AAkasha
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This is all just one femdom's POV of course...
Real stages of domination
You may get the impression that a domination "scene" lasts a few hours, or an evening, and then is over. I believe adequate domination happens this way. I believe passionate, exceptional domination occurs over a slower period of time, allowing you to manifest the feelings of domination and bring them to a peak. This means you are prepared for the control and power you are going to have, and you've already started to break down the barriers in your partner's head, weakening him a little because he knows something is coming up.
This is a lot like foreplay. Good sex has a lot of foreplay and passion. Often the best sexual encounters come from the built up desire over a period of time and knowing that the release will be happening. Certainly "quickies" can be extremely exciting as well - but for now, consider domination to be a longer process than just what you see on the surface.
Each of the following elements exist in every single one of my dominant scenarios. Sometimes they occur over a period of several days. Sometimes the early stages occur, literally, in a matter of minutes, and then the domination is spread out over a longer period of time. It all depends. For now, consider giving each at least some time and consideration. Do not skip any of these elements as they all help build a rewarding interaction.
1. Desire
2. Plotting
3. Allusion
4. Seduction
5. Domination
6. Resolution/Recovery
Desire
By "desire", I mean a very motivating sense of lust or attraction. I think the desire to dominate is similar to the desire for straight sex - it is more passionate and more intense if you let it build and enjoy the suspense as release draws near.
You must find that part inside of you that views your partner as a very sexy, arousing man. You have to let it build over a period of time and psych yourself up, so to speak.
Plotting
After you have come to the realization that you are feeling lust and desire for your partner, you must spend some quality time planning what you would like to do. In your early stages of dominance, you can keep it very simple. Just imagine in your head what types of things you would like to do. Later I will give some examples, but you should rely on what motivates your desires and what really turns you on.
Allusion
After you have had time to let desire build and start considering what you will do to your partner, it helps if you give him a hint that you've been thinking about it. It is important that your partner does not view this as an "ok" for him to ask when, how, where or what is going to happen to him. All you are going to do is let him know that something is going to happen to him, something you are planning.
This is the first stage of breaking him down. This will start his brain working overtime, and he'll go into overdrive anticipating what is going to happen. It might be a good idea to not place "allusion" too far away from the act itself unless you enjoy dragging it out for him.
Seduction
So, what is it that really turns your partner into jello? I'm sure you know of several things you can do that turn him into a pussycat for you. You know what his hot buttons are. During this stage, right before you start the domination itself, you are going to push him further into the mindframe of submission while building your own sensual self confidence.
There are many ways to do this, but mostly it revolves around using your own sensual style and tricks that you know affect him. This is the stage where you have him sit on the couch and you pace slowly, watching him like a cat. You tell him to sit back down when he starts to stand nervously. You enjoy this slow changing of power tables. This is where it all begins. He has been thinking about this ever since you alluded to it, and now he knows something is about to happen. He will be nervous, anxious and excited. Enjoy that. Enjoy that you are making him feel that way. Take as long as you like.
This is where you must let your sexual self confidence shine. You can straddle his lap and put your arms around his neck, purring seductively at him. Finger his hair and tell him you have been thinking about what you want to do to him. Watch his reaction to that; he will probably swallow hard, or have this huge nervous grin on his face.
If he starts to touch you, gently push his hands away. You don't want this to turn into straight sex; not this time - there is plenty of time for that later. Instead, tell him this is your turn.
Hopefully, you will find that you are starting to feel more powerful and sexy, and he is starting to appear more nervous and timid. This is a change in the mindframe, and it happens slowly over a period of time often.
Domination does not work, generally, just because one person says, "It's time for me to dominate you," and then they do something to their partner and expect there to be some magical change in the roles. Domination is a slow process - in you, it starts with desire and planning. With him, it starts the moment he hears that something is going to happen to him.
At the end of your seduction, you will feel more in control. If you are unsure what things work when seducing your partner, try trial and error. Here are a few things that I consider part of my generic seduction bag-of-tricks. Try them, and if you get a positive reaction (a moan, a sharp intake of breath, a very apparent erection, nervous twitching, swallowing hard), consider them part of your own repretoire. Men are very reactionary; when it comes to seduction, trust me, it does not take much to make a man feel extremely aroused and weak.
Some things you might try:
Straddle his lap and hold his hands down or out of reach
Stare into his eyes very intensely - like a predator
Kiss his fingers suggestively and make him watch the entire time
Tell him you're wet and prove it to him
Talk to him in very aggressive terms. If you rarely use colorful language, consider shocking him: "I want to fuck you," or "I can feel your cock between my legs right now." Ask direct, bold questions. "You're turned on right now, aren't you?" or "You wish I would let you touch me, don't you?"
Finger his hair and tighten your grip in it, pulling until you are obviously holding his head completely in your grasp
Rub his erection through his trousers
Kiss him possessively by holding his chin still and turning his head to give you just the piece of flesh you are interested in
I'm sure you will have your own little tricks as well. The point is - do things that excite you, and that affect him. Enjoy the effect you are having on him. Enjoy seeing him start to melt in your hands. Enjoy knowing that he would do anything for you, and this is just the beginning.
Your partner may offer some ideas to you as well. He may have told you at some point what things really turn him on or what things make him feel submissive. That is fine; however, I am reluctant to suggest you follow those too closely, as it sets the standard that you are doing what he wants. The rule of thumb should be that you do things that you enjoy and they have that effect on him.
