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How do you know, where you fall? - 7/28/2012 7:37:14 PM

Oya

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I'll try to keep this short, but hopefully I'll get a few opinions.

My first sexual experience was in middle school with a friend. We were both 14. I didn't initiate, but I soon took over. When it comes to girls, its always the same way. Quite a few of my past girlfriends have told me I behave like a guy. I wasn't aware at the time, but quite a few of the things I experimented with had BDSM like qualities. Recently, I had a lady friend ask me to be her dom, I declined as I had no idea what to do..and I was afraid of hurting her.

Now with guys, I find it easier to submit to them, but it feels like my standards are very high sometimes. I don't easily submit, so they really have to like challenge.

So does this make a switch? Weird? Sexist? I know I enjoy this lifestyle. I enjoy doing and having things done to me.

I just don' know where I fall.

Feel free to ask me questions

RE: How do you know, where you fall? - 7/28/2012 10:38:54 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
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Welcome, Oya!

No need for labels. It might be easier to just relate to each person on a case by case basis and decide between yourselves what you would like to do.

Enjoy the journey!

(in reply to Oya)

RE: How do you know, where you fall? - 7/29/2012 4:29:51 PM

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From: Centralia, Washington
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Hi, Oya. I like your photo. Welcome to the boards. I hope you enjoy.

Re ; Question. You are just a youngster. It's ok to not know everything yet.

Now, if you were 25... that would be different.

_____________________________

Frosted Flake
simul justus et peccator
Einen Liebhaber, und halten Sie die Schraube

"... evil (and hilarious) !!" Hlen5

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

RE: How do you know, where you fall? - 7/29/2012 5:31:54 PM

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quote:

Now, if you were 25... that would be different.

Yeah because 25 is ANCIENT !!!!!!!

(in reply to FrostedFlake)

RE: How do you know, where you fall? - 7/29/2012 5:34:32 PM

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Different genders and personalities arouse different reactions in me. I just enjoy the ride!

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(in reply to Oya)

RE: How do you know, where you fall? - 7/29/2012 7:51:38 PM

Oya

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I tend to over think things. :) that being said labels seem very important here. Your label helps you figure out who or what your looking for. I am enjoying my childhood I have a voracious appetite for knowledge, this especially. :D

(in reply to kalikshama)

RE: How do you know, where you fall? - 7/29/2012 9:20:30 PM

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Sounds to me like you have a tendency to be Domme to women and sub to men, but that neither is cast in stone. I suspect that if you found a very Dominant woman or submissive man, that you could change.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Oya)

RE: How do you know, where you fall? - 7/29/2012 9:38:03 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Oya

I tend to over think things. :) that being said labels seem very important here. Your label helps you figure out who or what your looking for. I am enjoying my childhood I have a voracious appetite for knowledge, this especially. :D

Oooooo! I likes me some of THAT! Saxy!

_____________________________

Frosted Flake
simul justus et peccator
Einen Liebhaber, und halten Sie die Schraube

"... evil (and hilarious) !!" Hlen5

(in reply to Oya)

RE: How do you know, where you fall? - 8/9/2012 9:13:20 PM

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As far as I can tell, the important thing about being a switch is that you must like both dominating and being dominated. So since fit those criteria, you're a switch. The rest, being a domme with women, a submissive with men, is irrelevant. Those are your personal choices and preferences, which may have some wiggle room as DarkSteven said, or may not. It doesn't really matter. Enjoying yourself does.

And don't worry about labels and the like. It may be good to learn which categories you fall into in retrospect, but I don't think it's a good idea to try to make yourself fit under specific terms. Just let things develop naturally.

(in reply to FrostedFlake)

RE: How do you know, where you fall? - 8/10/2012 9:14:59 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Oya

I tend to over think things. :) that being said labels seem very important here. Your label helps you figure out who or what your looking for. I am enjoying my childhood I have a voracious appetite for knowledge, this especially. :D

I think it's worth considering everything in reverse. In my not-unscientific-although-not-laboratory-controlled experience with people who are not in the lifestyle: Young women tend to be submissive. Young men tend to be dominant. Our culture inspires those sensations, breeds them, approves them, and rewards them. So it's not surprising it happens.

