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RE: Please Advise - 7/18/2012 10:41:52 AM

Whiplashsmile4

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop
LOckit, I'm just thinking about the "mentioned it lightly" comment. To me, that indicates no real attempt at trying to discover what is going on.

I was thinking the exact same thing here. Seems like it's a half ass attempt, which is skirting around the issue.

I don't know about other people, I myself will pick up on these little fishing tactics. There's a good chance I won't respond to them either if I'm not wanting to talk about shit.

Silence, Time and Space to think has it's place in the world, just like communication does. I hate sharing my thoughts with somebody when I'm not finished sorting it out one way or another. Too Early to open up and share point.

On the flip side, if this has been going on for awhile or a long time. This just might need to get out in the open. Hell, if I know or anybody else on this thread knows what's going on with him.

You can always cut to the chase, if it means getting your ass whacked or whatever else, so be it. At least it's out in the open fully. It will give him more to think about or consider.

Nobody here is going to tell you one way or another, what kind of reaction you are going to get from him.

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RE: Please Advise - 7/18/2012 10:46:21 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: puppet11

angelikaJ
thank you for your reply, this is a forum in which i have chosen to seek out advise and my Beast knows I have reached out, He has asked about the replies last night when we spoke and I have shared them with Him. Perhaps He is not like yours or "many other Masters".

For what it's worth, she's not entirely wrong about that. I was only able to find one of the past threads on the subject, but it's been kicked around before what people thought of the practice.

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=3829204

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RE: Please Advise - 7/18/2012 11:05:27 AM

graceadieu

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quote:

ORIGINAL: puppet11

I have been told that there is a level of energy that He needs to give that violence to me and that with all going on He does not feel it when we are together.

You say "with all that's going on" - does he have a lot on his plate right now? Something stressful with work, family, financial situation, something like that?

That can definitely negatively impact your sex life and intimacy. Stress can be a real libido-killer for a lot of people, and if you've got a lot of worries about something it can be hard to focus on being there for your partner. So it's quite possible that his lowered interest in play has nothing to do with how he feels about you, and everything to do with where he's at emotionally due to other factors. It's still hard on you, it definitely sucks, but if it's that kind of situation I think the best thing you can do is support him as much as you can and wait it out. Try and remind yourself that you're still submitting to him, just in a different way.

Edit: I saw your other thread after I posted this, that he's got a lot of family stress. So there you go. Hopefully the situation will be resolved soon and things will go back to how they were.

< Message edited by graceadieu -- 7/18/2012 11:10:18 AM >

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RE: Please Advise - 7/18/2012 11:28:17 AM

puppet11

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graceadieu... thank you

LadyPact... i repsonded just to say i would never hide anything from Him, He appreciated my intentions... seeking out help.

Whiplashsmile4... resolution in process :-)

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RE: Please Advise - 7/18/2012 11:32:52 AM

deeplove

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hahahahaha

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RE: Please Advise - 7/18/2012 11:44:27 AM

puppet11

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Good Morning for those of you who know about my intro yesterday... I spoke with Him, one of I believe many conversations we will be having, and He needs patience from me, I did express my concerns for Him and my feelings lately. We hiked for a couple of hours yesterday evening and began our talk. He is methodical and slow moving and i am impulsive, impatient and at many times irrational both literally and figuratively and He is worn out, He is facing stresses He has not had to face before within His family and i am "not in and of myself able to fix it or Him regardless of my desire to". He was very kind and opened up much more last night than He has in the past few months. He has also agreed to getting checked out. It felt so good to sit at His feet at the end of the night and hear Him. Thank you for everyone's advice.

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RE: Please Advise - 7/18/2012 11:51:16 AM

puppet11

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love a good laugh myself deeplove... yet i try not to do it at the expense of others... i fail occasionally...

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ORIGINAL: deeplove

hahahahaha

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RE: Please Advise - 7/18/2012 2:33:56 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: puppet11

Good Morning for those of you who know about my intro yesterday... I spoke with Him, one of I believe many conversations we will be having, and He needs patience from me, I did express my concerns for Him and my feelings lately. We hiked for a couple of hours yesterday evening and began our talk. He is methodical and slow moving and i am impulsive, impatient and at many times irrational both literally and figuratively and He is worn out, He is facing stresses He has not had to face before within His family and i am "not in and of myself able to fix it or Him regardless of my desire to". He was very kind and opened up much more last night than He has in the past few months. He has also agreed to getting checked out. It felt so good to sit at His feet at the end of the night and hear Him. Thank you for everyone's advice.

