lizi
Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Everly7298
No, I really take your point, and the stupidity, yep I fully agree it was a stupid and dangerous thing to do. It turned out ok, but it's not something I will do again. As for ripping into me, that doesn't help, and it's rather the kind words I've received in private message that have been most helpful. You may all be very experienced and your words and opinions come from that place, but keep in mind I am just acknowledging submissive tendencies and seeing where that goes. It's certainly a rush, and yeah I got a bit intoxicated by it and didn't keep my head. Doesn't mean I'm an idiot as you'd have me believe, just behaved like an idiot. I am not sad and pathetic either, you don't know me enough to make such broad statements about me as a whole. Thanks anyways.
I have done very stupid things in my life, I have to say though, that your opening post really took that to a new level. People here aren't just being mean- I've seen plenty of support given at other times, it seems to be tied to the poster for the most part. My theory is that you honestly blindsided the board here with your OP, it wasn't just someone relating something stupid, it was a level far beyond that. You reference others having more experience than you, if you take that tack I'm afraid you won't learn anything meaningful about why people were so appalled at what you've done with yourself. You don't need experience in some particular thing to be well-versed in life. If I've worked in Customer Service all my life and then get a new job as an Executive Assistant, it shouldn't take me long to apply what I learned before to my new position. BDSM is nothing so rare and delicate that you have to acquire a skill set or start all over with knowing how to deal with others in order to engage in it. It's just kinky fun. There are no rules or absolutes. If someone tells you that, then they are usually trying to get something from you....right? If I tell you that every time you leave your house you now have to pay me a toll, would you do it? Then why believe what someone tells you when it comes to your own body and safety?
You are in control of your own destiny and you seemed not to have any care for that, to the point that you did some incredibly dangerous things and it didn't seem to occur to you to question things, or put a stop to it. In all my time here I don't know if I can say I've ever seen anything as breathtakingly careless and scary as you lying naked on a bed, blindfolded, and waiting for a stranger to fuck you because another stranger said so. Can you not see how many levels of personal safety this violates? It's far worse than anything I've had done to me in the name of BDSM. Reading your OP was almost like a punch to the gut, it created spontaneous reactions of outrage and disbelief from others, if you label that as meanness you are really missing the point, which is that you completely blindsided others to the point that they didn't feel they could offer you mere sensible words. If your friend was about to walk into a speeding car would you carefully call out to her in a gentle way with a well thought out phrase, or scream bloody murder to get her attention and tell her to get her *&@% ass out of there?
Just acknowledging submissive tendencies and seeing where it goes does not necessarily equate to letting a stranger use your physical self. If it did, I'd hang this all up now and call it a day, and hey....I'm a submissive. Being submissive does not mean our brains are now useless, or that we are not able to look out for ourselves.
Please I'm begging you, look at this differently. Take the BDSM out of it. Meet men online or in person and DATE them. Have coffee or a walk in the park. It's all just regular stuff until you know someone enough to move to the next level. There's no way you should have been on hold with the guy you met for this long without meeting, he's hiding something. The kinky world is nothing special, it's just the same old interactions between people the way they've always been. If you wouldn't have let someone control your orgasms before, why do it now? Until you know someone well enough to accept them as your Dominant everything is equal. If you do accept someone as being your leader, meet them first and put some time and thought into whether or not they'd be a good addition to your life. Just like any boyfriend you've had in the past. It's nothing special, no new relationship rules apply until you've crossed over into making a D/s relationship with someone. The guy you talked about in the first posting sounds married and as though he's taking liberties he shouldn't be at this point- and you are letting him. You've never met, why are you even talking about masturbation and punishment?
All the things I said before are how you should proceed carefully. Have I always done it that way? No. I do think it's the best way to go about things, although I haven't followed that myself. Yes, I've made mistakes. They never blew up in my face, although I now regret some of them. Have i ever had sex on a first meeting with a Dominant? Yes. Have I ever had sex on a first meeting with a date? Yes. Do I usually? No, and I'd say that's usually the way it goes, but things happen and I"ve been caught up in the moment and the man and done otherwise. That being said I have never, and will never, let someone put me in as much danger as you have with the "punishment" that you went along with. That has nothing to do with my lifestyle experience and everything to do with my taking responsibility for my own safety and future.
Extra little advices and such:
-Never let anyone tell you to "prove" yourself to them as a submissive. That's BS. How about you making him prove himself as a Dominant?
-If someone won't meet you yet lives near, then there is a reason and you most likely won't like it. Move on.
-No one gets to punish until you and he have decided to be Dominant and submissive to each other. You are not submissive to the world, he does not get to Dominate the world. You both decide if and when you take on those roles.
-If you want to do orgasm control or anything, then do it. If you don't, then it's on your list of limits. You are entitled to say what goes on that list.
-No sex with strangers unless you know their disease status, and also realize that doesn't mean much anyway- tests are falsely comforting. Agree to that because it's something you WANT to do, not something someone else decides for you. It's your freaking life and future, what if you get something from this 'friend' or someone else? Who lives with that? You, not the guy who thought it was hot.
-Realize you have a voice, use it. Be sensible. You have no one to blame if things go balls up. If you're going to take risks then be aware of the consequences and don't fucking let others decide this shit for you.
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RE: My orgasms belong to HIM - 
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