I would argue that you have been appeasing your partner, filling whatever need they have. Maybe I'm wrong, but what are your thoughts?

If you want a title that is power-control neutral, go with "fetishist."

Edited to Add: Triple negative gets triple points. Plus a double letter on "B."

< Message edited by BambiBoi -- 8/10/2012 9:16:45 PM >

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(in reply to Oya)

RE: How do you know, where you fall? - 10/31/2012 2:03:52 PM

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My favorite title when I first hit the boards and was asking questions about this wonderful little section of the world was "new". "New" means there are no limitations, no restrictions, no expectations. It means that no one can chide you for not knowing, no one can say that label doesn't fit you. And feel free to stay "new" as long as you like. I settled on "switch" because I am all the positive and negative things that people like to say about switches. I'm a little bit of everything and that's just fine and dandy with me.

This life, all life, is all about opinions. There are no "right" and "wrong", per say, as long as it's consensual.

But again, that's just my opinion. ;)

Lil Bit

_____________________________

i'll try anything once, twice if i like it.

If you wanna know you better ask, and if i don't want to answer i won't.

Offical Language: Caryn-ese
(Translator available upon request)

(in reply to BambiBoi)

RE: How do you know, where you fall? - 10/31/2012 10:36:51 PM

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Personally I'd just slap the label of unicorn on your ass & tell you to have fun!

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Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Steelslilbit)

RE: How do you know, where you fall? - 11/4/2012 12:24:31 PM

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Joined: 10/31/2012
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3 months late and likely several dollars short, but let me just say this -

People are complicated. People can be contradictory.

I believe many, if not most people contain both a seed of dominance and a seed of submission within themselves. And whether and how those seeds grow or wither is dependent upon many factors - many of which we can't control, many of which we're not even aware.

Point is, if you have a difficult time labeling yourself, you shouldn't despair. You should feel good. Complicated people are so much more interesting.

I wear the 'switch' label with pride and if there are people out there who have a problem with it, the fault doesn't lie with me; it lies with their small minds, their preconceived notions and their unthinking rigidity.

< Message edited by trelaford -- 11/4/2012 12:30:13 PM >

(in reply to theRose4U)

RE: How do you know, where you fall? - 11/24/2012 12:25:37 AM

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Don't worry about labels dear. As time goes on your interests, likes and dislikes will vary as will your habits. People change. The basic definition of a switch is someone who can be both dominant and submissive. Just enjoy being you and try to find someone who is compatible with you.

(in reply to trelaford)

RE: How do you know, where you fall? - 11/24/2012 12:42:57 PM

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Yes, I wouldnt worry about labels. I identify with the label submissive, because I had very little experience, and I labeled myself one only because I had my one encounter as one. But overall I have been dominant otherwise my whole life. SO go figure? lol.

I think with what others said, different personality matchings, can induce different dynamics. 5 relationships may inspire dominance in you, the next one could make you feel submissive to that individual. I happened to like my submissive side, the one relationship that inspired me to be more giving and pleasing and not in charge. It was refreshing in many ways, although the relationship was not an overall good one. It was just the change within myself I liked it, it was quite different.

I got hung up on labels too, but really keeping open until you just know for sure is your best bet.

Good luck.

_____________________________

I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to ChevSeleah)

RE: How do you know, where you fall? - 12/17/2012 1:36:32 PM

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Ha! I'm 39 and I don't know where I fall either! lol.

(in reply to Oya)

RE: How do you know, where you fall? - 12/17/2012 1:48:13 PM

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Joined: 9/19/2012
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i can relate. my ego dont want me to be a switch though

(in reply to Msdouble07)

RE: How do you know, where you fall? - 1/12/2013 9:19:11 PM

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Welcome Oya! :)

What a pretty screen name, cute photo and very nice profile!

Enjoy the view!

Ms Esoteric

(in reply to coldslayer)

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