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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/9/2012 7:24:59 AM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

That said, if you can't manage to change it, finding someone to beat your ass won't be able to do it either.

That's not necessarily true. People can get motivation from all sorts of different sources. Including a life coach, a life changing event, a therapist or... a disciplinarian.

A life coach or a therapist will give the tools and support to make change. Having someone that provides no tools or support and whose only role in your life is to provide punishment, rarely works. And none of it works unless you do what you need to do.

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/9/2012 7:30:45 AM

Lucifyre

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Procrastinator
Sometimes lazy
Adult ADD

it's a wonder I ever get ANYTHIING done around here.

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/9/2012 9:26:08 AM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
That said, if you can't manage to change it, finding someone to beat your ass won't be able to do it either.

I find this fascinating because it's so NOT how it works in Carol's brain. For Carol, there is "doing something" which carries with it whatever random pros and cons are attached. Then there is doing something on command which is an entirely different set of pros and cons.

Carol, for instance, does not have the mental discipline to get on the elliptical trainer if left to her own devices. That exact same action, however, becomes easily doable for her when ... well... when it isn't the exact same action anymore. Put simply, "being pleasing and obedient" is just way more important to her than "being slim & sexy & healthy" even if both involve grinding away on an elliptical trainer.

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/9/2012 9:47:24 AM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
That said, if you can't manage to change it, finding someone to beat your ass won't be able to do it either.

I find this fascinating because it's so NOT how it works in Carol's brain. For Carol, there is "doing something" which carries with it whatever random pros and cons are attached. Then there is doing something on command which is an entirely different set of pros and cons.

Carol, for instance, does not have the mental discipline to get on the elliptical trainer if left to her own devices. That exact same action, however, becomes easily doable for her when ... well... when it isn't the exact same action anymore. Put simply, "being pleasing and obedient" is just way more important to her than "being slim & sexy & healthy" even if both involve grinding away on an elliptical trainer.

Yeah, but how much impact would you have if your only role in her life was to tell to get on the elliptical trainer? It's one thing to want to please your partner, it's another to have a person whose sole role is punish you when one specific set of circumstances happen. Does getting a speeding ticket keep you from speeding ever again?

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/9/2012 10:41:39 AM

littlewonder

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to the op, why not attend a bootcamp workout? It's basically like military bootcamp...wake up early, be told what to do and if you don't they push you even harder until you do it. Could work for ya.

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/9/2012 11:02:33 AM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
Yeah, but how much impact would you have if your only role in her life was to tell to get on the elliptical trainer? It's one thing to want to please your partner, it's another to have a person whose sole role is punish you when one specific set of circumstances happen. Does getting a speeding ticket keep you from speeding ever again?

You made some assumptions that I did not. You assumed that the sole role was to dole out punishment. What if, for whatever reasons, two perfectly sane and sensible people hooked up long distance because one person thought the other had some skills which could be useful if imparted? What if there was genuine trust & respect to start with and that got fostered over time? In other words, what if it wasn't a sham?

For the record, only a few hours ago I got asked to do something very similar to this and I don't see it as impossible or foolish. I see it as in investment in my time that I'm willing to make for a person who is worth it.

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/9/2012 11:35:29 AM

UllrsIshtar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

A life coach or a therapist will give the tools and support to make change. Having someone that provides no tools or support and whose only role in your life is to provide punishment, rarely works. And none of it works unless you do what you need to do.

If the only thing the OP needs is the motivation to get started, she doesn't necessarily need to be provided with any tools to do that. The only motivation needed may very well be the fact that somebody else requires her to do it. Now granted, that may or may not fix the issues long term sans the Dom, but then again, the OP wasn't asking for a something that would fix the issue sanse the Dom.

I have a heavy tendency to procrastinate that I can keep under control myself by the means of times, schedules and a self-imposed reward system. However, managing my procrastination takes a lot out of me, and leaves me rapidly exhausted, tense, and extremely sensitive to stress and unforeseen circumstances.

