RE: Has this ever occurred to you?

RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (Full Version)

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JanahX -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 11:26:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus How did I miss this? HAPPY UNBIRTHDAYYYYY EXACTLY !! LOL!!

LaTigresse -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 11:33:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse In other words.....I see you wanting to 'fit into the Pact Pack' by agreeing, but yet you are maintaining that there are enough 'buts' that you are disagreeing. laughs Yup, I could see it that way too. It's certainly true that the 'Pact Pack' is a respectable one in my eyes. I have to admit that maybe I'm a bit fuzzy in the head too but honestly my opinion is that she's representing one side of the equation... and I side I strongly favor... but there is also the other side to be considered and I also favor nuance and balance. It's certainly true that had someone posted "You should find a BDMS label then conform to it" I'd have taken the opposite tack.. which is kind of what LP did here. Insofar as folks who are so outside any norms that they gave up on the rest of humanity lock, stock and barrel... you're right. That's outside my ken. I'm sure it exists and I'm also sure it doesn't exist nearly as much as people seem to think it does. I don't think that most people really do, or have, given up on the rest of humanity. I haven't. Yet, to be honest, there is no real 'pack' I fit into consistently. I haven't even found one I can try and squeeze into.......and still be ME. I have too many interests, too many opinions and points of view that are strongly in oposition with most people that share similar interests. I don't want to sidetrack the thread, or bore the other participants, so I am not going to elaborate on the above. Just because a person does not fit into 'packs' or has lost any desire in trying, doesn't even come close to insinuating they have given up on humanity, or those that are in the 'packs'. Hell, we can visit, spend a small amount of time enjoying the company and discussing the facets we do share..........then get the hell outta Dodge before things go wonky. No different than spending a lot of time with extended family I think. Love and appreciate them for who they are without playing the losing game of trying to be enough like them to stay long term.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 11:39:01 AM)
Just be yourself? Most people don't have a clue who or what they are, they live by society's idea of what they should be. Being yourself requires work in terms of self reflection. It requires going into the darkness and being very unsure of your step until you find a path that seems to suit you. It requires picking many paths that might prove false, or appear to meander when you just want to get the job done. The modern human being is not given to a great deal of self reflection. Which is why now that being kinky is the new trendy thing, so many have decided they are dom or sub w/o having a jack asses' idea of what that is. It takes a different kind of person to spend the actual time to self reflect, to explore, to allow themselves to meander down the path with no preconceived notion of where they are going and when they will get there.

LadyPact -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 11:47:15 AM)
Man, I've gotta sign My posts "from the desk of Lady Pact" more often. LOL. Jeff, you...... Of all people...... Who detests labels..... Really? I know this probably sounds nuts to you, but you have to remember something. Your path here (wherever "here" is) just plain isn't the same as a lot of us. I'd stack your fifteen years with Carol against most of these threads that got Me thinking this way. Work with Me, here. To Me, this is all the same thing, it's just the other way around. Kinky people trying to fight their own nature so they can be "normal". Vanilla folks trying to fight their nature to be kinky. There six billion people on this planet. Somebody out there will want to be with you for being exactly who you are.

tj444 -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 11:51:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Semi-rant, semi-helpful. I am mostly vanilla and I am totally fine with that, i know what I want in a boyfriend/partner and I know what I cant be (much of the bdsm stuff, especially pain).. but thats why i am very selective in who i talk to on the other side.. I wont get involved with someone that is very incompatible with me and I frequently tell guys that they should be looking for someone else cuz I am not who they are looking for, and vice versa.. If you dont know who you are, how in the world can you find your soul-mate??? That goes for vanillas as well as anyone into bdsm.. btw,.. I havent a clue what 50 shades of whatever (& spin-offs/copycats) is about since i have not read it and never will (since I do not read fiction at all)..

