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RE: Real motives or just fantasy? - 7/15/2012 7:07:28 PM   
Dominantmusic


Posts: 15
Joined: 5/26/2012
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Personally, if someone doesn't think that what is in my profile is enough to have a conversation with me......too bad. I would not have taken a picture and I never did cam. Either you take the risk of losing a few minutes of your time, or I'm not interested.

[/quote]


I agree! Good for you!

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RE: Real motives or just fantasy? - 7/15/2012 7:13:19 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14443
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Personally, I wouldn't be interested in someone that didn't trust me before we even met. I would have just clicked the window closed and moved onto someone who was more pleasant to deal with.

I'm in WIITWD because it's fun. Dealing with people that somehow think that I should have to prove myself before we've even met, is not fun.

If they're not making sense and it irritates you, move on. Why make it an irritating experience?

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RE: Real motives or just fantasy? - 7/15/2012 7:25:26 PM   
Dominantmusic


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Joined: 5/26/2012
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I'm in WIITWD because it's fun. Dealing with people that somehow think that I should have to prove myself before we've even met, is not fun.

If they're not making sense and it irritates you, move on. Why make it an irritating experience?
[/quote]


You are so right.. I should take that to heart. Especially when you catch them in a lie and you start realizing that they are just not who they say they are. Probably better than trying to prove them wrong and call them out. ... just move on and hit X on their screen :)

Thanks! and hope you are having a nice night!

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RE: Real motives or just fantasy? - 7/16/2012 5:51:04 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		I didn't *expect* you to agree with him, Lance. I hoped you'd give him some advice, he obviously needs it.


But thanks for your contribution; I was in non snark mode (for some reason).

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RE: Real motives or just fantasy? - 7/16/2012 8:27:56 AM   
CeriseNin


Posts: 286
Joined: 4/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Personally, I wouldn't be interested in someone that didn't trust me before we even met. I would have just clicked the window closed and moved onto someone who was more pleasant to deal with.

I'm in WIITWD because it's fun. Dealing with people that somehow think that I should have to prove myself before we've even met, is not fun.

If they're not making sense and it irritates you, move on. Why make it an irritating experience?

Yeah, when I had a profile here, the fastest way to get me to shut down conversation was to ask me to verify myself, or prove I'm really a girl by writing something silly. I had several pics - all me. If that wasn't enough for them, tough.

ETA: Of course they'd get pissy when I didn't comply, because apparently if I wasn't willing to dance like a 'lil tin soldier for a stranger, I was a fake.

< Message edited by CeriseNin -- 7/16/2012 8:30:53 AM >

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RE: Real motives or just fantasy? - 7/16/2012 12:20:55 PM   
TazDevil


Posts: 155
Joined: 2/24/2005
Status: offline 		welcome to collerme the land of fake profile pics and people and BOTS! not to say that most BDSM date sight or not like that but collar me is the worst!

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Real motives or just fantasy? - 7/16/2012 12:42:05 PM   
ClassIsInSession


Posts: 305
Joined: 7/26/2010
Status: offline 		I've had more than a few experiences where I would talk with someone, invest considerable time in them, find quite a few commonalities and greatly enjoy their company, but when it came time to meet, got a confession email stating they were not the woman in the pictures they posted or sent me privately. Regardless of how much connection we may have found, once I discovered the lengths they went to deceive me, there was just no way I would have trusted them enough to meet much less live together. And sometimes the magnitude of the stories were pretty outrageous. 10+ years difference in ages, 50-100lbs plus on the weight, different jobs, living situations. Essentially pathological level lies.

The few I have found worth my time, either talked by mail or messenger for a week or so, followed by phone, sometimes video cam (yahoo or skype) clothed, and then finally a meeting if it made it that far.

I don't think being transparent when you know you like someone is something to be offended about. We all know how many liars there are on the internet, so it isn't an assault on your character. I guess most just don't understand the value of time, or aren't that serious about making a connection.

So based on many of the posts here, I'd say it's a paradoxical situation. Those who are real don't want to verify, those who are not will just lie about it. I understand being cautious, but on a "dating" site, vanilla or BDSM, I think both are entirely missing the point. Of course here I'm referring to the other side. Let's face it, you aren't going to put a bag over your head or a mask or talk from behind a curtain in the "real" world when you meet someone.