However, it is much much easier and more efficient for me to not try to keep it under control at all, and instead, let go of all my own expectations around what I should do and try to live up to somebody else's.
My husband likes doing that for me, so I have a very extensive daily, weekly and monthly chore list he expects to be done, and will at random intervals check up on. The list is always done to his satisfaction, and he doesn't really have to spend any time at all motivating me to get started on it, complete it, or do anything related to the list at all. He doesn't have to spend time correcting me on it either. In essence, he really has to do nothing at all involving the list other than to have the expectation that it's completed on time.

His expectation alone is enough for me to break through my procrastination patterns and just get stuff done, and without all the exhaustion, stress and sensitivity to change I have to deal with if I have to force myself to keep it under control. Thus, it's much easier for me if he just steps up and does it for me. He doesn't mind doing it at all, because -besides the fact that he likes being in control- he loves me and he's willing to help me out with my weaknesses so that together we can be stronger as a team.
However, if he would stop caring about the list, stop randomly checking it, and stop expecting it to get done... it wouldn't take more than a week for me to again completely freeze up and get nothing at all done, which would eventually lead to me having to start keeping it under control myself again.

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 8/9/2012 11:38:54 AM >

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/9/2012 5:58:29 PM

DominantTweaker

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KaruSF

procrastination is the result of a fear of failure, and becomes failure itself. It is not laziness at all, but more keyed to discipline.

Mr Karu SF is 'spot on'

I have a young employee a hetero vanilla guy who procrastinates a lot , he is full of self doubt , and he lives in his imagination too much were by he imagines a worse outcome and thus he does not carry through because he has already ran a bad scenario in his mind and so he never starts because he has already lost in him mind. = fear. and I have found were there is fear there is also a lot of unprocessed resentments, I think anger - resentment can cause a deep paralyzing life of fear then procrastination .

I have also found this out working through my own youth , I learned to stay out of my imagination at least monitor my own fears and resentments and I came to overcome doubt and move on through to a natural motivation with no need to be nagged by anyone as a teen then young man.

If I may expound even more ?

Myself , I have noticed in both Owner/slave and in daily vanilla work life as an employer /boss that those around and under Me sometimes procrastinate because they lack the motivation to do it ( what ever it is ) themselves and then they need the emotional upset to get in gear, they live by being upset and upsetting others in order to get the energy of being upset in order to function.

Can You say 'drama queen', lol.

They cause a drama by being late to work or to serve Me or for for not finishing a chore -task or job thus trying to trigger a harsh response or rebuke by Me in order to motivate them and sometimes they just need to be emotional and judge Me as harsh just like their daddy did when they were kids and project their daddy onto Me so they can keep being upset .

This can get pretty psychologically deep , and I have worked with some sub-slave basket cases who just needed an inner reality check to help them become objective to their own lack of motivations.

Cheers

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/9/2012 6:13:46 PM

littlewonder

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My procrastination definitely isn't from fear. It's because I simply find the task to be boring as hell and uninteresting so it holds no motivation to do the task.

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/9/2012 6:56:03 PM

UllrsIshtar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

My procrastination definitely isn't from fear. It's because I simply find the task to be boring as hell and uninteresting so it holds no motivation to do the task.

Same here.
Either that or it's because I want to do it so over the top perfectly that I imagine it taking about 6 times longer than it really should to do it "good" so that I loose motivation before I even get started.

Another reason I procrastinate is due to the fact that I'm close on the scale to aspergers syndrome and tend to complete hyper focus on whatever it is I'm doing in the moment. That leaves me in a cycle where I can't stop what I'm currently doing to go do what I should be doing. So the balance gets totally lost.

I'll have a new book, or video game or something, and will literally do nothing but focus on that for however long it takes to complete, forsaking all my responsibilities in the process for days, or even weeks. Then, when I'm done, I'll "wake up" find the house a disaster and get to cleaning till 5AM until the house is absolutely immaculate and you can "white glove" ever surface without finding a single speck of dust. After which, I'll find some yard project and spend 20 hours a day doing that while everything else gets left behind.

Laziness or fear are so not my issues... starting a task at a reasonable time and ending it at a reasonable point are.

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 8/9/2012 6:57:46 PM >

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/9/2012 7:38:07 PM

hausboy

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I think folks are being a bit too literal. I read into this that the OP wants a disciplinarian, and that procrastination is the "excuse" she (or he) needs to "justify" getting the discipline. I'd go so far to assume that the OP probably does not really want help with procrastination at all,, but will claim she or he does, rather than admit to enjoying discipline.

