digitaljoe
Posts: 3
Joined: 7/10/2012
Status: offline
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Hello everyone. I became interested in BDSM thanks to the artwork of shiniez on deviantart. I searched high and low for a forum to ask more questions and this is the first one on which I have registered.
To be honest, I am not interested in pain at all. I am enamored with the concept of a total trusting love in a relationship and I don't think I have ever found anything like that in my life. Here is how a character in shiniez art described S&M: **The ultimate high was to truly fulfill our partner's deepest desire, to do it so perfectly, so thoroughly, that afterwards, no one else would come close in comparison. With a sexual relationship, you do the deed. Sometimes it is good, sometimes it is not. You get some nice memories or you don't. But S & M gets under your skin. You find yourself planning sessions, sometimes for days, mentally forming the perfect situation [to fulfill your partner's desires]. It is as much of an intellectual activity as it is ultimately sexual.** I cried when I read that because I don't want to go through life not experiencing love like that.
I have always wanted to make sure that the person I was with was happy and all of their dreams, desires, and fantasies are fulfilled. I'm not even just talking about in bed! I want them to be happy with their things, their life, and ultimately happy with me. I wouldn't know where to begin in this world, am I a dom or a sub or a slave or something else completely, but I know I don't want pain and I don't want a person who wants pain, either. All I want is that total commitment to satisfaction. I think that's the thing that I will never find.
Why? Because I have come to the conclusion that everyone settles. Everyone lowers their standards because they don't think anyone will reach them. That's not the point in a relationship! The point is to find someone who WANTS, who genuinely TRIES to reach your standards. No one is perfect, but you should want someone who tries, not someone who happens to meet some criteria and not others and just throws up their hands saying , "oh well, if [he/she] wants better, then they will go find it themselves". Then, they wind up going with the proverbial "Mr. right now" instead of "Mr. right" (Please note, I am using the title "Mr." to coin a familiar phrase, not because I am blaming or looking for men.)
Furthermore, I have never broken up with any of the women I have dated. They have always broken up with me. I hope you can believe that I was never frivolous with my relationships. I wanted every one of them to last. My second girlfriend and I talked marriage for three months before she just stopped calling me. I never slept with any of them, and all I can do is wonder what I did wrong. I tried to be the best I could be for them, which is why I crave that type of relationship described in the story above.
So here I am. I am looking in to this world to see if I can find what I am missing. Any guidance will be appreciated. Any advice will be accepted. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I look forward to learning more.
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