I think the best thing is to lower your expectations of who you're going to meet here or anywhere on the internet, listen to details during your conversations to find discrepancies and always run a google image search on the pictures provided. That way if you catch some games being played you can cut your losses early.

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RE: Real motives or just fantasy? - 7/16/2012 1:13:36 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

I asked 2 people out of the many that I spoke to here to prove they were not fakes when I didn't trust them. It wasn't immediately after saying hello either. It was when their conversations started not making sense. I will do it again. If i don't trust someone .. i will ask them to prove it to me. And neither of them could ... so .. I was smart.


Or it could be you're just waiting for someone to say something that you can use as an excuse to not get involved any further so you can feed your paranoia.


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RE: Real motives or just fantasy? - 7/16/2012 1:30:23 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14443
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ClassIsInSession

I've had more than a few experiences where I would talk with someone, invest considerable time in them, find quite a few commonalities and greatly enjoy their company, but when it came time to meet, got a confession email stating they were not the woman in the pictures they posted or sent me privately. Regardless of how much connection we may have found, once I discovered the lengths they went to deceive me, there was just no way I would have trusted them enough to meet much less live together. And sometimes the magnitude of the stories were pretty outrageous. 10+ years difference in ages, 50-100lbs plus on the weight, different jobs, living situations. Essentially pathological level lies.


Most of the guys I met had lied about something and they didn't get another meeting. I also didn't spend months talking to someone before I met. I chalked it up to experience and moved on.


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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: Real motives or just fantasy? - 7/16/2012 1:32:10 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
Most of the guys I met had lied about something and they didn't get another meeting. I also didn't spend months talking to someone before I met. I chalked it up to experience and moved on.



So thats where I fucked up?  When you realized that a picture of the first inch of my dick wouldn't take down the entire internet?

Only part of it?



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RE: Real motives or just fantasy? - 7/16/2012 1:52:04 PM   
xLaChienne


Posts: 259
Joined: 11/12/2011
Status: offline 		So I'm the only one that has Bohemian Rhapsody going through My head when looking at this thread?

I think anyone who has been on line for longer than a minute learns to not invest much of anything into another person until they are actually face to face and even then, not much until after a certain amount of time has passed in which the person is very clearly who and what they say they are or a very close facsimile.

I rarely give on line interactions much thought. It's an introduction, that's all. Those that are earnest are happy to meet in person sooner rather than later, however, that isn't a huge indication of sincerity as I've met plenty of men in person who once in person confessed to being married, were much shorter or much heavier than they indicated, much older and once much younger than they indicated, and so on.

It's a crap shoot.

Sometimes though, the stars and planets align and something magical happens.

(in reply to Dominantmusic)
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RE: Real motives or just fantasy? - 7/16/2012 3:38:48 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dominantmusic
I have asked a couple people "who say they have cameras" to take a picture holding a paper with thier screenname on it and they dissapear. Other people say they are looking for certain things and when you tell them you can provide that and I am serious about finding someone to share my life with and even move someone here, they don't reply.

First of all, they don't owe you anything, anything at all. Not even a reply. You're expecting them to do what you want them to when they are not in a dynamic with you yet. They are subs, but they are not yet your subs and are not required to do a single thing you say.

Secondly, why would anyone in his right mind send you a picture of himself with his username on it? That would link him to this site and his profile on it and it could be used for blackmail and outing him. Maybe you know you wouldn't do that, but he doesn't know that.

Third, just because you say you can provide the things a particular sub is looking for, it doesn't mean you two are a match. There has to be that "chemistry" too. At least there needs to be with most people I know.

Fourth, don't ever offer to pay someone's way to come see you. That just raises a huge red flag to me. ONE time I did pay half of a non-refundable ticket, well, just because. I admit I probably shouldn't have, the sub bagged out anyway.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ClassIsInSession
once I discovered the lengths they went to deceive me, there was just no way I would have trusted them enough to meet much less live together. And sometimes the magnitude of the stories were pretty outrageous. 10+ years difference in ages, 50-100lbs plus on the weight, different jobs, living situations.