Later, you may find that you enjoy doing things that make him react because you enjoy the reaction, not the act. But, for now, as to not turn you off to domination at all, you should only focus on the things that you enjoy doing.
Domination
This is tricky, because domination itself can come in so many different forms and types. It can be something that lasts fifteen minutes, or it can be something that is drawn out for an entire weekend. Some people actually live in dominant and submissive roles for their entire relationship, though I can't imagine how. It must be exhausting!
For your first scenes, I suggest you shoot for something that will last around a half hour. If you are thoroughly enjoying it, you may want to extend it.
In the most basic sense, "domination" exists when you are in control of the situation. There are things you can do to your partner to establish control. I have found that it can be broken down into three categories:
1. Helplessness
2. Pain
3. Humiliation
Now, before you start getting uncomfortable, let me clarify these things. There are no words that exist that can be used to convey the meaning behind it without possibly illiciting an uncomfortable response if you are new to all of this, and I don't blame you.
When I first started experimenting with dominance, my only interest was in helplessness. I just liked to see a guy tied up and squirming - for some reason, I found that extremely erotic. The other things held absolutely no interest for me. Still, to this day, if I had to limit my "dominance diet" to only games involving helplessness, I would be content. It is my main fetish and always will be.
I contend that helplessness-play is the least intimidating of the three, easiest to execute and probably holds the most erotic charge for many women. So, in my examples later, I will focus on this style of domination.
Later, you may feel ready to venture into the other forms of domination, so I will elaborate on them a little bit more.
Pain is probably perceived (inappropriately) to be the main element of domination. Unfortunately, I think this turns off a lot of women right out of the gate . We are not wired as human beings, and especially as nuturing, caring women, to hurt the people that we love.
For whatever reason, your partner may find pain, in certain contexts, to be extremely erotic. Just as sometimes we enjoy being bitten, or held very tightly during sex. There are some acts, when done in the context of an erotic experience, that can be mindblowing. The same acts, when done randomly, would be so un-erotic that it is hard to believe it is even the same thing.
I enjoy pain primarily for the reactions. But, that shouldn't surprise you - as I said, I think a large part of the passion behind domination are the reactions from my partner. I am not a sadist just for the sake of being a sadist. I like pain in small doses, depending on the tolerance of my partner. I like it only in the context of domination, and most of the time only after being extremely into it - that is, well into our scene, not right at the beginning.
For now, don't concern yourself with pain as part of your domination. It is not important, and may never even be a part of your "domination diet".
Humiliation is even trickier. I think this is the hardest one to define and explain, let alone defend. There are no good words to describe what I mean when I use the term "humiliation". But let me say that is not about psychological cruelty. It is about making my partner endure the bending of his pride just a little bit, and to have the courage and trust in me to be that vulnerable.
Men, by their nature, are usually our protectors. To some degree, we all want to be with a man who is strong, protective, and bold. To that end, why would someone want to trash all that? And why would someone enjoy that?
I like it when men are vulnerable for me. Do you remember the example I gave about the first time a guy cried because he cared so much about you? The power behind that act is that he was willing to throw away all the masculine "rules", lower his pride, and show himself as vulnerable because he wanted to prove something to you. I find that extremely passionate (in an emotional sense). It makes me tingle all over.
I have a hard time with it, actually. Just as the image of the boyfriend and tears was uncomfortable but beautiful at the same time, there is a part of me that does not want to see him go through that. What makes it ok, though, is that he wants to do it also. Always remember that. He wants to endure, to prove himself. He wants to go to those places, and he trusts you enough to do it. He also probably feels a very overwhelming sense of worth that he can be that vulnerable for you, yet you still desire him. It is a tremendous break from the role that men must endure every waking moment of their life.
When I deal with humiliation in dominance, I have to be careful to choose acts and scenarios that I know are difficult for him but are not something that will affect my respect for him or his respect for himself. Later I will give some examples of things you can try, but again, I urge you to start your exploration with helplessness games until you find your own place and style.
In summary, the "dominance" part of the interaction is the challenge, or test, or project you have him endure for you. After you have played out your seduction role and made him feel sufficiently weakened by his desire for you, you choose the act, or acts, he must endure for you. In the beginning, you should choose one act. Later, you may find that you enjoy a series of things, spread out over time, and the scene itself becomes a more drawn out experience. Go at your own pace.
Resolution/recovery
When the scene is over (I will talk later about knowing when it is over), you may feel a series of emotions. Sometimes, even now, my feelings when it is over seem very new.
I feel a lot of things. Mostly, I feel tired. It is amazing how exhausting it can be, even if you are not exerting any energy during the entire scene. It is a different kind of exhaustion - an emotional kind of exhaustion.
Because of that, I sometimes get a little bit sensitive. You know how you felt when you finished your last final exam after getting no sleep for three days? Or after you completed a job project that worked you so hard you thought you would collapse?
I find that I need to be held and have some quiet time together. I like to talk about what we did - sometimes right afterward, sometimes after having some time to just rest. I need re-assurance that my partner feels ok, that what I did was not bad, and that he's emotionally healthy. Sometimes I want to comfort him, even if he doesn't really feel he needs to be comforted.
Even if you feel great after the scene is over, I still suggest you spend some quiet time together. When I was younger, just experimenting, I did not know this was something I needed. I just knew that if I leaped back into real life too soon, I would get a strange, nagging feeling. Like something was just not right.
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Enjoying Female Dominance pt. 2 - Anatomy of a "Sc... - 
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