Good for you both... I suspect you Can learn something from this experience that will help in the future.

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RE: Please Advise - 7/18/2012 2:51:41 PM

puppet11

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KnightofMists:
I would like to say thank you for your kind words but to be honest i sense so much distain in your replies that I am put off by you - "...Can learn something..." leaving the impression that for some reason I was uncoachable, unteachable or even incinuating unwilling to learn from any experience... I hope that I am reading this wrong. if i am Not reading you wrong then your comment has been duely noted and will be considered. Have a nice day.

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RE: Please Advise - 7/18/2012 3:47:22 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: puppet11

KnightofMists:
I would like to say thank you for your kind words but to be honest i sense so much distain in your replies that I am put off by you - "...Can learn something..." leaving the impression that for some reason I was uncoachable, unteachable or even incinuating unwilling to learn from any experience... I hope that I am reading this wrong. if i am Not reading you wrong then your comment has been duely noted and will be considered. Have a nice day.

What emotions or hiddn meaning you read into the words is your issue. The words are simple and straight forwad. As I said you can learn something. But if you do or don't it is really up to you. I have no opinion that you will or wouldn't. I just know there is an opportunity to learn from the experience the rest is up to you.

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RE: Please Advise - 7/18/2012 3:58:32 PM

puppet11

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hear hear... i have to say i agree

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RE: Please Advise - 7/18/2012 5:38:44 PM

angelikaJ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: puppet11

angelikaJ
thank you for your reply, this is a forum in which i have chosen to seek out advise and my Beast knows I have reached out, He has asked about the replies last night when we spoke and I have shared them with Him. Perhaps He is not like yours or "many other Masters".

For what it's worth, she's not entirely wrong about that. I was only able to find one of the past threads on the subject, but it's been kicked around before what people thought of the practice.

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=3829204

Thank you LadyPact for validating the point.

I did recall that it has been mentioned in response to other threads and I do know that [my] Master would be livid.

To be fair to the Op, He and I don't have the kind of relationship where not speaking up (respectfully of course) for any length of time is acceptable.

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RE: Please Advise - 7/18/2012 8:07:07 PM

littlewonder

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: wildernessbitch
I get the loss of connection worry though. Ultimately he is only capable of giving you what you can. If you put more pressure on him by making your flesh available to him all of the time he is around he will end up not wanting to be around you. He is not able to give you what you want right now. He has made that clear. If you push, it will likely push him further away. Be his constant right now.
Good luck

Exactly. I can tell you right now that if Master had a large load on his mind and I was standing there going, " I need you to dominate me in bed", "I need you to give that level of violence to me" "I'm disappointed that I'm not getting dominated in bed"......he'd light me up, tell me to get the fuck out of the room and probably go out into the garage for several hours before he would even come back near me.

ooohh....if I said something like that to Master, he would not be happy about it. That's not to say he wouldn't first ask me why I was saying that and why I was feeling like that but if he felt I was being selfish, yeah...it would not go over well.

I mean, we're both adults and in a relationship....together...with real life shit going on. He doesn't have to SHOW me his dominance.

Now if I was to politely ask him that maybe some time in the near future if we could do this or that, he would be a lot nicer and make a decision based on his mood, timing, etc....

Maybe it's just me but it seems so many get into relationships and automatically they become selfish and greedy. For me it's always been the exact opposite.

I'm usually that way in the beginning of the courtship process lol.

ETA: I did read and comment in your other thread and I'm glad you two talked but really...two months really isn't that long a time when it comes to real life situations that you deal with. Shit happens. Be there for each other if they want you there, give some space if they don't and just continue to love each other. As long as you both continue doing that then it will pass.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 7/18/2012 8:10:37 PM >

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RE: Please Advise - 7/18/2012 8:16:33 PM

littlewonder

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Something else I just thought of.

You say you two have been together but just started actually living together for the past 4 months. That's like taking on a whole new relationship!!!

A lot of bdsm people think that when they start living together it's gonna be sex all the time, spanking and beatings all the time, "hanging" around the house win chains and ropes, etc....

And when that happens, their fairytale starts to drop and they now are getting sad and angry and pissed off. That fantasy they built up in their head suddenly starts to go poof and they become lost.

Kinda like long term sub frenzy.

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