CHF73 -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 11:58:18 AM)
Sorry for the OT, but i still have to find a thread on here without a reference to "50 shades of grey"... if things keep goin like this i'll have to give up and read it lol

littlewonder -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 12:09:36 PM)
I've seen this go on for years and years and I'm pretty sure the reason is that the person feels as if they don't believe they fit in anywhere else due to they are social misfits, their looks, not being accepted anywhere else and then they see or hear people say that bdsm accepts anyone or that bdsm folks aren't picky and that it's easy and free to find someone who will fuck you or have a relationship with you despite what that person considers the reason why they are not accepted in the "vanilla" world. Then and here's the kicker, when this doesn't happen, they come here and write rants about how this person and that person hurt them and they thought that bdsm was supposed to be accepting of everyone and that we're all just bad bad people, etc.... It happens all the time and not just in bdsm. I admit I'm probably guilty of myself at this moment with a women's group and I'm currently hesitant of being accepted as part of the group because I'm not sure it's for me. Unfortunately many people won't look at it that way though and will just try to force everyone else or themselves to be part of a group....any group.

LadyPact -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 12:30:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CHF73 Sorry for the OT, but i still have to find a thread on here without a reference to "50 shades of grey"... if things keep goin like this i'll have to give up and read it lol Look Me up. I didn't come here because of fifty shades of bullshit.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 12:31:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Man, I've gotta sign My posts "from the desk of Lady Pact" more often. LOL. Jeff, you...... Of all people...... Who detests labels..... Really? I know this probably sounds nuts to you, but you have to remember something. Your path here (wherever "here" is) just plain isn't the same as a lot of us. I'd stack your fifteen years with Carol against most of these threads that got Me thinking this way. Work with Me, here. To Me, this is all the same thing, it's just the other way around. Kinky people trying to fight their own nature so they can be "normal". Vanilla folks trying to fight their nature to be kinky. There six billion people on this planet. Somebody out there will want to be with you for being exactly who you are. You know I have all the time in the world for you, but PLEASE stop spreading this hellish lie.

LadyPact -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 12:35:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus You know I have all the time in the world for you, but PLEASE stop spreading this hellish lie. Ok. Agreed. A person may not find their soul mate being who they are. That doesn't mean they can't find company. It really is possible to be happy. At least give Me that.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 12:36:09 PM)
It's absolutely possible to be happy. You just have to learn to do it alone.

LadyPact -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 12:39:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus It's absolutely possible to be happy. You just have to learn to do it alone. Not entirely, Hib. I mean, so you really think of yourself "alone"?

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 12:42:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus It's absolutely possible to be happy. You just have to learn to do it alone. Not entirely, Hib. I mean, so you really think of yourself "alone"? Yes. Surrounded by people who love me, but essentially alone.

LadyPact -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 12:45:51 PM)
Just because it hasn't happened yet, doesn't mean it's not possible.

LaTigresse -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 12:48:51 PM)
That would make an interesting thread.......pulling from that and the 'settling' thread........but maybe too much similarity to be worthy of a new thread. Dunno. For me, as long as I have people in my life I love and feel loved and accepted in return, I cannot really feel like I am alone. BUT.....there was a time, when the circumstances were not all that different, and I did. For ME, it came down to being okay with me, accepting me, learning to enjoy me. It's such a personal thing. Part growth and part, just who we are as individuals. Our personalities.

WestBaySlave -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 12:51:32 PM)
As much as I agree with the overall statement of "It's alright to be you," I think if someone "vanilla" is here, there's likely a reason. Society on the whole pretty well caters to vanilla sexuality and relationship dynamics, so if they're here, something drew them here. It could be that they love kinky sex but don't love power exchange ( even of the temporary, in-scene kind ), and need some kind of space to discuss how to do these things safely with others. It could be that they're into the power exchange, but totally alienated by the kink and protocol elements around much of the scene. It could be they have no clue what they are and just need a space where they can talk about their kinks, desires, fetishes in order to figure it out. While I don't know if there was something in particular Lady Pact was referring to, there was something rather "This is our tree house. Go find your own tree house!" in the tone and heading of what is ostensibly an invite to be yourself as a rant. I'm open to having misread it, but if someone wants to hang out and identify with the alternative set, I'm not really seeing the harm...?

