stupid question is the one you don't ask. If you need clarification, that's great. We all learned once.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 7/9/2012 1:35:21 PM >

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RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 2:24:36 PM   
Thaz


Posts: 617
Joined: 4/28/2012
Status: offline 		If she cant be bothered to behave correctly then I cant be bothered with _her_

The physical stuff is just for fun, the mind is where the real punishment occurs.

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 4:31:21 PM   
Dunamis2009


Posts: 44
Joined: 7/9/2012
Status: offline 		There are some really good ideas here... I'll have to try some of them. Thanks for all your input, and thanks especially for putting up with my momentary lack of thought. :-)

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 5:49:58 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dunamis2009
how do you separate out pleasurable punishment from deterrent? Do you ignore the fact that your sub enjoys the punishments he or she receives? Or do you think of something that your sub genuinely dislikes?

I don't have a punishment dynamic. I hate punishing. My sub does know, though, if he keeps f*cking up there will be consequences of some kind.

That being said, if your sub likes it, it's not a real punishment. To be a real deterrent of repeated bad behavior, it has to be something she hates or, at the very least, dislikes a lot.

NBMG

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RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 6:15:45 PM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Thaz

If she cant be bothered to behave correctly then I cant be bothered with _her_

The physical stuff is just for fun, the mind is where the real punishment occurs.


Yeah, pretty much this. The OP may want to make it clear to his sub when she's been disobedient that if she wants him to continue dominating her, than she better work on trying harder to submit.

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RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 8:27:54 PM   
BamaD


Posts: 20687
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline 		I have always felt that the worst punishment is to do nothing, do look at her don't speak to her don't acknowlege her presence. Of course the period of shuning must fit the crime you don't shun for two weeks cause she didn't get you the right pair of socks. And no you don't have to deprive yourself just don't talkto her or acknowlege what she wants during the "fun" part, and don't let her cum.

< Message edited by BamaD -- 7/9/2012 8:28:29 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 9:17:18 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14444
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Ignoring me wouldn't end well with me. Telling me that he's disappointed and talking about what it takes for it to not happen again works very well.

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 9:20:21 PM   
BamaD


Posts: 20687
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline 		I see your point and that should be all it would take.
Shuning would be reserved for repeated egrigiuos offences no just for something that I didn't particularly care for.

< Message edited by BamaD -- 7/9/2012 9:23:49 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/10/2012 4:16:49 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		The worst punishment i received was a verbal sermon about what i had done wrong, how i was to preceed in the future, and then i had to stand with my nose at the wall for half an hour - without moving.

I felt awful that i had disappointed my Sir, and believe me, didn't do whatever it was again.

Thats what i call an effective punishment!

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/10/2012 4:46:59 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dunamis2009

Hello all,
I'm relatively new to the BDSM world. My SO confided in me her tendency as a sub relatively early in our relationship, and as I learned more about what BDSM was, what she wanted in a dom, and which aspects stay in the bedroom vs. which apply ubiquitously in our relationship, well- let's just say I've started to enjoy playtime just as much, if not more, than she does.

However, one aspect of our relationship still confuses me. It's pretty obvious that she enjoys punishments I give her, but punishments are supposed to be a deterrent to future behaviour, right? So, whenever she does something wrong that needs correcting, it feels "fake" to me to punish her for it through spankings and the like, because I feel that she enjoys the punishment and might continue the unwanted behaviours in order to receive more punishment. In fact, I feel like I can remember at least one time in which this was indeed the case. Not to mention, I don't want her to miss out on some of her favourite sensations (She really loves wax) simply because they are labeled as "punishments only".

So, experienced ones, how do you separate out pleasurable punishment from deterrent? Do you ignore the fact that your sub enjoys the punishments he or she receives? Or do you think of something that your sub genuinely dislikes? Do you have any other ideas or suggestions for punishments for a dom rather new at the craft?

Thanks in advance!


I love being spanked.
A hairbrush down the backs of my thighs and all the way down my calves?
Notsomuch!

(However you do need to know how hard you can safely hit so as not to damage and it will leave very visible bruises.)


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RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/10/2012 8:22:22 PM   
Dunamis2009


Posts: 44
Joined: 7/9/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12
believe me, didn't do whatever it was again.

>.>
Haha, sorry- I just see some humor in this sentence.
Thanks for everyone's responses! I have some ideas now for things to do both when I genuinely don't like something she does and when she play's "rebel". Should be fun :-)

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/10/2012 9:25:49 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Some punishments include l making her sort socks,


I had no idea that I was being punished twice a week when I did laundry. Although sorting isn't nearly as bad as finding the dirty ones. He takes them off and just tosses them wherever he is. What's the opposite of a treasure hunt?


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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/10/2012 11:19:55 PM   
deeplove


Posts: 22
Joined: 4/9/2006
Status: offline 		Crazyml has the right answer , cmon if she like it is not a punishment hahaha

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Profile   Post #: 38
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