Wow. Now that really sucks. I met two submissive guys this last week. One of them was totally not what his picture looked like, nothing like what he said in his letters, and it was a total bust and no-go. I could hardly wait to extricate myself from that meeting. lol The other one was even nicer looking than his picture, even nicer and more interesting than he was online and in his correspondence, and we spent literally hours talking and getting to know each other & we're meeting a second time. There's no accounting for what you will find when you meet people online initially.

NBMG


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RE: Real motives or just fantasy? - 7/16/2012 3:44:51 PM   
ClassIsInSession


Posts: 305
Joined: 7/26/2010
Status: offline

quote:

Wow. Now that really sucks. I met two submissive guys this last week. One of them was totally not what his picture looked like, nothing like what he said in his letters, and it was a total bust and no-go. I could hardly wait to extricate myself from that meeting. lol The other one was even nicer looking than his picture, even nicer and more interesting than he was online and in his correspondence, and we spent literally hours talking and getting to know each other & we're meeting a second time. There's no accounting for what you will find when you meet people online initially.


Yes, I certainly did. I got over it though. My thing is, I'm not a particularly shallow guy. If they had just presented themselves as they were from the beginning, it's likely we would have been fine. I just won't suffer a liar, as in my experience, is someone will lie, particularly to that magnitude, they will do so repeatedly. What if they are being untruthful about how "healthy" they are and pass on a gift that keeps on giving....hmmm, no thanks.

It definitely is spinning the wheel...

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
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RE: Real motives or just fantasy? - 7/16/2012 4:14:43 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		What are you talking about? Used to people chatting about you? Without the media spinning something about you? Are you some kind of celebrity or something? Whats going on here?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dominantmusic

I am not trying to be mean here .. nor have I ever. But it seems that we have a very agressive and attacking community amongst us. That is cool though... I am happy with people chatting about me. After all, I am used to it anyway ... after all you can't have a lot of people waiting to see you in every city I go to without the media spinning something and getting a bad review somehow in some country. I welcome all your opinions :)





< Message edited by JanahX -- 7/16/2012 4:18:54 PM >

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RE: Real motives or just fantasy? - 7/16/2012 4:17:45 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I also would never engage in verification. Why should I? I have photos all up of me. I ask to move to the phone fairly quickly and they can hear my voice. If someone is too paranoid to meet me in person for a quick drink or coffee then who wants them anyway?

As for lying about yourself and using old or fake photos, it is just patently ridiculous to do so, since you are just getting in your own way if you really want to meet someone.

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RE: Real motives or just fantasy? - 7/16/2012 5:34:42 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I also didn't spend months talking to someone before I met.


Ya, if it takes him more than two weekends to clear his schedule to meet for coffee, he's too busy to date IMO.

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RE: Real motives or just fantasy? - 7/16/2012 5:55:07 PM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
I didn't *expect* you to agree with him, Lance. I hoped you'd give him some advice, he obviously needs it.

But thanks for your contribution; I was in non snark mode (for some reason).

Some of my advice was on other side, but he hasn't read those yet.  Wassup wid dat?

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RE: Real motives or just fantasy? - 7/16/2012 6:10:50 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ClassIsInSession
Yes, I certainly did. I got over it though. My thing is, I'm not a particularly shallow guy.

I'm not particularly shallow either, but I do know a nice picture when I see one,
and I wanted to make mention of your new avatar. Nicely done!

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RE: Real motives or just fantasy? - 7/16/2012 6:16:19 PM   
CRYPTICLXVI


Posts: 3907
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir


That will teach me not to look at a profile before asking. I merely meant that often, things that look too good to be true are. When I used "bondage barbie" I thought you were looking for women like this:




I was merely suggesting that realistic expectations are a good thing.


That was faked???

Ohshitohshitohshitohshit... How could I've been so fucking stupid???


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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Real motives or just fantasy? - 7/16/2012 9:53:07 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		~FR~
Yeah, if someone asked me to "verify" that I was female(translation: usually something akin to get naked on cam), I'd laugh in his face and tell him to go fornicate with himself. hahahaha I've heard that line soooooo many times before that now it gets boring.

NBMG

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