sexyred1 -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 12:55:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Man, I've gotta sign My posts "from the desk of Lady Pact" more often. LOL. Jeff, you...... Of all people...... Who detests labels..... Really? I know this probably sounds nuts to you, but you have to remember something. Your path here (wherever "here" is) just plain isn't the same as a lot of us. I'd stack your fifteen years with Carol against most of these threads that got Me thinking this way. Work with Me, here. To Me, this is all the same thing, it's just the other way around. Kinky people trying to fight their own nature so they can be "normal". Vanilla folks trying to fight their nature to be kinky. There six billion people on this planet. Somebody out there will want to be with you for being exactly who you are. You know I have all the time in the world for you, but PLEASE stop spreading this hellish lie. That made me laugh. I know, I agree with you; if I had a dollar for everyone who asks me why I am single and I tell them that a: have hardly ever been single except for now b: it is who I am meeting, not who I am and c: I am actually ok with ME, so much so, it would be lovely to share ME with a HIM. Then they say what LadyP said, there is someone for everyone,a cover for every pot, lalalala. So I say, but what if you are a wok? That does not have a cover, lots can go in it, but not much covers it. [;)]

BurntKitty -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 1:06:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact <snip>It really is ok not to be a Dom, or a sub... I've been saying that for a bit myself. I'm happy being a non d/s leaning sadomasochist with a big helping of snark.

crazyml -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 1:15:26 PM)
Fabulous OP, and superb responses. For me... Firstly, these labels are just fucking labels. And the smarter we become the more we learn to appreciate how fluid and context/relationship dependent their definitions are. Hence my snark whenever some asshat steams in and tells me what dominance is. Labels are useful flags, but that's all they are. And context is important. Here, my primary "mode" "label" "flag" might be "Dominant" (or "Snarky Dominant", or "Jackass" depending on your POV) but the important thing is that the smart people will realise that none of those tags (no matter how true they may be some or all of the time) actually define me. When I sail, I'm "Downwind dude" - I'm the guy who takes the helm when we're sailing down wind. It's my thang. Now, some of the crew might also say "He's the dominant downwind dude" and others might say "that jackass is the down-wind dude" - and for some of them that IS how I'm defined .... we only relate in a purely sailing context. But my real friends know that I'm no more defined by my love of sailing, my kink, my passion for old books or my appalling cookery - I'm all of those things. The point??? To be honest I'm not sure I can remember... but I think it's people that come here who either seek to be defined solely by their "dominance" or their "submission" that bother me. I can't help thinking - fuck me, there is soooooooooooooo much more to life.

JanahX -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 1:34:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I know this probably sounds nuts to you, but you have to remember something. Your path here (wherever "here" is) just plain isn't the same as a lot of us. I'd stack your fifteen years with Carol against most of these threads that got Me thinking this way. Work with Me, here. To Me, this is all the same thing, it's just the other way around. Kinky people trying to fight their own nature so they can be "normal". Vanilla folks trying to fight their nature to be kinky. There six billion people on this planet. Somebody out there will want to be with you for being exactly who you are. [/color] I know this was in reply to Jeff - but it got me to thinking about just being yourself in comparison to the pack mentality. When I come to the boards - I see everyone here as a unique individual. That there are hardly two people here that post the same, do things the same way, think that there is one recipe that will work for all. The only people I see that want to conform to something or some overused label are those who dont know enough about BDSM/Kink/Whatthefuckever - to actually realize that no two people do things the same way. That there is no right or wrong way. There of course are certain moral obligations I think that need to be observed, but that can be said of almost anything in life. I think its cool to see what works for other people and why its working. I also like to see where people are having trouble with things and the input from others of their reasoning's of why that person is having problems. And then its even better yet when that person who is having problems rejects everyones opinions because they were right in the first place. [8\|] I can understand where LadyH is coming from. I have a really really hard time finding people I resonate well with. Either I really really like them and they dont like me, or they really really like me and I dont like them. - go figure. At this time Im seeing a few different people. But Im keeping them at arms length. Im not taking to them properly. But I keep at it, see whos out there, and it keeps me social. One thing I do = do is that I tell them right off the bat that there is a nill chance of it ever moving forward. For whatever reason, they dont seem to be deterred, which totally blows me away, because I sure as hell would be. The more I tell them its not happening on my end - the more they insist that its going to, and start to drive me nuts. I dont get it.

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