I receive discipline regularly--it helps keep me grounded. (and yeah, it gets me off too!) While I did find my primary Dom online (he has a profile on here), I receive as much correction as I can take from joining a local group of Dommes, and I found that group from attending a local munch. Made connections with people (live human beings) and now have many play parties to choose from.

good luck OP--I hope you find what it is you seek

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/9/2012 9:37:46 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy
I think folks are being a bit too literal. I read into this that the OP wants a disciplinarian, and that procrastination is the "excuse" she (or he) needs to "justify" getting the discipline.

*face palm*

Man, I always forget to read between the lines. Well, whatever the OP is seeking I hope they find it.

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/9/2012 10:41:55 PM

sunshinemiss

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DominantTweaker

quote:

ORIGINAL: KaruSF

procrastination is the result of a fear of failure, and becomes failure itself. It is not laziness at all, but more keyed to discipline.

Mr Karu SF is 'spot on'

Not in sunshine-world. I swear I'm not afraid of filing my papers wrong. I'm also not lazy. I just find it dull. (Maybe it's a smart-person thing?)

I have a young employee a hetero vanilla guy who procrastinates a lot , he is full of self doubt , and he lives in his imagination too much were by he imagines a worse outcome and thus he does not carry through because he has already ran a bad scenario in his mind and so he never starts because he has already lost in him mind. = fear. and I have found were there is fear there is also a lot of unprocessed resentments, I think anger - resentment can cause a deep paralyzing life of fear then procrastination .

So how do you address that? In what ways do you set him up for success? It is via success that we grow confidence.

I have also found this out working through my own youth , I learned to stay out of my imagination at least monitor my own fears and resentments and I came to overcome doubt and move on through to a natural motivation with no need to be nagged by anyone as a teen then young man.

Good on you. (I mean that sincerely). Some of us did not have that luxury and had really excellent coping mechanisms of living in our creative minds. Also, there are a lot of people who are just simply not wired that way. We artists, writers, etc. that make the world more beautiful come to mind.

If I may expound even more ?

Myself , I have noticed in both Owner/slave and in daily vanilla work life as an employer /boss that those around and under Me sometimes procrastinate because they lack the motivation to do it ( what ever it is ) themselves

So why aren't you inspiring them? Why aren't you getting them to believe in the project and WANT to succeed?

and then they need the emotional upset to get in gear, they live by being upset and upsetting others in order to get the energy of being upset in order to function.

Again, not in sunshine-world. I find the opposite to be true. When I let them know I BELIEVE IN THEM, and I set them up for success and get them to "own" the project, have responsibilities to each other, and allow them to celebrate their successes, they are much less mired in procrastination and such.

Can You say 'drama queen', lol.

They cause a drama by being late to work or to serve Me or for for not finishing a chore -task or job thus trying to trigger a harsh response or rebuke by Me in order to motivate them and sometimes they just need to be emotional and judge Me as harsh just like their daddy did when they were kids and project their daddy onto Me so they can keep being upset .

Sounds like they have trained you well. My people try to do that too. It doesn't work. Why? Because *I* am the one in charge, and I don't like that kind of scenario. *I* run the show. I tell them that while I'm benevolent, I am STILL the dictator. We don't play those games in sunshine-world. I let them know how deeply disappointed I am when they fail, and I rarely see one of them fail more than once. That also means that if they are struggling, I support them and help them back on the path to success.

This can get pretty psychologically deep , and I have worked with some sub-slave basket cases who just needed an inner reality check to help them become objective to their own lack of motivations.

Cheers

Unless you are trained to deal with deep psychological issues, you could be harming them in the long run. Cuidate.

best wishes,
sunshine

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RE: How does one find a disciplinarian? - 8/9/2012 10:44:45 PM

sunshinemiss

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

I think folks are being a bit too literal. I read into this that the OP wants a disciplinarian, and that procrastination is the "excuse" she (or he) needs to "justify" getting the discipline. I'd go so far to assume that the OP probably does not really want help with procrastination at all,, but will claim she or he does, rather than admit to enjoying discipline.

Well, I know a personal trainer that is pretty dang discipline-y.... (just saying)

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